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Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 2:21:36 PM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		I did not want to hijack or divert the Love in BDSM thread, but this relates to it. I am falling in love with my Mistress, and She says She loves me too. We are both mature, divorced and at an age which to many of you may seem like old farts, but talking about our future in many ways.

While BDSM will never be absent from the relationship and my submission to Her will never change, as our love grows and our surface roles take on other nuances, the term "Mistress" no longer feels totally right on its own. In some ways it feels too remote, in others it does not seem to permit the strength She sometimes needs and I give Her. Calling Her Mistress all the time seems to -in a subtle way- limit these other aspects of our loving feelings and the differing roles we sometimes assume for each other. I know, of course, that a submissive can be a strong knight and protector for his Mistress, and She knows that She does not always have to act a role to remain the Mistress. I know too that we can imbue the words Mistress and slave with whatever meanings we choose. But still for right now, the words sometimes get in the way.

On the other hand, calling Her by Her given name or any other vanilla "pet name" seems to diminish or ignore that She is and will always remain Mistress.

Have others in loving or long term relationships or marraiges ever felt this? Have you come up with different words for eachother, than Mistress and slave, either permanently or which are used from time to time? Ones which keep the initial premise but expand on it or admit shades of additional meaning?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 2:38:06 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Well, I call Master "Daddy", always have. I use Master on formal BDSM sessions. Sometimes I call him by his given name. It doesn't diminish his role in my life. His dominance is not defined by what I call him, it's there no matter what.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 2:39:18 PM   
kittyunleashed


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/18/2004
Status: offline 		the relationship that Master and i have is similar, WR. He prefers that i not call Him Master, Sir, etc but that i call Him by His first name or by one of various nicknames or terms of endearment that we frequently use in public.

i have to admit to being uncomfortable about this at first and was afrad that it was disrespecting Him. He explained to me that anytime that i showed my love to Him by the use of pet names or terms of endearment rather than a formal Master or Sir was perfectly acceptable to Him and in His opinion completely respectful. His opinion is the most important one to me after all :)

i would suggest that you and Yours discuss what is most desired in the form of address considering your newly discovered feelings for each other. Because in the long run, to me anyway, how you feel about each other and express that feeling, is much more important than any honorific you may use.

the world according to kitty :)

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 2:42:02 PM   
kittyunleashed


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/18/2004
Status: offline 		ps...i do use proper address when in the presence of others in the lifestyle...such as at BDSM event.

kitty :)

(in reply to kittyunleashed)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 2:57:21 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		i pretty much call Master, Master, all the time. During office hours i slip in his real name here and there, but i do associate the word Master with my love for him also He is a 4th degree blackbelt, so his students and the people around him call him Master too, so it kinda just fits for us.
he calls me lots of things, jali (my real name), sweetie, slave, darling, pita (pain in the ass), are a few that come to mind at the moment. *grin*

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 3:14:01 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		First, congrats to the two of you.. sure gives me hope that maybe someday i'll be so blessed. :)

As for names, i suspect when the time comes you'll both come up with something that's perfect for the two of you. my first Master called me pet or Angel, and i called him Master, Sir, my Love, or even sometimes Mr. xxx -- even boss, a time or two..lol. It doesn't really matter what term or name y'all use for each other, just as long as the two of you know what it means to your relationship.

Good luck and cheers
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 3:25:22 PM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		To me, calling my dominant "Master" is the strongest term of endearment I can use. It flows from my lips in the same way that "my love" or "sweetheart" might for others. I think it's all in the tone of voice I use, respectful but full of adoration.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 3:48:45 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i have to admit to being uncomfortable about this at first and was afrad that it was disrespecting Him. He explained to me that anytime that i showed my love to Him by the use of pet names or terms of endearment rather than a formal Master or Sir was perfectly acceptable to Him and in His opinion completely respectful. His opinion is the most important one to me after all :)


This is what I was going to say. My boy has 3 ways to address me & that doesn't include Ma'am or Mistress for more formal occasions. There are nilla times like the grocery store where Mistress just doesn't work. I find Hon or one of the other means of address perfectly acceptable as long as he is showing proper respect with his posture, eyes & what he says afterward. I guess it depends on what your relationship is & what she feels is appropriate. Besides it's just so darn sexy when he quietly whispers yes mistress in my ear during these same times.

(in reply to kittyunleashed)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 4:12:12 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		Well I am Southern and I call everyone I know or don't know by pet names like sweetie, hun and sugar. He told me that he didn't want pet names like that and we decided I would call him Sir. At first it felt so weird to me, I wanted more then that because he means so much to me. But, Sir has become an endearment to me. I also call him Daddy very often which we both love.

Now when I am talking about him to my family or friends I just call him by his name or I will say my Joe. On my vanilla message boards I have allowed myself to call him my Sweetie or my Love. He says that is fine just not to show him the threads. LOL

He calls me pita most the time and to me that has become my name. Whenever he says my real name it always sort of catches me off guard. And when he calls me little one I simply melt.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/12/2005 7:27:19 PM   
sanita


Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		i am reading the replies to this question, and notice that they are primarily from females in the sub/slave aspect of their relationship. *l* as mine will be. i wonder if women more often have pet names for men, than men do for women? Maybe there is just more of a variety one way or another.

