has your Dominant set perimeters yet??

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

has your Dominant set perimeters yet??

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> has your Dominant set perimeters yet??

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 2:46:51 AM

mypain56

Posts: 84
Joined: 11/5/2007
Status: offline

I was wandering how long into your involvement was it before perimeters was set, while still under consideration or after being released from consideration and moving towards being collared. Just curious???

Daddy's/babygirl
SRLN: 654-049-049

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 3:36:51 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

it depends on the relationship. james and fallcon never set limits on me because they both trusted me..and i was married to another during the relationships with both of them, may their souls have rest.

Daddy began setting light limits immediately... or as i put it, "silken traps that tightened gradually". all of those are loosened now.

TheEngineer sets no real limits but DOES expect certain behavior from me...and its nothing that bites me too hard.

kitten

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 5:23:25 AM

VioletAshes

Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline

One of the only parameters my Husband has set is that although I am his submissive I am also his equal. He has made me understand that I do not need to be a doormat to be submissive.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm not like other girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth coming home to"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 5:31:48 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

We never had a period of consideration. First place I ever heard about a consideration collar was on A Steel Door so I've always considered it an internet thingy, however, that is just a personal opinion of mine.

To answer your question, he has never really put limitations on my behavior nor felt it necessary. Perhaps because of our ages (67 and 57), he feels I should already know what is acceptable behavior and what is not.

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 6:02:49 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

Daddy knows i detest strict rules and set perimeters and that's fine with Him because He's not into that either. He has a unique style of His own in which doesn't feel like your ordinary BDSM dynamic. i didn't have an under consideration period or beg for my collar. He knew when i would be ready to receive it. i'm treated like an equal and my opinions are respected and valued. i like making decisions for myself even though i do ask Daddy for advice or (sometimes) permission.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 8:16:51 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

He set up boundaries and rules regarding our first meeting. He insisted that this slave verify who He was through His business, have someone to call to let know she was OK during the meet, that we meet in a public place and that there would be no sex and no play.

this slave didn't set boundaries and rules for Him...and still doesn't. she is not and never has been His equal, as this slave understands the meaning of the word, but His compliment.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 7/30/2008 8:20:21 AM >

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 10:25:25 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

The day submission happened.

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 11:33:26 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

If I do something that he doesn't like he'll let me know. I'm assuming if I do it again after that point then he'd be angry. If I have a question about anything I ask. He answers and lets me know if I'm out of line or not.
If he requests something then I do it. It's really quite simple. I've never been one drawn to protocol and I never searched out anyone that had that high up on his list. So simple conversation tends to take care of any questions of what is appropriate or allowed.

_____________________________

The Red

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 12:00:29 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mypain56

I was wandering how long into your involvement was it before perimeters was set, while still under consideration or after being released from consideration and moving towards being collared. Just curious???

Daddy's/babygirl
SRLN: 654-049-049

I began submitting to him prior to the consideration period, but he did not impose rules and parameters until I was officially "in training." The only reason we had a consideration period is because I was not ready to commit to belonging to him, and yet I could not resist submitting to him. So he gave me that time to explore my submission with him and to learn him and my submission enough to be comfortable to commit to him.

I was grateful then and I am grateful now for those parameters.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 3:17:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He tends to wait until I do something he doesn't like before setting a rule about it. I don't adapt to a preset book of rules, he adapts his rules to me. But I'm an adult, I'm not that easily changed. He knew who I was from the beginning and decided that I fit him, not that I need to be totally changed to fit some fantasy he has.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 3:29:27 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

End of our first conversation together ... I was getting ready for bed -forgetting the cam was on (yeah I know, what a slut camming on a first convo!) - I did something as part of my normal going to bed routine ... He roared at me never to do that again *ever* under any circumstances ... this from the man I have almost never heard raise His voice since .. let alone shout.

From the very first moments we were chatting I was taking and following direction from DV ... so for me ... they were there right from the start.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 4:12:24 PM

IvyMorgan

Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline

Hum, gotta ask, Soft, what was sooo bad :P ?

I'd say it depends on the person, I've had people who wanted to set parameters from the first moment of the first conversation. I tend to stop talking to them kinda fast. And on the flip side, there are people for whom the idea of rules and protocols and such like are anathama. Neither is right or wrong, just what works for the people involved.

