Mastering being a Master (Full Version)

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cheeba0228 -> Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 8:09:14 AM)

Hello all was just checking the boards. I have been a Master with a sub for a few years 4 to be exact. I know to some of you elder members thats not long but when you started at 24 and am 4 years into the lifestyle thats significant time. Because of recent events she has left to find another part of her life (aka. her job promoted her and I wished not to move to her new location we decided to split.), so I am left subless and starting from scratch. I just stumbled upon collarme.com and am loving it so far. Dont be afraid to say hi, I've met a lot of interesting people just by saying hello.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 8:24:38 AM)


Masters please excuse My post in Your area....
Welcome Cheeba0228
First I wish to say to give
Your self sum time to greive
over Your loss. Even tho it
was concensual this parting
of ways 4 years is a long time
to have a adored and loved
posession and sum times We
as Dominant deniegh Ourselfs
feelings that We feel might be
less then whats expected of a
Dominant Man and Master so
My Only thought is as I said,
Give Your self time for greiving
and then have fun here hopefully
finding that next suplicant to You.
There is a wealth of information
here for You to dig into and read
from the beginning. I suggest befor
You start to run thru the tyrid of posts
You change Your settings at the top
from 30 days to 365 days so that You
do not miss all of the posts that have
been posted to read since Collarme
opened their Boards. Good luck in Your
new found exploration and search.

[image]local://upfiles/9526/7CED86D0D1AB44C3B1691BEC3A4FA0C8.jpg[/image]



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 8:28:16 AM)

Thank you for your kind words. And i do plan on greiving. As for me loss I dont see it as a loss so much as I was able to set something free that I cared for very much. In a way I was happy to see her move on. We stay in touch and she will always be special to me, but there is no point in me just sitting around waiting for the next life experience to happen to me. Rather I will go out and make it happen.



MistressDREAD -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 8:52:30 AM)

~smiles~
yes and that is a healty way to look at it
and there is much to be said about such
strenth in setting free that which We care for.
Not all have such an ability. Good Luck



ScorpioMaster -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 11:28:08 AM)

The hardest thing in loosing a sub/slave is the connection you must break. I went through a hard time and I had gone through the grieving period. I am lucky now that I found my slave with a true slave heart and she is a prize. Good luck guy and we are here for each other.



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 11:33:38 AM)

thank you for your kind words. I am very glad to have found this place it seems as though I now have a group of people instead of a select few that understand what I do and how wonderful D/s can be for both. Thank you all.



sub4hire -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 2:35:35 PM)

Cheeba,
If you don't mind my asking how did you learn of the scene? I run a group and I've actually seen supervised 16 year olds at munches in the past. Supervised by their parents. Oddest thing I've seen so far actually. We tend to get a lot of younger members of the scene as well. Anyway, I'm always curious...did you find a chat room somewhere?
Sorry to hear about your loss of sub as well. Although it sounds as if you are more than fine with it. Looking out for your subs best interest. You could teach a lot of Doms a thing or two about that.

Anyway, good luck on your new search. May it be prosperous



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 2:46:55 PM)

I wouldnt say I'mm altogether more than fine with it, but if persuine her career is what makes her happy than that is all I want for her. I miss her and without her its been cold and lonely, but I do not believe in just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm probably going to catch hell for this one, but I dont believe that there is just one person out there meant for you, a soulmate if you will, i just think you try to find what makes you happy. As for how I learned about this scene I'm assuming you mean the lifestyle or maybe the website. I learned of the website by searching for BDSM message boards on google. As for how I got into it, I use to sneek off and read my dads Penthouse mags, the S&M stories turned me on so much that I craved more was having sex with a girlfriend my first year of college and then BAM she liked it so did I so she introduced me to her friend next thing you know we hae our own little clique on campus and well here I am years later and still loving the same things about it. I just know a lot more now.



sub4hire -> RE: Mastering being a Master (7/28/2004 2:55:33 PM)

When I referred to the "scene" I meant the community as a whole. We all have different kinks. Unless you are a closet kinkster you have been to munches and play parties before. No matter what the kink is we all cohabitate together. At least in a perfect world we do.
So, to me the scene is all encompassing. Spanky's as well as hot wax. Breath play, the cutters. Well everything rolled up together.



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/1/2004 2:00:10 PM)

well I have more of an update now although I posted in general BDSM this time just thought it was a better place for it.



learningmaster -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 1:50:56 AM)

HELLO EVERYONE,
I AM A NEWLY STARTING OUT DOM, I HAVE VERY LITTLE PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE AND KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN. I HAVE BEEN READYING A LOT ON THE WEB AND HAVE LEARNED A LOT ALREADY BUT STILL I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL HINTS, SUGGESTIONS TIPS ETC TO HELP ME ON MY JOURNEY. I LEARNED OF THE WEBSITE THROUGH A SUBMISSIVE I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO ONLINE FOR A LITTLE BIT NOW



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 6:15:08 AM)

my only advice upon starting this adventure is this. Talk over what is and is not acceptable with your sub and then stick to it dont ride the fence and let him/her get away with things once or twice if you are Dom and she is sub make it so and leave it that way.



