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Dominance - 11/10/2005 1:02:32 AM

MasterCMJ

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

I'm very new to the scene... In fact, I scared off my last meaningful relationship with desires she didn't understand. I'm wondering what you all think is the best way to meet an kind, understanding submissive. I want a woman I can spit on in the bedroom and take to the islands for the holidays.

Thanks in advance,
CMJ

Post #: 1

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 1:21:26 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Less spitting on her might encourage her to stay longer for starters....

Lotsa people come to the lifestyle because of desires very different, indeed unacceptable, to the vanilla world. If you had such a partner who truly didn't understand your desires, the relationship was limited from the outset in how meaningful the dynamic could ultimately evolve to.

I'm guessing you're a Dom (profile is/was unavailable) so you need a submissive partner, not just a willing or kinky vanilla. Meeting her can start form sites such as this or by contacting your local communities - get out there and show yourself. And save the spitting till you've discussed it with her - IMO, it's a filthy habit in *any* lifestyle, even if you didn't mean it literally.... lol

And welcome to Collarme.

Focus.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)

Post #: 2

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 1:42:02 AM

MasterCMJ

Posts: 3
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the tip! (And just so you know, no, I didn't mean it literaly!). Well this seems like one of the nicest online communities I've been to while looking into this. I'm glad to have experience people to answer my silly questions.

Thanks,
CMJ

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 3

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 3:54:23 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

First off welcome to CM.

You have already had the best advice you can get. get known here by posting and get known in your local communitry. Be patient and understand that some things take time, but also remember that out there is at least one person ideal for you. regarding CM, ask questions and be ready tp sort out what is suitable for you. The folks here tend to shoot straight and give honest but not always the most socially polite replies. they just tell it as they see it. get past that and you have an enormous pool of vaired experience to draw from. Lastly, relax, have fun and enjoy.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)

Post #: 4

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 6:01:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

What Iron said.

I gotta say that whole "slut/lady" dichotomy still irks me. I am a slut all the time AND a lady all the time. I consider it a good accomplishment to imbibe both into my personality and have there be no conflict in between.

Why do men seem to have such a hard time simply seeing a woman as a complex creature of all shades, rather than trying to make it always "slut in the bedroom, lady in public"?

Not to paint all men the same color and I know women can have just as much a problem with it...

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 5

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 7:48:26 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

I would suggest that you consider spending some extra time with your next lady talking and communicating your wants and desires. Don't forget to spend at least half that time getting her to communicate HER wants and desires (as well as her fears and limits) too!

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to MasterCMJ)

Post #: 6

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 7:54:13 AM

OscarHargraves

Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline

Hi LuckyA,
That slut/lady dichotomy that you refer to is based on a man's desire of how he wants his woman seen by others. Yes, he knows you're always a lady and always a slut but he doesn't necessarily want others to think of you that way. There's an old proverb about the definition of the perfect wife. "She's a queen in the parlor, a magician in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom!" That's probably the way most men want to think of their women.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 11:05:29 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

"She's a queen in the parlor, a magician in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom!"

One of the most common quotes in my country.
I had been seriously told that was "exactly what he wants" by my ex. Sad to think the man is actually highly educated and should know better.
Men can bo so completely ignorant sometimes. *shrugs*

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to OscarHargraves)

Post #: 8

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 11:36:00 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

"She's a queen in the parlor, a magician in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom!"

One of the most common quotes in my country.
I had been seriously told that was "exactly what he wants" by my ex. Sad to think the man is actually highly educated and should know better.
Men can bo so completely ignorant sometimes. *shrugs*

For memory, the large majority of women I have spent time with, have been complete ladies in public, and once at home behind closed doors have allowed their sensual/sexual nature to come into play. Bugger the bedroom what is wrong with having a sex romp whilst the laundry is in the machine or over the kitchen bench or freezer whilst the roast is cooking?

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 9

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 11:54:59 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For memory, the large majority of women I have spent time with, have been complete ladies in public, and once at home behind closed doors have allowed their sensual/sexual nature to come into play. Bugger the bedroom what is wrong with having a sex romp whilst the laundry is in the machine or over the kitchen bench or freezer whilst the roast is cooking?

Not on washing machine - mine is in public rooms. Although its not a bad idea - would get my old Russian neighbour a heart attack probably. Would serve her right for poking her nose into everything.
I dont have any problems being a "slut in a bedroom"..... and dont even keep it behind the closed doors, I have exibicionist kink too among the others.
I have no problems in being lady in public either, I was raised that way and had to attain many events because of my family being politically and otherwise quite important in my country.
There is that last thing - kitchen meister - that I find a bit awkward. I like to cook when I want to cook and that doesnt always match with my man being hungry

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 12:05:47 PM

FarawayEyes

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

just wanted to say * nicely said :) ...

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 11

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 1:03:20 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

For memory, the large majority of women I have spent time with, have been complete ladies in public, and once at home behind closed doors have allowed their sensual/sexual nature to come into play. Bugger the bedroom what is wrong with having a sex romp whilst the laundry is in the machine or over the kitchen bench or freezer whilst the roast is cooking?

