I think my Domme is in love

I think my Domme is in love (Full Version)

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DaintyDemure -> I think my Domme is in love (7/19/2008 10:12:33 PM)
She went out with a new lady friend tonight but she was nervous as a schoolgirl worrying about what to wear, how to style her hair etc. I could tell she was excited as all she could talk about was this woman. She dressed way sexier than normal in her highest heels and short dress. She usually dresses casual when going out with friends.This is the third time in a week they went out together. Now I am happy for her if she is in love with this woman and she deserves to be happy but I guess I am feeling a bit insecure. I know this is selfish of me but I worry where this may leave me if they end up together. I have had a wonderful relationship with My Lady - it has been heaven being owned by her. What if this new lady doesn't want to share her or have a male around? I kind of feel llike excess baggage. Anybody here ever been in this situation?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/19/2008 11:29:02 PM)
Feelings of jealousy in a poly relationship often come from a fear of being replaced, of no longer being special. Talk to her about how you're feeling NOW rather than later. Master Fire

SephandElena -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 8:40:11 AM)
Agreed with MasterFireMaam, communication in these roles are essential, and it is only too easy to fall into the habit of not wanting to say anything until it is too late. The other advantage to speaking now, is if anything bad is going to happen, it would be better to happen now than in a couple of months/years later and things have gotten far more complicated than anything planned. Not to mention, that something that seems like a problem to you, may be able to be see that there isn't as much to worry about as you think. Seph aka Reb.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 8:54:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Feelings of jealousy in a poly relationship often come from a fear of being replaced, of no longer being special. Talk to her about how you're feeling NOW rather than later. Master Fire which is why i'll never do poly...someone is always left out in the end once the Dom finds someone they like better.

StrongSpirit -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 9:06:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl which is why i'll never do poly...someone is always left out in the end once the Dom finds someone they like better. Dom's don't always find someone they like better. Parents work real hard not to love one kid better than the other. A smart Dom acts the same way. Sure, some don't succeed, but it is not impossible.

CalifChick -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 9:11:40 AM)
It doesn't sound like she is in love. It sounds like she is giddy, swept up in the thrill of a new "romance". That does not mean "love". Cali

briarrosethorne -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 11:16:27 AM)
I agree with Cali and MasterfireMa'am. Giddy DOESNT mean love and You need to talk to her about your feelings... I have been in a similar place and didnt say anything... killed our relationship cause my jealously went from a slight passing to OMG WTF ... shrugs Talk to her.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 12:05:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl which is why i'll never do poly...someone is always left out in the end once the Dom finds someone they like better. I acknowledge fully that you aren't interested in poly, but I wanted to address something in your post that could be misleading. You mention that "someone is always left out", and that isn't true. In a healthy poly situation, nobody is "left out"... it's sort of like when a couple chooses to have offspring. The first one may feel uncomfortable when a second one is conceived, but adults typically explain that love grows.. it isn't a finite pool where if one person takes some, there is less for everyone else. In a healthy poly relationship, everyone gives a little bit -- time may be shared more often than one-on-one, but good communication and healthy voicing of needs assures that everyone gets what they need. As long as nobody lets their selfishness or fear get the better of them (or if it only rarely rears its head), the relationship can be profoundly satisfying for everyone. I've lived in 3 successful poly relationships. When they ended, they ended for reasons that had nothing to do with how much we loved one another -- it was outside forces (death, jobs and elderly parents who couldn't care for themselves anymore) that caused the relationship to end. In over 25 years, I've never felt "left out". I may have felt overwhelmed, or frightened, or envious... but the only times I was shut out of the love were the times when I chose to shut myself down and stop interacting... and those ended as soon as I was able/willing to open myself up to the others again. Now... this being said, there are a lot of relationships out there that are not poly, but try to masquerade as poly so someone can justify their selfish desires... and there are a lot of people for whom the idea of maintaining a healthy, communicative, affectionate, open relationship with more than one person is just way too much to consider... knowing oneself (to avoid involvement in relationships that are not suited to one's personality) and watching how a dynamic is working at the beginning, when entering that relationship can help someone to avoid these pitfalls... while still having the opportunity to enjoy healthy, happy polyamory, if that's what they're wired for. Firestorm

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 12:15:54 PM)
I wanted to take a moment to address the OPs concerns. What you're seeing may be something that some of us poly people call NRE, otherwise known as New Relationship Energy. It's a really touchy time for existing relationships, because it is very important that everyone communicate, so that the fears of abandonment that can come from the (necessary) focus on the developing new relationship can be addressed, and so everyone is on the same page about what their role will be in the new dynamic. So many people have already told you to talk to your lady about your fears, and I will reiterate this. The worst think you can do in this situation is let yourself fall into the descending spiral of fear, silence, mistrust, fear... etc... that can develop when communication is deferred. The unfortunate thing is that, for the individual going through NRE, they may not realize that they haven't said anything to everyone else about where their head is at... their mind is focused on the new potential they see in front of them, and they are naturally distracted by its intensity... which is why it is so important that someone -not- in that NRE whirlwind brings up the concerns of the existing party (parties). Many, many successful Femdom/Femdom/servant relationships exist. We've had a few ourselves (a couple where I've been one of the Femdoms, and a few where I've been the servant. At one point, I was the newcomer... then I was the existing person trying to deal with someone I loved fgoing through NRE with someone else. In every single case, sitting down and having the conversation(s) kept us all sane through a very intense and very dramatic re-shaping of our family. I wish you luck. You clearly cherish your Lady... and I'm sure she cherishes you... so let her know. Don't let your fear keep you hiding when you can speak up and have answers. Calla Firestorm

