RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to tie you up."

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 12:54:54 AM

ResidentSadist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Asmodeus
So you mean thoughts like "Wow. She would look great with her arms bound behind her back and her hair tied to the crosspost" isn't the normal response?

Ditto

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 4:14:09 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Taggard, next time you are going to be in SF, let me know and the first couple of rounds are on me!

I would love that! Looks like it will be sometime in August...all depends on Kat's shooting with Kink.com again. I will let you know as soon as she is booked.

Taggard

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 8:06:29 AM

BossyShoeBitch

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From: South Florida
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to do BDSM kicks in?

Yeah pretty much, partly because of who I am but also because anyone I play with casually tends to fall in love with me. I recently realized, or at least someone commented on why they think that happens (I blur the lines unintentionally and she pointed out where I do that) but I pretty much don't play outside a primary relationship although I am now exploring that option.

quote:

If you meet someone and have great chemistry right out of the gate, do you want to do kinky things with them?

I have BEGUN relationships by doing kinky things, even before we had coffee, but yeah, I see some hot chick and my first thought goes to how she would look screaming NO as a I rape her tight little asshole.

quote:

What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

I love vanilla sex but if it is good it does tend to lead to Klingon sex and kissing turns to biting lips, fondling turns to pinching, and foreplay turns to pain play, but hey, I AM a pervert.

OK.. Now you are just being mean!! LOL

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:03:29 AM

hejira92

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

I have the wonderful woman who I love to walk hand in hand with, kiss, hold, and just enjoy each other's company. And...I have the submissive cockwhore fucktoy who makes Me hard everytime I think about her in a teary-eyed, makeup running mess because of what I've just done to her.

*sigh* You say the most romantic things.... (Hmmm, thinking about the next time my makeup gets all messy =

)

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:30:17 AM

Daddystouch

Posts: 162
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From: South East England
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I don't usually look at a girl and get urges to have intercourse per se. Not on the surface at least. My urges are usually to touch them, kiss them, and to see them submit.... to kneel and look up at me, to be gagged, to be tied up etc. And of course, to hit them...

When I do lust for intercourse, it's usually oral. Which is strange because I don't value oral any more highly than vaginal or anal. I guess it's that I find it easier to imagine with the girl - I can see her lips, I can't see her other holes.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:38:01 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When you find someone attractive, is your first desire something related to kink?

Very much depends on the person and what it is about them that I find attractive. There is a guy at work who every time I look at ... I think of anal sex, hot sweaty, more than a little uncomfortable anal sex ... no idea why. Then there is a cute boy works in the local shop, he is always reading something very intelligent when there are no customers ... he makes me want to lay in the sun and get my hair stroked. The guy at work likes to think he is a stud and I would enjoy shocking him. The boy in the shop is an innocent and I desire to be around such purity.

quote:

Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to do BDSM kicks in?
If you meet someone and have great chemistry right out of the gate, do you want to do kinky things with them?

Depends ... BDSM covers a lot of ground ... Kinky play .. no I don't need emotional connection. D/s or more psychological types of play - fear/humiliation... that I do need some emotional investment for .. for a start because it wont work otherwise, and also because it requires more trust from me.
There does have to be chemistry and there does have to be connection for me to want to play right off. Now that can be as simple as making eye contact across a dungeon/play party/club ... sometimes that intensity is right there from the start. I picked up a Domme in a dungeon a few months ago and we went from eyes meeting to me writhing on a Cross within about 15 minutes. We clicked right away ... and now I have a good friend to baby sit me when I go out perving.
I find that because of how I interact with people - I am very affectionate, and caring, and intense and open - often people who I thought were clear on what role they could have in my life .., take it a step too far. People know up front that I am Owned and off the market .. but that I still play and make friends within the scene. Being myself with them seems to make them think there is a deeper emotional connection than there is. Sadly I seem to have a knack for attracting the Doms who fall in love easily .. and I am fast becoming bored of having broken hearts left at my door.

quote:

What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

I adore this stuff ... but its generally not my first thought when I get a flash of attraction.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:41:24 AM

softness

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to

I have BEGUN relationships by doing kinky things, even before we had coffee, but yeah, I see some hot chick and my first thought goes to how she would look screaming NO as a I rape her tight little asshole.

quote:

What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

I love vanilla sex but if it is good it does tend to lead to Klingon sex and kissing turns to biting lips, fondling turns to pinching, and foreplay turns to pain play, but hey, I AM a pervert.

OK.. Now you are just being mean!! LOL

I am thinking of putting Micheal on block ... it seems every time I read a post of his this week I have to go and make myself a bracing cup of tea ... and start thinking about Maggie Thatcher naked on a cold day.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:51:48 AM

azropedntied

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My thoughts after reading Akasha 's postings would be where did you want me to stand so you can begin ?For me its all about that energy connection if its good and we both click move foward .

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 9:59:50 AM

Kittypurrs

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I am definitelly both to my Dom. We are very committed to each other and I am his equal in public (yet with the submissive undertone) and yet his submissve in private. Our relationship, at times, is very vanilla in that we enjoy sex without the wrappings of BDSM and I am his partner in life. At times, we hit the BDSM very hard and indulge frequently. And there are times we go a few weeks without it. That all depends on what he wants and the stress involved in his life. When BDSM takes the back seat I am still his submissive but it is those times that I take care of him and pamper him and think of what I can do for him rather than what he can do to me! That is what he needs and wants.

