LIES

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angelstrands -> LIES (7/12/2008 4:05:08 AM)
please can anyone give some advice to something that has been an ongoing problem in a relationship?, the Dom in question often had told me lies. these are not however average lies, but the reasons behind them i am finding hard to understand. there has been a fair few, often it happens like this... i will be asked how i feel about something... a real example is that my Dom, so He told me has a need for heavy S&M, a need that i am not able to easily fulfill because of my family commitments... He asks how i feel about Him taking a male slave, He says His name is tom (not real name). i say yes ok, as i am trying to please Him, enable Him to fulfill a need that i cannot. He seems pleased that i am OK with this suggestion. He says it may be possible that tom will live in His house. Weeks go by and He does not mention tom again. i finally ask if tom has moved in yet, He says... 'whos tom?'... He denies the whole conversation and pretends He doesnt have a clue what i am talking about. this sort of thing has happened so many times during the course of the relationship. i just dont understand why He does it? does anyone have any ideas?. i do however sometimes wonder, if the story was made up in the first place to see if i will try to always willingly accomadate His requests but i really dont know this for sure. However, ihave tried hard to understand there must be reasons for Him doing this, but no matter how hard i try i CANNOT accept the lies, it really upsets me to hear Him pretend He doesnt have a clue what i am talking about, its not even like He ever backs down in providing an explaination. at the start of the relationship i got so upset by it, i even started to doubt my own mind and visited my GP, thinking i simply MUST have imagined what He told me? why would He lie? i thought. Of course now i know better, i am NOT mad, it is He who denies things and i have told Him so. When it happens i first am patient and respectful in questioning why He denies it but sadly i find it so hard to cope with and i usually end of being disrespectful toward Him when He doesnt back down. i hate getting like this, being disrespectful and getting angry, it is really not me at all. but i have to be honest and admit i cant cope with it when it happens, no matter how hard i try. Please does anyone have any comments on this and ideas to why He might do it?, what can i do? Thank Y/you

MasterDragon1963 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 4:15:16 AM)
I can only think of two reasons why this would happen. Either he is messing with your head "mind fuck", or he has a condition he doesn't know about or he knows and don't care. Simple solution, video tape a conversation, then play it back to his face and ask for one of two things, a very damn good expanation, or his trip to see a doctor. Master Dragon

lusciouslips19 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 4:18:42 AM)
He is not worthy of your time and I think you are probably mad at yourself for being with him? Why are you with him? he sounds like a man of poor character. Do you feel like you are not worth anything unless you have someone, anyone to call your own? get your sanity and self esteem back and rid yourself of this one so that an honarable Dom who apreciates your worth can step in.

Focus50 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 4:49:52 AM)
It sounds a little too malicious and ongoing for him to just be spontaneously messing with your mind, IMO. As to why he does it, I can't help beyond speculating such nasties that substance abuse might be a part of his life, for eg.... So screw all that and stick with what you DO know.... That is that he tells lies and it hurts you; that you can't cope with it. The honest truth would seem to be that this relationship isn't good for you. The worst relationship I ever had was to be in love with a girl I didn't trust - and it wasn't so much a drain as a black-hole of misery. This is usually where I'm tempted to recommend talking it out with him - communication etc.... But I don't see the sense of that route when you're dealing with a chronic and pathological liar who's not only in denial of it, he's blaming it on your imagination ta boot. Pack your bags, girl, your sanity is in mortal danger! Focus.

eyesopened -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 5:16:41 AM)
i worked with a woman once who lied about everything. She lied about things that made no sense to lie about. If i ever pointed out one of her lies or demonstrated that what she had said was untrue, then she would tell another lie or simply deny that the previous lie was ever uttered. She would lie even if the lie didn't serve her best interests. It was such a way of life for her that it was apparant she did not know how to be any different. i agree with Focus50. You could record him and play back his own words to you, but somehow i feel that will not correct the situation and he would most likely come up with either another lie to cover for it or get mad at you for not trusting him. i'm sorry you are in this situation.

Focus50 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 5:38:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i agree with Focus50. You could record him and play back his own words to you, but somehow i feel that will not correct the situation and he would most likely come up with either another lie to cover for it or get mad at you for not trusting him. i'm sorry you are in this situation. Whoa there; you've got me confused with MasterDragon1963...! I'd NEVER suggest such a provocative action for a female to take against a male. Liars are probably used to being called for their actions but to attempt to corner them with hard evidence of it??? It's generally the women who end up in the ER from domestic abuse.... Focus.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 5:44:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i worked with a woman once who lied about everything. She lied about things that made no sense to lie about. If i ever pointed out one of her lies or demonstrated that what she had said was untrue, then she would tell another lie or simply deny that the previous lie was ever uttered. She would lie even if the lie didn't serve her best interests. It was such a way of life for her that it was apparant she did not know how to be any different. i agree with Focus50. You could record him and play back his own words to you, but somehow i feel that will not correct the situation and he would most likely come up with either another lie to cover for it or get mad at you for not trusting him. i'm sorry you are in this situation. Sorry off topic but LOVE your new photos and hot sexy haircut! You look so happy! OP, Take note of what a good and trustworthy Dom can do for you!!!!

