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Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 2:28:51 AM

sensualdomNfl

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/23/2005
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Hello again subs & slaves.

I had such good luck here getting answers to my last question, I thought I would go back to the well for another question.

A DOM friend of mine met a new sub who may be bordering on being a slave, or she certainly desires to be. She has a year or two’s experience, but not much training. They are about to have their first “official” play session together. They have had the both the nice and necessary discussions about limits, etc in a face to face meeting. Both are a little nervous.

Now to the question ! In order to try and make a good first impression (yes, men worry about that also), do any of you have advice on how this “first” session should be structured to avoid disappointment on either side? She desires to explore discipline and set ground rules for going forward. He desires to meet her expectations (which are somewhat unknown to him) in order to entice her to continue exploring the possibility of a more expansive D/s relationship. The both have the usual distractions to deal with like kids, work, etc. Can / should “cyber or telephone activity be worked into it when they cannot be together?

I know this is a tough question to comment on with no more information than I have provided. Hopefully I could present him with 4 or 5 key points from the sub / slave side in order to have her come back for “another bite of the apple.” Thank you in advance and again for the comments I know will be forthcoming from this group.

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 4:35:59 AM

KittenWithaTwist

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Joined: 8/3/2005
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I'm unsure as to what sort of "session" you're looking for where a submissive receives discipline and structure. When I think of the word "session", I think of an S&M play session. Perhaps this isn't what you're thinking of?

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 4:39:32 AM

sensualdomNfl

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OK, maybe "session" is a poor choice of words, what I am talking about is the first time they are meeting as D/s, outside of the first "get acquainted in public meeting."

Hope that helps.

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 5:01:08 AM

JohnWarren

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Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualdomNfl

OK, maybe "session" is a poor choice of words, what I am talking about is the first time they are meeting as D/s, outside of the first "get acquainted in public meeting."

Hope that helps.

It really comes down to "what does the dom want" and "what does the sub want." If they haven't discussed their needs and desires, they aren't ready to do anything.

At this stage, output from outside the relationship has a greater potential for confusion than for help.

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 5:25:38 AM

sunshine333

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Joined: 8/16/2005
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i've never just jumped into a D/s dynamic with anyone. it's something that has been a gradual and natural outgrowth of us getting to know each other and time spent together. i get the feeling that perhaps they're not letting things just flow? which, in my opinion, might set them up for a huge disappointment. maybe they should spend more time together just naturally being who they are and letting things evolve in their own time, in their own way. so ... instead of their next meeting being a game of "ok the next time we meet I AM the dominant .. and you ARE the submissive" it will be more like "let's get together and see how our dominance and submission naturally express themselves when we're together."

but, that's just how i like a relationship to develop. there are boundless ways.

humbly,
sunshine

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 7:12:59 AM

perfection20005

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Joined: 4/20/2005
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I live about 300 miles from my Master, and we can only see each other about twice a month. Cyber and telephone activity can be added in the relationship. The last two months have been a really bad time for both Master and myself and we haven't been able to see each other in person. If I didn't have the telephone and online activity with him, I would go crazy. So make sure that you can and do use them. Good luck.

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 8:38:27 AM

HeavenlyCeleste

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Communication is always key!

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 10:15:19 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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ok, here's the part that is a little confusing:

quote:

They are about to have their first “official” play session together. They have had the both the nice and necessary discussions about limits, etc in a face to face meeting.

quote:

She desires to explore discipline and set ground rules for going forward. He desires to meet her expectations (which are somewhat unknown to him) in order to entice her to continue exploring the possibility of a more expansive D/s relationship.

you said they have had nice and necessary discussions, including limits, yet He is unaware of her expectations?
perhaps they should talk some more before play is involved, no?

quote:

I know this is a tough question to comment on with no more information than I have provided. Hopefully I could present him with 4 or 5 key points from the sub / slave side in order to have her come back for “another bite of the apple.”

ok here goes:
1. this slave isn't sure why you use words like "entice" and expressions like"another bite of the apple" unless you are trying to make this question as vague and open to as WIDE of a variety of interpretation as possible.
2. personally, this slave would be turned off by His lack of confidence in Himself
3. this slave's hopeful expectations from a first play session was to be pleasing to Him, not be pleased BY Him
4. we had discussed interests, expectations and limits prior to that session, however
5. find out what she expects her desire to be a slave to translate to in practical reality, before the play session

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 1:23:04 PM

wipmebeetme100

Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
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quote:

They are about to have their first “official” play session together. They have had the both the nice and necessary discussions about limits, etc in a face to face meeting. Both are a little nervous.

Now to the question ! In order to try and make a good first impression (yes, men worry about that also), do any of you have advice on how this “first” session should be structured to avoid disappointment on either side? She desires to explore discipline and set ground rules for going forward. He desires to meet her expectations (which are somewhat unknown to him) in order to entice her to continue exploring the possibility of a more expansive D/s relationship. The both have the usual distractions to deal with like kids, work, etc. Can / should “cyber or telephone activity be worked into it when they cannot be together?

O.K.....at first you mention play session, then the next paragrapgh talks about discipline, ground rules moving forward, distractions of kids, work, etc. and cyber or phone when they are not together.
My first suggestion is take one thing at a time. Is this meeting you are talking about going to be a "scene"? In other words are they getting together to play....or are they getting together to talk and get to know one another a bit more. Some things to consider when first starting a relationship... What do each of them want in a D/s relationship? Have they communicated that to each other?
The only advice i could give your Dom friend if he is concerned about keeping her interested in persuing this relationship....is to be HIMSELF! Be confident in his ability to give her what she needs from a D/s relationship....and always be willing and able to communicate his thoughts and feelings, as well as listening to hers.
Sorry i couldn't be of more assistance.

Peace,
cathy

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RE: Good 1st Impressions --- A Question - 11/15/2005 3:16:53 PM

slavejali

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Master and my first face to face D/s scene..was having me cook dinner for him. it was intimate, private and allowed us to feel each other out. He also got me to kneel as He was talking to me..we didnt rush into any kinda play scening.

We had spent 11 months (3000 hours) chatting online before we met.

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