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Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 12:45:47 PM

softness

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Modification - when the features or qualities of something are altered or changed.

Training someone modifies their behaviour, putting them on a diet modifies their body, giving them a dress code modifies their appearance, pushing their limits modifies their sexuality and play range, working through a past trauma modifies their emotional world. Modification is present throughout BDSM relationships.
How do you feel generally about modification in the context of your relationship or past experience?
What are the positive/negative aspects of it, for you in your context?

Direct Modification
From something as simple as a minor behaviour protocol, to something with a much higher impact like plastic surgery; modifications to submissives are common throughout the lifestyle. There are some that are no doubt negative in intent, or sadly negative in consequence whatever the original motivation.
What particular direct modifications have been introduced into your current or previous dynamic?
Which modifications ahve really pushed you or your partner forward in a positive way?
Have there been any modifications that have had a negative result? How have you dealt with that?

Indirect Modification
The changes and alterations that manifest themselves simply by being present in the relationship. For example being present in a stable loving relationship may modify one's ability to trust, or self confidence, or personal value. Indirect modification is a factor for both Dominants and submissives.
How have you or your partner been generally modified by the relationship?
What is the most postive personal modification you ahve experienced because of simply being present in the relationship?

Motivation and process
Having the power/control over someone that allows you to alter the way they look and behave, even how they think, is obviously going to be very potent for a Dominant. Equally so it is likely to be something vital for the submissive, feeling subject to such a degree of control. Modification usually happens as a gradual process, beginning with a behaviour protocol perhaps .. ending in something much more profound
What specifically about modification appeals to you?
To what extent is it even something you think about or "does it just happen"?
How do you initiate or react to modification?
How do you plan or rationalise the process?
Where did it begin for you in this relationship?

The road ahead ...
Humans can always change, and the common phrase "nobody is perfect" can always be applied. An old dog can learn new tricks and there will *always* be something new for us to experience. Modification, change, development, need never finish. A submissive's behaviour can be continually altered to make them more pleasing or more obedient, or more of whatever quality the Dominant wants them to have. A body can be continually augmented, polished, improved. If nothing else, the mind can always be broadened, no limit has ever been found for saturation of human intelligence.
How far do you desire to go with body modification? with intellectual modification? with behavioural modification?
How far would you be willing to go?
Does the thought of becoming/creating something unrecognisable intimidate you?
At what point would you draw (and adhere to) the line for you?

In conclusion
When you look back at the version of you who entered the relationship, do you see a profound change, a marked modification, or no real change at all? How does that make you feel?

I have posted many many questions throughout this OP ... It is not my intention for people to answer all of them, many will simply not apply. I do not think it is approrpiate to turn this thread into a kink bashing, judgemental, free for all. This is not an opportunity for another fat thread! Lets see how long we can last without going for someone else's throat shall we?

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 12:52:36 PM

shadowcd

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Every reltionship I have ever had even friends has changed me, some more then others. I always welcome change. however there is an old quote that applies to this.

"Change is inevitable. Progress is optional."

So as long as a Domme wants to modify or change me in such a way that is progressive and growing to my own personal well being I welcome it. Ofcourse even it it's not I will change regardless.

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 12:58:28 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

What is the most postive personal modification you ahve experienced because of simply being present in the relationship?

learning control of self

quote:

What specifically about modification appeals to you?

Non-body modification...it did not so much appeal to me at the exact time as it was a necessity instead...now though, I like knowing that I can control myself to the point that I am not intentionally hurting someone.
Physically, I like modification purely for the pain factor. Piercings, brandings, deliberate scarring...if its going to be painful, chances are I will go back for seconds.

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 1:08:20 PM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowcd

So as long as a Domme wants to modify or change me in such a way that is progressive and growing to my own personal well being I welcome it. Ofcourse even it it's not I will change regardless.

I have an ongoing struggle with myself about something close to this. I feel I will always have a responsibility to be a "good" person. When my desire to be a good person comes into direct conflict with what my Owner thinks is a "good" person ... I really have a dilema. As a slave I do not have a right to my own opinion, and that of my Owner is the only correct opinion.

I know that part of me would comply with modification even if I thought it would turn me into something I didn't want to be, because I would so wish to please my Owner. I know however that there is a part of me that will never change, and until now I have been lucky enough that DV has never sought to change it.

difficult line to walk

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 1:08:50 PM

DominantJenny

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I'm going to answer broadly on the topic 'cause that's easiest in my case.

Mostly, I worry a lot about modification and the ethics thereof. I took a man who was vanilla and modified him into a submissive/slave. I tell myself often that he had the underlying openness, ability, etc, to go there, because I'm really not sure that it would be ethical if he didn't. He's happy and fulfilled in our relationship, but it would arguably be that much harder for him now to find another if, say, I got hit by a bus. So. When I think about this topic, that's always what comes to mind, and I always worry about whether I did something against my own ethics.
Beyond that, I've done plenty of modification that didn't bother me at all; undoing negative behaviors and attitudes, etc.
As far as how I've been affected...mostly, I learned just how patient and steady I can be, and probably became more so.
*rereads the OP* As far as methods, positive reinforcement, association (sexual stimulation accompanying pain, for example), talk-therapy, and sometimes flat-out orders.

I'll watch and try to contribute more as time and my headache permits.

