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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 2:35:22 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Or is this just the normal state of mind for some people? Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

Akasha

I believe there is a big difference between 'downtime' and ceasing to serve.
I don't have any wish to stop being me. And that means thinking about when I must get the dinner on for when Darcy gets home, to keeping the washing manageable. That doesn't mean I do not get 'down time' where I get to read a book, watch a film or go on holiday, but during my downtime I am still thinking, observing and organising and 'doing'.

I don't believe that everyone needs 'time out' when there are some people that thrive on the next activity and when structure and being organised keeps the person centred.

the.dark.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 3:43:54 AM

Rayne58

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*fast reply*
I may not get a day off, but I do get time during the day to do things for *me* such as going to the gym, watching a movie, read a book, or nap.

Usually those things take place while He is at the hospital having dialysis, but that will change in 2-3 weeks when we are again doing it at home. He is usually ok if I leave Him alone for a short time (an hour or so) - He has a mobile phone within reach at all times. However that does not happen very often and only if absolutely necessary.

I find I do need that time for myself - caring for someone with a chronic illness is extremely stressful. We have no friends or family nearby to give me a break. An hour at the gym, or escaping with a book, is vital for my mental health.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 7:03:26 AM

thetammyjo

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I wanted to reply to julietsierra's comments because it made me think more about Fox and I and how we use the terms submissive and slave quite differently than most of the world. So my below comments aren't really about julietsierra but what her post made me think about.

Fox would strongly agree that when he is being submissive, when he is allowed to just be submissive and not be in slave mindset, that it is the most relaxing time of his life. Those times he can forget everything else and just be with me directing everything, he simply reacts and obeys, he need not think ahead or feel a drive to please me, he simply gives over everything to me.

Those are fun times for both of us but not possible most of the time because life is life and because we are both who we are. He can be my slave and be strong-willed, self-motivated, even assertive as he put his best into making my life better as his owner but in a submissive mindset that all leaves him.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 7:26:53 AM

DesFIP

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What about a full service hotel with spa for both of you. Massages, great meals, full service. Since you find out on a Tuesday that you don't have anything to do the next day, why not call such a place up at the last moment and see if they have any specials for a day stay? You do yoga, he does weight lifting, you both get massages and meet for meals and music in the lounge for example.

And yeah, between the kids, him being self employed and wanting me on call, it's a great thing when I can spend four hours at Barnes & Noble, taking myself out to lunch with a new book at Panera's. Rarely happens, sigh!

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Post #: 24

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 7:52:50 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

no. being in service to Master is paradise...a literal "dream" come true. it has never been a source of annoyance, angst, exhaustion or frustration.

taking care of the things that Master wants this slave to take care of is a source of satisfaction, pleasure, joy and pride. why would this slave want that to stop...even for a moment?

this slave doesn't need independence/release/vacation time from Master or our dynamic for a set period of time, so that she can be in a positive state of mind. more power to those who do, but it would not be beneficial to this slave.
Edited to add (Merc):

quote:

to not have to worry, pre-plan, and just BE in the moment.

Maybe this is the distinction. To us there is no "worry" or "pre-plan" we just "BE" ALL the moments.

Were it work, there would be a need for breaks; but taking a vacation from a vacation?

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/14/2008 8:06:36 AM >

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 8:59:51 AM

DomDolf

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I have heard the same from submissives. They say they don't need the time, but as I need my time I am sure they need their's also. I wonder if they tell us this out of dedication to us.

What I do is send them for a day or two at the spa (females). I don't do something with them while they are getting a break because it under-minds the dynamic of the relationship I feel. While with me they serve me.

Dolf

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 9:23:04 AM

afterforever

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From: Belfast, NI
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I don't think I would like a holiday from serving, not more than a day anyway. I like having my own time to go to university or swimming, or out with my friends if I've been especially good, but I like serving, if I didn't I wouldn't be a sub, so it's not really work to me. Being single at the moment is really starting to wear on me, thankfully I'm travelling so I don't have a lot of time to sit around, that would drive me nuts.

(in reply to DomDolf)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 9:40:03 AM

AAkasha

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Thanks for all the responses, they've been enlightening. A few people suggested vacations or spas, cruises, etc. We do go on cruises regularly, and it's probably his "busiest" time (hahah)...granted the service is great, but he spends a lot of time making sure I have what I want, visiting buffets to bring me breakfast in bed if I want something special, fetching something if I want it, etc. When I am on vacation, he is very into pampering me - and since I have a job that's very hard to 'escape' from, he's the one that will check my email and check the voice mail so I don't have to, because I need that emotional and mental break from work. So when we are on a cruise, he's managing my business from a distance so I only have to get involved if it's a true emergency. This is all by his choice though - I am happy to switch off and give him a few days off, but he won't have it. He knows I work very hard and this is the break I need.

