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Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 5:43:30 PM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
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My female slave, who has been with three Doms in the past over several years, observes that all the Doms she's been with and known have rarely had any close male best friends and she wondered why that was so.

Interesting thought. So, for the male Doms/Masters here, does this seem to be true -- no close male best friend? If so, any ideas why it is so? Or is this just one slave's observation confined to only the Doms she's known? Not looking for any "one size fits all" conclusions here, and I appreciate as many Doms/Masters as there are as many personality styles, yet is there any kind of pattern here. While I have many male friends, I would agree I have no single close male best friend that I have confided in for years, and vice versa.

Post #: 1

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 6:00:52 PM

MasterHermes

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Joined: 5/23/2008
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I dont know why this would be correct in general but I will speak for myself. When you have a best friend , you have to maintain that relationship, you need to compromise, you should commit to your friendship. I like people but I am more in peace when I dont try aligning my life with another person. I like my space, my rules, my decisions, I am not very happy when I need to adjust things for other people. I am not against best friends, but I do not think I can give into that friendship what it requires. Friends are good but I prefer not stepping into "yes we are best friends forever" shoes.

Do I think if it has got anything to do with my dominant personalty? Yes I think so.

Be well
Hermes

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 2

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 6:05:18 PM

RavenMuse

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Currently no I don't, but I have in the past.... but he was gay which maybe relevant or maybe not, I am unsure what angle the question is coming from?

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Post #: 3

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 6:06:55 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
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One of the things that impressed me about Master when we first got together is just how many friends He has and how good a friend He is. His best friend has been that since He was 17. And although His friend is vanilla, he knows all about Master and His tastes. Master has many other friends from his teen years, friends that still call Him, and visit, from His early days in NY, friends He rides with (from many different generations), friends He plays with (band mates, old and new), and friends He's been roommates with (one gave Him a godson).

His consistency, reliability and honor not only make Him a great Dominant, but He lives His life with the same values He brings to our relationship. And He brings those values to all His relationships.

I have been with men, vanilla and Dominant, who don't seem to be able to maintain close friendships, so I see your slave's point. I think the state of our society- so much mobility and transience - makes it hard for men to make new friends and keep up with the old. Men 'do' things with their friends, while women 'talk' with their friends (yes, I know it's a generalization), so women can keep the long-distance friends more easily. But I also kinda see why this might raise a red flag - if a man can't maintain friendships- how will he do in a long-term relationship? Is there an intimacy issue somewhere?

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Post #: 4

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 6:49:13 PM

MasterLark

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Joined: 5/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

Is there an intimacy issue somewhere?

No idea. Let's hear from more Doms/Masters and see what we all learn. This could be like lifting up a rock and discovering things one didn't know were underneath -- wonderful surprises and not so wonderful surprises.

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 5

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 6:51:11 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

My Master has no family, but has a small group of friends that He has been friends with since college..... and that group includes his ex-girlfriend.

Some have moved away, but He keeps in touch. We socialize regularly with the ones who live close by, going to movies, to eat, etc... They are His family of friends.

The friends are made up of a variety of personality types, some dominant, some not so much. What I see is that He seems to be the glue that holds them together sometimes.

His best friend doesn't live close by anymore and He only gets to see Him 2 or 3 times a year, but He does have several other close male friends in the area.

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 6

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 7:11:52 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline

I have friends but no one that I would consider an extremely close that we do things together consistently. That's not the say that a few of us, don't meet up for something or the other. But in the end I want to do what I want to do on my time and my terms.

Mike

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 7

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 7:23:07 PM

MasterDragon1963

Posts: 51
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

While I wouldn't say that I have any one male friend that I confide in or pal around with, I do have a small circle of male friends that I would discuss close matters and gather with for special occassions. Although most are other Masters, I do have a few close vanilla friends, thought my choice of lifestyle is not secret to them either. But I can see where one might consider the thought that some Masters tend to isolate themselves from their kind.

Master Dragon

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(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 8

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/4/2008 8:03:58 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterLark

My female slave, who has been with three Doms in the past over several years, observes that all the Doms she's been with and known have rarely had any close male best friends and she wondered why that was so.

Interesting thought. So, for the male Doms/Masters here, does this seem to be true -- no close male best friend? If so, any ideas why it is so? Or is this just one slave's observation confined to only the Doms she's known? Not looking for any "one size fits all" conclusions here, and I appreciate as many Doms/Masters as there are as many personality styles, yet is there any kind of pattern here. While I have many male friends, I would agree I have no single close male best friend that I have confided in for years, and vice versa.

Thats definitely not true for my owner - he has two close male friends he's known for three decades and then a good handful of other good friends that he's known for several years on average.

C~

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 7/4/2008 8:06:27 PM >

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(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 9

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 12:42:17 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

I have a number of aquaintences but few friends. My choice generally as I am very selective who I allow to get that close to me (male and female). My close friends and especially male friends have ties formned on the fiueld of combat or a similar situation. we have proved our worth and trust to each other and have no nneed to live in each other's pockets.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

(in reply to Wildfleurs)

Post #: 10

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 1:21:09 AM

Duskwolf

Posts: 192
Joined: 2/18/2007
From: Perth, Australia
Status: offline

I have two best friends, both male, both I've known for 10 years, who are both vanilla, and are both well aware of the BDSM aspects of my life, even to the extent where I've introduced some aspects of BDSM/Fetishism into their lives now too... Hence being blamed for corrupting people.

