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RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/29/2008 7:04:24 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		In our local community pictures at any event are a big no-no...at munches, dungeons, or events if you have a camera or phone with camera you'll be asked to put it away or leave.  Even though i have pictures posted on a few sites, it is my choice where and what the content is.  Everyone has a right to personal privacy..even in the scene.... but as others have already said, when you put yourself into a function held in a public place there's always a chance you'll run into someone who knows you in your nilla life.....We have our munches at a sports bar and will have other customers ask what kind of group we are, then we'll just say a computer group and let it go at that..or like last weekend, we had a nilla patron who wanted to bring his wife so she could be spanked!? 

Most people use their screen names....after they know you, they might offer their real first names..i kind of take my cue from them as far as introductions go to a new comer.  I think with any group you find people you like and as trust grows..you become freer with your info with them.  I've been in the Florida scene about 11 years now, so in that time i've met many...have many acquaintances and friends....but a  much smaller handful have been to my home and me theirs....we feel comfortable introducing our children and parents...because we have come to trust each other and know we can function in either world...nilla or lifestyle....... that takes time.  

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/29/2008 7:07:44 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		It's not high school,and we should know better than to gossip as if it is.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/29/2008 11:06:45 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I assume pople are talking about me. shrug. Not that I am all that exciting. Really quite boring. I just assume that the people who talk to me about other people are doing the same to me.

The picture thing would bug me, but mostly because no one asked. I have pics here and a couple other non-bdsm sites, but they are my choice.

My Lord and aren't so much social with other folks in the lifestyle, but we're real selective about whoever we hang with. There is more than bdsm to be discreet about, and our life is no one's beeswax.

I admit that gossiping is a habit that has been trained out of me by My Lord. I was never one who liked it, but would find myself caught in it anyway. My Lord's example of rising above the behavior helped me to do the same. Sharing any information, even in the context of someone else asking about them out of interest, is gossip imho.

I owe it to no one to keep their secrets, but hold myself to the standard of of example which is My Lord's. It's not my business to share.

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--nobody's resident anything.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 3:31:57 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I attended two munches this weekend, one very local and one not so local. At both events I had to take steps to inform people present that their behaviour was putting my privacy and therefore potentially my security at risk. Its not a major bother and both matters were resolved quickly and fairly painlessly - though in one instance I was accused of being unslavey for correcting a Dom about his behaviour (*rolls eyes*) .. one was a person taking pictures at a munch (without having asked previously) to put onto a website to advertise the munch. The photographer reassured me that faces or distinguishing features would be blurred out .. but I felt it was out of order to take pictures without warning/asking people before hand. The other was a Dom friend disclosing personal information about me to a third party I had never met before - this was just plain stupid. I dont want a stranger knowing I live alone, what my first name is etc etc - and the dressing down I gave him was in my opinion well earned.


softness,

A proper position to take, but not so proper approach to correction. Methinks, it was better to get to the host to advise him/her/them of your valid concerns and if not corrected, then get your pretty lil tail out of there.

CP

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 1:52:48 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

This isn't a thread about being out ...



Articulate and clear as always dearest soft.

Not so easy to give an articulate and clear response. If you go to a cocktail party you'd expect to be introduced to others: "Have you met [insert name here]? She's a teacher, and she lives just up the road from you". I always try on social occasions to say more than "Have you met Thingy?"; it's not helpful and can leave the other person slightly thinking "No I haven't and who the fuck is she?". Some background info helps easier social intercourse.

Might you not think (might not people attending think) that a munch is a similar social occasion where meeting others is expected and desired and where an intro might reasonably be more than just "Have you met soft?" in many cases?

The photo thing I'd feel - for others - is firmly bad practice and I agree with you. In your case, however, you're already out there in the public domain; a high res (albeit somewhat pink, but you're allowed your favourite colour) pic of a decidedly attractive and easily recognisable face. It only takes little Jimmy from your class to stumble across it and woosh - it's out there with all your pupils in a moment. A risk you've assessed and decided to accept.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 2:07:38 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Nods ... but its a risk far more slight (Little Jimmy has to find the site, join, come to the message boards, see the picture of me, subtract glasses, nun like clothes, add make up ... recognise Miss Softness) of being found on here ,... that it is being on a site that has open access, with pictures on that I had no idea had been taken, and were posted by someone without my permission etc etc.

