ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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Supersexybaby,
I'm following up on your comment that you should perhaps delete your thread and start again. First, I'm sure you've figured this out by now, but in case you haven't, you cannot delete your thread. In fact, once the edit timer has elapsed (one of the things I find annoying on the CM forums), you cannot edit a post either. This is a technical detail though. What I'm actually writing for is to give you some feedback.
I took a look at your profile. Your pictures are fantastic. You've got the James Dean thing going on with a simultaneous innocence that many dominas would love to corrupt and sink their teeth into. You're toned. You've got six-pack abs that (again) many women will find attractive. You communicate well with your eyes. And, most importantly, you've posted some wonderful photos (both casual and in formalwear) that make you appear like a well balanced, interesting human being.
The text in your profile is problematic though. Essentially, as I read, what keeps coming across is fetish topics and, worse yet, you've got what many kinksters call a "laundry list" of "I want this, I won't do that". This is a turn-off to many of us, regardless of BDSM leaning. When it comes to a domina, you've short-circuited any sense of discovery, authority, or dominance she may have over you. I mean, gee, you've laid it all out, right there, under *your* terms - not mutually agreed upon terms that have come up over time as you and your partner discover one another, but rather YOUR terms. The last time I checked, many dominas prefer things under *their* terms (or at least under terms that they feel some control over).
I'll point out two more things. I hope you don't think I'm trying to tear you down here. Quite the opposite. I'm trying to show you how your approach comes across and afterward I'll give you some suggestions for getting what you want. As follows:
1.) Take BDSM out of things for a moment. Consider you are approaching a vanilla woman. How far do you think you'd get with the following introduction: "hey, I like chicks like you; I'd like to fuck your hot, needy pussy with my fireman's pole; oh, but I don't like butt sex so no anal; faceplay is hot though so I'll happily blow my load all over your tits and face." I suppose, if your target were really drunk and really horny, you might find some success, but even then it's unlikely. Your profile is the BDSM/kinky equivalent of this! Just because you're on a BDSM site doesn't make it attractive to throw your kinks right out there, especially before you've even introduced yourself.
2.) I've already alluded to the fact that you list a bunch of activities you *won't* do. Now true enough, it's good to know what interests you and what doesn't. However, the negatives (in other words, the "I won't do this" statements) outnumber the positives (in your profile and in your posts) by quite a large margin. The net effect leaves an overall negative feeling in the reader.
There is another unintended side effect too. Much of your "won't do" list is stuff a newbie might well be concerned about, but that any experienced kinkster wouldn't think too much about. You're really emphasizing your lack of experience. Honesty is very important, but you don't have to communicate in such a naked, confrontational way. Sure, we all have things we don't like and this is fine. My guess (though) is that an experienced domina taking the right approach with you would have you enjoying much of what you list as un-enjoyable, un-loving, harsh play. You're also wrong, by the way. Every activity you list as harsh and un-loving is something I've shared in very loving, mutually enjoyable ways with dominant partners. It's your prerogative to look for what you want and to avoid that which you don't, but gee supersexybaby, this really doesn't have to be stated right away. You give potential partners no room for their own tastes or to negotiate and introduce you to new things.
I said I'd offer you some suggestions. Here they are my thoughts.
Delete the text in your profile and start over again. Describe who you are as a vanilla person - your interests and hobbies, things you are studying, goals, skills you have that might be of interest to a domina (cooking, for example), etc. Also, you might add a little about the type of relationship you seek with a domina. Keep this mostly, if not all, vanilla. Leave out AD/DL play and your list of "I will/I won't". Leave out your childhood background. Seriously. Leave both these things out. This is far too much for someone to assimilate in an introduction, especially when this is the only glimpse of you they see. Once you're talking to a domina and you've established friendship and chemistry, you can discuss things that have shaped you and your interests. Case in point, I adore impact play and anal play, and there are reasons for this. However, when first getting to know someone, unless asked, I avoid bringing any of this up because it feels rude to do so and because it is a deluge of TMI (too much information).
If you want to ensure potential partners share your interest in ageplay, put something brief about this. Don't make ageplay the focus of your profile. Dominas, if they don't have any interest in ageplay or willingness to try, will skip your profile. Again, I emphasize showing yourself to be an interesting, intelligent, well-rounded, attractive person, sans BDSM. You don't need kink to attract a domina. BDSM, while a foundation in the relationships we kinksters seek, is ironically and undoubtedly the icing and fringe benefit after vanilla compatibility has been established.
One last thing. It's my opinion that the best qualities submissives can show up front are courtesy, empathy and compassion, listening and communication skills, intelligence, reliability, a sense of humour, curiosity about the world and a desire to learn, and responsiveness. There are probably a few attributes I've missed with this statement, but you get the general idea.
Good luck,
Elan.
< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/19/2008 2:18:28 PM >
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RE: My story - Lost NC boy please read - 
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