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 1:39:58 PM

Prinsexx

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Dear Softness:
i have read your entire OP.
It's an interesting aren....
i have a take on modification which is this:
i have said before on the boards here that i do not think slaves can be trained. Now i know there are many many soucres of references to 'slave training' but i do not think that a slave needs to be trained. But i do feel that a slave needs to be behaviourially modifed to be submissive. the difference? in slavery the midset is preset like a radio wavelength that is attuned to be in service, not to expect or get but to give. Now i am not an easy submissive to be around. Most of what i would need to be as a submissive needs to be trained, indeed knocked around, shaped, reinforced both negatively and positively. Because in submissive mode i am required to DO siomething in the way that a dominant requires it. an example; i will naturally walk bare foot and sit at Master's feet but to get me to strip naked or pee in a bucket well i have to have a take down.
But i am modified (reflective voice0 by each and every relationship, bdsm or otherwise that i have been in. My behaviour most definitely became mofied by the birth of three children. With human beings who continue to grow and evolve as rapidly as adolescents do my modifications happen daily and perhaps a more commonly used word for such modifications is adaptations.
Whilst there is a psychological component of my mind which i know to be my slave mindset which is hot wired into me, remains a constant, each and every encounter feeds my thoughts, my creativity and psychological hrowth.
Combine my slave mindset with a pleasure principle for submission and i guess i mostly feel like i modify constantly constantly.....
Are we talking about body modification here? piercings, tattoos, hair extensions, medical surgery, cosmetic surgery? Well i have piercings, epilate much of my body hair and will have tattoos because it is required of me. I have also had medical surgery but unless commanded to do so i will not have cosmetic surgey because i find ageing beautiful.
Interesting subject...hope i stuck to the point.

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 1:42:04 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: softness
How do you feel generally about modification in the context of your relationship or past experience?

I generally believe in altering the superficial, the external and the trivial, but stop when it begins to cross over into altering the identity of that person. Where the line is is determined by the individual.

Smoking is often a trivial behavior. Praying before a meal is a behavior that goes to a core part of who they are : their religion.

Making them wear a blue dress as opposed to black, because it is my favorite color is superficial. Completely changing their clothing style from Goth to a Catholic choir girl is, in some cases, changing their identity as a person and goes beyond the superficial.

Having them wear their hair in a Chinese hair bun is something external. Completely shaving their head can seriously disrupt their internal self image.

quote:

What are the positive/negative aspects of it, for you in your context?

See above.

quote:

What particular direct modifications have been introduced into your current or previous dynamic?

I enjoy changing the way my girl talks, walks, fucks, dresses, and acts as long as I believe the modification isn't too much for her.

quote:

Indirect Modification
How have you or your partner been generally modified by the relationship?

My approaches and methods are always being indirectly modified by how effective or ineffective they are on the girl. I am always being indirectly modified in a positive way as simply being in the relationship inspires and motivates me to be a better person.

quote:

What specifically about modification appeals to you?

It is one of many ways that I express my dominance over my girl.

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RE: Personal Modification - 7/8/2008 4:17:03 PM

TysGalilah

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Hi Softness

Some of the modifications I have experienced within my 2 most significant Bdsm and Ds relationships

Behavioral mod:
~Learning to trust ( again ) ie. let my guard down.
~Quiet my mind, shut my mouth ( upon command or when he begins to speak ).
~Stop controlling everything around me. ( letting go )
~Trusting that it is ok for me not to be perfect ( making mistakes).

No longer allowed to cut myself down or say anything derogatory about myself or my body or intellect.

Learned to speak/answer immediately and without analyzing first what I wanted to say or how I felt.

To drop my inhibitions when I drop my clothes.

That its ok....no, not just OK its freakin great and rewarded, when I let my emotions flow, scream, yell, groan, moan, bite, scratch, writhe, growl....well ok you get the idea.

~I discovered the freedom of finding my strength(s) in my weakest moment.

Physical mod:

~Pierced areas on my body. (He enjoys knives and needles ).
~His collar is pierced into my body.
~Certain areas of my body are to always be groomed and manicured a certain way that pleases him.

I am tattooed, but it was not something he required or requested. I would do that again if desired. I am interested in the edgy artistic cutting/ tatt but he "won't let me go there" .
Temp piercings he has done.
Except for his preference that my hair * on my head * not be too short, I cannot think of anything physically he wants me to modify or modify with surgery.
He is supportive of my desire to have medical reconstructive surgery when the time is right for that...But he is not requiring it.
~~~~~

all of the above have had a positive effect on me and in my life. Even the more difficult ones to learn to modify, eventually taught me something very important about myself.

Several areas that he has chosen not to modify are
my weight and my eating.
Interesting to note: when I no longer felt "others" trying to control those aspects of me as a person>>> my compulsive nature about those two subjects began healing : )
So he was very wise to know that my past ( family issues ) was NOT something that he needed me to revisit by trying to control it or punish it ie define ME by what I weighed and what I ate or didn't eat.

He taught me to celebrate myself, my feelings and my body just as it is naturally and openly and so it would be against his own nature, I think, to then want me to modify it to please him. He loves all of me : ) just as I am.

I'm pretty sure there are more to list. My relationship and my submission has changed areas of my life in so many ways, it is hard to remember or think of them all.

Sure hope I understood the directions you were hoping for with this thread : )

Cyndi

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