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Age and BDSM. - 7/11/2008 12:37:43 PM   
Oureverydesire


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I'm currently undergoing "the change". Apart from some weight gain and insomnia its so far so good in relation to my sex life.

I just wondered If any other over 50's, (particularly Dommes) have experiences, and more importantly tips to share??

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/11/2008 12:49:39 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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I'm not over 50, but went through surgical menopause 5 years ago, since I was unable to take any hormones after the surgery. It doesn't seem to have slowed me down much, except that I've gotten a bit rounder, and curves have re-apportioned themselves a bit.

As far as the scene, you're liable to be a bit less flexible, and you'll need to eat well (real food, not packaged processed stuff). You may notice your hair or skin being more dry and a bit more friable, so it will abrade a bit more easily. You may also find that you're a bit more sun-sensitive, for the same reasons.

Other than that, at least on the handle end of the flogger, there isn't much I can't do now that I could before the 'change'.

Oh -- one thing you may notice is that you're moodier -- that, too, shall pass. My mood swings lasted about a year and a half, my mates for about 2 years.

Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/11/2008 1:04:50 PM   
Oureverydesire


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Thanks, that's re-assuring to read.

I guess my main concern is self-image.

I love to feel glamourous, but as you describe certain physical changes don't lend themselves to glamour.

The hair thing is the worst, I've taken to wearing wigs not just during play but pretty much all of the time.

My budget for shaving products is also growing by the week!!! Aaaagh!!!!!

Will take on the idea of improving diet for sure.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/11/2008 1:19:48 PM   
proudsub


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Our sex life is better since menopause for several reasons: empty nest (can be as noisy as we want and play anywhere), no fear of pregnanacy, no period sex to worry about, discovering new kinks, and more time to spend together.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/11/2008 1:21:49 PM   
ShiftedJewel


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I seem to be different some how. I've finally made it to full blown menopause and I've lost weight...almost 20 pounds and I could pluck the hair on my legs in under 10 minutes. A few things I would look into definately is your calcium and vitamin D levels. Mine got dangerously low and what drove me to see a doctor was that my shins hurt so much.
 
I went through the whole thing naturally... herbal remedies and creams. My mood swings never got too bad and the hot flashes were minimal.
 
And yeah, exercise is going to take on a whole new meaning... not nearly as effective as it used to be so you'll have to work twice as hard. But as I said, have your calcium and vitamin D levels checked regularly and a bone density test wouldn't hurt either. Honestly, if you are having trouble with your hair I would suggest doing that sooner then later. Hair and fingernail problems are the first signs that you have a deficency of some sort. I don't know if you have that issue or not, but if your nails seem to be thin and brittle think about what your bones are like?
 
And last, but not least... make the best of it!! This is the one time in your life when you can be an absolute bitch and people just back off... just say the word "menopause" and men shiver!!!! I love it!!!
 
Jewel

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/12/2008 9:01:06 PM   
MaamJay


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I'm just coming in to menopause. I recall one memorable night recently when I had a night sweat AND premenstrual cramps simultaneously! Now, that's a bitch! I can hardly wait, I've not been fertile since I was "fixed" by My own choice at age 28, an endometrial ablation about 10 years ago finally made the periods bearable ... but I am still sick of the whole monthly cycle thing. I'm a bit concerned about the mood swing thing as My mother went totally neurotic during hers (at times I reckon she was borderline psychotic!) ... but Master is just the right sort of person to have around to help me deal with my moods. He is very calm and intuitive as to when He should intervene and when He should sensibly retreat and let me work it off! Gotta love that Man! I am being open and honest with prospective subs too, figure they should know what they might be getting into! However, having no physical barriers to sex through the change so far ... so I'm not planning to make it Men! oh! PAUSE!

