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tsatske -> RE: Bad Dom List? (7/17/2008 7:26:13 PM)
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quote:
It may also not be you. I doubt you are on every kink site imaginable nor every r/t group. There probably is someone with a name similar to yours whose ex told everybody she knew that he was unsafe. This assumes that someone isn't angry with you for breaking up, refusing them, etc and decided to be spiteful.
This is why I would never pay attention to someone telling me how 'unsafe' or generally 'bad' their Dom is. Exes tend to not like you - that's why they are called Exes. Even if they are telling the truth, it can't help but be colored by their own perception and experience, which, clearly, was not good. And even if they could just manage to relate only objective information, well, first, they are only going to be talking about the half of it that makes their point, and, second, who a person was, how they act, while dating me, has something to do with me - with what we are, and make, between us. With someone else, they may be entirely different.
I will do a couple of other things, though. I will ask someone to tell me about their exes, and listen - not to the story itself, but to the tone, attitude, ect. If their last five exes were total bitches who took them and used them and abused them - it's a warning sign. If they are still angry and bitter - maybe i should come back after they dump the bagage? If they gleefully tell how they destroyed her life when they broke up - if doesn't even matter if it is true or if they are grandoiously bragging, what matters is, do i want to date someone who thinks like that?
Also, i have no problem with people who admit they are newbies. However, if they go on and on about their 30 years of extensive experience, but then tell me they are not active in the scene because they can't be seen in public like that, sensitive job, just a private person, don't like the politics, ect - I will ask for refrences. In 20 or 30 years of active play or expreince, surely you have managed to collect one or two former subs with whom you are still friendly who will speak well of you? That is just about flushing out the BSers, though. (I have given refrence before, btw. I have a few exes who are fine men and wonderful Doms and I don't mind providing a refrence)
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