Once I had some holiday pictures out in my classroom showing some kids pictures of landmarks in Rome, and there was a picture of me in full make up, hair down, street clothes on ... standing by the Temple of Vesta ...not one single child would believe that it was a picture of me ... not one ... I didn't know whether to be relieved or offended!

< Message edited by softness -- 7/30/2008 2:08:29 PM >

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(in reply to Sundowner)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 2:11:51 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

...not one single child would believe that it was a picture of me ... not one ...


Yeah but they're so used to seeing you in the pvc school-teacher outfit, what do you expect?


(When does the court case for caning little Willie come up btw?)

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 2:29:23 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Children also believe that Barney is a Real Dinosaur and can Talk.

Steel

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 2:40:37 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Well, personally, I have no problem with my picture being posted somewhere... aside from me hating pictures of myself.  But I can most certainly understand the need to say "Take another picture of me without my permission, and I'll be taking pictures of your insides with that camera, and it won't be comfy."

I'm not in any sort of position where I need to be discrete, nor have I ever been.  I mean, come on, I work in an adult store, and otherwise have worked in and plan on returning to work in restaurants, and doing work as a movie extra.  My partner is a disabled vet, the other is a college student, and my pet is... well, just that, and openly.  I have NOTHING to hide.  But again, I can definitely understand being in such a position.  Even though I am very open about everything, it's still just plain rude to give out personal info on someone without permission.  And rudeness is just not a good thing, no matter what.


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(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 2:47:58 PM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, if i overheard anyone disclosing any type of personal information about me, i'm sure i'd be accused of more the just being "unslavey". Taking pictures of me without my permission would probably result in a loss of film, disc, or worse.  I don't take kindly to gossip, rude/nonconsentual behavior at all.  If someone wishes to know more about me, take pictures of me, then come to me or my Mistress. 
 
We used to attend two "local" (nothing is really *local* for us country dwellers) munches.  We discovered that one was openly advertised on another site, meaning anyone that wished to just show up, unknown to the group, could do so.  This didn't set so well with us after two consecutive munches we found ourselves being watched (in a most creepy fashion) by people just hanging around the bar area.  These men had read about the munch on the website and decided to just show up and lurk.  One finally approached Mistress and myself (after lurking/ watching/staring at us for most of the evening) and even after we took him directly to the group leader and introduced him, continued the staring creeping us out thing.  The *online name* he gave us turned out to be false, no one had any idea of who he was... yea, a bit creeped out for sure.  Digging around a bit, i discovered the munch information, complete with were we went afterwards to hang out, posted on the other site. Apparently that is where he was from, but still to this date.. no one really knows who he was.  Could have been the next Ted Bundy for all we know. 
 
A complaint to the group leader got us no where. Our primary concern was the safety of the single women that attended the munch.  I mean come on, strange people can just show up, watch, see who's there alone.....  Sure this can happen anywhere but why INVITE IT?  So, we stopped attending that munch completely. 

The one we do still attend takes great lengths to TRY to keep the group safe and private.  Anyone showing up in any sort of fetish wear is asked to respect the groups "street clothes only" rule or not return.   Anyone peering into our room sees a group of people in every day clothes hanging out and having dinner, discretion is not optional within our group. 

I do expect anyone that *knows* me within our groups to respect my privacy and contact me directly if anyone is asking about me.  We take great lengths to only attend functions where security/manners are demanded from the hosts.

I've found some that feel such expectations are borderline *snobbish* behavior, sorry but if you want to get to know me, be invited to any private functions at Mistress' home, it's going to take more then asking some random person personal questions so you can attempt to SEEM like you *know* me.  I do have a "private" life and expect it to stay private.  If that makes me a snob, so be it. 