I do want to clarify though that he has his own "hobbies" and what I call "zen time" and he takes these breaks at his leisure - since he does not have a job per se, he can leave the house at any time to mountain bike, hike, etc. and I don't require him to be on call during those times. But that's only a few hours here and there, vs. long stretches of days off. I have told him before to take a few days off with guy friends and go on trips and he's one that once or twice in the 7 yrs we have been together, but really, he prefers to stay close. I'm not complaining though.

And yes, he can go to the spa, have an afternoon at the bookstore, whatever he wants - I don't keep THAT tight a leash on him. But he never gets "7 days off" or something, like a true "vacation," so I guess that was my point. He says he doesn't need it though. I'll have to keep an eye on that though...

Akasha

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Post #: 28

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 11:15:13 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Or is this just the normal state of mind for some people? Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

Yes and no. I never want to be stop being his, but sometimes I do want a day away from the chores and stress. We've discovered that a girl's night out, or a trip to the spa, helps out a lot. If you can swing it, a day package at a local spa might be worth it.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 11:23:55 AM

leadership527

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As the Master, it's my job to take care of the toys, which includes being attentive to her emotional states and ensuring there is sufficient of [insert whatever here]. My slave is ALWAYS my slave, but I quite consciously play the leash in and out depending on life circumstances at the moment. The bottom line is the most important thing to me.... by far... is that our marriage remains healthy and vibrant.... all decisions flow from that priority.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 30

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 3:47:03 PM

MisterBeast

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Joined: 6/26/2007
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quote:

t made me wonder if I should give him time off - real time off - where he doesn't have to take care of me or worry about me. He says no, he doesn't need it, but I have to imagine that the mental state of mind of always being "on" can get exhausting.

Or is this just the normal state of mind for some people? Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

Here's how I see it, in the Dynamic you are in, remove the title of Domme or Mistress, and replace it with Captian, and think of him as your only crew. You give the orders he carries out the orders, and assuming your leadership is good, and he is a good follower, things get done and done right. Now heres the part where it becomes your responsibility, the morale of your "crew" is your responsibility, you need to ensure he is getting the things he needs to keep him going, because there isnt a human being alive who can handle an all take no give situation.

And yes before anyone starts flaming, there are many things the submissive gets out of pleasing thier top, but that isn't what I am talking about. To keep your sub energised and faithful you need to tend to his needs, and by doing so you bolster his motivation to kick ass in your name doing the things you need done.

And yes, you can give some one an order to relax, and if questioned why, my response would be "Because if you are not properly taken care of, how can I expect you to do your utmost to take care of me?"

I feel you on the self employed thing too, makes me crazy some times. The phone never stops.

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 4:06:45 PM

cjan

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Aakasha, it seems that you have a wonderful, caring relationship and I congradulate you both for that.

It seems that you hubby/sub sees serving you and anticipating your needs as part of his role and I'm sure that it pleases and satisfies him as well. In that sense, i.e., when one does what one loves to do, it's not "work " , is it? Having said that, I agree that everyone needs some down time and "me"time. He seems to have that as well. Perhaps the thing that you both should consider is that no one is "indispesible", no matter what they do. If you were to be unavailable for a short period of time, on vacation, I doubt that your business or your clients would suffer. Perhaps taking some time off, for you both, whether on a cruise or whatever you chose to do, is something to discuss and consider. I call it "Bwana No Home" time.

Best Wishes.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 5:06:09 PM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletAshes

Everybody needs down time. Even those committed to servitude. Have you ever thought of the two of you going away & switching places? Perhaps *you* could serve him?

hi Violet,

Wow... that just blew my mind! I am sure others would enjoy this, but it would just kill me. I would be sobbing, begging to be permitted to serve. I'd be wondering what I'd done to deserve that ... it would be pure punishment for me. Wow... I love how different people think in such different ways. lol

peace and passion,
sunshine

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 5:17:50 PM

NeedingMore220

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
And yeah, between the kids, him being self employed and wanting me on call, it's a great thing when I can spend four hours at Barnes & Noble, taking myself out to lunch with a new book at Panera's. Rarely happens, sigh!

