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Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 2:47:25 PM

truetxslave

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Joined: 8/22/2006
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So, I have been perusing the forums for a few months, and not had the guts to post anything...but now I need advice, and I'm turning here (don't really know why).

I have been "playing" at BDSM for about three years. I say playing at it because, while I thought what I had was amazing and something special, it never amounted to much. Now, after having been in a similar relationship for about 10 months, something has changed. Now, Master suddenly has this control over me that I've often imagined but never thought possible. My entire belief system has been turned upside down.

Now for the question: as a seemingly smart young woman, with an independence streak a mile wide, I find this change somewhat frightening. Has anyone else experienced this? And what can I do/think to help me accept it? Because, while feeling like property is erotic as hell, it's also equally scary to me.

Thank you in advance for your helpful advice....

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 2:57:51 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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I believe i understand what you mean..... I had always thought of myself as a strong independant submissive until in my last relationship i realized how much control i'd actually given up. Other than what i wore to work and ate for lunch all my decisions were made by my Master. I could not tell you when it happened exactly...control wasn't wrestled from me... as trust grew it was a natural progression of our relationship.....and i knew i was totally owned...and how freeing it was!

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 3:43:56 PM

Lockit

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I think most have had this struggle at some point. I know I have actually panicked when I thought someone was trying to control me, but I am a dominant personality and that added to it all. I know my partners have struggled with losing independence and such and it is easy for a dominant to cross a line without knowing because that fear or line isn't being communicated. I would suggest taking a breath, talking to your dominant and if you are not in a dangerous or foolish situation, go head into it if you trust one another... because each struggle brings about something deeper for many who go through it. I have had to submit to things, like in work or life and found the need to escape it or go the easy route, but the long road was the best and most rewarding one. Communicate your hesitation or fears and you should be fine. It seems scarier than it is sometimes simply because we all have that self preservation and independence that protects us and giving up our protection and being vulnerable can be a real challenge! Good luck!

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 3:56:18 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
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Hey there, true. Welcome to the boards.

One thing I noticed in reading your profile is that you're 21. I'm not entirely sure that this whole reexamination of self isn't part of your natural maturation process. You somehow have to figure out how to be an independent woman while being owned. That's a tough one even for someone who's been an independent woman for awhile. I'm not knocking your age - just saying that rolling up figuring out how to be property at 21 would have knocked me for a hell of a loop because I was still discovering who I was and what sort of person I was. To add in 'owned property' would have been tough.

That being said, I do understand where you're coming from. You've ceded so much to him and it may feel that you have nothing left of youself sometimes. Or possibly you struggle at times because you want to do what *you* want to do, not what you are told. I find that also happens. I don't know that I have any great words of wisdom except to let you know that you are not alone in feeling this sway and that when it's hard, take a deep breath and examine the positives in your relationship and see if you can change your focus to the good things.

Best of luck to you

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 4:02:05 PM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truetxslave

So, I have been perusing the forums for a few months, and not had the guts to post anything...but now I need advice, and I'm turning here (don't really know why).I have been "playing" at BDSM for about three years. I say playing at it because, while I thought what I had was amazing and something special, it never amounted to much. Now, after having been in a similar relationship for about 10 months, something has changed. Now, Master suddenly has this control over me that I've often imagined but never thought possible. My entire belief system has been turned upside down.
Now for the question: as a seemingly smart young woman, with an independence streak a mile wide, I find this change somewhat frightening. Has anyone else experienced this? And what can I do/think to help me accept it? Because, while feeling like property is erotic as hell, it's also equally scary to me.
Thank you in advance for your helpful advice....

I certainly understand where you are coming from and I think everyone deals with it at their own pace in their own way. Whichever way is comfortable for you to come to terms with the issue, is the best way to go about it. You can be as independent as you like, but still be able to maintain the dynamicsof your relationship. For instance, i'm a feisty little hellion when provoked and I posess a tongue of a snake, but that is somethign that i'd never do with him, simply because I respect him...I can find a much easier way to say what I need to say. I think I'll always be the feisty wild child, and I'm aware that I need someone who can understand that as well as respect it...in that sense i believe they'd be bringing somethign to the table as well that would help the relationship work, without me having to change who I am.
my advice: take your time, go through your emotions clearly, talk to him about it if you need to (actually that would be a good idea) and hopefully he'll be understanding enough to continue to be the strong one, yet be alert of your fears or issues.
Good luck :) push comes to shove: stay true to your feelings and go with the (your) flow

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 4:10:04 PM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truetxslave

Now for the question: as a seemingly smart young woman, with an independence streak a mile wide, I find this change somewhat frightening. Has anyone else experienced this? And what can I do/think to help me accept it? Because, while feeling like property is erotic as hell, it's also equally scary to me.

As an extremely intelligent and independent woman (that's in my humble opinion as well lol) i struggled with what felt like component parts of myself , well i have struggled with it for half a century.
The problem with the vanilla power OVER relationships i had (three vanilla marriages plus all the other fuck-ups you know) is my partners got triggered by my abilities and the only way they could deal with it was to attack. i have been the focus of repetitive and quite severe abusive relationships. Even when i was being very successful in a wordly way and coming home to serve it (clean house on my knees, raise the kids for eaxample) partners got triggered even more by my seeming split personality.
i in turn felt trapped and stifled in a bad way ny partners' attempts to control me
It is ONLY within so-called bdsm relationship where i have experienced a different kind of respect for my abilities, where have i been 'allowed' to be strong in the world AND submissive in 'bed'. Indeed walking away from some of the scenes i have consented to has required a strength often that i did not know i had.
nNw that i am a collared slave i am allowed to be stronger, indeed have to be, because i have surrendered so completely in my personal relationship.....
It's a balancing act but threre would be nothing to balance would there unless there was if you see what i'm saying.
Prin xx

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 4:29:07 PM

truetxslave

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Thank you to all who have responded so far...it is comforting to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I will talk to Him tonight and try to convey some of my fears and confusions in a way that makes sense.

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RE: Accepting Change. - 7/9/2008 6:04:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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In your case, I'd simply say when that happens, ask yourself if it feels RIGHT, if it feels fulfilling. If it does, then you're fine. You're being independent by doing what works best for you- sometimes freedom is found most within slavery.

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