Having said that, I'm selective and have a few good friends, and a very large group of acquaintances, but regardless of which group is looked at, the Male/female ratio is fairly even, and I keep in contact with all of them to the best of my ability.

All it really says to me is that I don't cut out the people who aren't involved with BDSM, or the ones that have no interest in knowing, at the same time I don't only have friends who are involved with BDSM...
I'm just a likeable person, once you get through all the quirks. :p ;)

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 6:20:16 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
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From: Tampa, FL
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Come to think of it, the Dominants i've know have also been loners to one degree or another, either without a male 'best friend' or with acquaintances more than actual friends. i've often wondered why but am not convinced it really has much to do with the 'lifestyle' as much as the stage of life. For example, couples tend to pal around with other couples, so an unattached man of a certain age may not feel comfortable socializing with people who are coupled-up. Divorces, profession, available social time, interests, etc can deplete the number of friendships over ones lifetime. No, i'm not convinced it has anything whatsoever to do with being a Master.

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Post #: 12

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 6:32:38 AM

Level

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When I was young(er), I had a lot of friends, mostly male. Hit my late 20s, mainly hung out with my best friend, a guy. Last few years, I've become less..... hmm, "friend-equiped", perhaps. I'm not anti-social, by any means, just finding it much tougher to connect with those I'd want to hang with. I have one primary friend, a woman, currently.

Hermes mentioned that not wanting to make adjusts for others came into play for him; I believe there is some truth in that for me, as well.

Having said that, few things on earth would make me happier than finding 3 or 4 people that I really meshed with, and could become close with. I just think that real friendship is a rare thing.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 13

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:07:09 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

When I was young(er), I had a lot of friends, mostly male. Hit my late 20s, mainly hung out with my best friend,

hung out on the wagon trail...didyahuh?

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Post #: 14

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:09:06 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

I just think that real friendship is a rare thing.

truer words were never spoken, Level. True friendship is a rare gift ....

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Post #: 15

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:21:17 AM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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Yes, sweet lady. I don't know why it's so, but it is.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 16

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:25:14 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Yes, sweet lady. I don't know why it's so, but it is.

to me they are my family...actually closer

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RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:33:50 AM

MasterLark

Posts: 249
Joined: 5/12/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

When I was young(er), I had a lot of friends, mostly male. Hit my late 20s, mainly hung out with my best friend, a guy. Last few years, I've become less..... hmm, "friend-equiped", perhaps. I'm not anti-social, by any means, just finding it much tougher to connect with those I'd want to hang with. I have one primary friend, a woman, currently.

Hermes mentioned that not wanting to make adjusts for others came into play for him; I believe there is some truth in that for me, as well.

Having said that, few things on earth would make me happier than finding 3 or 4 people that I really meshed with, and could become close with. I just think that real friendship is a rare thing.

Level, you express it well, regarding the life span changes that occur as one goes through different stages of life. My best friend is a woman, who knows nothing about my BDSM activity.

eyesopened notes that "couples tend to pal around with other couples, so an unattached man of a certain age may not feel comfortable socializing with people who are coupled-up. Divorces, profession, available social time, interests, etc can deplete the number of friendships over ones lifetime. No, i'm not convinced it has anything whatsoever to do with being a Master."

Well, for me, not sharing my BDSM passion does condition any male best friend relationships I have. Someday I hope to cross that territory, because sharing all passions, even hidden ones, is critical for real friendships.

< Message edited by MasterLark -- 7/5/2008 7:36:54 AM >

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Post #: 18

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 7:50:34 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

Well, for me, not sharing my BDSM passion does condition any male best friend relationships I have. Someday I hope to cross that territory, because sharing all passions, even hidden ones, is critical for real friendships

Agreed, Lark.

quote:

True friendship can afford true knowledge. It does not depend on darkness and ignorance

~~ Henry David Thoreau ~~

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to MasterLark)

Post #: 19

RE: Masters and close male friends - 7/5/2008 8:29:45 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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From what I'm reading here, I suggest that even the term friend needs definition and being human, this will also mean that each one of us will have oiur own definition of what a friend is..

For me, I relate a friend to the Australian Mateship between blokes. Traditionally your mate/s would stand by you in a blue (fight), without thinking and with out asking wouls dig into their pocket of you were broke or dig into their smokes if you were out of tobacco or cigarettes. They will be their when you need a hand, look after your back if in trouble and give you space when you need it. These are things that mates just do for each other and expect nothing in return other than retiurn the favout if and when it is needed. To me a good friendship is indicated by it's longevity even over great distances and little physical contact at periods of time, and through both good and bad times.

IB
(The incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent Bear)

< Message edited by IronBear -- 7/5/2008 8:30:27 AM >

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Post #: 20

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