 
 

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/30/2008 4:08:31 PM   
FemmeSavant


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/13/2008
Status: offline 		Good Evening Everyone;

It is now nearly 11:00 p.m. in glorious London.  I'm here for business as I am every month.  Tonight I chose to pop in and view some of the posts and perhaps engage some of the threads in hopes of getting to know some people.  With regards to softness' post:

I was quite shocked to hear that someone was taking pictures at a munche without previous consent from the munche organizer let alone the people they were taking pictures of.  This should have fallen on the organizers to take care of.  Remember, unless the organizers are taking the steps to make sure the environment they're providing for this social event is safe not only from outsiders but from members, then I simply will not attend.  softness...please accept these words as my opinion and in no way a thrashing of how you handled things.  In my humble opinion the appropriate way to have handled this situatoin would have been to have simply gone to the organizer and advised them of what was goign on.  Granted in the two instances you gave, they were either people you knew or people you would have considered as friends, as a result my question to you would be, did you feel confidant and assertive enough to approach them as you did because you did know them and felt confidantley safe that you were okay doing so?  Or, on the flip side, had you not known them...would you have 'checked' them?  I think my only concern of putting yourself in the position of not only protecting yoruself but others can sometimes be dangerous.

Obviously the whole issue with a friend releasing yor upersonal info...again, another major faux paux!!!! 

My rule of thumb is that I become immediately concerned in a space that emcopasses the table I'm at along with the behavior of those at the tabel with me.  As for what is hapenning at other tables...I don't concern myself with their actions as it does not concern me.  As long as their behavior does not directly affect my safety or my right to be there, I'm silent to those things I may not agree with seeing.

By the way softenss, as a result of visiting London once a month now for the last 18 months I've joined up with a really nice and classy munche group that meets at a local pub near Earl's Court.  Having purchesed a freehold flat in Earls Court, the munche is uber close for me and filled with great people.  Anyway...don't know why I shared that bit of info, perhaps only to show that whether in the UK or the USA, your concerns are generally the concerns of everyone else.  Always remember...you do what you feel is right at the time.  You can never 2nd guess those choices.  Even if you learn they were a wrong one later on...the fact that it was important enough to engage that decision making process at that times is what is more important.  YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

Melissa

(in reply to SurrenderForMe)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/31/2008 4:01:19 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		 you would supprised at all the cool security camera stuff you can buy to take photos with lol
from buttons to caps to bags you name it if someone was that crazy to take pics you would not even know till it was to late

come on stars go through this all the time shrugs

(in reply to FemmeSavant)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Protecting fellow Kinksters - 7/31/2008 4:33:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softpjOS
We used to attend two "local" (nothing is really *local* for us country dwellers) munches.  We discovered that one was openly advertised on another site, meaning anyone that wished to just show up, unknown to the group, could do so.  This didn't set so well with us after two consecutive munches we found ourselves being watched (in a most creepy fashion) by people just hanging around the bar area.  These men had read about the munch on the website and decided to just show up and lurk.  One finally approached Mistress and myself (after lurking/ watching/staring at us for most of the evening) and even after we took him directly to the group leader and introduced him, continued the staring creeping us out thing.  The *online name* he gave us turned out to be false, no one had any idea of who he was... yea, a bit creeped out for sure.  Digging around a bit, i discovered the munch information, complete with were we went afterwards to hang out, posted on the other site. Apparently that is where he was from, but still to this date.. no one really knows who he was.  Could have been the next Ted Bundy for all we know. 

A complaint to the group leader got us no where. Our primary concern was the safety of the single women that attended the munch.  I mean come on, strange people can just show up, watch, see who's there alone.....  Sure this can happen anywhere but why INVITE IT?  So, we stopped attending that munch completely. 

The one we do still attend takes great lengths to TRY to keep the group safe and private.  Anyone showing up in any sort of fetish wear is asked to respect the groups "street clothes only" rule or not return.   Anyone peering into our room sees a group of people in every day clothes hanging out and having dinner, discretion is not optional within our group. 

I do expect anyone that *knows* me within our groups to respect my privacy and contact me directly if anyone is asking about me.  We take great lengths to only attend functions where security/manners are demanded from the hosts.

I've found some that feel such expectations are borderline *snobbish* behavior, sorry but if you want to get to know me, be invited to any private functions at Mistress' home, it's going to take more then asking some random person personal questions so you can attempt to SEEM like you *know* me.  I do have a "private" life and expect it to stay private.  If that makes me a snob, so be it. 



Just to let people know- the great majority of munches are PUBLIC, open to anyone who wants to show up.  What exactly happened to you that was the munches fault?  Heck there are LEADERS who present in national conventions who I've seen act creepier.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to softpjOS)
Profile   Post #: 33
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