IrishMist -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 6:04:59 AM)
If you are willing to sit in a relationship and be lied to; knowing that you are being lied to...then you have no reason for complaining and get no sympathy from me. You put yourself in this situation by allowing it to continue...get yourself out of it if it really bothers you.

eyesopened -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 6:15:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened i agree with Focus50. You could record him and play back his own words to you, but somehow i feel that will not correct the situation and he would most likely come up with either another lie to cover for it or get mad at you for not trusting him. i'm sorry you are in this situation. Whoa there; you've got me confused with MasterDragon1963...! I'd NEVER suggest such a provocative action for a female to take against a male. Liars are probably used to being called for their actions but to attempt to corner them with hard evidence of it??? It's generally the women who end up in the ER from domestic abuse.... Focus. Oops...sorry, two different thoughts there. i agree with you. AND i think the suggestion listed previously of recording the conversations would end badly. Did not mean to comingle the responses. mea culpa.

Focus50 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 6:59:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist If you are willing to sit in a relationship and be lied to; knowing that you are being lied to...then you have no reason for complaining and get no sympathy from me. You put yourself in this situation by allowing it to continue...get yourself out of it if it really bothers you. And a reasonable first step in extricating herself might be to come to a public msg board and seek the opinions and advice of those not emotionally invested in the problem, no? <sheesh> Longstop.

DarkSteven -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 7:01:17 AM)
You're in the relationship and have no clue why he's lying to you. I'm not even in the same continent and I certainly have no clue. Just get out. A genuine Dom cares about developing his sub. This one doesn't care about your emotional wellbeing and is basically a 24/7 mind game. Get out.

Focus50 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 7:08:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Oops...sorry, two different thoughts there. i agree with you. AND i think the suggestion listed previously of recording the conversations would end badly. Did not mean to comingle the responses. mea culpa. Lol, I did wonder about that after I'd posted - that it could be interpretted two ways! But since I loathe seeing the "Message edited by...." bizzo, I decided to tough it out n see if you tore me a new one or not..... Macho uberious, ay? lmao Focus.

subsweetkitty -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 7:24:56 AM)
I agree with Focus50. He probably has some substance abuse problem or even a mental one... Sounds like typical drunk behavior..say one thing tonight and deny it in the morning. Also have to give thumbs up to Irishmists' comments- you chose the situation and the limits it has.If it bothers you just leave. There are other D/s relationships out there..

candystripper -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 8:45:37 AM)
angelstrands, for me the issue would be easy to resolve (if not painless). Lying is a deal-breaker; I would depart. I wish you well. candystripper

kinkypuppy2 -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 10:08:06 AM)
Walk away.... Trust is everything, if you cannot trust them there is no reason to go forward. From what you are saying it "appears" (again this is only your view of what is happening) that he is playing games with many and is getting his "stories" mixed up. There may be a lot to him you do NOT know.

SirMIkeSD -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 12:11:26 PM)
He could be a compulsive lair, in any case he needs help which he needs to deal with on his own. Move on, you need to be able to trust him and you cannot with this going on. Mike

PanthersMom -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 12:20:40 PM)
compulsive liar, multiple personality, drug abuser, whatever the reason, the relationship obviously isn't working. get out while you still have your sanity. don't look back. PM

dosomethingtome -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 12:28:27 PM)
So in other words, as with all liars, you have no idea when he's telling the truth and when he isn't. Therefore... no trust at all. Do what you will with that, it's up to you. If you don't mind a relationship with no trust then you are all set. Confronting a habitual liar does nothing other than to say aloud, "Well now look at that elephant in our living room!" It doesn't make the elephant disappear and probably won't. Chris

PanthersMom -> RE: LIES (7/12/2008 12:41:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dosomethingtome So in other words, as with all liars, you have no idea when he's telling the truth and when he isn't. Therefore... no trust at all. Do what you will with that, it's up to you. If you don't mind a relationship with no trust then you are all set. Confronting a habitual liar does nothing other than to say aloud, "Well now look at that elephant in our living room!" It doesn't make the elephant disappear and probably won't. Chris she already knows he'll say "what elephant? you're the crazy one!" so what's the point of continuing to torture herself? get out now and find a better life for yourself. PM

SensualTouch1001 -> RE: LIES (7/19/2008 10:09:06 PM)
Abusive relationship. Just said it before in another thread. Easy to google. This is emotional abuse and the reasons why he does it do NOT matter. It is STILL WRONG. You deserve someone better than that. Often mental health issues, substance abuse or other things are named reasons for cruel and demeaning behavior. It is simply abuse. A man can be an alcoholic and an abuser, a manic depressive and an abuser (or not) and so on... (or a woman...) And: You are not the crazy one. You are a nice person who is trying to be understanding. But now it is time to understand that you are important and that your life is important. If you find it hard to get away, get help. Any female counseling will do. No need to mention BDSM if you don't feel you want to. Call a women's hotline. They have heard it all before. I was in a shelter myself, and most women were there not because they got beaten by their partners but because of this and similar kinds of emotional abuse that made their life hell.

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