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RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:00:10 PM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Firstly, this is not about finding out much later that someone is a liar (a meet, long discussions, living with or soon to be living with...) or that he/she is not what they claimed to be because you met them and then you know for a fact that they are NOT.

I am talking about basics.

Lets say a profile, clearly written, seemingly 'ok' as a person and seemingly dominant/submissive and possibly someone you want to get to know better.

You later find out...many things (after several conversations or phone calls)

-that person is (in writing) making mistakes, (mistakes you should have noticed were not simple keyboard angle/finger/thumb mistakes but REAL mistakes (no insight or clue for spelling, grammar, etc). 

-you ask what their occupation is...they avoid the topic. OOOoook, you think, this person is private and he/she has the right to be.  Later you find out the truth..."I don't work, I am on mental disability for such n such years". ooooooooooo my.

-you find out said person only went to 8th grade (childhood/family obligations), yet this person is 40+ish, is that not plenty of time to self-improve?

-you find out said person didn't write their profile 'words' that captured your attention, a friend wrote it for him/her.

I guess what I am asking is....

How much misrepresentation does it take to see the person is not what they claim to be? 

How much is is lying, how much is truth..if it is just a profile (to attract someone) if you add things that others contributed to (quotes from famous people, improper spelling, ideals that you don't have.. yet formed a profile from what seems 'sane and stable', etc).

Is it misrepresentation if a profile is full of garble someone else prompted you to write as enticement?  Is it misrepresentation to not write anything at all...yet expect asking another of their life story while you yourself have a blank profile?

Is it not fake (as a person) to be so fraudulent upfront?  Is this too obviously fraudulent behaviour that we should 'know' better? no impossible, I say, .... How can people assume they can get away with this and think no one would notice ...eventually??






Personally, I don't care about the level of education achieved. I DO care about the ability to think. And the ability to think is not necessarily represented by the last level of education completed.

But interestingly enough, I was listening to a radio station (giving credit where credit is due, it was the Michael Baisden show.) and they were talking about the plethora of misrepresentation that occurs on internet dating sites.

It was either Michael Baisden or George Will (his cohort on the radio) who called this misrepresentation (especially in picture form) an "optical illusion." I thought that was truly a funny and pretty accurate term.

juliet

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:06:40 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Yes, I agree Calla...totally.

But my question is...why and on who's planet do these types expect to get away with it?

We won't eventually notice?

I suppose they get luvin too...somehow, someway, but honestly.

It is a waste of time for the reader to find out within days/weeks/months..(hopefully minutes).

Not like there will be any law against (deciet in general)the misrepresentation within a profile, but what do they expect when the disappointment sets in when finding out the real jist of it? 



(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:08:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		When just getting to know someone, ANYthing, big or small, is enough to cross them off my list.  In the beginning there's nothing to lose on either side and no reason to lie other than their own issues.  And I'm not interested in someone with that many issues.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:16:39 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

As I mention Red in my OP, this is NOT about being lied to.

It is about someone being 'misrepresentable' to others.

edit: and yes, Maxwell, all was clear within a few conversations.

ok...to simplfy: A nik like BANKER9382873 ...who claims in profile to be employed as a banker, yet later you find out...he is only a banker playing monoploly.  Big difference. Soldier736623834389238, who claims to be a Marine...yet you find out he never served..except in a video game.

this kind of deep misrepresentation. 



Ok, thank you for these extra exapmles Came4u.  This is very clear now, what you are speaking of, and yes it is misrepresentation to the Nth degree.  And yes it is assinine for people to expect to get away with such things, but still, it is going to happen.  Havng a good sense of humor about it will help you deal with the dissapointment much of the time, but if they had you going for a while first, you have every right to be totally pissed off. 

Maybe you can get some compensation from the knowledge that these poor fools are wasting their own time and energy as well, but probably not enough to soothe your dashed hopes of having finally found someone worth spending time with.  I hate it for you.

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:21:31 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Thanks Maxwell..glad you understand now.

If I have time to waste, that is just it, wasted...so no loss.

I guess if these types get rejected or told off after their own time was wasted ..they should stop and maybe change. BUT, nope, some never learn.

(in reply to Maxwell67)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:28:00 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

Yes, I agree Calla...totally.
But my question is...why and on who's planet do these types expect to get away with it?
We won't eventually notice?
I suppose they get luvin too...somehow, someway, but honestly.
It is a waste of time for the reader to find out within days/weeks/months..(hopefully minutes).

Not like there will be any law against (deciet in general)the misrepresentation within a profile, but what do they expect when the disappointment sets in when finding out the real jist of it? 


You know, my mate and I have asked this same question many, many times -- usually after some person who has expressed an interest in being part of the family has done something deceitful or dishonest, was caught by one of us, and then went to the other one as if nothing happened and tried to "spin" the whole thing -- like SR and I don't talk to each other. I don't understand it, and I can only think that perhaps someone else who is as committed to hiding who they really are would decide to accept the person at face value, start a relationship and choose not to ask questions and pierce that veil of deceit in the hopes that the other person would reciprocate and leave their veil of deceit alone.

