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Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/8/2008 1:16:43 PM

jb12c

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline

Hey

So pretty much I am in a serious vanilla relationship with someone how is not at all interested in anything outside of 'normal'.

I feel I need to experience a session with a mistress - probably pay for a pro-domme session to be discreet to confirm to myself that, that is really what I want before deciding where to from here... However, I am interested in if there are any stories of anyone out there who thought this was something they needed but after experiencing it realised it wasn't for them? I am not expecting there are too many....this is probably just my last [possible excuse before I go and find out for myself.

Or any other interesting story comment on a first time experience from a sub / mistress

Thanks

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/8/2008 1:37:34 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I would suggest that going to a prodomme is only going to confirm for you if you want or don't want that kind of experience. I'd suggest that the experience in a relationship with a non pro will be very different.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jb12c

Hey

So pretty much I am in a serious vanilla relationship with someone how is not at all interested in anything outside of 'normal'.

I feel I need to experience a session with a mistress - probably pay for a pro-domme session to be discreet to confirm to myself that, that is really what I want before deciding where to from here... However, I am interested in if there are any stories of anyone out there who thought this was something they needed but after experiencing it realised it wasn't for them? I am not expecting there are too many....this is probably just my last [possible excuse before I go and find out for myself.

Or any other interesting story comment on a first time experience from a sub / mistress

Thanks

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/8/2008 5:45:25 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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If you're looking for a reason -not- to do this, there are certainly enough stories out there. Sure, after as long as I've been in the scene, I've had some stories where it didn't work out with a newcomer. Most of the time, it was because the newcomer was so eager to have a BDSM experience... any BDSM experience... that xhe lied about hir interests, so when it came right down to it, and I behaved in the manner that I do, they hated what was required of them, and found the experience compellingly dis-satisfying.

On the other hand, even before I knew that the scene existed, I knew that I was "edgy" -- I dyed my hair funky colors back in the early 80s, when nobody in my world was doing that. I played with knives and razors, dreamed of being tattooed, and tested switches from our weeping willow to see how they'd feel if I used them on a person. When I fell in love, it wasn't with one person -- it was with two women in college who were already a couple. They both welcomed me into their 'arrangement' - relationships like that didn't have a name then... or at least I wasn't familiar with Morningglory Zen's terminology.

If this is a real interest, you'll know it in your gut. If it is, I'd take my time and find a domina who shares your interests, so that you can get a feel for what it really means to be in service to someone who shares your interests. You'll get a much more accurate picture of whether this needs to be part of your life on an ongoing basis.

Calla Firestorm

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/8/2008 5:57:41 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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Pro or non-pro, hot or not hot, in the long run if you deceive your partner things have a way of sucking.

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/9/2008 5:45:17 AM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jb12c

Hey

So pretty much I am in a serious vanilla relationship with someone how is not at all interested in anything outside of 'normal'.

I feel I need to experience a session with a mistress - probably pay for a pro-domme session to be discreet to confirm to myself that, that is really what I want before deciding where to from here... However, I am interested in if there are any stories of anyone out there who thought this was something they needed but after experiencing it realised it wasn't for them? I am not expecting there are too many....this is probably just my last [possible excuse before I go and find out for myself.

Or any other interesting story comment on a first time experience from a sub / mistress

Thanks

I think that you are already pretty sure that were you to 'try' bdsm, you would enjoy it and it would confirm to you the seriousness of your need for bdsm.

I am not going to make any moral points here as I know stories from both sides about people starting playing at clubs or seeing a pro-domme when they were in a vanilla relationship and the consequences both good and bad that can occur. So, I shall leave moralising to others.

My partner tried bdsm behind his wife's back and knew straight away it what what he had always wanted and waited for. He was transformed internally by that experience but it was many years later that he left his wife having tried time and time again to subsume himself and his needs in order to keep in a sexually and emotionally unfulfilling marriage.

I don't know of anyone who has had a first time experience of bdsm, having dreamed and fantasised about it for a long time, and haven't thoroughly enjoyed it and known they wanted more.

I wish you well and all you can do is try to do the least harm possible if you find out that you do need bdsm and it will not be found in your vanilla relationship.

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/10/2008 2:27:10 PM

jb12c

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline

But if you deceive yourself....

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/10/2008 2:28:42 PM

jb12c

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for this reply....feels like this is what I was looking for....

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsValentine

quote:

ORIGINAL: jb12c

Hey

So pretty much I am in a serious vanilla relationship with someone how is not at all interested in anything outside of 'normal'.

I feel I need to experience a session with a mistress - probably pay for a pro-domme session to be discreet to confirm to myself that, that is really what I want before deciding where to from here... However, I am interested in if there are any stories of anyone out there who thought this was something they needed but after experiencing it realised it wasn't for them? I am not expecting there are too many....this is probably just my last [possible excuse before I go and find out for myself.

Or any other interesting story comment on a first time experience from a sub / mistress

Thanks

I think that you are already pretty sure that were you to 'try' bdsm, you would enjoy it and it would confirm to you the seriousness of your need for bdsm.

I am not going to make any moral points here as I know stories from both sides about people starting playing at clubs or seeing a pro-domme when they were in a vanilla relationship and the consequences both good and bad that can occur. So, I shall leave moralising to others.

My partner tried bdsm behind his wife's back and knew straight away it what what he had always wanted and waited for. He was transformed internally by that experience but it was many years later that he left his wife having tried time and time again to subsume himself and his needs in order to keep in a sexually and emotionally unfulfilling marriage.

I don't know of anyone who has had a first time experience of bdsm, having dreamed and fantasised about it for a long time, and haven't thoroughly enjoyed it and known they wanted more.

I wish you well and all you can do is try to do the least harm possible if you find out that you do need bdsm and it will not be found in your vanilla relationship.

(in reply to MsValentine)

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RE: Any bad experience with a first time sub - 7/10/2008 7:17:48 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Suggestion. If you care about this person, drop the conversation and act. By that I mean, if you are a submissive and need to submit, then do so. Picture some of the things that you see her asking you to do as a domme and just do them. Watch the reaction, don't press for discussion. See if she takes control as you surrender it.

If you forget about the words and the protocols and the rule books and the instruction books and look around you, you will see that there are innumerable relationships that exhibit one person dominating to some extent, another.

My sister attracts incredibly, dependent men. She automatically dominates almost any conversation she is in. People submit to her all the time, with a smile. She is adamantly opposed and horrified by the scene, but she lives up to every description of a domme. She is also kinky in bed. She just considers herself adventurous. I took her to a play party. Everyone, dom, domme or sub, fawned over her. When I told her she was a domme, she lost it and advised me to see a psychiatrist. When she got to see the scene with all the terms applied, she was appalled, yet in her life, every day, she dominates everyone she meets.

You might want to conside trying to just be submissive. If you are a masochist, that is a harder nut to crack.

Good luck

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