Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (Full Version)

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starshineowned -> Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 1:37:28 PM)

Greetings..~smiles~

Nephandi inspired this with a term of "living barbie dolls"..thanks neph.

I have seen this stated in a vast many profiles on CM and many places over the years. I see a ton of descriptions from online persons telling their version of what a doormat is.

Has anyone actually met a doormat sub/slave in person? If so what were they like?
If they were smiling, and content..does that still qualify them as a doormat even if you did not agree with how they were being treated?
When sub/slaves list this as they are not a "doormat" (usually telling this to would be Dominant suitors)..do they also use this term to denote that they won't be a doormat to other sub/slaves to?

Real encounters of what you thought was a doomat sub/slave would be appreciated as the online theory of opinions of them are rampent already.

Thankyou in advance

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 1:44:52 PM)

I can be an excellent doormat. But then I love objectification.

The "doormats" I meet are the ones in total frenzy who get whipped up over anything in a desparate search to be "owned" or "collared," the ones who know they know better but can't face the idea of being solo, so they go along with what the dom wants just to keep him, even if it means not being true to themselves.

A great majority of the time however, the "doormat" term is an empty word thrown around to make the sub feel more confident about themselves.

Wipe your feet

Does obedience = "doormat"?




slavejali -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 1:48:15 PM)

i dont get the whole "im not a doormat" thing really. Ive seen it online a lot too. Its never been an issue for me or one that i needed to express, so its very difficult for me to understand what people are meaning by that.

Do they mean ...im not looking for an abusive relationship?

Do they mean....ive got a whole bunch of things i wont do..or expectations of my own for a potential relationship?

Do they mean... i wanna be a slave/submissive but only to a certain level?

Do they mean...im expressing that i dont want to be seen as weak minded? (if in that case..the need to express that..its actually showing some defense of them self..so in fact is a weakness in itself)

Ive got no clue...

Maybe some people see me as a doormat, how i love to do everything Master says...


cluless. lol




wipmebeetme100 -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 1:49:43 PM)

quote:

Has anyone actually met a doormat sub/slave in person? If so what were they like?



I am not quite sure if she was a doormat slave.....after meeting her all i can say with any surety is that she was breathing.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 2:00:59 PM)

Presuming that we are not talking about the human-furniture type of doormat...........

I see the doormat submissive as the one who is open to exploitation of any kind, in the name of being "owned". The person will take all sorts of nonsense, be taken advantage of, often give money to the dominant, because that is what they consider being a good submissive is. I also see the people who have no personal opinions of their own in this category----not the ones who are *suppressing* their opinions, the ones who actually prefer to not think for themselves.

Ms Francine




MsIncognito -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 2:14:13 PM)

In the last two years the I've been involved in the community in real time I can't say I've ever met a slave or submissive that I would call a doormat. I've met plenty of obedient slaves and submissives but most of them were actually very intelligent, self-actualized (or close to it) people. In fact the one that would be considered the most "doormatish" in terms of following her Master's edicts without fault is also a successful small business woman, highly intelligent and someone I'd like to be when I grow up.




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 2:37:05 PM)

quote:

Has anyone actually met a doormat sub/slave in person? If so what were they like?


Yes, I have.

Red flags to spot a doormat:

- few personal interests/hobbies
- claims to be willing to be trained, but in personal life, does very little to explore, learn, better him/herself in any capacty
- drama queen
- tendency to not take care of his/herself - financially, physically, emotionally, etc
- tendency to fall head over heels very quickly, declaring the Dominant is perfect in every way, getting very clingy in an inappropriately short period of time
- fear of being alone/not in a relationship

Said individual will typically have a very strong belief and assert it regularly that they are NOT a doormat, as if invoking that phrase over and over will make it so.




Mercnbeth -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 2:45:12 PM)

quote:

Has anyone actually met a doormat sub/slave in person? If so what were they like?


We think we have. One person in particular that we used to see at many functions and club parties we've attended.

No matter what the circumstances, or what she was doing she always had the saddest look in her eyes, and the saddest expressions on her face. Her master would order her about and she would comply. She would get in very intense sessions. She would be bound tightly and led around on a leash. In other words, she looked and acted like every other slave in attendance with one exception - she never smiled, looked happy, excited, relieved, sexually turned on, or even scared.

We say we "think" we have because she and her master never spoke or socialized with anyone. Who knows - maybe that is/was their "thing". But the blank expression during the sessions and her "look" would qualify her as being the only person we've met who we would consider a "doormat". The reason was we felt she just really didn't want to be there and wasn't getting anything out of the experience. That meets our definition of "doormat" in a real time setting.




darkinshadows -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 3:02:55 PM)

Doormats do not exist.
Well, unless its the sisal variety... occasionally rubber. The fabric kind are of no assistance at all and are terrible to clean.

