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Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 4:24:42 PM   
sub4domina


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Hello,
i have a vanilla (sorta) issue that i would like the ladies advice with..  A few years ago I chatted with a local domme through a vanilla dating site. We emailed back and forth, exchanged basic info (kids, job, etc) and talked about Her being dominant. i was working third shift at the time (which i call the land of the undead) and we were on the subject of public  dispalys of affection, which i stretched to mean scene related (such as bending down to tie my shoe in public and place a quick little kiss on her boot).  Shortly after that she informed me she would no longer correspond.

Jump to present-she is still single, and i would like to send her a dozen roses and try to establish email again . I would include all the info to let her know we had talked before and she gave me her addy and phone. My question for the ladies, is this a smart thing to do with all the stalking stuff going on nowadays? If it were you would you  freak out? Is this even feasible or should i just leave things as they are?

Thanks to all,
adam x

< Message edited by sub4domina -- 7/26/2008 4:25:33 PM >
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RE: Ladies advice needed - 7/26/2008 4:28:33 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		If she informed you that she wasn't interested in corresponding with you, why do you think things will be different now?  Flowers aren't going to win you points if she's not interested.  You'll just end up annoying her and possibly scaring her.  You said it yourself, you spoke years ago and she cut off contact.  The fact that you kept tabs on her all this time is more than a little creepy, IMO.

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 4:30:33 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i would freak...knowing you kept my address all this time.

Perhaps a short, sweet note? If she is interested she will let you know.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
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VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 4:54:47 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		 
An e-mail if possible would be more appropriate; a letter or 'phone call to her home are more stalker-ish, so if she doesn't reply, take it as a very strong 'NO!', and a present without establishing contact is desperate if not creepy.
And a true Domme wouldn't 'freak':  we'd roll our eyes and depending on you and what you'd done, either return the roses decapitated, donate them anonymously to the nearest nursing home's residents, or call the cops.  Done all 3! ;-)

(in reply to sirsholly)
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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 5:04:06 PM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		No roses!  Danger, Will Robinson, danger!  There is no way you will advance your cause, vanilla or otherwise.

A friendly, few paragraphs email lets her know that you are interested, but is mellow enough that she can say no and not feel uncomfortable.

Mss

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 5:12:20 PM   
sub4domina


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		thanks all for the feedback, but i don't have her email address.i do see the point about flowers. 

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 5:24:58 PM   
DreamsOfSpider


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline 		Setting aside the creepy-stalkerishness, since that's been well addressed... I swear, I don't know why guys who have been told "no" think that they win (buy?) a woman's affection with gifts. It really seriously does not work that way. Roses do not engender love in the disinterested. Chocolate is not the way to a woman's heart, if you're not already there. All these things do is convey your unwanted, unwelcome desire. Save them for someone who wants you, and who will be glad to know that you also want her.

Edit: If you know she's single, she must have a current profile on the dating site, right? I'd contact her there.








< Message edited by DreamsOfSpider -- 7/26/2008 5:28:53 PM >

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 5:33:32 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Did she end communications with you because of your night job or your take on things public or not?  That might determine whether she would welcome an email or contact.  If you don't have her email address and she stopped communications for any other reason than your night hours... I wouldn't contact her.  There are other's out there... find someone else to get to know.

I would save my money and spend it on someone you know is interested in you.  A rose from someone I have no interest in or am not involved with... just doesn't do a thing for me.  And sending rose's to someone you haven't talked to in a long time, that ended communications, gets some attention, but none you would want!

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 7:54:05 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  ~Piping in from the other side of the fence~

  Definitely don't send her flowers.

  There was a guy I was interested in, but couldn't go out with while we were in contact because of a little problem of mine (an ex-).

  Three years later, a month after my ex and I had broken up, I get a message from this blast from the past telling me he was always into me, and wondered if we could go out some time.

  Although I liked him and was flattered, the fact that he'd been keeping tabs on me for 3 years was FREAKY AS HELL. If this woman told you she was totally uninterested, particularly if it was a flat out no rather than a "call me sometime if you stop working the night shift", then don't follow up with her. Find someone new.

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 8:53:28 PM   
DominaSusan


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with Katie, I had a similar experience. A guy from my past wrote me a very long letter about how he still carried a torch for me and how great I was more than 10 years after our 3 or so dates. Move on-there are plenty of fish (dominas) and really she said she wasn’t interested. Was she so great that no one else can compare?  Seriously, move on.

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/26/2008 9:43:13 PM   
VelvetMaam


Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: offline 		It's interesting how male subs "recycle" Dommes that they were interested in once upon a time, and either it didn't work out or they didn't pursue it at the time.

I have frequently been contacted by subs who I can't even always remember, telling me how into me they were, how much they admired me, and how, several years after any correspondance dropped off, they would really like to serve me NOW.  

Yes.  It's creepy.   Sending me roses out of the blue would be VERY creepy and stalker-ish.

Unless you happen to run into this lady at a BDSM event, I wouldn't try to re-establish contact.  

(in reply to DominaSusan)
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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/27/2008 5:47:39 AM   
sub4domina


Posts: 6
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks to all for the advice. Her name popped up in the local paper a few months ago is what triggered this, but as many of you have said, it's best to move on. 


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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/27/2008 6:18:27 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I agree that he shouldn't send roses, but geez you guys, what in the world is wrong with the poor guy sending a little note in the mail or giving the woman a call?   She gave him her address back then, what's the big deal?  If she didn't change her mind, no harm, no foul.  But maybe she'll decide to give the guy a chance.. What's the big deal?  I'd be flattered myself.

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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/27/2008 6:22:17 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		One day a guy whom I knew through some friends stopped by my office with flowers and requested a date.  I was embarrased that he would show up at my work place like that.  No way he was getting a date with me.  Not to mention he'd just broken up with a friend of mine.

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- Albert Einstein

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RE: Ladies advice requested - 7/27/2008 6:26:07 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4domina

Thanks to all for the advice. Her name popped up in the local paper a few months ago is what triggered this, but as many of you have said, it's best to move on. 




and always wonder "what if...?"

I would try a short, friendly note, perhaps telling her you saw her name in the paper, and then see where it goes.
But...i would let it go if you do not have a response with the initial contact.

Best of luck to you.


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to sub4domina)
Profile   Post #: 15
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