Good luck OP and the others!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/12/2008 9:25:58 PM   
opensoul


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AS I am going thru the change myself, I started the BioID horomone tx. WOW So much better moods, body feels better, hair and skin better too. Also got the male horomone for sex drive and for energy. Mood swings and night sweats are few and far between.  Great sex and calm when I need it.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/12/2008 9:55:03 PM   
pompeii


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What always amazed me about women <warning ... this is a man's perspective ... not a woman's take on the matter> is that START with tons of "LOOKS value" and then the curve is flat to rising slowly, and then seems to <warning> ... not politically correct in any way shape or form ... drop off at "some age" (I'm not sure what the age is, but, 70 is definately in it ... dunno about 50 ... probably not ... but sliding as noted above (witness the word "hair friable") ... whereas (and this is the whole point) the men go thru a totally different LOOKS-value curve.

The men, no matter how good looking, don't really get noticed for their looks:value ratio ... (for the most part) ... so what do they do ... they raise their perceived value ... they buy the fancy car ... they get the well paying job ... they wear the Italian suits ... they buy the villa on the hill ... etc. ... and by doing all these things (it's a slow long-sought after hard-worked for combination) ... their value by the time they are 50 has risen, with respect to other women giving them attention.

Now back to the women ... they start off stunningly gorgeous at 20 ... stopping traffic if they want ... getting free drinks and rides and vacation trips galore ... and ... well ... the pressure is all about looks (remember ... the men gathered none of this from their looks) ... and well ... I don't think I'm adequately making my point ... but the point I was trying to make is that, by 50, or more likely 70 or so ... the looks factor starts dropping and finally ... somewhere between 50 and 70 the two curves meet (remember, the men curve was slowly, very slowly, rising over time while the woman curve shot up at 20 and stayed flat and then at some point started to drop as the wrinkles, cellulite, "friable" hair, and other things happened ... which by the way, also happened to the men but remember, looks never seemed to get the men anywhere in the first place so the drop didn't matter ... ... I think I've rambled myself off into a corner and will now shut up!

:)

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 12:14:40 AM   
Ialdabaoth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: pompeii
I think I've rambled myself off into a corner and will now shut up!


No, actually, you've said something very important, that everyone realizes but no one likes to think about - which is why you feel the need to tiptoe around it so much. I'll say it more bluntly, and all flames may land where they will.

Pretty young girls get a free goddamn ride all the time. We all know it's true, and we all know the prices they have to pay for them. As a woman ages, she does become less sought-after in our culture - otherwise  why would leading men in Hollywood stay leading men for so long, while having to swap for younger and younger co-stars? There's clearly something going on in our culture that values youth in women, so we may as well face it.

Of course, that same 'something' values submissiveness in our women, with an undercurrent of 'topping from the bottom'-style control, so those of us in the BDSM scene are already a little better equipped to break out of those behavioral patterns. But we can never forget our basic cultural training, lest it rise up and bite us hard in the amygdala.

Our culture values the maiden. The mother and the crone have to fight to show their value, and when they do, they're derided as 'shrill' or 'manipulative' or 'domineering' - even by those of us who like that sort of thing. On the other hand, our culture values the maiden as an object, not as a person, so once you pass out of the age where the signifiers of that role are apparent, you have a much better chance of carving out your own roles. The important thing is to remember that the same tricks that work for maidens won't work for you any more, and carve a new identity that doesn't use them.

< Message edited by Ialdabaoth -- 7/13/2008 12:15:00 AM >

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 2:39:06 AM   
lally3


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i overheard a worrying comment in the local jazz/wine bar the other night.  she must have been all of 22, no more than that for sure.  she said and i quote...

'by the time you hit 25 youre over the hill and sliding down the other side'

and then you read in magazines that the 40's are the new 30's, the 50's are the new 40's and the 60's are the new 50's and so on.

im relieved to hear that the menopause has no effect on sex, i always had the impression your wet stuff dried up and you pruned almost instantaneously -

theres way too much pressure on everyone to retain their youthful charms, when biologically its impossible to do.  i get pensioners saying to me 'dont get old'.  and i always reply, 'yeah, but whats the alternative'.



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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 2:49:43 AM   
eyesopened


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth
The important thing is to remember that the same tricks that work for maidens won't work for you any more, and carve a new identity that doesn't use them.


i didn't use "tricks" when i was in my 20s because i was never particularly pretty and wasn't sought after.  In my experience, my value increased at an age where i became a classic.  For example, when it was new, the Ford Edsel was a big flop and now there are collectors and fansites and conventions.  There's a lot to be said for just staying true to oneself.