It is just another way of people placing themselves on a higher order to believe in such things IMO.
But, by some assumptions, that probably makes me doormat material.[;)]

Peace and Rapture




ExistentialSteel -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 3:08:30 PM)

It seems that I’ve run across subs that have had what I would call doormat experiences in their pasts from what they have told me. I always try to treat them with respect and build their self esteem. Of course, the doms after me, probably feel that I treated them as doormats, also.

Now it could be that they willingly accepted their roles as doormats until the doms tired of them, but that is another discussion.

Post relationships, I think some subs feel slighted and use the doormat labeling thing to skew the descriptions of how the doms actually treated them… thus, the profile saying a sub will not be treated as a doormat.




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 5:57:34 PM)

,"to know is ,to love "
so who really knows what a "doormat "is ,to love one....
,or what's a real-true-ridgid no switch-top,for that matter,....
well finally: somebody, brought it ,up "no-doormat"signs posted,on ads...
heaven ,forbid....no body wants one...
I KNOW,
BUT ,WHO CARES
i don't waste time anymore....
,When i first started comming ,out ,as a slave,and ,said hit me;while waiting , on my knees, for a kick,in the stomach ,to make me double- over ,or ,in ,other words really "make-me" ....is one thing,
but, when i layed down, and ,gently pulled her ,on top ,of me, to trample me ,THAT'S,when i found ,out what a "boring doormat is.....",to some people,esp. pro's....or those who cant get off without action;those who want no doormats feel
cause:you don't wanna suck ,and, f';
you obviously don't want any" t ,and, a ",and,
you ,just lay there ,
while they are looking gorgeous
wanting individual attention,
IN BED
,thats a doormat!...and, if by the term:
"barbie",you mean the doormat personality;
your right.
...anything sexy ;aesthetic ,'to be top ,in your field'ie:-AMBITIOUS-REAL WORLD- ,but, real bottom ,and, caved, in; emaciated ;thin,SERVUS-PROFESSIONAL,WAITNG ;DOLLED UP ,24/7,WAITING, in bed ,EVEN DOWN,to the ALWAYS ready,FOR THE TOP clean, VIA enemas ....CLEAN ,INSIDE ,too,AND, WAITING)
you got it right,THATS A REAL "DOORMAT"....
i ,understand no top who's really arrogant ,and ,narcisssistic ,with a bod., to die, for WANTS A" DOOR MAT ",OR AN EVENTUAL INVISABLE LOVER;
AND ,THE BEGINNER GOD
WOULD usually get bored ,
with a start, out doormat....
USUALLY THE SENTIMENT IS- I'M A GOD LETS GO -,OR :I SAW ,AND, I CONQUERED YOU ,OR
'lets get physical'(,AND, i did ,THAT SONG ,F.Y.I. ,and ,it was stolen, and ,plagiarized)-
hard physical ;hit heavy ;s m sex
is preferred.
sometimes,NO DOORMATS ARE WANTED, BY LEATHER STRUTTING TOPS
(IE:NO BORING TRAMPLING; NON- CHALANCE;INVISABLES;INSTALLATIONS;TRASHBUCKETS,ETC..),
ESP.,by bill-board-models, or exceptionally known trouble tops, but,
i believe, that
" the top"
has , to be THE versitile one ,
and, have, enough" imagination" ,to feel what's ,underneath,and ,to know
the real potential ,of a' doormat'....
you have, to want ,to own one down ,to the skin....and feel,or use it;even ,after death; your my rug; door mat ;cuckold ;financial slave; etc. .... all ususally rolled ,into one .
the bottom ,of bottoms....
cause it's ,not ,just a doormat, but, ONCE universally applied;that ,"nothing" is everything,
and , you have, to, understand a doormat
can do anything,when you play right!,maybe ,some, just don't like trampling,or skins or objectifications
i guess....??
I'D ,RATHER SOMEONE SAID; i want "no doormats",in the ,beginning ,so i know, when i have ,to perform ,or ,not....(,in bed)
it's ,not unlike ,when i had ,to be vanilla
(,my leather attracted lots of girls,)before i could be real,with somebody ,in s ,and, m
no more flat-backs ;i laff and say....
tons ,of girls ,just lay there ,and ,say DO ME ,and, you'd do them ,score,and ,leave(boring-) ....next....,and, they are the type ,that are fans, and, hang ,on your ankles, and ,won't let you leave ....those are 'doormats', to me(vanilla t ,and ,a) go figure...




