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How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 6:38:27 PM   
michelle1227


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline 		I am cursed. I am cursed with two souls. One soul wants to do what is "right". To make mommy and daddy proud and to be the model citizen for all to admire, the goof daughter, wife and mother. But there is the beast, the second soul. She lurks is the shadows. She makes me seek the dark, the forbidden, the pleasure and pain of the flesh. I try to subdue her, I ply her with alcohol, masterbation. That worked for a while but she wants more. She is gaining strength, I am trying to hold her back but she is gaining ground making me want to feel more and  to taste more. I need to subdue her. To lock her away, she will destroy my world if she gets free. Tell me how to stop her, I can't give it to her.

Michelle

The Beast:
I remain in the darkness no more. My thirst must be quench. That which would subdue me only gives me strength. I rose once and I will rise again. Master feed me and I am  yours. I want only to worship you as you deserve.

< Message edited by michelle1227 -- 7/24/2008 7:19:40 PM >
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 6:40:34 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michelle1227
I can't give it to her.

Why not?  What would be so bad about getting spanked and whipped by someone you love, instead of drinking alone?

Not a snark, genuinely interested.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 6:49:03 PM   
ApathyRomance


Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		Poetic I guess, but in essence you are looking at conforming for the sake of conformity, or being a nonconformist 'til you realize you're just conforming to something else and really no one cares.  On a slightly less  "be quiet, you're obviously here on this site" note:  People balance all the facets of their life every day (or kill themselves, sometimes) and there are plenty of posts about it all over these forums.

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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 6:53:24 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

she will destroy my world if she gets free. Tell me how to stop her, I can't give it to her.


Why are you so afraid of her?  Are you worried that your husband won't understand?  Have you talked to him about it? That was my concern and i was very wrong about Him and He is now my Dom. My feeling is that you will never feel fully satisfied if you don't pursue your desires. 

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:02:54 PM   
michelle1227


Posts: 27
Joined: 7/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michelle1227

I am cursed. I am cursed with two souls. One soul wants to do what is "right". To make mommy and daddy proud and to be the model citizen for all to admire, the goof daughter, wife and mother. But there is the beast, the second soul. She lurks is the shadows. She makes me seek the dark, the forbidden, the pleasure and pain of the flesh. I try to subdue her, I ply her with alcohol, masterbation. That worked for a while but she wants more. She is gaining strength, I am trying to hold her back but she is gaining ground making me want to feel more and  to taste more. I need to subdue her. To lock her away, she will destroy my world if she gets free. Tell me how to stop her, I can't give it to her.



The Beast:
I remain in the darkness no more. My thirst must be quench. That which would subdue me only gives me strength. I rose once and I will rise again. Master feed me and I am  yours.

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:06:32 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I am blessed.  I am blessed with complexity.  Part of me is kind, generous, loving.  I wish to protect and support my lover.  But there is the aggressive side, the second part.  He lurks in the bright, shining, screaming part of my soul.   He makes me demand control, the non-pc, the pleasure of command.  I let him roam free, uncontrolled.  Eventually he tires, and allows my kinder, generous side to come forth.  He gains strength, as I feed him, always trying to do more, taste more.  I need to empower him, to strengthen him against the rest of the world.   For I am not arrogant and do not think for a second that I can not control him.

I do not need to stop him, for I am him.


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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:40:43 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit

I am blessed. I am blessed with complexity. Part of me is kind, generous, loving. I wish to protect and support my lover. But there is the aggressive side, the second part. He lurks in the bright, shining, screaming part of my soul. He makes me demand control, the non-pc, the pleasure of command. I let him roam free, uncontrolled. Eventually he tires, and allows my kinder, generous side to come forth. He gains strength, as I feed him, always trying to do more, taste more. I need to empower him, to strengthen him against the rest of the world. For I am not arrogant and do not think for a second that I can not control him.

I do not need to stop him, for I am him.



I love that! Beautiful!
One thing I've found recently is that, by embracing and accepting the parts of myself that I thought were unacceptable, I'm actually more in control of them. When I attempted to conform, my quirks and kinks and lusts would sneak out when I wasn't looking, but now they show when it's appropriate, and go internal when it's not. Maybe that would work, michelle?

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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:43:12 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Beast, schmiest. Such drama.

I can be pervy without losing myself in gratuitous drama.



_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:49:11 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Just don't let the beast make the other side of you forget common sense.

Good luck with your search

CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Leatherist)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 7:51:55 PM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		she may wind up taking it anyway?

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 9:27:08 PM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		embrace the she beast, she's part of you. 
learn to choose wisely, be true to self. 
discression is a part of life, it comes down to `who` you let in. 
again, choose wisely............
when it's right your gut will tell you. 
go with it. 



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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/24/2008 9:31:05 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I dunno, my beast usually incites an overexcited woman with a very red heated ass into ramming her butthole down on my cock. Or other stuff.

