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a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 5:53:03 AM

anguisette22

Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline

Although most people on this site have been polite and friendly, I often receive disparaging messages (and I only just registered) from people who say I'm not a "real" sub because I'm only sexually submissive, and do not desire to be dominated 24/7. To me, BDSM is a sexual preference, not a lifestyle. I know that for a lot of people, it is their lifestyle, and I respect that. So why can't people respect that it's not for me? Am I really a "fake" because I don't want to be called cunt or slut in a non-sexual way? Am I not a "real" sub because I retain the right to use a safeword? I don't understand why so many lifestyle Doms and subs consider themselves above me because being dominated is what I enjoy sexually, but do not want in the rest of my relationship. Is this a common view in the BDSM world?

Post #: 1

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 5:56:29 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Those messages are because you just registered. Delete them and block the senders, if you choose.

There is no need to make this into a philosophical discussion about BDSM. It's very simple. If you are being true to yourself, how can you be fake?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 2

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:01:34 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So why can't people respect that it's not for me?

Because THEY need to be right; and the only way for them to be so, is to put you down by not respecting your lifestyle choices.

quote:

Am I really a "fake" because I don't want to be called cunt or slut in a non-sexual way?

You are only a fake if you let other's convince you that you are

quote:

Am I not a "real" sub because I retain the right to use a safeword?

See answer above.

quote:

I don't understand why so many lifestyle Doms and subs consider themselves above me because being dominated is what I enjoy sexually, but do not want in the rest of my relationship.

It's because of their own insecurities that a person will do that; in additon to the fact that you obviously know exactly what you want, are not willing to budge on it...your own confidence in yourself terrifies them so they lash out to make you feel smaller than you really are and make themselves look better.
You know ...the ole...."I have more money than you do, nananananana" routine.

quote:

Is this a common view in the BDSM world?

Common? No.
About 50/50? yes.

Just be yourself and don't change for anyone except YOURSELF.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 3

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:07:44 AM

anguisette22

Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Those messages are because you just registered. Delete them and block the senders, if you choose.

There is no need to make this into a philosophical discussion about BDSM. It's very simple. If you are being true to yourself, how can you be fake?

Well, that's how I feel, but I wanted to find out if this is a common view around here. Cause if it is, then this community isn't right for me. Rather find out sooner than later.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:08:37 AM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

So because you don't roll over and do everything anyone who sticks master in their login name tells you to do, you're not a real sub. Riiiiiiiiiiight............

There are idiots everywhere. Ignore them. Most of them are fakes anyway. A real Dom would respect you for who you are.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 5

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:10:53 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

because the lifestyle is made of people, and every person is different. There is no such thing as a true anything. Theres true to you, theres what you beleive, but to be "real" to everyone ... its never going to happen... As long as you are "true" to yourself... your a "true" sub. If someone doesnt like it tell them to suck on a day old trout left in the sun.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to KYsissy)

Post #: 6

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:12:09 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

tell them to suck on a day old trout left in the sun.

LMFAO

Sorry, could not resist...

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 7

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:14:49 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I have my mornings.... It doesnt happen often.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 8

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:16:07 AM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

That was pretty flippin funny ...

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 9

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:16:15 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I think your profile is great. I think most people who are in, or who have been in, healthy relationships -- not even counting healthy BDSM relationships -- are looking for someone who acts mature, careful and self-aware. Not everyone's idea of an opening email is "On yr neez n suk me pleez."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 10

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:22:31 AM

anguisette22

Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I think your profile is great. I think most people who are in, or who have been in, healthy relationships -- not even counting healthy BDSM relationships -- are looking for someone who acts mature, careful and self-aware. Not everyone's idea of an opening email is "On yr neez n suk me pleez."

THANK YOU. I was starting to think this place was full of egomaniacs who only like to dominate to compensate for some weird psychological inadequacy.

Incidentally, you combined the two things I hate the most into one sentence...horrible netspeak and the assumption that, as someone above said, having "master" in their name obligates me to roll over with my legs in the air. I mean seriously, some people act like you have to give it up to anyone and everyone to consider yourself a sub. There's a different term for that, I believe it's called Hiltonitis.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 11

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:23:10 AM

EldroRolod

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

The "true" answer to your question regarding why some doms say you aren't a "true" submissive is simply because they aren't "true" doms. Being a 24/7 sub / slave, or just being a sexually submissive person, or anywhere inbetween is still submission. Not everyone has the desire, or luxury, of being at someone else's wim every moment of the day. If you are truly what you want yourself to be, what you desire to be, there is no more "true" than that. My wife is a very aggressive professional in her daily life because it is required in her field in order to be successful. Its only when she is away from her profession that she becomes my sweet little everything. ...and she is the only sub I've found worthy of my collar, worthy of my love, and worthy of calling my wife.

Mr. Rolod

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 12

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:26:04 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I think some people are just jerks. All that fake and true crap is just that...crap. Just delete and move on.

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 13

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:55:18 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Congratulations, anguisette. You've found a way to screen out the idiots. As far as a way to preemptively block the idiots before they PM you - sorry, that's not possible.

That bit about a true sub not using a safeword is wrong on several levels and may indicate that the sender is abusive.

I liked your profile a lot. If I tell you that a true sub lives in Denver, would you move here?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 7/12/2008 7:12:24 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 14

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 8:13:13 AM

MasterDarkSadist

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

You have no need to feel that persuing your desires is a bad thing. If you don't like what the message says, delete it.

On a side note, I send very polite, messages, which are not often returned. I ask how someone is doing, etc. I ask a few questions about them, what they want, etc. And I don't get a response. I think that this behavior is just as bad as the whole: "get on yer neez n suk plez" routine. At least have the fortitude to let me know you don't wish to speak to me. I don't mind either way, it's more of a matter of ettiquite than anything else.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 8:42:21 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

anguisette, there will always be someone who wishes to feel superior and chooses you as the 'inferior' for that purpose. To me, these people are only exposing their insecurities, and I'd suggest not worrying about it one little bit.

There's plenty of room in D/s for everyone who wishes it.

candystripper

(in reply to anguisette22)

Post #: 16

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 9:24:40 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I think it's like this....
seeing as you just joined you WILL recieve more mail then normal (think of it like a virgin) hehee heee
so, these guys all are going to approach you from their perspective hoping to mold you into what they want.
then considering you have a mind that is loaded, when you take offense to them, their words and or ideas to them you have instantly made yourself NOT A SUB! .......... LOL
Hang on .. give it some time .. block the idiots .. pick who YOU want to converse with.
You'll be just fine!

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 10:04:36 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Well, I am going to say something a bit different than everyone else and please do not take offense as none is intended. By your own admission you are not a sub. Now please let me explain. You have said that this is a bedroom thing for you...a sexual thing. Does that make you a fake? Certainly not! What it does make you is a bottom. Let me make it clear that I don't think that is a distinction that makes one more or less than another. It is simply more of an accurate description. I believe that if we had more options to choose from when we are first signing up here, such as the option of choosing to identify as a Top or a bottom, it would limit the confusion and curtail many of the negative comments that we receive.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Quivver)

Post #: 18

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 1:01:42 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Remember you aren't really a sub until you've been told five times that you're a fake.

Now, I agree with Erin that the description of what you say you seek and are oriented towards is more of what most people consider a bottom. But that never excuses actively rude behavior of people needing to inform you of who you are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 19

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 2:37:49 PM

hurtme45

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

anguisette, Just remember as many different types of people there are is how many different types of subs there are. Just remember to be true to who you are. Remember a true Dom will respect you for who you are and never ask you to play with out a safe word.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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