Noah -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 6:15:28 PM)

I'm not referring to the original post here but the doormat conversation in general seems consistently to have lined up around one side of it a cadre of people quite comfortable to explain that while their own approach to kink is unobjectionable--because to each his own--the approach of certain unamed others is ... wrong, sad, disgusting, hateful, harmful, etc.

I'm not here to say that this cadre is always wrong.

I have met and gotten to know people who longed to be taken lower than they had been taken before. Way lower. Brutally and subtly and complex-ly and simply lower. Heavy scenes with lovey-dovey aftercare are terrific but this is not what they wanted. In very special cases I decided to get involved in this exploration.

It is ugly and dangerous. But that's what a lot of people say about anything kinky. It can also be beautiful, potentially sublime, and can invoke a kind of galvanizing power. I'm not talking about the power the submissive reliquishes nor the power the dominant exercises. It is a silly little lighting rod who claims responsibility for the thunder.

My metaphor is clunky and weak. I suspect any other one might be too. The thing my words are trying to point to may by its nature be unspeakable.

Have you spent your life among musicians and had the opportunity to watch as they were struck by inspiration and created something of rare value in response? Or artists or engineers or Amish quilters or soldiers or moms? Great, but unless we have personally had the experience of inspiration to awesome creativity then we are in a kind of weak position to make declarations about it, especially to criticize a particular instance in which we played no part.

I'll say plainly that some of the descriptions of relationships/activities I read here stike me as prima facie goofy. But I have been around enough to know that prima facie isn't the whole story. Some words and practices which are apparently in common usage among CMers are ones I could hardly use with a straight face, but that is no indictment of the practice nor of the persons involved. It isn't for me to say. This restriction on me is not a matter of manners or political correctness. It is a matter of access to the subject matter which I simply don't have.

Things don't just look different from the inside. Sometimes they are different. Sometimes they are different to past the point of incommensurability.

Let me offer an analogy. A parent is prima facie goofy when gootchie gootchie goo-ing an infant. That doesn't mean that nothing powerful, valuable, even momentous is going on.

All of us have experiences of parenting. Even the childless person has herself experienced parenting at the hands of this person or that. Even the orphan in the extreme case with no memories to draw on is shaped by whom or whatever sustained her to the point of independant viability. No one is raised by wolves. Because we all have some experience of parenting we can all claim--more or less, case by case--to understand in more than a theoretical way the momentousness of gootchie goo-ing.

But neither you nor I nor anyone here has access to the particular experiences of another individual. You see how she is acting, that she is not smiling enough for you or smiling too much. This taken along with some other observations gives you the opportunity to call her names and to imply or state that the name, e.g. doormat, is the name of something bad. But when it comes down to it you don't have access. You don't, simply and literally, know what you are talking about.

By the way, I realize that the poster who spoke of the unsmiling woman was only offerring a limited and provisional sort of claim about her. I didn't read that post as a condemnation and I'm not taking issue with it particularly.

I'm not against judging. Like some other phenomena I see it as powerful and dangerous, but I find it indispensable. I do it all the time but I try to do it to a purpose and I can not see what the purpose is of drawing and sharing negative conclusions about the interior life of someone you neither know nor particularly care about.

I don't imagine that I understand better than you the interior life of that person you are calling a doormat. I don't imagine that you understand it better than I do either, especially if you are talking about someone with whom you have not been intimate for a considerable length of time.

I do suspect that I have imagined some positive possibilities which some chronic criticizers have not gotten around to imagining yet. My experiences referred to above have of course fertilized my imagination. I don't kid myself, though, that as a result I have some special knowledge of the heart or mind of a person who neither you nor I have ever dealt with in depth.

I do imagine in a sort of speculative way that for someone to get to the point that you have decided to call doormat is often not a great thing. Maybe it is maladaptive, maybe pathological in this case or that one; maybe even tragic. I can also imagine speculatively regarding the case of an individual stranger that sometimes getting to the point at which you would call them doormat is a worthy achievement, something in regard to which she might have a certain powerful kind of satisfaction, or relief--if not pride--and about which she might feel tremendous gratitude.

And in a nice little twist, hearing you call her doormat might just enrich her experience.








LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 6:22:08 PM)

Considering I've been told in the past that my owner was an abuser for making me sleep on the floor and that I was a doormat for "allowing it" it tends to be hard for me to take things like that seriously when they get tossed around so casually.




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 6:28:40 PM)

James, I have to say....I can't understand anything you are trying to say.

Perhaps you could clarify, and use complete sentences and proper grammar? The choppy phrases and misspelled words are extremely confusing.