I have noticed as we have gotten more emotionally involved and as our love has grown he is much more careful not to hurt me and is much more concerned about my emotional and phsical wellfare when we play. Don;t misunderstand, he was always careful not to hurt me, but it seems he has a more difficult time pushing me now.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 11:07:22 AM

SurrenderForMe

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All I can say to that is your description fits me perfectly, but you worded it better.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 2:32:46 PM

JoePNY707

Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
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quote:

Do kinky people generally have these kinds of urges - whether you want to have them or not? When you find someone attractive, is your first desire something related to kink?

How does lust affect your kinky desires? Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to do BDSM kicks in? If you meet someone and have great chemistry right out of the gate, do you want to do kinky things with them? What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

Akasha

AAkasha, I'd have to agree--when lust kicks in, I usually find that some kink or kinks are at work. Usually, the more I like--or am attracted to a woman--the more kinky possibilities come to mind....

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 2:44:31 PM

shadowcd

Posts: 88
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Over on another thread about dating we're talking about the bdsm dynamic. In thinking about all this, I realized that I don't really have much control over my desires, really. When I am attracted to someone, I want to dominate them. It's not a matter of just picking an appropriate time and then deciding to engage in bdsm because it's the right time -- I am consciously dealing with a variety of bdsm "urges" depending on how into someone I am. Sometimes, these are inappropriate urges because the person is not available to me. In fact, I can pretty much say I don't have many "Oh I would LOVE to kiss him," urges with men I find "hot," but instead, I have "Oh, I would love to GAG him," urges. The kissing, sex, fondling, foreplay, and orgasm related desires are there too, but they are actually lower on the list. My primal drive to see a man submit is stronger than my drive to have sex or achieve orgasm.

But, of course, once I get physically close and start being intimate, all the other desires kick right in..

Do kinky people generally have these kinds of urges - whether you want to have them or not? When you find someone attractive, is your first desire something related to kink?

How does lust affect your kinky desires? Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to do BDSM kicks in? If you meet someone and have great chemistry right out of the gate, do you want to do kinky things with them? What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

Akasha

my urges and desire to submit to someone i'm attracted to far exceed any urges for sex. I have the normal desires as well but like you are much lower on the list. get tied up first kiss after :) when I see someone that is really sexy usualy one of the first things that comes to mind is her puttinga leash on me :P

as for emotional attatchment before bdsm that is different.
with strickly lust I will do several things for sure, however certain bdsm activities require more trust and so I require more of an emtional bond.

I don't really think about engaging in bdsm activity cause it's a good time or w/e, I just think about being dominated all the time it's just how I am it is how I always have been even in vanilla relationships.

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RE: Lust and bdsm desires. "Hi, I think I want to ... - 7/22/2008 3:58:40 PM

SunnyTawse

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Joined: 11/17/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

When you find someone attractive, is your first desire something related to kink?

Absolutely. I want to hurt and protect him, in more or less equal measure.

I know. It hardly makes any sense.

Usually my first impulse, the thing that flashes through my mind first, is me grabbing him by the collar/scruff of the neck and throwing thim to the ground, violently. Now, I'm turning 60 this year and have worn out my shoulders (to quote the last few physical therapists I've seen, "What are you DOING to wear out your shoulders like this??" - "Um, couldn't be the flogger, could it?" OK, so I don't really answer that way). I doubt I could, at 5' and 59 years of age, fling my 6'1" submissive to the ground by the scruff of the neck. Maybe with Akido, but not by the scruff of the neck. But it's always my first thought.

quote:

Do kinky people generally have these kinds of urges - whether you want to have them or not?

I wouldn't want anything else. WIIWD is powerful, seductive, alluring. I think that's the real reason some people are so afraid of it. It's just so damn seductive and alluring.

quote:

Do you have to be emotionally attracted to someone before the desire to do BDSM kicks in?

Hmmm...

I was going to write No, but now that I think about it, yeah. I've gotten more discriminating over the years. It certainly ups the ante, which makes everything better of course. Doesn't seem worth going back to the lesser depth and intensity.

quote:

What about vanilla things (kissing, fondling, foreplay?) -- whether or not you actually DO them....do you have the desires?

It's... umm... changed. This stuff--kissing, fondling, foreplay--used to actually squick me out, and I wasn't shy about telling people so in the most emphatic way. The worst was a romantic love scene in a movie... the kiss... the violins.. the ocean waves... the sunset. No idea why. Nothing traumatic has ever happened. It's just that I like violence, force, danger... a lot.

But then... well... I met this guy... kinky... submissive... sweet... vulnerable... I want to hurt him, protect him, kiss him... <sigh>

<embarrassed> And hey, I rarely get embarrased.

I was at a party last weekend with some Athenor folks, playing kissy-face with my submissive downstairs (yes, I tied him up and beat him first), hoping my friend who owned the house--the Archon of Fire--didn't come downstairs and catch me kissing this guy because for years and years I've been complaining how bad kissing and fondling, etc. squicks me out... <laughing>

Great thread, Akasha. It's good to reassess how one views oneself from time to time.

Sunny

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