DaintyDemure -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/20/2008 10:43:56 PM)
Thank you all for your advice. When she got home last night we talked and I laid out all my worries and concerns to her. To my surprise My Lady had already told her new girlfriend all about me and our situation. My Lady invited her over for dinner tonight and I met her for the first time. She is very nice. I was worried that she wouldn't like me because so many women out there are turned off by feminine males. My Lady had me dressed up in a dress and heels for our dinner date. Her girlfriend told me I was adorable and complimented me on keeping such a clean and tidy house. [:)] For the most part I just kept quiet and stayed out of the conversation. I wanted to show them that I wouldn't interfere in their time together. After dinner I served them wine on the couch and then did the dishes. My Lady called out to me to get ready for bed. I thought she was going to just cage me for the night so they could be alone. I went to my room and got undressed and the two Ladies came in and My Lady diapered me, put me in my cutest pyjamas, bonnet, and finally my tack booties and fistmitts. This was the first time anybody else saw me like this. Her girlfriend thought it was neat that I spent every night so helpless like this. I just stayed silent the whole time. Instead of locking me in my cage I was allowed to lay on the floor under their feet while they watched movies and talked. When we went to bed they both kissed my forehead Like My Lady always does and locked me in my cage and they spent the night together. Yes they are in love and I am so happy for them! [:D][:D][:D] They could have just locked me away out of sight but they chose to include me in their evening together to reassure me that I was wanted.

beltainefaerie -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/21/2008 7:10:28 PM)
That's so sweet! It is always nice when people are able to communicate and things work out. Keep it up!

favesclava -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/22/2008 5:12:45 AM)
wonderful. happy for you. communication is the best tool in any relationship, but more so when there's multiple parties involved. this is still hard for me due to a lifetime of keeping feelings to myself. Master made it a standing order that i must tell Him whenever i have doubts or concerns . good luck . bet you looked sweet in your jammies.

MistressSybella -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (7/22/2008 1:51:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW quote: ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl which is why i'll never do poly...someone is always left out in the end once the Dom finds someone they like better. I acknowledge fully that you aren't interested in poly, but I wanted to address something in your post that could be misleading. You mention that "someone is always left out", and that isn't true. In a healthy poly situation, nobody is "left out"... it's sort of like when a couple chooses to have offspring. The first one may feel uncomfortable when a second one is conceived, but adults typically explain that love grows.. it isn't a finite pool where if one person takes some, there is less for everyone else. In a healthy poly relationship, everyone gives a little bit -- time may be shared more often than one-on-one, but good communication and healthy voicing of needs assures that everyone gets what they need. As long as nobody lets their selfishness or fear get the better of them (or if it only rarely rears its head), the relationship can be profoundly satisfying for everyone. Firestorm Ditto on all that. I have too lived in a long term successful poly relationship and no one was left out. She's closing herself off to a lot of what life has to offer by holding to these formalities so tightly. Plus if you add in not wanting a sexual relationship, whoever chooses to get involved with her will have to sacrifice their own needs to try to make her happy; the stakes are too high. I am in no way trying to criticize or flame her...she is entitled to feel in any way she wants and I respect that. But, coming from one who is experienced in poly lifestyles, it seems to me that poly may be right way to go. To the OP, I agree with what others have said. Talk to her and let her know how you feel. I'm sure your first concern is her happiness but unless you've you've negotiated that your feelings don't matter, talking to her is the only way to go.

DaintyDemure -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (8/6/2008 10:02:35 PM)
Well my Lady's new girlfriend has moved in with us so now I will be serving two mistresses. They are so in love with each other and its a beautifull thing. They are so happy and I am happy for them. She has decided that I will call her Master. As my Lady and I are both more feminine than her, Master will be seen as 'the man of the house'. Master will be taking holidays from work to move in and my Lady has told her to come up with ideas to 'redesign' me to suit them both. My rules and my role in serving them may change so that Master feels like I am as much her slave as Lady's. With both mistresses working they are considering for me to quit my job to serve them full time. I think I am ready for this. I will have to adjust to a higher level of control. Once they decide how they want me to be we will negotiate a new contract. As they often work opposite shifts it will be a challenge to serve both their needs, get the chores done, and get enough sleep. Is this considered a poly relationship now? Time will tell how this goes I guess.

Dnomyar -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (8/7/2008 6:00:33 AM)
Mmmm is this just one of those I want attention so I will make up a story. Just asking.

DaintyDemure -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (8/7/2008 8:46:41 PM)
No Dnomyar, we are real. I guess our relationship is quite intense in comparison to alot of people on Collarme. Looking back, I'm kind of surprised I didn't get asked this before. Before I met my Lady, I was a shy, short loner type that most women would't give a second glance. My Lady came from a really bad abusive marriage and pretty much gave up on men. We met, I fell in love with her and worked hard to gain her trust. One of the only 2 other girlfriends I had in my life introduced me into this kind of lifestyle and taught me how submissive I am. I guess I taught my Lady that she doesn't have to live under a man's tyranny to live with a man. Now I live under her's. [:D] She knows now she can be in control and REALLY likes it! Now Master is in the picture so we will she where this goes.

AcademyForSlaves -> RE: I think my Domme is in love (8/8/2008 8:54:57 PM)
If she's a smart domme then the best slave will win her love. So try to maintain why she liked you in the 1st place and she'll come back for more. If not then she's not much of a loss because 'what will be, will be'. When she returns from a night out show no jealousy or insecurity and just ask her if she had fun to show you care about her happiness. That can win her over too. Hope this helps.

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