RE: Love in BDSM

RE: Love in BDSM (Full Version)

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brightspot -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 12:21:33 AM)
quote: Thank you for sharing this story of what love really is all about...the desire and willingness to push past your own limits to do what fulfills your partner... Perhaps in that, there is a message for the OP... Many dom/mes can dominate the ones they love simply because they do love them. I can relate this to me and my Domina's relationship. The D/s dynamic works very well for us and we are in love. The Honesty, Trust and most important Communication (that does quite often lack in vanilla relationships) is what keeps the dynamics and our love running smoothly, growing with excitement and bonding us deeper in love. *Brightspot

hedonisticToy -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 12:32:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: hedonisticToy Thank you for sharing this story of what love really is all about...the desire and willingness to push past your own limits to do what fulfills your partner... That's not what love is about to me at all. Just because a vanilla partner doesn't become a dominant doesn't mean they don't love their wife enough. That wasn't really what i was saying...It would definitely not be a healthy situation if partner A did something to please partner B even though it was detrimental to partner A. But love is certianly about having the desire to see your partner fullfilled and happy. And pushing past limits is a healthy sign of continuing growth - as long as it does not harm us mentally or physically. It may mean in a situation where partner A definitely could not dominate partner B without losing their own happiness and self-actualization then the loving answer might be to allow partner B to find a secondary partner to fill that need, or the loving answer might be to let partner B go, so they can seek their fullfillment. Or love may mean that partner B decides that the need to have partner A dominate them is not greater than their need to love and stay with partner A without the D/s. My point was that love is about the desire to see your partner fullfilled, and a willingness to put some effort into aiding that process...how that is best solved has more than one answer, one that works for one couple may well not work for another. Cin

kyraofMists -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 5:42:24 AM)
For me, I could not be in the poly M/s relationship with my Lord and alandra without loving to the depth that we do. I could not enjoy play with complete and total abandon without the trust, devotion and surrender that comes with being in love. Becasue of His love, I trust Him to push me right to the edges during play but not go so far as to cause damage either physically, mentally and emotionally. Because of His love, I am able to completely let go and enjoy the primal play that He creates. Because of our love and acceptance for who He is, He is able to be as sadistic as He desires and know that in the end the love we have for each other will only grow. This is how I work, my devotion and surrender can only come when I am in a deep loving relationship. This is me being me and I have been blessed to find two people who accept and love me for it. Knight's kyra

candystripper -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 5:46:37 AM)
i think i loved the Dom i dated, even though there was no sex/play (His decision). However, because He withheld the physical side of our relationship, i'm not certain how deeply the love ran. My thought was we would stay together and eventually He would change His mind, but instead He dumped me unceremoniously. You would think by 51 i would have known -- you cannot change a Man. sigh i will say i need a tremendous level of trust before i can sleep with a Man; and where there's trust, it is underlaid with great respect. i think in these circumstances, if i was having sex/playing with Him, my heart would follow my body and my heart would inevitably open like a flower. I think my love for Him would be deeper than any love i have ever known, apart from my love for my kid. i would need to feel the respect and trust were reciprocated; and i'd proabably be heart-broken if He did not return my love. candystripper

fyreredsub -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 6:20:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u I am reasonably new to L/s but have found happiness like I have never known and a freedom I did not know was even possible and accept my submissiveness with open arms. I have found a Dom who touches my heart and to my suprise a sister in His girl who also reaches inside and touches me... love ... it is probably to early to say but definately well along the path ... but I can not imagine such trust being earned or recieved if these feelings were not there ... when he takes me by the hand and leads me to these places I have never been it is the care in His heart and in His eyes that makes me feel safe and gives me the courage to follow Him ... Pain something I feared and yet have found to my suprise that I enjoy it, that it hieghtens my sexuality in ways I would not have beleived, his pleasure from my pleasure enhances the whole experience but the knowledge that He will be there with His arms arround me at the end is what makes me meet His demands and push forward to find my boundries again if these feelings of fledgling love were not there, I do not think I could or would trust Him to take me there ... so for me I feel love is an intricate part of a BDSM relationship and that with out it I would never be all that I can be ... to be the sub of my master's heart is my ultimate place. you have so eloquantly put into one post what i have been saying all week in many---- thank you----- good luck to you and yours from one fyrery red head to another

