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Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 5:32:39 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I am sure this has been discussed in various forms, but I haven't seen it/found it recently -- so here goes!

I have a little/some experience as a top and very little as a bottom. My bottoming has been limited to sensation play, hot wax, light bondage, fisting, and good old fashioned rough sex. I am "sub-curious" and particularly wanting to try impact play. I have never been spanked, flogged, whipped, etc.

But I am SCARED! :)

My anxiety is basically threefold.

1) I am very control oriented and not sure exactly how I may react in a physically vulnerable situation.
2) I suspect I have a low pain tolerance and may embarass myself with my wimpiness. Although I have managed extreme pain well in the past out of neccessity, I am a whiner with mild and moderate pain. Also, I tend to pass out or throw up as a reaction to pain - such as sprained ankles, bad cuts, the turkey platter falling out of the cabinet and hitting me in the nose, etc.)
3) Due to my anxiety I may either end things too quickly due to fear, and thus not really experience what I am wanting OR hold out too long in an effort to prove myself and end up hurt and annoyed.

I do not have anxiety regarding the person who would top me. I would not allow it with someone I was not comfortable with. And yes, I understand communicaton with him would be crucial (yadda yadda yadda.) But I can not communicate my expectations or hopes with him if I am not self aware.

So, finally, here are my questions. As a novice did you handle/react to pain differently in a scene situation as opposed to everyday life? How so? Thinking back to your first experiences with potentially ouchie play, did you start slow or jump right in? Did that work for you or not so much? Did you KNOW before you started that you intensely craved and desperately wanted this, or was it more of a curiosity and mild desire?


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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 5:46:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
As a novice did you handle/react to pain differently in a scene situation as opposed to everyday life?

Generally yes. The pain you receive in a scene is usually far more controlled, built up and spread in different ways than in real life.

I'm a klutz, my legs always have bruises on them from bumping into things. I get a sharp immediate pain from them and then forget about them until they are sore. It's a very different sensation than getting a swift lash from a singletail.

That being said, I still cry if the pain is enough in both circumstances.

quote:

Thinking back to your first experiences with potentially ouchie play, did you start slow or jump right in?

Going slow is always the way to go at first. It's really easy to ramp up, much harder to come down once you've leaped off the edge.

quote:

Did that work for you or not so much? Did you KNOW before you started that you intensely craved and desperately wanted this, or was it more of a curiosity and mild desire?

I was intensly curious and after 7 years of thorough exploration and dealing with pain in a scene context, I'm not a masochist and do not get a rush from pain.

Since you ARE so awesomely self aware of your reactions to pain, it can really help you process scenes, if you take it slow. Whether you end up enjoying pain or not isn't the issue (though people will think you're weird and try and convince you constantly otherwise if you end up not liking it). Treat it like any new thing.





(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 5:57:16 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline
quote:

So, finally, here are my questions. As a novice did you handle/react to pain differently in a scene situation as opposed to everyday life? How so? Thinking back to your first experiences with potentially ouchie play, did you start slow or jump right in? Did that work for you or not so much? Did you KNOW before you started that you intensely craved and desperately wanted this, or was it more of a curiosity and mild desire?


Hi Sensuallips, I know exactly what you mean. I was drawn to D/s, was always submissive, had sexual fantasies that I knew were masochistic- but none were about pain. I did not think I would ever "like" anything that hurt. Hell, who likes to stub thier toe? Ow!

My fantiesies were always about giving up control. Being roughly dominated by a strict, harsh, yet loving protective masculine figure. Love that in life.

When I entered my first (and I have had only one serious D/s relationship) I told him..no pain...uh uh, not me. He knew better.....

When you are in a situation where you are safe, can relax and trust- you may find that things that would usually be painful in a bad way, to become a sensation that combines with sensual pleasure.

If your Dominant is pleased by this, I'll bet that you will feel even more open to pleasing him so he will be proud. That is worth it in itself: please him (or her of course)

Please DO take it slowly.

I make it sound like I am so experienced. I am not; just enough to know myself in this way and maybe help someone else along.

Good luck
fawne



(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 6:05:26 PM   
Midearthtrainer


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		Whether it takes you six years or less, it is better to go slow, then have to repair the damage from rushing too fast. Building Land Mines is NOT the thing to do.

Try this - Go to dinner with your Top, you in a dress and nothing else underneath before your scene. make sure the Top finds out that you are dressed that way just before/during dinner. That is your assignment.

A scene starts before the physical component is present

(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 6:22:45 PM   
Jacques1000


Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline 		I oppose Landmines.

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 6:36:30 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

So, finally, here are my questions. As a novice did you handle/react to pain differently in a scene situation as opposed to everyday life? How so?


