Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Is this a common thing in the lifestyle


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Is this a common thing in the lifestyle Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 7:17:18 PM   
oral4uandme


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline 		I was just wondering what others think about this. My Sir has a collared "Girl" and myself who is owned but not collared yet. He does not talk about her with me or me with her(so he says). I would think he would want us to meet and play all together. Do you think he is hiding something????? Please help
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 7:30:02 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Do you?
How would I be able to answer this question with so few facts/feelings/intuition?
You have to listen to that inner voice.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 7:31:38 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		Sounds like he is hiding sometime to me.  Ask him about it and see what he says.

Mike


(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 7:50:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Do you want to meet her? Does she want to meet you?
Just because he's poly doesn't mean she is. Nor does the fact that she's okay with him playing with you mean she's automatically bi. She probably isn't.

Talk to him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 8:18:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's fairly common- many people who have multiple relationships do not want the relationships to interconnect.  You got into the situation knowing he had another girl and knowing he was ok with you guys not being together.  Why are you questioning it NOW?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 8:42:13 PM   
Battleflag


Posts: 37
Joined: 7/1/2008
Status: offline 		Sometimes you don't want different tastes or colors mixing on the palette.  That's just an initial impression from your situation.  Honestly though, don't ignore intuition. 

< Message edited by Battleflag -- 7/12/2008 8:44:18 PM >

_____________________________

"Anyone who hasn’t experienced the ecstasy of betrayal knows nothing about ecstasy at all." ~ Jean Genet

"Even Christ could only get 11 of 12 right." ~ Unknown

"After all these years I'm still haze grey and underway..." ~ Me.


(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 8:47:01 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I'd consider that the fact he doesn't talk to you about her a positive. It makes it less likely that he's talking about you to her. That's if you're comfortable being with someone who has another.
If you aren't, you might think about moving along to someone who doesn't have another.

(in reply to Battleflag)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 8:49:53 PM   
anguisette22


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline 		The answer's literally right in front of you: "ask a master". Your master, to be specific. I think it's really the best option. Good luck.

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/12/2008 8:53:39 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Do you want to meet her? Does she want to meet you?
Just because he's poly doesn't mean she is. Nor does the fact that she's okay with him playing with you mean she's automatically bi. She probably isn't.

Talk to him.


I'll echo this.  My Master had a collared slave when he took ownership of me.  I knew of her and she knew of me but he kept us individually, rather than together, because while we both accepted he would own others, neither of us were ready for a multiple relationship.  Just because he's protecting one of you from undue stress and drama doesn't mean he is hiding something. If he was hiding something, you probably wouldn't even know about her. If you are unsure, he's the guy to talk to.  

From the way you phrased your question ("or so he says") I'd say you have some trust issues with him. This is often the case in most new relationships.  Since you are still uncertain about your trust in him, it makes sense to me that he is keeping you and the other girl apart.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 1:16:16 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Some people prefer to run their poly relationships as a central hub where none of the spokes really interact much. If this doesn't suit you or it sets of that little alarm in your gut, consider that the arrangement isn't the right one for you and look for another.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 2:20:23 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Is it common- probably too common.
Are your expectations reasonable- YES.
You do not say a lot and there are two sides to every story.
But from your comment I think you ALL need to get together over coffee and talk like equal adults for a bitand agree on what is or is not, what is to be.

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 7:43:20 AM   
oral4uandme


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/18/2006
Status: offline 		Thank You all so much for your replies. Yes my gut feeling  tells me something is not right but I do love him and am not sure I could find someone else like him. He is my first "real Sir" (one other was a want a be) and he has taught me so much I just dont know what to do. As far as the other Girls profile it says she is bi but maybe you are right maybe she doesnt want to meet me. Well We have been together for 2 years and I know for a fact that she knows of me so I think I am going to think for awhile. But I do appreciate all your comments.

(in reply to kinkypuppy2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 8:01:02 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I am collared to my Master and He has other subs.  I rarely ask anything about them because I simply don't care.  I know that He treats each of us differently based on our own preferences.  I'm just happy that He keeps me fulfilled. 

