CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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I believe that it is an 'ideal' that there be 100% intimacy in a relationship, but that that ideal is rarely realized. I consider myself blessed to have come close to that 100% on occasion, but there remains the reality that there are some things that cannot be said, without risking irreparable harm to the listener... and things that we do not want to share, because they are ours... and other things that we -dare- not share, because they are so deep, painful, or profound that sharing them might be mis-understood. I have been in a 10-year-long intimate relationship with my mate. We've gone from her being my seminary student, when that was the only relationship we shared, to us being lovers (our spiritual path does not frown on this relationship--it is considered wrong to push for it or be coercive, but a blessing if it happens organically), to her being my mistress (as I began the journey to earn my crop), then to us becoming compatriots. Through all of it, there have been variations in the flow of intimacy. When I was her pastor and teacher, some intimacy was shared, as she brought forth pieces of her life that she hadn't dealt with, to clean up the messes those pieces left behind so she could finish her time in seminary. When I was her lover, we shared about 80% of our thoughts with transparency. There were still pieces that we kept close to ourselves, and things that we didn't say or couldn't share. When I was a servant of the house, total transparency was expected... and even then, there were pieces of me that I held apart... that I would not.... could not... share..even to the master of the house, for whom I would have given my life (but not these few secrets). Now, she and I are companions. We are comfortable with one another, and know one another intimately. Even then, there are times when I hold my tongue, and hold my thoughts opaque, because to do otherwise might hurt the person I care about more than the satisfaction I would get from freely sharing my thoughts. As a dominant, I still feel much as I did as a seminary instructor on our path... I encourage transparency, and realize that the bond between us is more like "Transitions" sunglass lenses in full sun when we come together -- and it will take a steady shift from the bright light of the common world into the shadows of our deepest relationship, far into our center. I know that I will never have 100% transparency... like Transitions lenses, it never gets quite all the way to clear... but as our relationship deepens, I know that I will be able to see his "eyes"... his secret self... the windows to his soul... and they will be exposed and vulnerable, and I will cherish that moment when it comes.
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/19/2008 11:45:40 AM >
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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