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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time (7/12/2008 6:32:53 PM)
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I try to meet sooner rather than later, schedules permitting. 2 months is a very long time to stick to just online contact for me, unless there are complications (job schedules, extreme distances, etc.) At this point in my scene-explorations, I am trying to stick to individuals who are close enough that we could meet and play regularly without it being an undue harship for anyone involved. That means sticking to people who are 2 hours or less from where I live, with the occasional exceptionally good prospect up to 6 hours away. I try to meet the people I talk to within 2 weeks, if we can possibly manage it.
My expectations are that the person that I am meeting will be on time. I expect that xhe will be neat and presentable. We will be meeting in a public venue for the first meeting, so I expect that xhe will dress according to the venue, not according to some fantasy. I expect that the person will share any pertinant information about themselves (including things like medical conditions, fears, phobias, boundaries, etc.), and that xhe will listen carefully as I express what I require, and let them know what my boundaries are, and how flexible any given boundary may be.
Sometimes, my companion SR will join us as well, and she will often ask questions, and I expect that her questions will be answered courteously, just as I expect that mine will be.
I do not expect to play at the first meeting, although if the prospect is coming from quite a distance, and is staying over, I will often arrange for a brunch meeting the following day, some sightseeing, and an evening play party (I try to schedule prospects coming from a distance for days when there are events at one of the groups that we participate in). Since public play is one of my requirements, this gives me a good idea how they will handle public situations. If I have other candidates, bottoms that I scene with, or existing servants, I will typically let the prospect know that they will be meeting my other play partners or servants at the next meeting. This seems to help alleviate some of the anticipatory fear on both the newcomer and established play-partner sides.
I expect that we will have a conversation that will cover areas not related at all to BDSM. I expect that we will discuss books, movies, television, politics, spirituality, and life-philosophies over the course of the evening, and that, when all is said and done, we will be comfortable enough that we know one another sufficiently enough that we can plan either service or scene activity for our next meeting.... or, if we note that we don't click, that we will at least have the pleasure of another scene friend (and perhaps, if we know someone else who is looking, we will have the pleasure of being able to recommend the prospect that didn't work out for us to a colleage who seems might be a better fit than we are.)
Calla Firestorm
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