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 3:20:01 AM   
Ialdabaoth


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

theres way too much pressure on everyone to retain their youthful charms, when biologically its impossible to do.  i get pensioners saying to me 'dont get old'.  and i always reply, 'yeah, but whats the alternative'.


Ask James Dean.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 3:40:30 AM   
quickened


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I suppose we're all responding from our personal experience, so what I say is merely a glimpse into the mirror of MY life.  At 50 I'm much more sought after than I ever was as a pretty young girl.  Perhpas in part it's the confidence of maturity?  I do my own seeking as well and what's on offer now is far more substantial in terms of intellectual stimulation than anything I might have sincerely and wholeheartedly offered a partner in my youth.  The mind is the domain of my desire, the storehouse of my yearnings, the factory of my most lustful fantasies, as well as home to my full nature and ability to share msyelf as a friend, confidant, lover, or sacred slut. My body is the temple wherein all these pleasures are made manifest.  And I've discovered the two most powerful allies in maintaining a well run temple.  Nutrition and exercise.  (self acceptance, humour, a sense of fun, all those things and myriad more feature in the equation as well.) So, in my experience, it gets better post menopause. Oh yes, and sex itself has uncanny physical benefit to the body, so be sure to take your daily portion!

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 3:57:11 AM   
Twicehappy2x


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally3

im relieved to hear that the menopause has no effect on sex, i always had the impression your wet stuff dried up and you pruned almost instantaneously -


Speaking as a retired RN not as somebody who has experienced menopause; your "wet stuff" drying up is a very common problem after menopause. As is the tissues of your inner and outer female parts becoming thinner, less elastic and much more sensitive due to both problems.
 
There are lots of ways to alleviate both. There are over the counter vaginal moisturizers that last for days, herbal supplements that help a lot and prescription vaginal creams such as Premarin that do a wonderful job of reversing the loss of elasticity and the thinning of vaginal tissues so many women experience.
 
Some women do lose their sex drive during the actual process of menopause but most regain some or all of it once it is over. Remember your biggest sex organ is your brain, not your female parts.
 
And as Jewel suggested, any unusual symptom such as changes in your skin or hair should be discussed with your doctor, there is usually an underlying cause. Your body is trying to tell you something. Remember after menopause your body is often different, you may need different vitamin or mineral supplements to stay healthy. 
 
If, like many women you find hair growing where it did not used to like your upper lip or those stray chin hairs, wax them, pluck them, bleach them. NEVER shave them because before you know it you'll have a five o'clock shadow of your own.
 
Lastly remember, it is only a change in your life, not the end of it. Celebrate your freedom from birth control, and your period.

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 4:19:09 AM   
eyesopened


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Thank you, Twicehappy for your information and insights!  i always enjoy your posts.

Another problem with menopause is the possibility of vaginal atrophy.  From what i have read, one common 'prescription' to avoid atrophy is to increase sexual activity.  Ain't menopause wonderful!  "no, really Master, it's medicinal!"

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No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 6:42:37 AM   
Twicehappy2x


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quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Another problem with menopause is the possibility of vaginal atrophy. 


Lol, the thinning of the vaginal membranes i mentioned is the beginning of vaginal atrophy. And, weg, you are right, increasing your sexual activity helps a great deal.
 
Medicine indeed!

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The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 7:22:04 AM   
ShiftedJewel


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quote:

And as Jewel suggested, any unusual symptom such as changes in your skin or hair should be discussed with your doctor, there is usually an underlying cause. Your body is trying to tell you something. Remember after menopause your body is often different, you may need different vitamin or mineral supplements to stay healthy.


That's true, I forgot about that part. Vitamins that I took before just about killed me after! Ran my sugar off the chart! And my thermastat is broken. Some days I'll put on sweats and be comfy while everyone around me is in shorts and tank tops. And then it goes to the opposite extreme, it feels like the a/c has stopped working all together. And from what I've been told, this too is pretty common. Your needs change dramatically. Physically and emotionally. But overall, it's been a pleasant experience for me.
 