Not on washing machine - mine is in public rooms. Although its not a bad idea - would get my old Russian neighbour a heart attack probably. Would serve her right for poking her nose into everything.
I dont have any problems being a "slut in a bedroom"..... and dont even keep it behind the closed doors, I have exibicionist kink too among the others.
I have no problems in being lady in public either, I was raised that way and had to attain many events because of my family being politically and otherwise quite important in my country.
There is that last thing - kitchen meister - that I find a bit awkward. I like to cook when I want to cook and that doesnt always match with my man being hungry

You sure we aren't related some where?????

We seem to agree with more that we disagree..... Keep the posts comming (Cumming) I have a blast reading them..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 12

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 2:01:22 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OscarHargraves

"She's a queen in the parlor, a magician in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom!"

quote:

One of the most common quotes in my country.
I had been seriously told that was "exactly what he wants" by my ex. Sad to think the man is actually highly educated and should know better.
Men can bo so completely ignorant sometimes. *shrugs*

Kasia

i risked my life as a kid growing up not to be called a "whore", "slut", etc. i doubt i'll ever get over the negativity that expression arouses in me. i realise the words mean different things to different people, but i doubt i'll ever accept them when directed at me.

candystripper

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 13

RE: Dominance - 11/10/2005 2:30:46 PM

Oberonrex

Posts: 164
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline

Not much to add, as usual lots of very good advice from the usual suspects. I strongly recommend getting involved with local groups, for there are many very good ones out there. Post, yes, but read more. When you do meet with someone, take the time not just to talk, but to listen. The latter is most likely to help you find that which you seek.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)

Post #: 14

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 6:13:15 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

I've often pondered...does that mean they love the lady because she is a whore or do they love the whore because she is a lady?

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 6:17:58 AM

ErosPsyche

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kasia
Men can bo so completely ignorant sometimes. *shrugs*

Yes, sadly, men can almost be as stupid as women. *makes sad face*

(in reply to Kasia)

Post #: 16

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 6:32:52 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

CMJ ... dislikes fem supremacy? Riddle the ideology, hell we often do, but as a fetish of many submissive and subservient men and women it is a valid want. You might find some will take offence to having stated on your profile as a 'dislike'. Hate for you to get on the wrong side of folks.

Welcome to the boards, I don't post much of late but enjoy reading posts on a daily basis...there are some excellent heads here and yes it is a friendly place of discussion.

Good luck finding her ;) and if you play your cards right she'll be all you want and more.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to MasterCMJ)

Post #: 17

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 6:37:32 AM

ErosPsyche

Posts: 46
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Less spitting on her might encourage her to stay longer for starters....

Boy that's fuckin' dumb...

If it is what he needs and she needs, then by all means let there be profilgate spitting. The point isn't "treat submissives a given way," as there are so many ways for D/s dynamics to manifest.

When I'm fucking Psyche and I spit in her mouth again and again she feels used, owned, her cunt clenches up in excitement and she is clsoe to me, under me, accepting my fluids in devotion. That is what we need.

Objecting to anyone else's dynamic is tiresome and ridiculous.

CMJ: In addition to the comments about being visible here at CM, and joining a locl group, I would suggest:

-Know yourself. Engage in introspection and analysis - understand who you are in intimacy, what motivates and moves you, and thus into what works for you. Figure out who you are in intimacy with precision and clarity.

-Be True to Yourself. You may be moved to settle, to disguise or hide, to mask who you are to try and make a fit happen. That square peg may seem better than nothing to fit in the empty round hole. Don't do it - be ferociously honest about who you are in intimacy. You can't fool people for long, but if you fool them long enough to become entangled you will have created heartbreak. If part of your intimacy is to be able to spit on your woman in private (literlaly or metaphorically) then by God you must own up to that and find the woman who needs, above all else, a man who will do so unto her and cherish her for it.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 18

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 4:07:00 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I gotta say that whole "slut/lady" dichotomy still irks me. I am a slut all the time AND a lady all the time. I consider it a good accomplishment to imbibe both into my personality and have there be no conflict in between.

This reminds me of something a friend said about what kind of girl is he looking for? Reply was a lady in the streets & a freak in the sheets.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: Dominance - 11/11/2005 6:33:17 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ErosPsyche

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Less spitting on her might encourage her to stay longer for starters....

Boy that's fuckin' dumb...

If it is what he needs and she needs, then by all means let there be profilgate spitting. The point isn't "treat submissives a given way," as there are so many ways for D/s dynamics to manifest.

When I'm fucking Psyche and I spit in her mouth again and again she feels used, owned, her cunt clenches up in excitement and she is clsoe to me, under me, accepting my fluids in devotion. That is what we need.

Objecting to anyone else's dynamic is tiresome and ridiculous.

Let's look at this; my opinion is not your opinion -> ergo, *my* opinion must be "fuckin' dumb..."
Looks like I've finally met the grand arbiter and guru of all in the BDSM lifestyle....! <ticks off another life goal>

And then there's this gem...:

quote:

Objecting to anyone else's dynamic is tiresome and ridiculous.

Does not publicly calling someone else's opinion "fuckin' dumb" qualify as an objection? Not to mention being an incredibly dumb observation in itself....

Btw, thanks for sharing the charming anecdote on bodily fluids - are you published somewhere?

Focus.

(in reply to ErosPsyche)

Post #: 20

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