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Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 2:18:29 AM   
MasterCMJ


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		I'm looking to have this answered by a submissive female. I'm fairly new to this whole scene, and I'm wondering what could convince a submissive woman to take on an inexperienced master. It's my understanding that most submissives prefer older, more experienced masters.

Thanks,
CMJ
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 6:09:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well right now, money would be the best factor. And you'd have to accept my other relationships as permanent priorities in my life.

OK that's at least half kidding.

Your job here isn't to CONVINCE a sub to do anything. Your job here is to simply be yourself, get to know people and see if a relationship can be formed.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 6:17:32 AM   
petcerina


Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline 		As for myself, when i decide to be collared by someone, experience is only part of what i take into consideration. i do lean towards Doms with some experience (5 years or more preferred) for the simple fact that i've read a lot and i hate it when i come across a Dom who doesn't even know what SSC or RACK is and trying to collar me. my point is that even though i have very very little real time experience, i know enough to keep me safe and to have the basics. i only ask that any other Dom do the same.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 6:26:00 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		My Sir is considerably older then I and hasn’t had any D/s experience. He is a dominate though and has been his whole life. He just hasn’t had the opportunity to put being a Dom into practice until now. I am new to this lifestyle also and together we are very excited that we get to explore D/s for the first time together.

For me I particularly like the fact that there aren’t any others before me that he can compare me too. Same goes for me. I get to be trained to be the best submissive that fits what he is wanting. We know that being new means we have to take things very slowly and take extra precautions with our play. It’s also great that we don’t yet know where our limits lie. So, we get to try out everything we want and see what works for us and what doesn’t.



_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to petcerina)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 8:50:20 AM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I can't speak for other subs, but for me the most important factor in D/s is safety. Safety considerations come first. And I agree with the poster who talked about a Dom needing to know about certain things like SSC, RACK. In order for me to feel safe with a Dom they have to be able to demonstrate that they hold safety as utmost important, otherwise it's a no-go.

Another factor for me is whether a Dom respects my limitations. This is akin to safety, but not necessarily about physical safety. This is more about emotional security and comfort. That is not to say I would never like my limits to be pushed. In fact, I enjoy that and need it, but I also need for a Dom to understand that whatever my limitations are, there are reasons for them being there...not that they should not be challenged to some degree, but that I have a right to have limitations and that having limitations only means that one is human and has gone through things in life or simply has fears and trepidation about certain things. It's understandable to have lmits. But if a Dom cannot undersatnd and respect that, it's a no-go.

The third factor for me has simply to do with repertoire. Some more experienced Doms have a wider range of "expertise," for lack of better term. Most tend to be more comfortable with themselves as Doms and therefore may be more open to learning new things and just may have a bigger bag of tricks. (Of course, it's also true that some more experienced Doms do tend to get "lazy" and just comfortable with routine.)

I ultimately think it all depends on the individual and her own wants and needs. As a novice sub, I tend to feel more comfortable with people I know have had more experience. But I've also heard of a situation where she, the sub, was very experienced, He, the Dom, was a total newbie and she, in effect, trained Him. They ended up having a very nice relationship for several years until she moved out-of-state to take a better job. Now I'm not privy to all of the ins and outs of that affair, only that it seemed to suit the two of them for as long as it lasted.

So, hope this helps in some way. Good luck in your search.

-gina

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 9:17:43 AM   
anywhereanytime


Posts: 9
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline 		my Master is not much older than me, and was pretty new to everything. What made me want to be his slave, and what i would look for if i didn't have a Master already, is the fact that He and i were so similar. We believe and are interested in the same thing, we share the same beliefs, we trust eachother wholeheartedly and we are just so compatible. We both have the dedication and commitment to the lifestyle and to learning. i think being on the same page and understanding/agreeing with the eachother is much more important than a whole bunch of experience.

< Message edited by anywhereanytime -- 11/10/2005 9:20:25 AM >

(in reply to ginawithaB)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 10:21:21 AM   
stephanne84


Posts: 9
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		The things I look for in a Master is not always how long he has been in the scene, but what he knows, in a short amount of time you can read up, gain knowledge, show that you want to do your best, (and at least where I am there are workshops and so forth you can take to learn how to gain techniques, safely and properly) and his attitude, someone who can show their dominance yet still has a human side and can be their for the submissive as well (real life happens and its something that has to be accounted for)

_____________________________

~stephanie~

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 10:49:30 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I'm wondering what could convince a submissive woman to take on an inexperienced master. It's my understanding that most submissives prefer older, more experienced masters.


People are different. When I was looking for a dom after a ten year relationship with my prior dom it took me 5 year's to find the right one for me.
Now, I have ten years 24/7 experience with my prior dom. That put me in a situation where I got a lot of older experienced doms. When you're 30 looking for the person to spend the rest of your life with and 75 year olds are applying you have issues.
Those relatively close to my age...which was 10-15 year's older all seemed to be more submissive than dominant. After a while I came to the conclusion that was because they have spent years hearing whining and bitching coming from their submissives they just sort of learned a long time ago to go along with whatever the sub wants.

Anyway, the ideal person to spend the rest of my life with turned out to be 6 year's older than I am. A "new" dom compared to my experience. He had only had one sub prior to me and that was only for a year. Though I took it as a way to experience new things that my old dom did not want to experience. A chance to broaden my horizons.
He was open to learning...so was I. If I knew of a particular dom whose play I liked a lot. I asked if he would learn the specific technique. He did..and here we are almost 7 year's later. Still learning new techniques all the time. Growing together. I love fire play now, where way back when I didn't even care to ever try it.