redheadedfire4u -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 7:58:56 AM)
Knight's kyra quote: For me, I could not be in the poly M/s relationship with my Lord and alandra without loving to the depth that we do. I have just entered a poly D/s relationship and I could not agree more, the care and warmth I recieve from both Sir and angel is my strength and joy, she welcomed me as sister and He smiled as He watched all that grew between us, we share His heart and serve Him with not only our own hearts but with what we hold for eachother as well ... O/our dynamic is enhanced in ways I would not have believed were possible ... I look forward to the future and all that it holds as the depth of O/our relationship grows. I thank you for sharing this with me and hope that this beauty you have found may be in my future as well

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:01:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u I have just entered a poly D/s relationship and I could not agree more, the care and warmth I recieve from both Sir and angel is my strength and joy, she welcomed me as sister and He smiled as He watched all that grew between us, we share His heart and serve Him with not only our own hearts but with what we hold for eachother as well ... O/our dynamic is enhanced in ways I would not have believed were possible ... I look forward to the future and all that it holds as the depth of O/our relationship grows. I thank you for sharing this with me and hope that this beauty you have found may be in my future as well I could also say that the basis of a polyamorous relationship is different than the basis of a Ds relationship (for me). Many people are poly and NOT into Ds.

redheadedfire4u -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:08:35 AM)
From one fyrery red head to annother .... well fire and red hair, now speaking of things that go hand in hand lol redheads are not for the faint hearted in general ... fire of personality ... fire of mind ... fire of blood (volcanic in the right hands ) ... but I think with redheads it is the fire of passion that can set us apart ... and more often than not that passion needs deep feelings to reach its true glory, so in my case I come back to the question of love in BDSM and stand by that last coment in that post ... "I feel love is an intricate part of a BDSM relationship and that with out it I would never be all that I can be ... to be the sub of my master's heart is my ultimate place." but hey different strokes for different folks what ever works best for the individual

Phoenxx -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:09:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia We are all different people. That is the beauty of it all. And what all to often we seem to forget. We are all different and all have different needs. There is not a single set of rules that can govern us all. There can only be experiences that can guide us. Relationships are forms of art, not roads or laws. An art form is always a bit different. Each painter will create a unique version of what they see. Even the same painter will never create the exact again. There will be different strokes, shades and lines. While we have common interests, and common needs, how we fill them will be different. Not right, not wrong, just different. Well ok there are wrong things you can do. Most of them are illegal. Tony

Mercnbeth -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:11:23 AM)
quote: Would like to know how it works for those who are in love. Especially from those who have been in long term relationships/marriage. How do you keep the feelings separate from the things you enjoy__or do you? As a domme, an curious as to how a dominant can enjoy the pleasures of flogging, humiliation, etc. fully, when your partner is a part of your heart. Ylwa, There is no separation in our case. The need to be on either the receiving or giving end of the physical is just an extension of the emotional. Better put, it's the physical expression of that love. I feel that our sessions have become deeper, more physical, more intense as our love has grown. Which generates which? I couldn't say, but either way is works; we have more intense sessions because we've grown deeper in love, or we love more because our sessions are more intense. Does it matter? If there is one "problem" with this situation it's in sharing or involving others in our play. The boundary is so thin between the physical and emotional that it almost doesn't exist. In order to be with another person, or to involve another person in our physical sessions would mean we'd have to have to rebuild that boundary. After three years with beth, I don't know if I could flog another, in my mind now the flogging is love. It also has another component, it's also sexual. It's a wonderful thing where love, domination, and sex can all be covered by one definition. Doing any with another person is doing all. So although many opportunities arise for each of us, it's rare that we do. It requires intimacy, trust and feelings that are not given casually. How do we separate it? We don't. Consider this; why would you want to?