MastersControl -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 4:07:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: learningmaster

HELLO EVERYONE,
I AM A NEWLY STARTING OUT DOM, I HAVE VERY LITTLE PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE AND KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN. I HAVE BEEN READYING A LOT ON THE WEB AND HAVE LEARNED A LOT ALREADY BUT STILL I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL HINTS, SUGGESTIONS TIPS ETC TO HELP ME ON MY JOURNEY. I LEARNED OF THE WEBSITE THROUGH A SUBMISSIVE I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO ONLINE FOR A LITTLE BIT NOW



One of the best things you can do is take time, and get a Dom who is experienced, or a shaman (Spanish term for very experienced Master)who can train you. Mine allowed me to train on one of his slaves/sub, and he taught me as we went along. Now this was many years ago (10 or so), and the experience was valuable. You won't only learn how to be safe, but also how to handle difficult situations in everyday life. Allow your self to be mentored by this Dom for at least 6 months, and then keep good communication with him, until you have grow to a safe and comfortable position.

The hard part about this is actually finding a Dom who is experienced and has been mentoring for multiple of years. Make sure you talk with subs, for they have a great wealth of knowledge about a Dom you may be considering, and talk to other Doms who were trained by the mentor. You will get a fuller picture if you do this. Don't leave out the consideration to travel to a really good mentor, because the experience will be worth the journey.

Good luck in your journey! [:D]

MC



afmvdp -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 4:58:35 PM)

This brings to mind a very interesting point, I wonder how many Doms or self proclaimed "masters" have actually been mentored or experienced the other end of the stool.



LadyBeckett -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 7:11:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheeba0228

my only advice upon starting this adventure is this. Talk over what is and is not acceptable with your sub and then stick to it dont ride the fence and let him/her get away with things once or twice if you are Dom and she is sub make it so and leave it that way.


Getting out to those munches and play parties that Gloria was telling you about, is a REALLY good idea, cheeba. [;)]



learningmaster -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 8:49:54 PM)

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE, FIRST QUESTION...WHATS A MUNCHES?.... SECOND QUESTION...DOES ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD MENTORS IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA?


JOE



cheeba0228 -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 8:53:38 PM)

A munche or munch is basically a gathering for all who are into the scene is the term used here. Its a way for people to meet often its non sexual in nature kind of like a small get together. Sexual meetings are more generally referred to as playparties.



SherriA -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 9:53:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheeba0228

A munche or munch is basically a gathering for all who are into the scene is the term used here. Its a way for people to meet often its non sexual in nature kind of like a small get together. Sexual meetings are more generally referred to as playparties.


Many play parties do not allow sex. They're simply parties where play *may* occur...there's no guarantee it will, and it certainly doesn't have to be sexual.



Sinergy -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/6/2004 11:51:35 PM)

quote:

HELLO EVERYONE,
I AM A NEWLY STARTING OUT DOM, I HAVE VERY LITTLE PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE AND KNOW I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN. I HAVE BEEN READYING A LOT ON THE WEB AND HAVE LEARNED A LOT ALREADY BUT STILL I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY AND ALL HINTS, SUGGESTIONS TIPS ETC TO HELP ME ON MY JOURNEY. I LEARNED OF THE WEBSITE THROUGH A SUBMISSIVE I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO ONLINE FOR A LITTLE BIT NOW


You could start by turning off your caps lock...

quote:


This brings to mind a very interesting point, I wonder how many Doms or self proclaimed "masters" have actually been mentored or experienced the other end of the stool.


I have never bottomed.

I have had several mentors.

I have had two submissives, but I dont consider myself an expert in that department because the relationships did not last. Unlike my vanilla relationships which lasted years.

Have you been mentored or experienced the other end of the stool?

Sinergy



MastersControl -> RE: Mastering being a Master (8/7/2004 4:16:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: learningmaster

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR ADVICE, FIRST QUESTION...WHATS A MUNCHES?.... SECOND QUESTION...DOES ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD MENTORS IN THE LOS ANGELES AREA?


JOE



Finding a real mentor that is "top" notch will be a chore, because you will have to weed through a lot of people who really have not been mentored themselves. Ask a LOT of questions about their training, and experiences. It will validate, and teach you at the same time. Being in LA, will help, but the first place I would start is at your local munchs. Since I have been in this for years, and was trained away from the munch scene, I attend munchs (rarely because my wife/sub is going to have my son)just to keep updated in current methods, ideas and just make friends. It is a good place, but beware, even there, there are a lot of players... stay away from them... you will spot them quickly, for all they seek is a quicky. I personally organized a local munch, that got very large for this small town.

I have organized deminstrations, and taught them as well. My mentor gave me lots of advice, but one sticks out. "You have two ears and two eyes and one mouth, use them accordingly..." otherwords, watch and listen... sort out what is good and bad. when you find that Dom who is really good at what he does, has lots of experience, has been trained himself and has a successful relationship with a sub, ask to talk to her, let her tell you about the lifestyle that her Dom creates on a daily basis. Then petition the Dom for mentorship, and sit down and ask what training will entail.

The best way to determine if the mentor is valid, is his success of the way he treats his subs, and how long he has had that sub, and how she feels about him being her Dom. The main focus of my training wasn't sexual, it was control, and how to use it and not abuse it. How to deal with different situations on a day by day basis. Don't get me wrong, I did get taught how to flog, spank, tie up and be creative, but his focus was how to control myself first, then how to control the sub/slave.

I remember to well, we flew to Mexico, and he hired a call girl, and all I did was spank her, and he stood behind me calling me a wimp, when I didn't follow through in my swat. It was good he was an attorney as well, because he set me up with a good contract, and lots of legal advice, but also allowed us to explore the possibilities. And Spanish women have so much fire, but have been raised to be submissive to thier husbands. It was an awesome experience, and wouldn't change a thing.

I need to get off this soapbox... lol

MC



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