Thanks.




redheadedfire4u -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/15/2005 10:08:27 PM)

Doormats do not exist ... I disagree

ok without to much detail that no one really wants to hear and I do not really want to go into it is enough to say that I grew up in violence and really new nothing else so between the ages of 18 and 22, I look back and say yes without a doubt I was a door mat. I was a victim as well, I was subject to the worse kinds of emotional, physical and mental abuse and would appoligise for causing it, everything that happened I not only deserved in my own mind but it was my fault that it happened. I appoligised for breathing, even in a hospital bed I would do so and beg to be given a second chance, to not be left alone, as he had told me how badly I needed him, and how terrible life would be without him. I had no say in anything not what I wore, who I saw or what I did, I had no hobbies, no real freinds and only moved with permission. I worked when and how I was told and handed every cent over to him, I had no bank account nothing in my name and that was not hard as he gave me a new identity and I was who he told me to be.

I beleived I was stupid, worthless and lucky that he would have me as no one else ever would and that my only attributes were blue eyes and long legs. Not a matter of low self esteeme but a complete lack of it, never happy but just feeling what ever I was told to feel.

To me this is a door mat, a person who is a non event, not actually even there. Of utterly no importance to anyone not even themselves.

My undying gratitude to my late grandfather who though some extreem sneakiness rescued me and bought me back to life ... but it has taken 20 yrs to cleanse this and still it is with me in some ways and probably always will be. So when my profile says I am not a doormat, it means I will never be where I was for anyone or anything ...

warm smiles to all




candystripper -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/16/2005 2:05:35 PM)

quote:

Post relationships, I think some subs feel slighted and use the doormat labeling thing to skew the descriptions of how the doms actually treated them… thus, the profile saying a sub will not be treated as a doormat.

ExistentialSteel


It is in the Girlfriend Code that after the break-up, we all think he's a jerk for not treasuring our lovely friend. Personally i am sick of the "doormat" methaphor; i suggest we start declaring we will not be used as deposit slips. LMAO.

candystripper




RiotGirl -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/16/2005 4:06:31 PM)

Okay i got it folks.

DOORMAT = SOME ONE WHO GETS WALKED ALL OVER

lol dont ask me why, but i think i got called a doormat this past weekend. Actually not a complete doormat. Or in their words "not completely walked all over"

Makes sense, we do walk over doormats dont we. So in a definition of a doormat... um doh







LadiesBladewing -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/16/2005 4:51:20 PM)

Honestly, I've never met a dedicated servant who was a doormat. I've met a lot who were told by others in the community that they were doormats, but never anyone who was in a relationship that they were satisfied with, regardless of the terms under which -they- were satisfied, whom I would classify as "doormat".

Usually, when I see this on a profile, I think that the individual is one who wants to dictate the terms of their surrender -- and since this is something we all do anyway, I think that it is somewhat redundant. If one doesn't like the terms offered, one goes elsewhere...simple as that. Often, though, I get the feeling that these are individuals who are caught up in the possibility of their own victimization, and are afraid that this fear will be realized. In a consentual lifestyle, we all have choices. Taking our time and making the ones that are right for us (no matter what anyone else things of them) means that we don't have to enter any relationship as a victim -- even a relationship where we submit our lives to someone else. Submission will not always be comfortable. In fact, deep and dedicated submission is often -very- uncomfortable, and stretches our sense of self and our sense of existence. But if we are finding growth in the process, then no matter what anyone else calls it, it is the right path for that place and time.

There was a time in my life, before I entered the lifestyle, when I thought of myself as a "doormat"... but a great deal of soul-searching as I made choices in my life led me to the understanding that each time I considered myself a victim of circumstance or of other people's actions, I had actually made a choice to put myself in that situation, and had actually gotten something out of it for myself -- and when I went back -into- situations like the ones in which I considered myself a "doormat", I realized that I was doing so because I -was- getting something out of it, whether those who tried to make me feel worthless in my decision could see it or not. Once I accepted my own responsibility in the process, and my own right to make decisions that were good for me, I stopped defining myself by others definitions, and found myself not only satisfied, but happy with my life.

Lady Zephyr





RiotGirl -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/16/2005 5:18:06 PM)

i disagree on your definition of doormat = victem. Maybe a majority of ppl make the equation true, but i dont think its true for all. Personally i think it IS possible to knowingly, intellectually, and be completely aware that you are being a doormat.




testlimit -> RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers (11/16/2005 8:36:32 PM)

Yes my first girlfriend, who I knew for a couple of years previously and a good number of years afterward was a doormat. Pretty much she might protest something but if pushed, even a little would basically fold. I had to constantly restrain myself from just running roughshod over her and actually getting her to offer her true opinion on anything was like pulling teeth.




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