Ah... bliss!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 5:21:52 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
And yes, he can go to the spa, have an afternoon at the bookstore, whatever he wants - I don't keep THAT tight a leash on him. But he never gets "7 days off" or something, like a true "vacation," so I guess that was my point. He says he doesn't need it though. I'll have to keep an eye on that though...

I don't always need a huge block of time away for 'me time,' just time to go to the gym or read a book quietly or something. I know just being away for 2 or 3 nights it gets hard - I miss my family and loved ones and the 'break' starts to lose its luster. If he's getting the time routinely to fulfill himself, he may very well be perfectly fine w/o having an official break from service.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 35

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 6:59:26 PM

slvemike4u

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Screw time off,as an uncollared and searching I need more time on!!!!

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 7:37:27 PM

MaamJay

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There are times when i "feel" it being the only sub in the house ... which is part of the reason why My Dominant side is frantically searching for one of Her own to share the load! Sometimes i voice it, other times i don't. Master is very tuned into me though ... and He can tell when it's getting on top of me. Times like that i might emerge from my study where i've been working and find the dishes (my most hated job!) have magically washed themselves. Or He'll bravely shove me out of the kitchen and say "I'm in the mood to cook tonight." Or if He's not in the mood either, it'll be "Let's have pizza!" (Our local pub makes the best homemade healthy low fat ingredients pizzas!). It actually works better for me when He just does it ... when He asks "Anything you want Me to do?" is tough ... i'm never quite sure whether to say "Yes, please wash the dishes!" or feeling guilty that i'm not coping and saying "No Master it's OK" even when it's not quite. i have tried both approaches at different times, He prefers me to answer in the first way but acknowledges how and why that's difficult. Because i have expressed that, more often than not now, He just does the job He knows i am dreading! Bless Him!!

Akasha, re Your hubby ... from what you have said, I would tend to think he's not the sort to want or need extended days off. But maybe the odd day ... one a month? ... You could say this is sub's day off, and get Your own stuff for the day, and maybe even get some for him too. Try to turn off the phones and make it a fairly relaxing day for both of Y/you ... he might feel uneasy if You are apparently doing lots of stuff You don't usually do. Maybe it's a day when Y/you eat out so there's no food prep or dishes, or have a pre-prepared meal in the fridge that You can heat up and serve for a change. With the stated aim of keeping him happy and healthy and fit to serve You ... he may enjoy that little treat better than a span of several days in a row. Once a month would make it 12 days in a year ... not a bad little vacation collectively! I suggest a fixed day eg first Sunday in the month so it doesn't get lost.

Good luck and congrats on what sounds like a wonderful relationship! If I can just find one like Your boy ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 8:21:51 PM

DesFIP

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I wouldn't want a week off from him. We have that enough because of his business. But what I crave is being allowed to stay in bed and sleep as much as I want/can. He manages quite happily on six hours a night, but after a while of being on his schedule I'm a mess. I need to be sent to bed early and allowed to sleep late on occasion more than anything else. And a cup of tea beside the bed for when I do surface is the icing on the cake.

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Post #: 38

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/15/2008 4:43:17 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
And yes, he can go to the spa, have an afternoon at the bookstore, whatever he wants - I don't keep THAT tight a leash on him. But he never gets "7 days off" or something, like a true "vacation," so I guess that was my point. He says he doesn't need it though. I'll have to keep an eye on that though...

Akasha

To me, that is like saying that someone would want 7 days off their relationship. If that was the case, I would be more worried about my relationship with that person than anything else. I believe he just adores you, loves you and doesn't need 'time off'because time off would be seperation. It just sounds like a good, healthy love to me.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 39

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/15/2008 5:24:01 AM

pinkwind

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We are a couple, only he and me to look after, so there is plenty of scope for "me time", solitary times when we can just concentrate on ourselves more than on each other.

We take trips alone, i have long weekends away when my health allows, and although we keep in contact fairly often through the days away there is time to focus on ones self, do things that as a couple we otherwise would never do.

From the start Andy wanted me to hold on to the individuality that made him want me in the first place, and has maintained that thinking to this day. He actively encourages time apart, separate space and time, as well as time together and communication, so that we both benefit from each others time alone.

Having private time, solitary times for individual thought and action has brought us closer together rather than forced us apart, in that it has kept our interests, pleasures and passions alive to share with each other, made the time that we have together more energised and communicative, and although we live together and my focus is always on him, if he wants his slave to enjoy times apart, explore new vistas and do her own thing, who am i to argue?

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 40

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