Phoenxx -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:15:43 AM)
quote: I am able to have completely non-attached sexual relationships and completely attached emotional relationships. . ..and your phone number is? Just kidding. Ok I'm a romantic. I admit it. And yes, there have been times in my past when I just had sex. There have been times when I as the new saying is, used self-pleasuring manual techniques. Bit to be really happy, I find I do need something more then mucous membranes rubbing together. I should have said that I find a difference between sex and mating and making love. Shhh don’t tell anyone Tony

redheadedfire4u -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 8:29:29 AM)
I have been in poly vanilla relationships before, and agree that the basis is different from that of not only a D/s relationship but quite different from many kinds of relationships. Though from experience so far I would say that poly relationships themselves can differ greatly from eachother ... the difference between one where the women are bi and where the women are straight can be enormous, the whole dynamic is different. When no male is involved the dynamic changes again ... I am enjoying the the difference that a D/s dynamic brings to a poly relationship and from what I have experienced so far can say it is extreemly different than its vanilla counterpart ... yet shares many commonalities at the same time ... but what I was trying to say in that post is that there is a common thread in all of the ones I have been in and that is a connectivness between the parties that held a depth of feeling and trust that made all possible for me ... I can not speak for others but for me I need this for it to work and enjoyed hearing that it works for others that way as well ... my fear was that I would loose this in L/s and I was over joyed to find that love was not only possible within L/s but could be deep and enhanced by the levels of trust involved to reach for new hieghts of passion that I look so forward to experiencing ... but everyone is different and will seek out what it is that rocks their world ... and a terribly mundane place it would be if we were all seeking exactly the same thing lol

fyreredsub -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 9:19:02 AM)
i do not know if i can define love at this time....i just know i feel things i never felt before w/ sir ...when we are on the same wave length it is incredible. i know i trust him like no other before ...he does not laugh or get repulsed by my wants and desires....he accepts me unconditionally for me that is so important....he will always be my first.....he will always be special...but for the feeling of love ,now that scares me............maybe one day. maybe not... quote: ORIGINAL: redheadedfire4u From one fyrery red head to annother .... well fire and red hair, now speaking of things that go hand in hand lol redheads are not for the faint hearted in general ... fire of personality ... fire of mind ... fire of blood (volcanic in the right hands ) ... but I think with redheads it is the fire of passion that can set us apart ... and more often than not that passion needs deep feelings to reach its true glory, so in my case I come back to the question of love in BDSM and stand by that last coment in that post ... "I feel love is an intricate part of a BDSM relationship and that with out it I would never be all that I can be ... to be the sub of my master's heart is my ultimate place." but hey different strokes for different folks what ever works best for the individual

redheadedfire4u -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 9:30:56 AM)
there is no definition of love that I have ever found adequate and everytime I think I may have one ... some one stuffs it up lol love is an individual thing and can happen more than once and will never be the same twice lol basically it is what ever rocks your world and the decision on whether you are in love or not is always finally yours and yours alone ... good luck

wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:02:35 AM)
quote: As a domme, an curious as to how a dominant can enjoy the pleasures of flogging, humiliation, etc. fully, when your partner is a part of your heart. I think that our BDSM partners do become a part of our heart. I do not think that one must be "in love" with their partner to have a successful M/s relationship. I will take that a step further and say that i think love can be a negative is some M/s relationships. I have seen Masters be too lenient with their slaves/wife because of that reason. I know for me i want/need a Master who can seperate that and do whatever is necessary to make sure that i am being the best that i can be, even if that requires strict measures. cathy

