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NEWBIE SUBS - 7/21/2008 7:48:17 PM

madammocha

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline

What makes a new sub comfortable when they first meet up with a Mistress? Do newbies want to sit down and chat and get familiar or do you want to be dominated right when a Mistress comes through the door

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/21/2008 7:52:25 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

About this time last year, when I was a brandy new sub, what made me comfortable was knowing that Doms are people too. They seem all imposing and scary, even if they're not weilding a flogger, and knowing that they have quirks and silly habits like the rest of us made me feel a lot better.

My current dom and I went ice skating on our first date. I was so nervous that I could barely even look at him, and his only mild-orchestated fall in the ice made me feel a lot more like myself.

However, judging by your profile, you're looking for a submissive who is looking for a lot more "On your knees bitch!" than cute, cuddly me. In the case of men interested in your more direct approach, they may not be as interested in seeing you on your ass on the ice or quoting "The Simpsons" or something.

edited to add: Hey local!

< Message edited by katie978 -- 7/21/2008 7:54:54 PM >

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/21/2008 8:12:47 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

My current dom and I went ice skating on our first date.

My first date with Hubby back in college was ice skating. That was over 40 yrs ago and we knew nothing of the lifestyle then, so this is off topic, sorry.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/22/2008 6:01:55 AM

corysub

Posts: 1492
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Everyone has their own views on this but I think a Mistress should set the tone of any future relationship from
the first moment. A subbie male is there because his need is to be dominated by a strong woman who knows
her place...solidly at the other end of the leash.

I don't mean that the first order is to strip and get on all fours...but the strength of her voice, the sureness of her
questions, in my view, is what any subbie who truly would give up all control to her would be looking to see.

Anyway, that's only what I would be interested in seeing...

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/22/2008 7:33:06 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

For me when I was searching for a dominant, I would tell them not to put on their little show. If they did, I would reject them. However, I also wanted a lasting relationship and knew play was not going to make one.
Compatibility was. So we had to get to know one another as people first. To be sure we had long lasting traits in common. We wanted to do the same things. Liked some of the same stuff.
D/s came along a lot later.
For those who violated, well I did break one guys nose once. You may want to try communicating with the person you are talking to. Ask them what the first meet would be like in their eyes. Then do that.

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/22/2008 8:06:33 AM

shadowcd

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/23/2008
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The thing that makes me most comfortable is a feeling that they are protective of me. seeing that I am submissive and vulnerable as endearing and not wanting others to take advantage of that. If someone makes me feel safe and protected I submit to them completely as appreciation and become willing to do just about anything to please them as a result. After that initial response they can fairly quickly assume a very dominant role in my life. This is not exactly the same view I have on just play though as I don't require the same level of comfort for "play" as I don't release as much control and have more limits. In regards to meeting someone for the first time in a more playful regard I don't mind if they assume a dominant position right away.

As for madammocha's profile i'd personally be hesitant to meet you :P I guess i just like a softer more seductive approach before someone makes me their bitch ;) But that's just me. I think a lot of "newbie" subs if they are like myself would prefer someone that takes it a little slow at first but is still firmly dominant.
Just my opinion though :) I enjoy giving up control little by little even though I crave to give it up completely it's not something I can do easily. If someone comes on to strong I become very defensive due to some of the things in my past and trusting the wrong partners to easily or quickly.

Also as mentioned if it is to start an actual relationship D/s or otherwise far more factors come into play, I would want someone to be with me for who I am as a person not simply because I will do just about anything they tell me :P

< Message edited by shadowcd -- 7/22/2008 8:11:57 AM >

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RE: NEWBIE SUBS - 7/22/2008 8:31:11 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I am a firm believer in having the first meeting in public. As a Domme I talk with the sub in advance and choose the place, make it during the day, and we have either coffee together or a meal. I have a 24 hour rule - no session until we've had time to think about how we feel about each other. I do not try to dominate during the meeting, but look for signs of respect. I try to put the person at ease, talk with them about safe words (even if we have done it in writing previously), explain what I expect when they walk through the door for a session, and make sure that I feel totally comfortable with them. Then, when the session day comes, we both know that I will be in charge from the moment I see them. I will ask a "how are you" type of question but it is more than just a pleasantry - I need to know immediately if someone is having either a physical or emotional problem.

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