"You're not a REAL sub!" (Full Version)

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YoungBlondeSlave -> "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:24:40 AM)

That's what i've been hearing from some of my friends the past couple of months. i've had at least ten times the experience in the lifestyle they have combined and they still think they know what a sub is supposed to behave like. So, maybe someone can help me explain this to them. i've said that a sub is a sub to her Dom and anyone else that he states that she is. Obviously in a D/s setting i'd have to behave (munches, clubs, parties etc). BUT, when we're out and i have an opinion, speak my mind or let someone know they're pissing me off they tell me i'm not a sub. And it hurts, a lot. i've almost left events with them because they've become so condescending and rude to me and treat me like i'm some sort of moron.
 
i don't know how to get it through to them anymore and while we have fun usually this is such a huge thing that they can't get over i don't know if i'm actually going to have to cut them out of my life because i can't stand being labeled as "just" a sub. And because they can't see beyond me being only a sub. Because to them i'm not a woman, a friend, a confidante, lover, nurse or comic relief. i'm "just" a sub.
 
And, while i'm very proud of being one it's not for public knowledge. i'm very selective about who i tell because i know it's not something that my family could handle so i don't want it getting back to them inadvertently. We go to parties and they out me, we go to clubs and they out me. We go to friggin' dinner or just walk down the street and they out me. i think it's them who need to practice some discretion and they're telling me it's nothing to be ashamed of. i'm not ashamed of it at all, if i was i wouldn't be getting this pissed every time someone told me that i wasn't a sub. It does more than just make me angry, it's hurtful. It has the same effect as if someone told me i was fat, or stupid, or ugly or a bitch. It hurts.
 
i need some help. i don't know what else to tell them. Can people really be this hard-headed and not get what i'm trying to say? i've literally told them:
"Yes, i am a sub. But, i'm not YOUR sub. So i don't think that i should act like yours, i think that i should be treated as equal because i am and because i treat you both with the respect that i expect and deserve. It's not your business to tell the world what i am and what i'm not. If people need to know then i will be the one to tell them not you."
 

But, it's still not getting across. i'm not a moron, i'm not a doormat and i have opinions and stand up for myself but i'm still a sub. Please, tell me that i'm not nuts and that there are many other subs like that as well. 
 
Any advice would be great. Thank you.



missturbation -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:43:43 AM)

Everyone here has there own definition of what a sub / slave is.
As long as you feel you are sub and you Dom / Domme feels you are sub, that is all that counts.
 
My advice to you would be to agree to disagree with your friends and suggest since you don't agree, that you keep away from the topic of convo concerning debate about sub / slaves.



Dnomyar -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:47:18 AM)

Well if your arguing with your friends then you may not be a real sub. You could be showing Domme tendencies.



Mercnbeth -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:50:03 AM)

quote:

 i don't know what else to tell them.

 
how about:
 
Dear "friends",
 
it is time for me to say good-bye.  i am not willing to maintain friendships with people who diminish me.
 
i've almost left events with you because you've become so condescending and rude to me and treat me like i'm some sort of moron.
 
i'm very selective about who i tell that i am a sub because i know it's not something that my family could handle so i don't want it getting back to them inadvertently. We go to parties and you out me, we go to clubs and you out me. We go to friggin' dinner or just walk down the street and you out me.
 
It does more than just make me angry, it's hurtful. It has the same effect as if someone told me i was fat, or stupid, or ugly or a bitch. It hurts.
 
Sincerely,
YoungBlondeSlave
(or whatever your ex-friends used to call you)



OnlyHisLovebug -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:50:29 AM)

I agree with missturbation...

And, while I know it can be challenging, don't allow the opinions of your friends to make you angry or hurt.  There is no reason to give them that sort of power over you.  Don't look for external validation from them.  You know who and what you are, as does your Dom- and that's really all that matters. 



natasha66 -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:52:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave
 
"Yes, i am a sub. But, i'm not YOUR sub. So i don't think that i should act like yours, i think that i should be treated as equal because i am and because i treat you both with the respect that i expect and deserve. It's not your business to tell the world what i am and what i'm not. If people need to know then i will be the one to tell them not you."
 




If your so-called "friends" keep "outting" you without your permission, that would make me wonder if they were really true friends.  Telling someone something that personal and then having them blab it all over creation would really piss me off.  You know who and what you are, and that's the only opinion you should place any value on.  Maybe it's just me but I would re-evaluate these friendships. 



housesub4you -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:54:48 AM)

Well what I do is just tell people I'm not sub to you.  I'm a sub to my Domme and everyone in Her household.  When people enter Her home they have to treat everyone with respect or She kicks them out. 

