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Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 7:39:22 PM   
redgrrl


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/23/2008
Status: offline 		I have am a bottom. I have been given the task of finding a new slave for Sir. What should I take into consideration?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 7:44:46 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		My first thought was: have you asked HIM what you should take in to consideration?
My next thought was: are you asking how you should go about it?


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 7:45:43 PM   
InsaenPleasures


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		My advice is to be completely honest about the entire situation INCLUDING your feelings on the subject.  The less mysterious the process, the more luck you will have.  Subs seeking a third for a mystery Dom are going to have a harder time than ones where the situation is more open.

You need to approach anyone who is interested in the same respectful way you would want to be approached and make it very clear the division of labor in the relationship before getting to know someone.

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 8:10:46 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I would suggest sitting down with your Sir and asking him what you should be looking for or taking into consideration. Then I would be open and honest with him about your feelings then and only then approach a 3rd or a slave for him. In doing so be open and honest with them/ Be prepared some will not understand why you are looking for him.

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 9:35:55 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redgrrl
What should I take into consideration?
You should take into consideration:

1) That the number of female "s" types that are available and open to poly is very small.

2) That some people (myself included) think that a) the Dom is lazy for not being involved in his own search, and b) that "s" currently in sub frenzy aren't necessarily best judges of character, so we won't take your word for it and c) since we literally put our lives into the hands of our Doms....that it's more important to have knowledge of the D first hand, rather than going by someone elses opinion.

3) be prepared for a long search, be prepared to be blamed for the long search, and be prepared for the relationship to have major issues because you're blamed for the long search.

Bottom line is that most searches that are conducted only the submissives fail. If you want to be successful at the search, I would suggest you work together and be patient.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/23/2008 9:36:48 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 9:38:30 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Might try having more then three sentences in your profile too. And a few pictures. From what little information you are offering, you don't seem to thrilled to be searching for a 3rd.

CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/23/2008 11:27:00 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		This is a medium of words.  If you don't use enough words then you will fail.  Pile them on.  Also, pictures.  And video, too.  Black out your face if you must, but get some photos up.

But you're not looking for advice, you're trying to advertise.  So... do that already.  The forums are a craptastic place to pick up subs, you have to contact the ones you're interested in directly and be prepared to get ignored 95% of the time, no matter how friendly and prosaic you may be.

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 1:24:36 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		also be prepared to be the *worst* type of woman if you take enjoyment in procuring ... makes us evil *nodsnodsnods*


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 6:29:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		speaking for experience, i had a former who sent me here to find him a 3rd, 4th, 5th etc etc because he wanted me to be bi despite my opposition to the entire idea. long story short - he's still looking for his stable after leaving him 2yrs ago.

what i'm saying is, sit down and discuss this with your top ...express your thoughts and concerns especially if you're the jealous type too. another thing, i kept asking the former what he was looking for in another and he would always reply "well, you know".  that to me is being lazy. you're not a mind reader. he should be an active partner in this too.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 8:00:44 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redgrrl

What should I take into consideration?


Finding a new Sir?

*Come on, we were all thinking it!*

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 8:04:26 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
The forums are a craptastic place to pick up subs


I totally and completely disagree.  The forums are the only source of contact on CollarMe that has EVER lead to a real life meeting.  The slave I have flying in on Sunday found my profile from my posts on the forums, as did the slave who just signed a one year contract with me last Sunday.

I find contacting people on the personals side almost a complete waste of time.  I still do it when I get bored, but nothing ever comes of it.

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 8:23:45 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		1. You will get pretty much no respect from the women you contact. Your boyfriend will get even less-because he is having you do it. I agree with the others, it makes the guy look weak and lazy. No one wants to submit to a creep.

2. Let him know that this is what will happen, suggest he arise from his throne and get involved himself.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to redgrrl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 8:25:18 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I've met through both.  What made the difference for me on the personals side was to send vanilla emails to women who had essentially vanilla profiles.  That might not be the filter you need for your own search, though -- if you even see a need to continue loking at this point.  I strongly suspect that the kinkiest female profiles have been set up by lonely men.

And, yeah, at least I was thinking it.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 8:28:55 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I was thinking it too. 

But really, I suggest Softness set up the Softness School of Procurement, and solve this issue for all worthy petitioners! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 9:53:25 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		you want me to teach procuring? ... no way - trade secrets!

I could set up a kinky matchmaking service though ... my set ups have a high success rating - a couple of gay friends I set up at pride last year are getting married next month .. all thanks to me ....(is Best Maid of Honour - will be the only person in a dress there)

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 12:50:51 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		TDW, I stand corrected; as always, it comes down to personal style.

I've met in the 5-8 range from personals, goose eggs from the forums.  3 from girls that contacted me first (after perving them or something, sometimes, but my journal was getting a lot of attention when I was keeping it updated.)

_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/24/2008 4:42:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go to munches with him, allow people to see who you both are, and how well you relate. Make friends. Be open about being interested in poly, assuming you are, but don't come off as creeps.

First have your relationship rock solid, something that takes years, not months.

And if you aren't also interested, then yeah, go find a better dom who actually cares about your feelings more than his dick's fantasies.

If all he wants is an occasional third, pull the names of escort services from the paper and tell him to hire one.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/25/2008 4:33:39 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DMFParadox
TDW, I stand corrected; as always, it comes down to personal style.


Agreed.  And I hope I didn't come across as attacking your post.  I have just had a very different experience.  And both girls never made a single forum post, but read what I wrote and contacted me on the other side, so we may be talking about the same thing.

I guess my point was that there are far too many profiles on the other side that are fake, yet I think the vast majority of the people on the forums are real, whatever that means. 

In the big picture, I think you might agree, the best way of finding a slave/sub is to make an attractive and complete image of yourself through your own writing and letting that "sell" you online, so they come to you.  Having nothing in your profile and never posting a single post or journal entry will get you nowhere.

Bottom line, advertise!

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/25/2008 7:10:26 AM   
Exquemelin


Posts: 113
Joined: 2/2/2007
From: CT
Status: offline 		My advice, lie through your teeth. Set up a couples profile, talk about how great and happy you both are but your thinking of adding a third. Contact people using that profile as both you and your dom. Put pictures of both of you up, don't lie here cause if you ever do get someone interested and then they meet you, you'll immediately lose them as soon as they see you're not your pictures. Also don't lie about things like height and weight, or interests. My girl met a dom before me who was listed at something like 6 foot, then when she met him he was like 5'5", held out through that date and then never saw him again. She also met a guy who when she asked said he wasn't a smoker, then when they went on a date he kept running into the bathroom and coming out smelling like smoke, never met him again either.


_____________________________

testing
The Hammer is my penis.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Finding a New Slave - 7/25/2008 8:22:56 AM   
MasterDragon1963


Posts: 51
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Let me say this as honestly and directly as I can, your Dom should get off his tale and do his job himself. I have little respect for Doms who send their slave out to find their next slave.Whether its a true poly "tri" or "V", direct, open, HONEST, communication is required. But your question makes it appear that "master" wants "ANOTHER" slave. I would hope he understands the dynamics of what he is asking for, because of his method, I am thinking he doens't.

Master Dragon

< Message edited by MasterDragon1963 -- 7/25/2008 8:23:59 AM >

_____________________________

It is not enough to walk thru the fire, but to embrace it, the flesh may be burned, but the pureness of the spirit shall endure forever.

(in reply to Exquemelin)
Profile   Post #: 20
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