Kasia -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:23:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenxx I should have said that I find a difference between sex and mating and making love. But I too find sex and making love to be two different things for me. If I dont have energy or enough positive feelings for love making I prefere sex for pure relaxation, the kinkier the better. There was (short) time in my life while I lived alone with no emotional attachments to anyone. I could live like that for long time and dont feel something is missing from my life. But I cannot live without sex. My body complains and affect my moods. I become bad tempered and moody when I dont have sex for a while. So - what should be a solution for me? To jump into any relationship and convince myself I am madly in love just to have sex? No way, I am not that kind of person, I prefere waiting for the "right one" and have casual sex with others till I find him. Well, I have my "right one" and sex with him is special too. But still, we include others in it from time to time - not for emotional side (we dont share that part) but just as means to make sex more spicy and variable. We like it that way. So when I make love in my bed alone with my husband it is wonderful. But when we include casual men/women/couples in our sex life it is wonderful too, in other way. For me every kind of sex is good and fulfilling, only in diferent ways.

fyreredsub -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:29:10 AM)
ah the ole adage...sex is a misdemeanor,,the more i miss the meaner i get,lol. quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenxx I should have said that I find a difference between sex and mating and making love. But I too find sex and making love to be two different things for me. If I dont have energy or enough positive feelings for love making I prefere sex for pure relaxation, the kinkier the better. There was (short) time in my life while I lived alone with no emotional attachments to anyone. I could live like that for long time and dont feel something is missing from my life. But I cannot live without sex. My body complains and affect my moods. I become bad tempered and moody when I dont have sex for a while. So - what should be a solution for me? To jump into any relationship and convince myself I am madly in love just to have sex? No way, I am not that kind of person, I prefere waiting for the "right one" and have casual sex with others till I find him. Well, I have my "right one" and sex with him is special too. But still, we include others in it from time to time - not for emotional side (we dont share that part) but just as means to make sex more spicy and variable. We like it that way. So when I make love in my bed alone with my husband it is wonderful. But when we include casual men/women/couples in our sex life it is wonderful too, in other way. For me every kind of sex is good and fulfilling, only in diferent ways.

Moleculor -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:32:04 AM)
I wonder if at some point in my future I -could- love. I know I've felt something that might resemble it in the past, but for the past five years or so I've been pretty cut off from what one might consider 'normal' social life. I also wonder if being 'in love' would be worth it. What if 'love' makes me incapable of hurting someone? I could see that happening.

KnightofMists -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:42:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia So when I make love in my bed alone with my husband it is wonderful. But when we include casual men/women/couples in our sex life it is wonderful too, in other way. For me every kind of sex is good and fulfilling, only in diferent ways. I can relate and understand what you saying. Many can have causal encounters, love is without question not a significant part of that sitution. There is a big difference between situational encounters for achieving specific pleasures and gratifications and the on-going relationships which involve the emotional aspects of ones heart. I have myself done causal Sexual encounters as well as BDSM encounters. It is not something that I concentrate on or look for at this stage of my life. I have learned from it and know that I can enjoy these types of encounters... BUT I am picky! on the what I want.... "g" so these types of enounters will occur basically only happen if the planets align on a friday...G saturday I am busy! It is important to stress, that one doesn't judge others because they engage in causal encounters or consider that on-going loving relationships the only way to go. I have my perference... a perference that is discovered from experience of learning both sides of the coin. We each have our perferences... I believe it most important that we are making the choices that allow us to look in the mirror afterwards and be happy with what they see. I know I can!

KnightofMists -> RE: Love in BDSM (11/12/2005 10:54:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: wipmebeetme100 I have seen Masters be too lenient with their slaves/wife because of that reason. Many parents who love their children very much are blinded by that love to make the choices and decisions that are best for raising their children. They are blinded by "my children do no wrong" I suspect everyone can think of examples of such. Because this, are they good parents? should they be parents? Should parents not love their children? I see no difference between the Master that allows his/her love to negatively affect his/her responsibilities towards the slave as the parent that allows love to negatively affect their responsibilites towards their children. To me it is not a question if Love should be in the relationship... It is should they be a Master?

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