Jewel

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 7:33:32 AM   
kiwisub12


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hehe - medicinal intercourse!   -   what will "they" think of next!

I had all my bits removed at 40, and have been taking HR since. Even with the hormones i have noticed stray chin hairs, and a sweaty head. Plucking works well for the chin - but i also get the occasional zit there which i think has something to do with the plucking. I aren't just a priddy face - no, not i!
I have to ask - has anyone else had the fine hair on their face get longer , and do they do anything about it? I don't think anyone but me notices it, and it isn't long enough to braid, but it is definitely longer than it used to be.

Since i am almost 51, i have joined Curves (exercise for women) and bought a bike, and have started - just - exercising 3 times a week, to try and avoid muscle and bone loss. I don't want to turn into my granny, and walk with a cane all bent over.


< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 7/13/2008 7:35:44 AM >

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 7:37:00 AM   
ShiftedJewel


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I have one hair on my left eyebrow that just gets stupid!!! I'm talking INCHES!! I usually notice it because... and you're gonna laugh... it keeps getting caught in my glasses!! I just pull it out.
 
Jewel

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RE: Age and BDSM. - 7/13/2008 8:04:28 AM   
chiaThePet


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Here you go Desire, something I drag out every now and then.

The advantages of Dommes over 40, or as I like to call it,

"Fire On The Cake"

A boy can get away from Her much easier, even
while wearing chains, ankle and hand cuffs.
 
Slipping out of those granny knots rekindles
fond memories of childhood Houdini play.
 
During stomping, a one inch orthopedic heel 
causes far less damage than a six inch pump.
 
Trips to the drug store begin to outnumber
trips to the dungeon and whipping post.
 
Bengay and tiger balm become too precious
a commodity to waste on a boy.
 
Clip on earrings do much less damage than do
pierced when applied to a boy's tender flesh.

Golden showers become golden moments, more
than a trickle, less than a splash, it "depends".

Canes often come included, allowing for the
purchase of that premium leather lined walker.

A boy can use Her old Lady panties as a white
flag of surrender when he finally gives up.

Her dresses will fit the average male in a much
more fashion forward way during Feminization.

Rocking chairs make for the greatest strap-on
aids, "just squat boy, it'll do the rest".

No feminine napkins laying around the house
for a boy to mistakenly set the table with.

Safe words like Bingo and Yahtzee bring an
immediate celebration and a quick end to the pain.
 
Shaken not stirred refers to Her martini preference, 
not the state of Her boy's head.

BDSM is now defined as Bedtime Does
Sound Marvelous.

Branding is the hot names like Wang
and Dior on Her outfit labels.

She forgets to lock the cage, allowing for
those late night trips to the fridge.

Electric play is limited to finding the light
switch in the middle of the night.
 
Celebrating Her birth everyday with candles,
keeps those heating bills to a bare minimum.

AND......... ......... ......... ......... ......

She knows where She has been, where She 
is going, and exactly how to get there.

When She looks in the mirror, determination,
wisdom and experience smile back.

Each softly creased line a story of a battle
won, each a path of strength that overcame.

She has tasted of Her desires and has perfected
the delectable recipe of Her wishes.

Her hands move with grace and swiftness, exacting
their intentions on weakened flesh.

Within Her heart exists the power of compassion,
expectation, clear and absolute rule.

Knowledge is Her steady companion, the keen
awareness on a road of foolish souls.

Her patience is a sweet bouquet of roses, it's
thorns digging deep when limits are tested.

She has no place or time for hesitation, as it
wastes away at Her precious days.

Her requirements are gifts to those whom find
genuine obedience in their purpose.

She can look deep into the eyes of another,
break their resistance and melt their resolve.

It is Her right to demand loyalty, devotion
and surrender, She owns that which is Hers.

She knows how to turn a boy inside out, then
will command him to clean up the mess.
 
She doesn't own a toybox, She possesses
an arsenal of Weapons of Mass Domination.

She can tie a knot around a boy's mind without
ever lifting a finger to tighten the rope.

Her life is not one of play, She lives each
moment in the truth of Her Dominant heart.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Oureverydesire)
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