The ex didn't do rules, or at least, we didn't sit down and work any out, and that taught me I like the security of protocols to be followed, things I can and can not do. I like the little rituals. Familiarity and all that jazz. One of the reasons we didn't work as a couple, but do damn fine as friends.

There have been times I've met someone, and it felt right, and there were rules, expectations, directions, and I've slipped into "role" from the start, I can't say it's always worked out like roses, but I'm always the richer for the experiences.

So, erm, depends on the person and how they feel to me wrt me. But, I like a clear set of "do's and don't" and "how to"s, I like there to be a ritual about things.

(in reply to softness)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 4:41:06 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Nose picking is not a crime.

C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to IvyMorgan)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 4:46:08 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Perimeters? Not exactly.
Fox has rules, simple ones. We recently did have a bit of a tangle with a friend of his who didnt like having t follow his rules. That was resolved fairly easily... either you follow the rules or I cant talk to you. Case closed.
I am not difficult when it comes to rules.
1) no messaging new people without permission. Way too many have ulterior motives and so now they ahve to ask permission from me to chat iwth him on yahoo or the like. If they want to talk to him, they can ask. if it isnt that important than they are no loss. Same goes for phone conversations whether or not I am going to be present at the time.
2) no saying I love you to friends in public forums of any kind, and no having them do the like to you. A simple request, and one he has made to his friends. They can say it all they like in private, just not where others can see it. Friendly or not, I dont like that.
3) all poacher emails (and usually all emails overall) are reported to me.

Thats really about it.
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 5:08:02 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

Never really did a period of consideration (not rightly sure what one even is), but I don't have a whole lot of set parameters.

Too many rules and parameters can just get silly after a while...something that made sense to enforce in one particular moment might just get in the way later. A prime example (of over-the-top silly rules): http://members.aol.com/dsdiary/128slaverules.html.

Although I expected more parameters when we got started, my Dom converted me to his viewpoint that orders given in the moment work better. This is particularly true of me, since I would remember and adhere to every parameter-even if it meant acting contradictory to my Dom's orders.

_____________________________

"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 8:18:47 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

right from the start...but we keep the lines of communication open, and he always has the option to change anything he chooses to.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to mypain56)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 9:11:03 PM

smartalex

Posts: 50
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline

My standing order is to take care of his property and use my best sense. I'd need his permission to meet anyone from here, and I am not to go on cam with anyone else. We are at a transitional point, under odd circumstances.

(in reply to lighthearted)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 11:15:08 PM

shadowcd

Posts: 88
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline

I dont mind them eventually but things need to be introduced slowly to me as I am I guess fairly new and like a wild animal of sorts prone to bolt if things happen too quickly. Pretty much anyone trying to put rules or peramiters on me after a first message will be disapointed in my reaction more then likely. Though I respond well to tips, recomendations, even commands and requests very quickly. Perimeters for me I reserve for the one that eventually collars me. No collar = no rules, it's an exchange of power and not something I give up lightly.

(in reply to smartalex)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/30/2008 11:18:24 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowcd

I dont mind them eventually but things need to be introduced slowly to me as I am I guess fairly new and like a wild animal of sorts prone to bolt if things happen too quickly. Pretty much anyone trying to put rules or peramiters on me after a first message will be disapointed in my reaction more then likely. Though I respond well to tips, recomendations, even commands and requests very quickly.

I've been around for a bit, and this holds true for me as well, shadow..

(love the new pic, btw :) )

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to shadowcd)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: has your Dominant set perimeters yet?? - 7/31/2008 7:30:00 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Master and I were platonic friends 3 years before we ever dated. Then one night, when we were both single.....we went out as friends and everything clicked.

Before me Master pretty much was a slut, and I knew this because we were friends. We vanilla dated for about a month before he asked me if I was comfortable playing with him. A few weeks later we decided that the relationship should move forward into collar.

We never did the "under consideration" thing because we both believe that both sides are being considered and it takes TWO people to decide where a relationship goes.

Until he collared me, we were just two people dating. I wasn't his submissive, so he had no right to set perimeters onto me unless we had negotiated a night of playing.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Profile

Post #: 20