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RE: Question - 11/11/2005 10:36:12 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

Without trying to get into deeper psychological motives, I disagree with most of you. It is about the dominant by the very nature of dominant/submissive relationships. The sub is going to serve the Dom in the way he wants. In basic terms, he is going to tell her what to do and if she doesn't, he will release her. Simple.

It's about the fulfillment of all partners. It just so happens that generally the fulfillment of the s-type comes from serving, and the fulfillemnt of the d-type comes from being served.

But, at its deepest, it's about the fulfillment of *all* partners. It's not "about" any one partner more than the other(s).

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

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Post #: 21

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 10:37:51 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
It's the "Consensual D/s Paradox", and it lasts well beyond the getting to know you phase.

If there is any form of consent (and respect for said consent), then the slave is always in charge, for she has the power to withdraw consent at any time.

So can the top withdraw consent at any time. This doesn't make either partner more "in charge".

Basically, "who is in charge" is decided by those in the relationship - whoever they agree will be in charge. Both can leave the relationship at any time (withdraw consent).

Topcat once explained it in a way that has stuck with me. Both top and bottom submit to the "dynamic." They each have a role to play and both are bound by the rules of that role. I love this way of looking at it, as it shows that both are equals, just different. *smile*

Taggard

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

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Post #: 22

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 10:39:27 AM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

i am curious...is intimacy always involve in D/s relationships? i believe that it's not about intimacy or sex, but about a mutual understanding and respect between a Dominant and submissive. i've seen my share of people mislead that BDSM or D/s is all about sex. i do not subscribe to this myth, myself.

It's not a myth - it's simply how some live their dynamic.

Is intimacy necessary? No. Nor is it verboten.

(in reply to michaelMI)

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Post #: 23

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 11:29:44 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
It's the "Consensual D/s Paradox", and it lasts well beyond the getting to know you phase.

If there is any form of consent (and respect for said consent), then the slave is always in charge, for she has the power to withdraw consent at any time.

So can the top withdraw consent at any time. This doesn't make either partner more "in charge".

Good point...both submit to the dynamic...so it is the dynamic that is in charge. *wink*

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

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Post #: 24

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 3:04:43 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: twistedphoenix

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp..

Twisted..

PS not saying anything bad just asking

Why does it seem like most Doms or Dommes idea of lifestyle is all about them

Simply put, because it is about the Dominant from their point of view. Each relationship is started by a Dominant wanting something. The sub/slave who submits to them will be the one who matches their needs.

Now this is a generalization and possibly does not completely meet all relationships. I am aware that in some cases a submissive and a Dominant may already have an on goping relatuionship before they come to the realisation of their Dominance/Submissiveness, but I'll warrent that this is in a minority of cases.

However the evolving dynamics of the idea of the life style will, from a psychologiocal point of view at least, be the result of the input, both active and passive, of all parties involved.

yet its the subs last right to begg colar or begg release

All subs and slaves have feet and the legal right to leave a relationship. Most Dominants would not wish to keep some one in a collar against their will.

It should be pointed out that the Dominants also have the choice to release a sub/slave if said sub/slave is not working out.

ERGO: This is a two way street or double edged sword.

so in the getting to know procese its about the sub and what she or he wants out of the relationshp

This is so patently wrong I hardly need to point out that the "getting to know process" is about what both the Dominant and submissive wants out of the relationship. It is the process whereby both parties are assessing if they want to proceed further or call it quits at that point.

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Iron Bear

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to twistedphoenix)

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Post #: 25

RE: Question - 11/11/2005 3:39:52 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

Hi my name is Bob I'll be your dominant for life, yes I know we just met, don't you worry about that, here put this collar on that's a good girl, guess what your arse is mine now forever...."

D (owner of j)

Had iced tea come out of my nose on this one. Reminds me of a waiter... Good evening I'm Bob, I'll be your Dom this evening. Would you like to try our LOVELY selection of collars followed by a flogging & fruit sorbet. I can highly recommend the nipple torture and fire play as our best chef is on tonight. ROFL

(in reply to Wolfie648)

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Post #: 26