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MisterBeast -> RE: The Heterosexual questionnaire (7/10/2008 8:48:46 PM)
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1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality? I personally blame, Eve Ellis, Justine Joli and Alley Bagget.
2. When and where did you decide you were a heterosexual? I think it was somwheres around the time GI Joe started leaving barbie tied up after he resuced her from Cobra. I think my parents were just relieved it wasnt a ninja turtle because Beastiality is bad M'kay
3. Is it possible this is just a phase and you will out grow it? I go through phases all the time, some times I want to choke a girl, some times I just want to make sweet love to her.
4. Is it possible that your sexual orientation has stemmed from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex? Nah, me and my best friend can still write our name in the snow when we piss and be cool with it.
5. Do your parents know you are straight? Do your friends know- how did they react? I accidentaly answered my phone when I getting a lap dance once, it was my father, he asked if it was a bad time to call. I told him no, but if I cant pay attention to what he is saying it isnt my fault!
6. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it just possible that all you need is a good gay lover? Well I never stabbed myself in the eye with a fork either, but does that mean all I really need to do is give it a shot to see how it works out for me, or should I stick with my intuition that it probably isnt my bag...
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality... can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet? No damnit, im gonna roll around sunday morning in my TA with the windows down listening to slayer and yall can damn deal with it.
8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex? Because its more fun than fishing.
9. Why do heterosexuals try to recruit others into this lifestyle? Because sharing is caring.
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual... Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers? How about we just solve that with giving child molesters the death penalty? you know two birds one stone...
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different? Everything I needed to know I learned from Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon. Thats right, Night calls baby!
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals? I blame romance novels for realz.
13. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality? Um.... have the scientits clone me a 2nd penis so I can hit a girl in both holes at once?
14. Considering the menace of overpopulation how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual? WAR! It thins out the population.
15. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don't you feel that he or she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his orher leanings? I duno, do they involve unicorns and beer?
16. There seem to very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. That is because they arent all as fantastic as me YO!
17. Have you considered trying aversion therapy? No, I subject myself to healthy doses of horsepower often to keepthe smile plastered on me face. And if that doesnt work, well, theres always your honor student. ;)
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