Calla Firestorm




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(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 2:42:02 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Hmmm gottcha...Calla

so if someone ignores these telltale signs of deciet to begin with..or is willing to continue without asking the most basic questions...is hiding something themselves??

For what? In hopes that person is too irresponsible to ask the same questions back?

Yes, I understand, I have seen that too.  People that don't ask ..you wonder if they just don't care or they just are too lazy or hoping to not get the same questioning.

Good point.

< Message edited by came4U -- 7/4/2008 2:43:40 PM >

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 3:08:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Something you haven't mentioned is when the person really believes the story they tell themselves. Is that deliberate misrepresentation? Not in my book.

You ask about jobs/income. Well if they're on disability due to a heart condition they still wouldn't want to answer but I'm not sure omission is the same as misrepresentation. Not wanting to talk about something until they feel comfortable telling you is different than lying. And yeah, I can see why someone would prefer to wait until you get to know them before they reveal less than flattering facts that would make you dismiss them if you learned it upfront. But does that make them guilty of misrepresentation or you guilty of stereotyping and shallowness?

I've known people with only a high school education who are still wonderful and intelligent people. And they get tired of others assuming because they had no formal higher education that they are by definition therefore stupid. Some of the people on these boards I like and respect the most come into this category.

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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 3:14:35 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Something you haven't mentioned is when the person really believes the story they tell themselves.


(Sounds like a lie to me...I can't truly imagine giving a shit if someone believes they didn't rob a bank).

I'm guessing Bush believes 99% of what he tells you and I.

Nuff said.


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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 3:16:31 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		DesFip..

the examples I gave are actual representation upon a later disclosure...NOT something that is deliberatly hidden for deceptive purpose.

Is it shallowness then to see a very nicely written profile...only to find out someone else wrote it, they are not SANE as they mention (SSC) nor do any of their words match what they are as you get them offline and have a chat?

edit: and as far as education goes...no problem to me what stage someone reached, in here it doesn't matter (I keep all of my posts low-key and non- pretentious in wording just for that reason.) 

I see the (admittedly)lesser educated folks here handle conversations just fine. Why?? Maybe they just took the time to learn the very basics of written communication or they take the time to use spellcheck for our benefit so that we do not notice...to be thoughtful and respected. 

I do not speak of them...I speak of the ones who actually cannot communicate yet the profile gives rise to one's thought that 'wow, great profile...let me know more about ya'.

< Message edited by came4U -- 7/4/2008 3:27:36 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 3:54:18 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

or they take the time to use spellcheck for our benefit so that we do not notice...to be thoughtful and respected.

I do not speak of them...I speak of the ones who actually cannot communicate yet the profile gives rise to one's thought that 'wow, great profile...let me know more about ya'.

Or they used spellcheck when creating their profile ...hwat is the difference ...If they have troubles spelling ..should they not use spell check and embarass themselves to all..remember there is such a thing as pride



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(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 4:00:11 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Maya..I see where you are going, but eventually the use of spellcheck would be a noticeable change once you moved on from the profile to the contact (private messenger).

In the above instance, I was refering to those who use forums who have little education.

quote:

I see the (admittedly)lesser educated folks here handle conversations just fine. Why?? Maybe they just took the time to learn the very basics of written communication or they take the time to use spellcheck for our benefit so that we do not notice...to be thoughtful and respected.   


I wasn't speaking of profiles at this time.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 4:20:38 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Seems like this thread is starting to get hung up on matters of education vs. amount of schooling vs. intellect (which are three different, though related things) and whether one should or should not be prejudiced when taking these things into account in choosing a partner.  This is all sensitive ego boosting/crushing  subject matter and I think we can all agree, more or less, that it is only one slice of the much larger subject of misrepresentation.. or presentation, depending on how you are looking at it. 

I doubt the OP meant to marginalize anyone in referring to this as she did.  Intellectual compatability is something that can be determined by simply talking to someone a while, and the amount of 'book learning' someone has or does not have is not really the issue.. This issue is whether the way ones profile is written adequately reflects who they are or if it has been tweaked to give the reader a false impression.. be it about a persons intellect or anything else.  The discussion is about ethics and not the value of one persons education over anothers.

((Maybe I am misreading the tone of the posts and seeing a rising level of antagonism that isn't there, if so I apologize and please disregard this post.))

< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 7/4/2008 5:15:46 PM >

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 4:33:02 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		I know you were speaking of the forums but would you  want a person  not to use spell check for his profile and let his feel shame  instead  just not to appear decietful and maybe make themselves look stupid intentionally even if their is a valid reason like a learning impairment that may have no impact of their intelligence level

What about a person with a learning  difficulty such as dyslexia  the are not stupid but spelling can be impaired and it is not a matter of learning the basics so they use spell check inorder  to write a well written profile for all to see that is understandable and get across the points they want to make ... if they did not use spell check their profile would look garbled and some people would assume they are not intelligent as a result .... but maybe their pride also prevents them from saying I have dsylexia in their profile.. yes it is going to become apparent once they move into IM  but maybe they are hoping by the first few email contacts that the person they are interested in will not judge them as harshly by providing them with details that may be seen more favourably and showing they do have a keen mind. also keep in mind they are only disclosing then that they have this impairment to someone they are interested in  not for example putting was they feel ashamed about in their profile for every sub or slave to see.....when you go for a job interview ..do you not try to put your best foot forward hoping to make a good presentation/impression  even though you know you have  faults but  are still able to do the job. or do you go there spewing all your faults in order to let them judge anyway ???   Now you mentioned in your profile your not attracted to fat men .... physically it does not appeal to me either but my first dom did not disclose his weight instead showed me who was as a person, humorous,  caring and respectful , just thru conversation put me at ease. bercause I got to know the man not his body type his weight became not that big a deal and that is what the game is about  trying to put your best foot forward  show the person all your good points first before disclosing the bad with hopes once you know them better... their bad points will not be weighed as heavily against them, it is called make the best possible representation by showiing strengths, and let their personality shine  first instead of their weaknesses and faults 

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(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 4:45:28 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		It does raise an issue: how honest is too honest?  There's stuff I don't put in my profile that would probably be a real turn off for some.  I chose a pic that makes me look good.  Yeah, I know it doesn't quite capture all my flaws but I'm not sure if I want it to. 

So, in the interests of full disclosure...

I'm missing a tooth (in the front, no less!!!) and have zits all over my ass.  As for body hair, I got some.

Just sayin'.


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(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 4:57:49 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Cannot speak for others.
 
See the post count by my name?
 
That would be me.
 
Want me to put that all in a profile blurb?
 
I would NOT want anyone lazy enough to expect that.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/4/2008 4:58:42 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 5:06:57 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I call it an engineered personality and have run into some. They construct an entirely different person and represent themselves as such. Personally I don't have the energy or the memory for that kind of effort.

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(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 5:19:27 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Maya:
quote:

the are not stupid but spelling can be impaired and it is not a matter of learning the basics so they use spell check inorder  to write a well written profile for all to see that is understandable and get across the points they want to make ... if they did not use spell check their profile would look garbled and some people would assume they are not intelligent as a result .... but maybe their pride also prevents them from saying I have dsylexia in their profile.. yes it is going to become apparent once they move into IM 


quote:

if they did not use spell check their profile would look garbled and some people would assume they are not intelligent as a result


I have no problem with the use of spellcheck as noted above..the point is they took no time to use even that, the profile was written by someone else ..thus a misrepresentation (of not only his ability to write, but later I find out..his abilities in general).

And for the rest of your post...if you chose a fat guy because of his qualities as you say...good for you.

quote:

Now you mentioned in your profile your not attracted to fat men .... physically it does not appeal to me either but my first dom did not disclose his weight instead showed me who was as a person, humorous,  caring and respectful , just thru conversation put me at ease. bercause I got to know the man not his body type his weight became not that big a deal and that is what the game is about  trying to put your best foot forward


If I like the color blue and you only like the color red...makes no difference.

But, when it comes it health it does.

It is no difference if a guy/gal refuses to be with a smoker. Weight does matter to some people, despite your taste.

But, that has nothing to do with anything.




(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 5:23:59 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

engineered personality


lol, nice wording.

engineered by someone else's personality?? to attract someone to a profile?

hmmmm I can picture that.  It is like a Honda Engineer selling out to Ford...the show package is a Pinto..the salespitch is an Accord.

< Message edited by came4U -- 7/4/2008 5:24:47 PM >

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Misrepresentation - 7/4/2008 7:05:30 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Okay, here is a politically correct and perfectly accurate profile for me:

I am a male with a dominant personality, 265 lbs, salt and pepper hair, short tempered, rarely violent, spelling impaired, foolish male who walked out on his doctoral program.

When I make mistakes, I take it out on myself, not others... hence some of the damage to the walls.  I hold a grudge longer than is usually healthy, for example, I am still pissed at Lee for surrendering, and really want to get the bastards that removed the Stuarts from the throne of England.

I feel that 2/3's of the human population is a waste of space, these people are the ones that McDonald's has to put warning labels on coffee cups for, and those who would immediately be unable to function if they woke up and technology was no longer working.

Now, if there is a woman who can put up with someone that does not tolerate blatant stupidity, or the "dumb bimbo" act, who can understand fluent Sargent, and knows when to keep her mouth shut, drop me a line....

As for my physical appearance and general attitude, I am uglier than 8 week old hammered road kill on a sun baked west texas road, meaner than a grizzly with a toothache, more short tempered than a rattlesnake with a bad attitude, I snore, snarl at preachers, priests and nuns, scare children and absofuckinglutely hates shopping.

I am looking for a woman with a slave mentality and attitude, who will not argue, and will have coffee brewed in the morning before my eyes open... or have a damn good excuse as to why it isnt made.


Now, find misrepresentation in that


_____________________________

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(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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