RE: defiance

RE: defiance (Full Version)

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seababy -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 7:43:52 AM)
I thinks its OK to try some defiance, umm as long as you ask for permission first. [:D]

littleone35 -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 9:43:37 AM)
Whenever i am feel defiance i usually tell my Master i am feeling that way. He will usually ask me why i am feeling that way and even if i don't want to tell him he will get an answer. I don't often feel that way though. Belonging to and submitting to him is one of my greatest joys. Matt's littleone

tinkerbelle3 -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 11:26:26 AM)
Thanks to all of you for your insight and thanks to others for making assumptions....I'm never disappointed here : ) Most of you however did reply to me authentically and have given me things to think about and I am grateful for that. For me, I am in a 24/7 relationship and have been for some time now. A couple of weeks ago I was very bad to the point of being defiant. When I spoke to him about it and relayed the unrealistic expectations I have of myself to him, he suggested that I post this question. (After his help to process things i believe what i did was wait too long to communicate and then poof it all came out at once and not in a very constructive manner) He is wise enough to know that submissives/slaves become defiant from time to time, no matter how much joy submitting brings to us. He thought that it would be helpful to me to know what others do when they feel defiant. Again, thanks very much. -tinkerbelle3

Mercnbeth -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 11:37:21 AM)
quote: He is wise enough to know that submissives/slaves become defiant from time to time, no matter how much joy submitting brings to us. this slave considers it wise to completely dismiss the above generalization, and any other generalization about submissives/slaves. this slave has accepted the concept that some submissives/slaves don't become defiant(or annoyed or jealous or depressed) as a result of their submission to their Dom/me/Owner, but that doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong/bad/defective/un-real or un-true with those that do.

leadership527 -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 12:54:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 I'd like to hear from those of you who identify as submissive or slave; OK, i'm going to cheat though and answer on behalf of my s-type. This response is from the standpoint of a 24/7, live-in, master/slave relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 My question is how do you deal with your feelings of defiance. (I suppose that makes the assumption that you feel defiant every now and again.) If you do, how do you deal with it? Meaning, how do you communicate to your Dom when you're feeling this way. I encourage her to discuss it. Since we are M/s and she doesn't really get a say, what I've taught her to say to me is something along the lines of "Yes, but..." As in, "Yes Master, however there is this thing you ought to know that's going on in my head." In that way, she is affirming her decision to submit even as she provides me with what is almost certainly going ot be some very valuable information. Theoretically, if I screwed up, she might also just say flat out "no". In this case, my automatic assumption given how much knoweldge I should have of my wife after 13 years is that I've screwed up somehow and I desparately need to find out how. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 How does he accept it? Well that kind of depends. The other day my girl was attempting to negotiate with me. I told her to submit, no messing around. However, a days before that, I gave her a command which was a significant challenge for her (and I knew that). She did as I've instructed her and agreed to comply then discussed with me all the fears and concerns in her head. Given the nature of that discussion, I modified the original command. In short, I'd like to believe that I always respond well to any sincere effort of hers to help the relationship -- even if that means I may not get exactly what I want (go figure). But if she's just playing games, then that's the time for me to draw her boundaries more clearly for her. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 do you question your submission when you're feeling defiant? She does not. It helps a lot that she doesn't frequent sites like collarme and so doesn't have any wierd expectations of her submission. Honestly, I don't even think she sees herself as submissive nor do I think she has any clear idea/definition in her head as to what that word means. In her head, she simply likes being pleasing and serving me and obedience is the guaranteed way to be pleasing since there's no guesswork involved on her part. I don't actually think she has "her submission". I think she just has Carol being Carol.