When I am out in public, munches or fetish events, just because I'm a sub does not mean everyone has some power over me.  If your not my Domme and She has not told me be sub to you, we are on equal ground and if you start acting like an ass, I will respond like I would to anyone acting like an ass.

Every munch I have been to, it is more of a social gathering, not some power trip for people.



littlesarbonn -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 10:55:32 AM)

To be honest, I really stopped caring what other people think I am or what other people choose to call me. I know the type of submissive I am, and if you've been honest to that personal depiction of yourself, then no amount of outsider posturing is going to make a single difference to you and what you stand for.



Lynnxz -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 11:04:43 AM)

So.. why would you hang out with these people again? Are you that much of a sucker for drama? If they upset you, leave them. There's a lot of overblown egos in this 'lifestyle'... you just have to try and avoid them :P



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 11:05:34 AM)

Friends who question your validity and your dignity, and who disrespect you in public by blatantly sharing private information without concern for who or where they are sharing it aren't friends. At best they're acquaintances, and as such, I would choose not to continue to acquaint myself with their rude behavior.

It sounds to me like it's high time you made a new caliber of friend, who was not rude, demeaning, and disrespectful of your privacy.

I am not a submissive person in general, but I -was- a collared servant for several years, while "learning the ropes" (what our D/s family calls "earning one's crop" if one enters that role as a dominant-in-training). When people made such derogatory comments in my general direction, I gently reminded them that the -only- people who had any right to determine whether I was sufficiently yielding were my Keepers, and since they had not found my submission or service wanting, and chose not to loudly announce my status everywhere we went, it would certainly be good manners for my associates to do the same. I let them know that if they were unable to manage that one small thing, that I would find it necessary to restrict my association with them, so as not to continue to hear my Keeper's servant being diminished (something my Keepers would frown on) or inadvertently be required to behave in a manner that would potentially annoy my Keepers when compelled to defend myself against blatant, rude idiots. (Yes, I did use that terminology... I lost a few "friends"... but it's funny... the ones I had left seemed... grateful! *chuckles* ... and I did manage to make new, better-quality friends.)

Calla Firestorm



Viridana -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 11:19:33 AM)

They say you are not a "real" sub

What appeares to me is that they are not "real" friends.



SassySarijane -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 11:23:58 AM)

FR

And you call these people friends? Friends don't treat friends like that. Time to find people who actually are friends and leave the so called friends behind. Who needs drama like that in their life? Not me. I've cut "friends" like that out of my life more than once and it sure as hell improved my quality of life in the doing.



happypervert -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 11:25:12 AM)

quote:

Can people really be this hard-headed and not get what i'm trying to say?


Yeah . . . just remember the words of HL Mencken who said: "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people", then adjust your expectations downward so you won't be disappointed again in the future.



Evility -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 12:40:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave
That's what i've been hearing from some of my friends the past couple of months.
We go to parties and they out me,
we go to clubs and they out me.
We go to friggin' dinner or just walk down the street and they out me.


If this is how your friends treat you then you do not need enemies. How you can count as friends people who have this little respect for you is beyond me. My friends respect our confidences - they do not betray them.



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 12:52:49 PM)

LOL.... just tell them you are a sub to your Master and who ever your Master says.   And the Rest of the Time you area a DOMME!!...

Simply tell them you are a SWITCH!!! they are too weak and stupid to grasp the understanding of what you tried to treach them before...  Now they must submit to your will!   They Owe you Dinner and blah blah blah!!

Really though, they don't sound all that brilliant, to not undertand what you are saying to them.

Being a submissive, does not mean to submitt to anybody and everybody.  Dugh!!



leadership527 -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 1:39:58 PM)

Gee, I think I'd just go with "you're right, I'm not." and leave it at that.  Problem solved.



LadyPact -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 1:47:02 PM)

I would say there's a greater question than whether you are a sub or not.

I would suggest you give more consideration to the type of people you chose to call friend.



Archer -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 1:48:38 PM)

You're not a real sub ....... Unless you can stay submerged for at least several hours.
                                        Unless you are on the menu at Blimpies/ Subway/ Quiznnos.



subsfaith -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 2:02:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave
That's what i've been hearing from some of my friends the past couple of months.
[/quote

These people are your friends?
What do your enemies say about you?

We evaluate the personal cost of relationships subconsciously, if they become too costly we become more aware and more discontented.  Perhaps these friends are outpricing themselves?

There are so many possible reasons for this behaviour, none of them really worth discussing.  I think the question is one for yourself, do you want such negativity, lack of loyalty and respect to be so prevalent n your life.

Good luck,
Faith
:: smiles ::



simpleplan2 -> RE: "You're not a REAL sub!" (7/28/2008 2:07:22 PM)

Well, I'd pretty much tell them to go f**k themselves, but then I guess they'd think I'm not a sub either.



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