It kinda depends.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Leatherist)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 8:05:28 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I was in a relationship that allowed me to pull the two sides of myself together into one beautiful and healthy whole.  I stopped thinking of certain emotions or thoughts as "wrong" and feeling like I was two (or three) people.  The change wasn't easy and sometimes involved tears as I broke down the emotional walls I had built up over decades, but I no longer feel like I need to be one person for business (the consummate professional) , another for personal (empathetic and understanding yet not putting up with crap), and a third for sexual encounters (a voracious beast who needed to be fed).  Now these personalities are integrated and I know that I will get my needs met along with taking care of the needs of others.  I will never again allow myself to be in a relationship where I have to suppress my natural desires.

Many of us have dealt with this same problem.  Alcohol doesn't help - been there, done that.  Embrace yourself and your wants and needs, and don't let the beast side become wild enough that it could lead you into danger.  Sit down and think about what you really want most in life, and then start taking steps to make it happen.   

_____________________________



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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 8:14:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Therapy to learn to accept yourself.

I am a mother, and a daughter, I volunteer for the PTA, and help those I love. And I also love being reduced to a puddle of girl goo, being spanked and bound etc. And there is no struggle between the part of me that wants a spanking or the part of me that wants an ice cream or the part of me baking cookies for a bake sale. All of these are parts of me, and each are indulged in the right time and the right place, each taking turns so that I get everything done.

However until you aren't so conflicted I would suggest you don't engage in any play. Because you are likely to ask for something in the beginning but a couple of days later paint your partner as an evil being. You should not slander someone for doing what you agreed to nor should you make him feel badly for believing you were an adult who could knowingly consent to an activity. Your partner is a person too and if you are this torn, your doubts and fears will lash at him afterwards and he doesn't deserve that.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 8:18:13 AM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		Many have that problem. The fight within between what we have been taught/programed to be as a child, the environment we were raised oour religious direction from training as a child/youth. and what you inside feel you are.
Which is right? which is the direction you must take ? only you can deside that. To have others tell you is just bending you to their direction for their needs.
Look inward speak to God (or whatever he/it is that surrounds us) deside what YOU want/need and go that path. As you are apparently married and have children your moral obligation to them must also beconsidered, not nessessarily to your partner but your children.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 9:43:53 AM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michelle1227

I am cursed. I am cursed with two souls. One soul wants to do what is "right". To make mommy and daddy proud and to be the model citizen for all to admire, the goof daughter, wife and mother.


It would be interesting to know why you feel that practicing BDSM makes you a bad daugher, a bad wife, a bad mother and less than a model citizen. Why do you feel BDSM is "wrong"?

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 4:32:12 PM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michelle1227

I am cursed. I am cursed with two souls. One soul wants to do what is "right". To make mommy and daddy proud and to be the model citizen for all to admire, the goof daughter, wife and mother. But there is the beast, the second soul. She lurks is the shadows. She makes me seek the dark, the forbidden, the pleasure and pain of the flesh. I try to subdue her, I ply her with alcohol, masterbation. That worked for a while but she wants more. She is gaining strength, I am trying to hold her back but she is gaining ground making me want to feel more and  to taste more. I need to subdue her. To lock her away, she will destroy my world if she gets free. Tell me how to stop her, I can't give it to her.

Michelle

The Beast:
I remain in the darkness no more. My thirst must be quench. That which would subdue me only gives me strength. I rose once and I will rise again. Master feed me and I am  yours. I want only to worship you as you deserve.



Kibble maybe?

(in reply to michelle1227)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/25/2008 5:26:27 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		My experience with that *beast* is...
 
Its never satisfied for long once its...released...
 
run while you can <grins>

(in reply to michelle1227)
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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/26/2008 12:45:06 PM   
IXian


Posts: 29
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		Frankly, I would advice you too switch the roles of your two sides. Imagine the beast running the day to day show and your "proper" personality riding coach making sure the beast doesn't do something /really/ selfdestructive. My point is, your creating a lot of personal hurt and anguis by imagining one side to be the "bad" and therfore the other must be "good". First of all, they are both parts of _your single mind_, not two separate parts of two separate "you's". Stop beating yourself, your only hurting yourself _and_ those you love.
Secondly, society does _NOT_ know what a "good daughter, wife and mother" is, it only creates a stereotypical charicature of what how a "good" daughter/wife/mother should behave based on previous historical anecdotes. In short, the ideal "good wife" has never existed except in 1950 escapist dreams.


PS. If you decide to stop beating yourself, remember that beating yourself over the head by reminding yourself that you shouldn't beat yourself can be just another way of beating yourself. ;)
Accept everything about ourself, even those that horrify you. Then remember that there is a great moral difference between accepting yourself and /acting out/ those sides without a second thought.

IXian.



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RE: How do I satisify the beast within? - 7/26/2008 5:50:16 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		beautful...Now tell us what your really after.....

(in reply to IXian)
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