RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (Full Version)

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kiwisub12 -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 11:49:47 AM)

Hehe - my Sir would have scolded me for bleeding and ruining the carpet - while applying the ice and cloth.  got to love the man.



Pair4play -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 2:10:10 PM)

Sometimes when having spanked your child you fret about whether you did some damage to them or the bond in the relationship ad you're not really reassured until that next hug from them. You may need to be the one to present yourself for your next session. His confidence in his own abilities to manage a scene may be faltering a bit. Show him you still are confident in him and he'll come around.



LadyPact -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 2:29:41 PM)

First, I'm glad to hear that your nose wasn't broken when you mentioned it in a subsequent post. 

I agree with some of what the folks said.  I definitely think F is probably feeling terrible about what happened.  Hon, we all do when something in a scene doesn't go the way it's supposed to.  It's happened to Me.  Frankly, it's happened to a lot of us.  Even those who haven't had it happen know it's a possibility.  Accidents can, do, and will happen.

Easily said, right?  Trust Me.  It's harder for a Top to experience, especially if it's the first time.

Don't feel bad if your Dom isn't ready to get back on the horse yet.  This could be especially true if your nose is still bruised.  It's a reminder to him that inadvertent harm happened during the last scene.  I wouldn't suggest the laughing it off part, like some people did.  He's a person.  He feels bad.  Don't negate that. 

I actually liked Red's suggestion, which is odd coming from Me.  (Not the agreeing with Red part, as I often do, but that I would say the masturbation was on target.)  If My sub wants to get played with, he knows all he has to do is start talking about *wanting* to play, and before I know it, I'm itching to get My hands on some toys.



softness -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 2:36:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Hehe - my Sir would have scolded me for bleeding and ruining the carpet - while applying the ice and cloth.  got to love the man.


nods ... something tells me that eventually .. it would wind up being my fault .. in fact I begged for it and forced Him to do it to me

poor long suffering Sir ... having such a demanding Do Me Queen as a slave



leadership527 -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 3:21:59 PM)

There's already lots of great advice on this thread.

  • Tell him you're fine and dont' easily break.  Along with this, you might point out that in your life, this isn't the first time you've gotten a bloody nose or skinned knee and probably won't be the last.  Help him get it in persepctive.
  • Yup, this is a great time for the sub to help the dom.  Nobody's perfect and sometimes the dom drops his end of the leash.  There is nothing sweeter than having your sub pick up the leash handle and hand it back to you again.
  • Buy a new toy and bring it to him.  That would be VERY compelling evidence from his standpoint that not only are you not broken, but you actively want to play more.
  • And yes, Be happy that you have a Dom who cares enough to be distraught like this.



ownedgirlie -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 5:43:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

There is nothing sweeter than having your sub pick up the leash handle and hand it back to you again.


Ooooh I like this.



apiercedkitty -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 6:10:11 PM)

Ok - admittedly i didn't read every reply... but...
Make sure you reassure Him (as many times as necessary) that you're ok, you won't break, and you don't blame Him for the mistake. Let Him know you're healed and ready to go back at it.



Justine45 -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 10:08:00 PM)

Thanks again for the replies. I'm happy to report that we had a chat earlier today and all is well. Too bad we were both too busy with work to "spank and make up"... (sigh)



DMFParadox -> RE: A scene goes wrong by accident...what next? (7/23/2008 11:04:03 PM)

I've had that feeling.  In my case, one sub just could not get it through her damned head to remember a safeword.  However, she liked to beg.  Loudly.  Convincingly enough that I was finding it difficult to maintain my confidence in the situation... and that's a bad start.

So this one scene happened where I inadvertently slammed her into a wall, and she truly got hurt, it felt like a punch in the gut.  I'm talking, like I had vertigo, I'm not exagerrating; when she got unexpectedly hurt and I felt that loss of control, I literally lost my sense of up and down for a little while.  BAM!  Instantly, no warning, it felt like my own head had just gotten knocked in.

Turns out she wasn't hurt that badly, she didn't even have much of a lump.   Her moaning, spasming and head-cradling was just her subspace reaction and I'd made it worse by my reaction to her, by losing confidence. 

The problem, the real brakes from my end was that this pain I'd caused wasn't in my itinerary; I'm a firm believer in head injuries=bad.  Any kind of knock to the head.  So to see it happen due to my actions made my fvcking heart stop beating for a moment.

I feel really bad about admitting this, but she had to reassure me a LOT that she was made of sterner stuff and I couldn't break her easily before I was willing to scene with her again, and her continued inability to remember a safeword or obey some of the restrictions I put on her begging still kind of soured the deal for me. 

Also note, here in florida, some of the stuff we do even 'light' like gentle flogging under the wrong circumstances, is quite illegal and can land a body in jail.  Believe me, it happens.  So the prospect of a hospital visit happening shortly after a heavy scene, even for unrelated reasons, fills me with misgivings. 

The only thing I can suggest for you is what that sub did right: reassure him that you're not easy to break.  Make it abundantly clear.  You don't live in a third-world country and there are REALLY BAD CONSEQUENCES if he hurts you, even if you say nothing about it sometimes.  So swallow your submissiveness for a moment and make a firm stand that he must acknowledge that you're a willing partner and a strong woman, and capable of handling the unexpected with equinamity.



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