tinkerbelle3 -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 1:33:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 I'd like to hear from those of you who identify as submissive or slave; OK, i'm going to cheat though and answer on behalf of my s-type. This response is from the standpoint of a 24/7, live-in, master/slave relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 My question is how do you deal with your feelings of defiance. (I suppose that makes the assumption that you feel defiant every now and again.) If you do, how do you deal with it? Meaning, how do you communicate to your Dom when you're feeling this way. I encourage her to discuss it. Since we are M/s and she doesn't really get a say, what I've taught her to say to me is something along the lines of "Yes, but..." As in, "Yes Master, however there is this thing you ought to know that's going on in my head." In that way, she is affirming her decision to submit even as she provides me with what is almost certainly going ot be some very valuable information. Theoretically, if I screwed up, she might also just say flat out "no". In this case, my automatic assumption given how much knoweldge I should have of my wife after 13 years is that I've screwed up somehow and I desparately need to find out how. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 How does he accept it? Well that kind of depends. The other day my girl was attempting to negotiate with me. I told her to submit, no messing around. However, a days before that, I gave her a command which was a significant challenge for her (and I knew that). She did as I've instructed her and agreed to comply then discussed with me all the fears and concerns in her head. Given the nature of that discussion, I modified the original command. In short, I'd like to believe that I always respond well to any sincere effort of hers to help the relationship -- even if that means I may not get exactly what I want (go figure). But if she's just playing games, then that's the time for me to draw her boundaries more clearly for her. quote: ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3 do you question your submission when you're feeling defiant? She does not. It helps a lot that she doesn't frequent sites like collarme and so doesn't have any wierd expectations of her submission. Honestly, I don't even think she sees herself as submissive nor do I think she has any clear idea/definition in her head as to what that word means. In her head, she simply likes being pleasing and serving me and obedience is the guaranteed way to be pleasing since there's no guesswork involved on her part. I don't actually think she has "her submission". I think she just has Carol being Carol. Very nice thoughtful response - I truly appreciate it.

tinkerbelle3 -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 1:35:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: He is wise enough to know that submissives/slaves become defiant from time to time, no matter how much joy submitting brings to us. this slave considers it wise to completely dismiss the above generalization, and any other generalization about submissives/slaves. this slave has accepted the concept that some submissives/slaves don't become defiant(or annoyed or jealous or depressed) as a result of their submission to their Dom/me/Owner, but that doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong/bad/defective/un-real or un-true with those that do. My apologies - for not using a disclaimer

OnlyHisLovebug -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 1:48:36 PM)
We have been talking about this, in a round about way. Most of the time, it takes quite a bit before I get to that point. It generally means I have been stewing over something for quite some time, something I have allowed to fester, instead of dealing with it or talking with Him about it. Something that would have been easy to tackle when it was a molehill, but that reaches mountain proportions and then I become someone I don't like, and don't want to be... What we are doing is to have me go back to keeping a journal. Writing makes me more self aware- and it gives Him an opprtunity to know what's goiong on in my head, and to see the warning signals before any major damage occurs.

kallisto -> RE: defiance (7/28/2008 4:43:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist Gods, I would boot someone like you to the curb immediately for yanking my chain like that. I understand that completely. I can count on one hand (3 in fact) in my entire life the times that I've "lost it". It wasn't me yanking His chain. It wasn't an on-purpose, I'm going to be defiant. It was a hell, I should have stepped back a minute ago and realized what I was doing and saying. No excuses as to what brought it on. Just as I've gotten older and hopefully a little wiser too, I've learned a thing or 2.

VioletAshes -> RE: defiance (7/30/2008 5:37:47 AM)
I rarely feel defiant as such, although I do sometimes feel oppositional. These feelings are best expressed calmly and in equal communication. Best not brought up in the middle of play or scenes, but while doing something 'vanilla'... Any issues I have or things that I do not like about my Husband's actions I have learned to talk with him about, usually by simply asking WHY he did what he did or said what he said. He doesn't usually mind explaining as this only brings us to a better understanding of one another.

shiazn03 -> RE: defiance (8/3/2008 11:33:30 AM)
haha, this is a fun one! it's not that i feel defiant every so often, it's that sometimes i feel very strongly about my opinions. what do i do? i always voice them out, lol! luckily for me, when i do, the Master i voice my opinions out to wasn't MY Master, just a Master i was involved with, so He was kind of easy on taking in my opinions than with His slave. and it wasn't like He had a problem with me voicing my opinions, it's just that often times, i had an attitude attached to the opinion too. lol! [:D] gotta work on that!

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