Definately, if i hit my thumb with a hammer...i dont like it much. I think my fascination and enjoyment of strong sensation in play has a lot to do with the surrender aspect.

quote:

Thinking back to your first experiences with potentially ouchie play, did you start slow or jump right in? Did that work for you or not so much? Did you KNOW before you started that you intensely craved and desperately wanted this, or was it more of a curiosity and mild desire?


i didnt know i desperately wanted or needed it. My initial experience with ouchies was with my first Master who used pain as punishment or just cuz He liked inflicting it...i realised then that i could enjoy it. I was also surprised when i first started to crave it..when that happened it shocked me actually..the first time i begged for intense sensation was wild and put me into such a space.


(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 6:45:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips
I have a little/some experience as a top.
I suspect I have a low pain tolerance and may embarass myself with my wimpiness. Also, I tend to pass out or throw up as a reaction to ... the turkey platter falling out of the cabinet and hitting me in the nose....
Due to my anxiety I may either end things too quickly due to fear, and thus not really experience what I am wanting OR hold out too long in an effort to prove myself and end up hurt and annoyed.

I do not have anxiety regarding the person who would top me.
I would not allow it with someone I was not comfortable with.


So what thought went thru your mind when you were whipping their ass?
So the opposite will be true.

The fuckin turkey thing is way way to kinky for me, I just wouldn't do it. You may have a better handle on it than I tho.

You face the anxiety. You can pre-plan, TCB do all the shit, when you are in the real situation you will find yourself.

You go thru this top/bottom straight/gay man/woman. The thing is you want to check the what ifs, TO KNOW.

So you chicken out too soon. This is not your last asswhoopin honey.

Don't care about it until you care about it.

Now I come from a place where if you whip my ass, some must die. Somewhere along the line, you come to a place that says "whoo Hoo?......"

Test your mettle. This is as scarey as your first fuck. You got that done didn't you?

Find a place in life.

You will do well, never fear.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Sensualips)
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RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 7:36:40 PM   
obis


Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

2) I suspect I have a low pain tolerance and may embarass myself with my wimpiness. Although I have managed extreme pain well in the past out of neccessity, I am a whiner with mild and moderate pain. Also, I tend to pass out or throw up as a reaction to pain - such as sprained ankles, bad cuts, the turkey platter falling out of the cabinet and hitting me in the nose, etc.)


On this point, I would refer you to the many studies that have been done on the subject of pain tolerance in the medical field. The most important factor in tolerance was that the patient felt they had some control over the pain. If they were given a button to press to give themselves more pain meds, but told to push it only if it was really, really necessary, patients were able to deal with much more pain on a lower dose than those given a fixed dosage.

And in the end, while you certainly enjoy the feeling of helplessness that comes in a d/s situation, you WILL know that you can "turn it off" to a certain extent -- it isn't a truly involuntary situation in which you have no way of knowing how long it will last or if it will get worse. I'd imagine it is similar to the difference between play rape and the real thing -- physically they might be identical, but they are worlds apart in how your brain and body process them.

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 8:57:55 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks all. I am sure your advice on taking things slow is sound. I just have limited opportunities to play and I do hate to "waste" one of them.

I don't have a real strong need-to-please as a motivator although it certainly can become a component of some relationships. But my interest is purely selfish at this time. Me, me, me. (I said I was sub-curious, not that I mastered the art.)

I am good at assignments though and usually get A's so lack of undergarments is not a problem. Except I really need a bra most times. Otherwise I could abruptly lean over and accidentally blacken my eye before we get near a flogger.

quote:

The fuckin turkey thing is way way to kinky for me, I just wouldn't do it. You may have a better handle on it than I


Actually, I didn't have a handle on it. That is why it slipped and smacked me in the face.

You all are very, very wise.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/15/2005 9:01:25 PM   
michaelMI


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		as soon as i have a "reaction" i'll let you know...LOL...still waiting for my first D/s experience.

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/16/2005 6:50:59 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Personally, its different in life then in scenes. In life i can take a lot. i've been punched in the face (twice) beaten up, had a 240 lb man's running weight slam a door into my wrist, falled down a flight of cement stairs, ect ect. Never once shed a tear. Usually laugh it off, or pop out with some off the wall comment.

In a scene booooooooy i can cry quiet easily. LOL But i'm working on it

(in reply to michaelMI)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/18/2005 3:02:21 PM   
subaltern1


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline
why is crying bad ?

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/19/2005 10:16:17 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		i'll let you know when i get my first whipping,lol.
in all seriousness i imagine i'll be crying b/c of the release and letting go, the pain, the freedom of it all....

there is no doubt i will experience many feelings while it is going on....

mostly it is what it will signify to me, that will make me cry........
it will mean a new beginning

it scares the hell outta me but it calls to me and i dont like pain

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 11/19/2005 10:17:50 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Novice Reactions - 11/19/2005 1:24:34 PM   
submissivesilk


Posts: 154
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		i felt just like that, scared of appearing weak or wimpy. The first time is the hardest for sure.

i'm still considered a novice, but i have been taken by a sadist, much to my chagrin. i've learned that i can take a whole lot more than i ever imagined.

It is a wonderful journey for sure.


good luck on yours

silk

(in reply to fyreredsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
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