I have a sub of my own that will join the two of us from time to time for poly play.  He wanted the closer relationship to be between her and me so that we wouldn't have problems with her later wanting to cut me out of the picture - a problem that we already ran into once.  Face it - everyone likes to feel like they are the most important one once in a while.  I prefer not being compared to another but simply being allowed to shine for the things that I do well.

I think it is a matter of taste - but it is ultimately the Dom/me's decision.  If He prefers to keep the subs separate and not talk about them to each other it does not necessarily mean that He is hiding anything, but may feel that He's being a gentleman.


_____________________________



(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 11:02:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oral4uandme
Thank You all so much for your replies. Yes my gut feeling  tells me something is not right but I do love him and am not sure I could find someone else like him.

Ah yes, love and fear- always what makes strong secure relationships...sigh

quote:

He is my first "real Sir" (one other was a want a be) and he has taught me so much I just dont know what to do.

Apparently he still hasn't taught you how to communicate your insecurities directly to him, wonder when that will come around?

quote:

As far as the other Girls profile it says she is bi but maybe you are right maybe she doesnt want to meet me.

Just because someone is bisexual doesn't mean she's going to want to fuck you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 11:33:10 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Ah!  Another example of the Two Year Rule......

Non-exclusive doesn't automatically mean poly and poly doesn't automatically mean everyone plays together at the same time.  Like LA said, just because she's bi doesn't automatically mean she wants to have a threesome. 

Is the Girl a new relationship or did she exist in your dynamic a year ago?  Two years ago?  Something else is going on here for you to start questioning Him now.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 12:46:28 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oral4uandme
original post~~>




I was just wondering what others think about this. My Sir has a collared "Girl" and myself who is owned but not collared yet. He does not talk about her with me or me with her(so he says). I would think he would want us to meet and play all together. Do you think he is hiding something????? Please help



followup post ~~>
Thank You all so much for your replies. Yes my gut feeling  tells me something is not right but I do love him and am not sure I could find someone else like him. He is my first "real Sir" (one other was a want a be) and he has taught me so much I just dont know what to do. As far as the other Girls profile it says she is bi but maybe you are right maybe she doesnt want to meet me. Well We have been together for 2 years and I know for a fact that she knows of me so I think I am going to think for awhile. But I do appreciate all your comments.

PROFILE
We are looking for a couple or single female. NO MEN PLEASE> We would like to meet and play. My Sir will read and respond to all emails. Must be drug and disease free. Must be serious about getting together.

I am sorry, but I tend to go back to a profile before I respond.
Let me get this straight:
1. together for 2 years ~ together how?
2. how together are you if he has another, and for how long?
3. does a collar mean more than owned?
4. your profile says couple seeking female but he has another female, so as a couple you seek another female while he has something else on the side?
5. how long has he had the other collared sub
6. maybe he is some sort of poly dude that has a few stables besides the one he invented with you?

There are more questions here than your original post would inply....   what is the truth and do you even ask him the hard questions?   
 
 
 
 

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 1:26:04 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oral4uandme
...He does not talk about her with me or me with her...
Do you think he is hiding something?????

Seems to me you answer your own question.
He seems to be hiding you from each other.

Some men aren’t powerful enough to conduct an open poly and get out numbered by the women.  I have no idea if this the case…  but think no less of him for it if it is.  Me thinks you need to talk with him as suggested in other replies.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 1:28:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not sure where the leap is between "not doing it" and "hiding"?  Is he also hiding his bowel movements from her because he doesn't talk about them every day?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 1:31:58 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
I'm not sure where the leap is between "not doing it" and "hiding"?  Is he also hiding his bowel movements from her because he doesn't talk about them every day?

Good point. 
There are a lot types of poly...   

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is this a common thing in the lifestyle - 7/13/2008 1:40:09 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oral4uandme
I ... am not sure I could find someone else like him.


You might want to re-read what you said here.  Does that sound like the basis of a healthy, satisfying relationship to you?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to oral4uandme)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Is this a common thing in the lifestyle Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.082