When Insults had Class (Full Version)

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VadFarkas -> When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 4:58:24 AM)

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." 

"He had delusions of adequacy."  Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."  Winston Churchill 

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner) 

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."  Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."  Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."  Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."  Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."   George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."  Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."  Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."  John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."  Irvin S. Cobb 

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."  Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."  Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."  Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."  Robert Redford


"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."  Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."  Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."  Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"  Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."  Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."  Andrew Lang (1844-1912) 

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."  Billy Wilder  

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."  Groucho Marx




Lucylastic -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 5:19:51 AM)

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." 
John Bright
I love this one:)




SteelofUtah -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 10:35:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VadFarkas

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." 


This is one of my favorite quotes and I felt the need to correct it as it was a Documented discussion between the two.

A little back ground.... they HATED each other and everything the other stood for.

The Documented exchange between them was

Said Lady Astor to Winston Churchill:

"Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your Coffee"

Said Winston Churchill to Lady Astor:

"Nancy, if I were your husband I would drink it"

It was said when they were both staying at Blenhein Castle and being the debator Lady Astor was she had been verbally at Winston Churchills Throat the week before, and equally Winston Churchill hadn't pulled any punches.

It is my Favorite Quote because reportedly it was said as they were chatting with nothing more than smiles.

Steel 




GreedyTop -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 11:31:28 AM)

I'd love to know who the references were to (when not indicated..lol)




HypnoticDan -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 11:32:50 AM)

If you enjoy clever insults like this then you'll probably enjoy the 1946 film GILDA.
Remember the scene in Shawshank Redemption when they're watching a movie?  Gilda is that movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038559/quotes

Don't forget the line from a recent Bond film: "Aah, the famous Bond wit.  ...or at least half of it."




LotusSong -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 12:27:55 PM)

The best thing I've seen in a loooong time!




MizSexyVixen -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 12:53:36 PM)

A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Mae West

A hard man is good to find.
Mae West

A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him.
Mae West

A man in the house is worth two in the street.
Mae West

A man's kiss is his signature.
Mae West

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
Mae West

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Mae West

An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
Mae West

Any time you've got nothing to do and lots of time to do it come on up.
Mae West

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Mae West

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
Mae West

Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West

Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.
Mae West

Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Mae West

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Mae West

He who hesitates is a damned fool.
Mae West

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
Mae West

I always say, keep a diary and someday it'll keep you.
Mae West

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.
Mae West

I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked.
Mae West

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.
Mae West

I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway.
Mae West

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
Mae West

I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.
Mae West

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.
Mae West

I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
Mae West

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Mae West

I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?
Mae West

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.
Mae West

I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.
Mae West

I speak two languages, Body and English.
Mae West

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
Mae West

I'd like to see Paris before I die. Philadelphia will do.
Mae West

I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
Mae West

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.
Mae West

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Mae West

I've been in more laps than a napkin.
Mae West

I've been things and seen places.
Mae West

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.
Mae West

It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.
Mae West

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Mae West

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.
Mae West

It takes two to get one in trouble.
Mae West

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
Mae West

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.
Mae West

It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men.
Mae West

It's not what I do, but the way I do it. It's not what I say, but the way I say it.
Mae West

Keep a diary, and someday it'll keep you.
Mae West

Look your best - who said love is blind?
Mae West

Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Mae West

Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
Mae West

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
Mae West

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Mae West

One and one is two, and two and two is four, and five will get you ten if you know how to work it.
Mae West

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.
Mae West

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.
Mae West

Personality is the most important thing to an actress's success.
Mae West

Personally, I like two types of men - domestic and foreign.
Mae West

Right now I think censorship is necessary; the things they're doing and saying in films right now just shouldn't be allowed. There's no dignity anymore and I think that's very important.
Mae West

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Mae West

Say what you want about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins.
Mae West

Sex is emotion in motion.
Mae West

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
Mae West

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
Mae West

The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
Mae West

The score never interested me, only the game.
Mae West

Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
Mae West

To err is human, but it feels divine.
Mae West

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.
Mae West

Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
Mae West

Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office.
Mae West

When choosing between two evils, I always like to pick the one I never tried before.
Mae West

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Mae West

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Mae WestW

When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
Mae West

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Mae West




ominousdominus -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 2:23:29 PM)

That response from Churchill to Shaw was a CLASSIC! LOL

Great post Vad, I loved it- OD




Hanable -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/22/2008 9:56:00 PM)

lol i love quotes imbd.com is a great place to find them.. from movies or tv shows.

H >:)




hlen5 -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/23/2008 1:01:50 AM)

Elidabeth Taylor in The Mirror Crack'd "There are only two things I don't like about you... your face".




Saratov -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/23/2008 3:22:25 PM)

ahh..., more people who are legends in their own minds.




rukna -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/23/2008 9:07:30 PM)

loved every word of it




JulieorSarah -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/24/2008 4:17:14 AM)

Years ago there were two politicians in the Australian Parliament, and they were both renowned for their skill at oration and quick wit, but while on the same side of paliament we in constant opposition.  One was tall and debonair (for the aussies reading who are old enough to remember Jim Killen) and the other (I thnk his last name was Davey) while very personable was short with a very shiny bald head. 

According to legend it was a crowded but quiet room as Jim Killen walked behind Davey, stroked the shorter man's head and said a little louder than necessary

'That feels like my wife's bum!'

the room held it's collective breath ..

After running his hand over his head with a thoughtful look our little hero said.
'... and so it does!'




AngelLink -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/24/2008 8:06:40 AM)

I did not  attend the funerall, but I did sennd a letter showing my approval of it- Mark Twain




DaddyChess -> RE: When Insults had Class (7/26/2008 12:34:20 PM)

I love the wit!  Ever hear... swearing is a sign of a poor vocabulary...??  The question is, who has the poor vocabulary... the insulter or the insulted?




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