Don't give up, there are those of us out there it is just hard to find a partner period.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 11:54:10 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
All I'd need to scene with someone with no experience would be to have an integrity based open friendship first. My Master is willing to train Doms who have no experience so the mechanics would come in time.
Trust is all I'd need in advance as the rest of it can be introduced gradually or quickly depending on how well the new Dom takes to the new concepts.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 1:00:20 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I'm fairly new to this whole scene, and I'm wondering what could convince a submissive woman to take on an inexperienced master.


you left off the part about the goal. long term relationship or casual play partner? since "a" submissive woman is not a carbon copy of all others, this slave imagines it would also depend upon any of the following variables:

desire for intimacy, love, service, money
satisfaction(emotional,sexual,physical,mental)
spiritual connectedness
catharsis, therapuetic value
unresolved issues
ALL based on:
personal preference
(did this slave leave anything out?)

ultimately,it depends on what is she looking for in a "Master", as much as trying to convince her to take a chance with you. there has to be a common ground, something that you have in common even if all it is is the realization that you are interested in someone with enough self-control and life experience(which doesn't necessarily come with age, so please don't take that as a jab at youth, it isn't) to know what they need and want and are willing to take a chance with another human being by entering into a committed relationship, the boundaries of which they define for themselves. there are all kinds of submissives out there, not just a generic version.

the label "Master" is a tough one as well, since your "experience" as a Master is one that you build on as you share with her, as your submissive, in the experience of your relationship. however, good "Master" skills can be learned outside the context of the relationship.( to this slave, the title "Master" implies that you are ALREADY in a relationship with someone in your life who at least thinks of you in that capacity even if they call you something different such as "Lord" or "Dom" or "Beloved" or "Sir" or whatever.)

maybe it isn't necessarily "inexperience" as a Master that puts some folks off. for example, when this slave was searching for a D/s relationship she would not entertain a relationship with someone younger or any less than 5 years older than she was, never mind how many years he has been someone's Master. this slave is sure there are those out there that would not have wanted to enter into a relationship with someone who had no experience as someone's "labelled" submissive, or a redhead, or whatever and they didn't bother to respond to this slave's ad. Pure personal preference on both sides.

now, if you are speaking about skills such as flogging or knife play or what-have-you, then by all means do some research, go to demos and ask questions after it is over if they will allow it , go to a professional and pay for lessons and try to get in some practical experience!

quote:

It's my understanding that most submissives prefer older, more experienced masters.


not sure if you conducted a poll of "most" submissives or not, but this slave is going to go with the assumption that you havent, so not sure where you get that sort of an understanding. age is one of those things like hair color or weight, it is individual personal preference and depends again upon what the submissive is looking for in the relationship, be it casual or of a more serious nature.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Female Submissive - 11/10/2005 1:43:56 PM   
ownedjulia


Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Your job here isn't to CONVINCE a sub to do anything. Your job here is to simply be yourself, get to know people and see if a relationship can be formed.


She always talks sense.

Someone who is THEMSELVES is a big attraction.

I'd also suggest getting to know you local fetish group and TALK to people.



_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Female Submissive - 11/13/2005 4:13:15 PM   
justjenn


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline 		The most "convincing" thing you can do is get to know her, and let her get to know you. Once you've exhibited a base of knowledge and developed a trust, she may be willing to overlook the lack of experience.

(in reply to ownedjulia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Female Submissive - 11/13/2005 4:35:10 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		While I agree with most of what is written, I will add that there is no way I'd submit to a caning by someone that had never done it before and had no guidance. I firmly believe that beyond the D/s side of it, if you're planning on engaging in BDSM, it's a good idea to find yourself a Dominant mentor who is experienced with the mechanics.

I'm a person that firmly believes that your submissive cannot teach you that, simply because she's usually in the bottom position.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to justjenn)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Female Submissive - 11/13/2005 5:16:01 PM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm fairly new to this whole scene, and I'm wondering what could convince a submissive woman to take on an inexperienced master.


One of my favorite sayings sums it all up. It was from Lou Holtz.....

Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.
Lou Holtz

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Female Submissive - 11/13/2005 5:34:25 PM   
syndee


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline 		someone who is sincere- someone who is willing to negotiate- someone who has a sense of humour- someone who doesn't bullshit........
when I first met my top he wasn't a top and I wasn't a sub- we worked our way through it- he said he wanted to do x y and z- I didn't believe him- he was honest-he was humourous- now he has a full time pain slut......................is this an answer? I don't know- all I know is- be honest- be sincere- don't bullshit...........................if you turn over a stone maybe you'll find your prince(ess)

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Female Submissive - 11/14/2005 5:31:47 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		i dont know whether there would be any convincing to be done..either a sub/slave is in a position to take on an inexperienced Master or she is not.

For me personally, i couldnt do it.

Good luck Sir.

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Female Submissive - 11/14/2005 6:45:59 AM   
Kyami


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think that most look for the older/experienced because of the safety factors involved. That does not mean that there are not novices out there who are not safety conscious, just that experience speaks very loudly.

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Female Submissive - 11/14/2005 6:54:00 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		me and my Dom is aboute the same age and we are just as inexperienced learning to walk this path together. It is nice, though it can be a bit frustrating when there is so mutch we dont know.

(in reply to Kyami)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Female Submissive - 11/22/2005 1:43:34 AM   
Dracironsgirl


Posts: 175
Joined: 7/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCMJ

I'm looking to have this answered by a submissive female. I'm fairly new to this whole scene, and I'm wondering what could convince a submissive woman to take on an inexperienced master. It's my understanding that most submissives prefer older, more experienced masters.

Thanks,
CMJ

well Sir this is very true for me ....i looked and desired an experienced Master in my case and yes the experience was mqjor factor.


< Message edited by Dracironsgirl -- 11/22/2005 1:44:04 AM >

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to MasterCMJ)
Profile   Post #: 19
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