Recently, i have been calling my Master "Master Darling" on the phone and in private, and He seems to like it just fine. Most people in the oustide world call Him by His first name. i am the only one that calls Him by His middle name, which He associates with His BDSM life. It was the name He used to introduce Himself to me in email. i call Him that among other people at work and all. Occasionally, there is a strange look, because they have no idea who i am talking to until He answers. *l* He also gets called "Sugarbritches" in particularly affectionate public moments. He used to work for a donut shop, and would come home with jeans so glazed, they would stand on their own.

Terms of endearment are just that, they can connotate submission or respect if the couple involved knows it. Heck, my mom used to call my dad "HB." My siblings and i knew it was a term of endearment, and liked when she used it, until we found out it stood for "Hairy Butt." Then it was TMI regarding the parental units.

WR, if you call Your Mistress "Sweetie Pie," or "BB" for "Badass Bitch" (respectfully, or course), and She likes it... then go for it! Something will come naturally to you at some point.

Here are other things that go well with my Master and myself:

To Him:
"Sweetie Pie Badass"
"Meanie"
"Sadist"
"Big Ole Stud"
"my Love"
"my Sir"

To me:
"Baby"
"Subbie"
"Slave"
"Darlin'"
"Doll Face"
"Cum slut"
"Love"
"Sweetie"
"Mine"

But most importantly, "I Love You" means just that.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 5:20:14 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

On the other hand, calling Her by Her given name or any other vanilla "pet name" seems to diminish or ignore that She is and will always remain Mistress.


My boy often calls me "baby" and I think it's hot. I don't think that it shows any less respect or devotion. To me it shows tenderness and sweetness that isn't just about me being a Domme but also a woman, a romantic and flirty one. It also makes it so that when he does use words such as Mistress or Goddess, it sends a big chill down my spine.

You have to figure out what feels right for you, your relationship and your dynamic. When something is contrived, it never feels genuine.

- LA


< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 11/13/2005 5:21:49 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 5:33:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		In front of vanilla people who matter (Familty and friends, associates etc), I'll refer to my slave as:

trik
lass
treasure
mine.

That seems to cover the bases.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 7:04:09 AM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I think the beauty of a loving, long-term relationship is that you don't always have to make that D/s side so obvious. It's there, and you both know it is there, no matter how you choose to address each other.

I wish you all the best in your future together,
Julie

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 10:50:10 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Most relationships form pet names or pet rituals for eachother- vanilla and bdsm.

Lately it's been "little albatross" "lusty bunny" and "sweetheart" from my partners.

Names tend to come around on their own. Just let your name find you. I know some slave who calls her dom MasterMuffin.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 12:45:41 PM   
HeavenlyCeleste


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		How very heartwarming to hear this! Congratulations! A discussion with Her might be in order. Perhaps She has some interesting ideas to share with you.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/13/2005 8:58:06 PM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, a conversation is in order.....

Mistress has been away for the week on a cruise with friends which had been set up before we met (which accounts for my increased online activity). When I picked Her up at the airport tonight to drive Her home (we do not presently live together) She was very sweet and "mushy", talking about how much She missed me, thought about me the whole time, wished I had been there, would not go again without me, etc. etc. On the drive back, I thought it might be a good time to test the waters and said something sweetly back to Her using her first name, like " Yes, I missed You too, ______" . She immediately shot back, "What's my name?"

"Mistress, _______." I replied. And She laughed happily.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to HeavenlyCeleste)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/14/2005 6:39:55 AM   
hawk58


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline 		He addresses me as "dove"... Mine, lil one, etc...

I adress Him as Sir, Daddy, Master, or my Love- dependant upon the place and situation

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/14/2005 8:15:16 AM   
nonuts4thshoney


Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline 		Master calls me "Taz" from time to time. She says i must eat like the Tazmanian Devil because when She looks up at me i always seem to have food around my plate and something ends up on my face. LOL!!!

(in reply to hawk58)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/14/2005 9:04:25 AM   
BeachBear


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		My Domina and I love each other quite deeply. Now, this may be the true depth of my submissive side coming out, but I find that adressing her, in privacy as "Mistress" coveys an incredible love and understanding. This woman has seen my "first face" and, not only did mot find me wanting, but embraced what she saw. To me, using her given name dimenishes that a bit. FWIW, when she is hurting for reasons that are due to the outside world, I sometimes use her first name when I hold her. Then it just seems "right"
\


-b

(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Terms of Endearment - 11/14/2005 9:16:21 AM   
starshineowned


Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Greetings..~smiles~

When I am talking to my Owner no matter where we are, it's Master or a complete ommission of any term.

When I speak to persons not having a understanding or knowledge of our life then I use his first name.

Master refers to me as starshine or girl most often..occassionally bitch or slut or just slave.

If i hear my given name..thats not a good thing.

A couple of times from me to him..honey has slipped out, and it causes us both to just stare at eachother in a brief daze before I correct myself.

If Master calls me any of those terms normally associated with nilla, dear, honey, baby, love...I want to vomit, and usually make the facial expression for such, ofwhich he is very aware of what it does to me, and gets a laugh out of it.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

< Message edited by starshineowned -- 11/14/2005 9:19:50 AM >

(in reply to BeachBear)
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