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[Poll]

Getting to know people?

Just BDSM related things

2% (1)

Just vanilla things

0% (0)

Anything and everything

94% (34)

Nothing at all, just do all the talking

0% (0)

Don't get to know them, just talk about random things

2% (1)

Total Votes : 36

(last vote on : 8/29/2008 3:56:48 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

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Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 9:14:22 AM

Sub4You4UKOnly

Posts: 716
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Mooland
Status: offline

If someone wants to get to know someone else, wether it is a Dom/me, sub/slave or anyone at all then what should they get to know about them?

Post #: 1

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 9:23:38 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

there's more to me than my kink. I would hope that a potential partner ALSO was more than the sum of their kink.. so I wanna talk about anything and everything :)

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Post #: 2

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:01:35 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Yep, anything and everything. Despite all evidence to the contrary,there is more to me than my libido!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 3

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:09:48 AM

JoePNY707

Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

Anything and everything. I enjoy interesting friends, not just kinky behavior.

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Post #: 4

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:43:36 AM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

A sub is more than the sum of her kinks. I want to know everything I can about her...until I can say I know her as well as she knows herself. It makes my job that much easier, especially since my approach to WIITWD tends to be highly psychological. The same can be said in reverse. By knowing me intimately, my girl is better able to anticipate what will please me at any given moment.

For friends, I like to know them well, but maybe not everything. I'll take as much as they're willing to give, and return it in kind, but there's always a bit of distance between us. I prefer it that way.

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Post #: 5

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:52:14 AM

puppen

Posts: 1550
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline

*Sings the "Getting To Know You" song*

I'd say everything.

However, the first thing I'd begin asking about is what their life outside of BDSM is like. Or, what "nilla" things interest them.

Yes, yes, I want to know if you like anal, but, how do you feel about hockey games?

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Post #: 6

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:54:10 AM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
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quote:

*Sings the "Getting To Know You" song*

I've had that stuck in my head ever since I first saw this thread!

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to puppen)

Post #: 7

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 10:55:32 AM

puppen

Posts: 1550
Joined: 6/25/2006
Status: offline

That's the song that came to mind when I saw it too!

Now it won't go away!

Glad I'm not the only one DC!

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Post #: 8

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:19:39 AM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Everything!

BDSM because there is no point in investing what little free time I have in someone who is incompatible with regards to my kink. If kink wasn't important, I would be on Match.com, where the pool is much larger.

Non BDSM because sometimes (sigh) you have to do something besides sex,

(in reply to puppen)

Post #: 9

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:27:00 AM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

It is important that the kink matches up, but to me it is more important that I can get along with them at all

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Post #: 10

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:29:36 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I do not live for my kink. The only people I am concerned with sharing kinks are my 2 boys and I got to know them really well before we worried about that. My friends, while sharing kinks for discussion is interesting, it is far from necessary. However I find it nearly impossible to consider someone a friend if I dont know a LOT about them in and out of the lifestyle.

DV

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(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

Post #: 11

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:36:00 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

if someone wants to get to know me, they would have to start with me as a person with a wide variety of interests and hobbies, me as a mother, me as a music critic/radio personality, me as a woman and then lastly me as a submissive

in that general order

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Post #: 12

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:52:44 AM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

When I talk to someone on a personal level I don't like feeling like I'm playing twenty questions or being grilled. Yes, what I like is eventually important, but if I can't form some kind of personal connection with you whether it be based on books, pets..etc... I get bored

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Post #: 13

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:53:17 AM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Sorry! I was assuming (shame on me) that the question was in reference to BDSM/Collar.Me, when it clearly isn't.

While I cannot imagine a kinky relationship where we don't also have non-kinky interests in common.

I do have lots of non-kinky relationships with people I have lots in common with; I call them friends.

When it comes to friends, the most important thing for me to know is their spiritual state/path.

When it comes to a potential partner, the first thing I look at is kink, because without the kink matching up, they are going to win up being friends, and I cannot handle any more friends. (Doesn't that sound awful? But at my age, I have a fairly extensive network, and friends require some maintenance, too)

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 14

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 11:59:39 AM

writerly808

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

(FR) Anything and everything, of course. As others have already said, I'm much more than my kink - so I like to know that others, especially potential Doms, are also more than their kink. The good thing about this mindset is that I'm in the middle of an ongoing Cmail conversation that's covered all sorts of interesting stuff, with perhaps 2% overall being even vaguely related to sex, still less kink. And that's only because it more or less fit right in with whatever we were talking about - or came about as a result of a random question or joking observation. (I should add that his most recent email is 13 pages and over 5,500 words in length. They keep growing and growing!)

AND! He can spell and has good grammar. ALWAYS a plus. ;D

< Message edited by writerly808 -- 7/13/2008 12:05:19 PM >

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My desk is a cat-lounge. Anyone know why?

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Post #: 15

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 5:56:18 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: writerly808

(I should add that his most recent email is 13 pages and over 5,500 words in length. They keep growing and growing!)

AND! He can spell and has good grammar. ALWAYS a plus. ;D

holy shit! 13 page e-mail...is that equivalent to a 9 hour phone call? just wondering.

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

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We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

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Post #: 16

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 6:59:22 PM

writerly808

Posts: 104
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: writerly808

(I should add that his most recent email is 13 pages and over 5,500 words in length. They keep growing and growing!)

AND! He can spell and has good grammar. ALWAYS a plus. ;D

holy shit! 13 page e-mail...is that equivalent to a 9 hour phone call? just wondering.

LOL, probably. But I don't do phone calls, so I may never know for sure the conversion rate. (Actually, the phone call would probably be LONGER, since that's a faster method of exchanging thoughts.... Scary.)

_____________________________

"Sono kaeru o nameru na. Genkaku o okosaseru." - "Don't lick the frogs. They're hallucinogenic."

My desk is a cat-lounge. Anyone know why?

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 17

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 7:39:50 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I definitely agree that I need/want to know more about a person I am interested in than just the BDSM related aspects. If that is all we have in common, it is not going to work. They may be fun to play with, but I want so much more out of a relationship.

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Post #: 18

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/13/2008 7:40:00 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I think you need to show a genuine interest in a person in order to get to know them well. listen to what they have to say, understand and respect what they are saying...the rest will fall into place. just my dos pesos.

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(in reply to Sub4You4UKOnly)

Post #: 19

RE: Getting to know people? - 7/14/2008 2:23:55 AM

Sub4You4UKOnly

Posts: 716
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Mooland
Status: offline

Wow well im glad there isn't just me that thinks some of the people on this site are idiots then. Being up at 1am in the morning and just talking about bdsm for four hours constantly made me learn....well nothing xD And shame on the person that clicked just BDSM! I agree with the rest, there is more to life then BDSM and I should hope that even in 24/7 relationships more happens then just BDSM. Since I joined here that is all most people seemed to talk to me about. I went to see Lee last week (we met in RL like 5 hours after we started talking, due to travelling times) and we did do some BDSM but also we did normal stuff and some of that normal stuff included BDSM like the night in the park walking round naked xD then flying off the slide. But that was the best four days of my life...which just proves to me that talking/doing BDSM constantly does get a bit...mind numbing? I still have no idea what Simon was on about at 1am....he used such big big big big words on likkle ol' me :(

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 20

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