Profiles - How much BDSM info?

Profiles - How much BDSM info? (Full Version)

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Snailie -> Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 9:31:40 AM)
I'm not sure how much BDSM type info I should include in my profile description. I have chosen some in the interests selection but they don’t really fit me very well. My dilemma is that if I write about my BDSM interests, it might make me seem more interesting, BUT, I'm looking for a relationship, not just play, and it seems too forward to talk about those things when I hardly know someone. Thank you for any advice you can give me.

littlesarbonn -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 9:39:20 AM)
The profile serves several purposes. The first is to see if someone is interested in the same things you are. By including practically nothing, you flag yourself as someone who might be seeking a hook up or anything he or she can find. By putting too much information, you have the risk of scaring off any potential partners. Personally, I err on the side of putting up too much information. I figure that if someone's going to be right for me, she's going to mesh with what I've stated in my profile. I really don't need to find out a few months into a growing relationship that she doesn't like penguins or that she might be a signed member of the Nazi Party (the uniform is okay, the political affiliation is not...). In my opinion, I believe women tend to read a profile all the way through before actually contacting someone, although I have been contacted by some women in the past who were definitely throwing their net out there, hoping to snag whatever came along. Not sure why they'd have to do that, but I got the idea it was more of a business relationship those ones were seeking than an actual relationship itself.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 9:41:12 AM)
Just go vanilla. You've got a profile on CollarMe, so we already know you're one kinky bitch.

LadyPact -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 9:48:18 AM)
I'm hideous about giving good profile advice. Take what I say with a grain of salt. Personally, I don't even think that much of My own. However, I'd keep the majority of the play interests in the interest section and use the profile to talk about you as a person. Maybe talk about a particular skill or two that you have, where your interest in the lifestyle lies, and mention those things that make you stand out from the others. Like I said, don't pay too much attention to My advice. There are actually a few folks who frequent this forum that are wonderful at profile writing and helping others with theirs. Two of them happen to be a couple of the submissive males who are regualar posters here. When they show up, you'll get much better advice than Mine.

Shawn1066 -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 10:21:55 AM)
In my limited experience with having a "looking" profile(1 Day)... I honestly think the best way to go is to have a profile that gives the reader some grasp of you as a person rather than you as a role you want to play. There are hundreds upon hundreds of profile on here where people brag about what size strap-on they can take, or how many scars they have from some obscure, dangerous play. They're a dime a dozen really, and I honestly think most people have no real desire to hear another person's tastes in any real detail before they get to know them. I think, if they're truly looking for a serious relationship, they really want to get to know them first. You should write about who you are much more than you should write about what you can/will/would do. The only real way to distinguish yourself from the masses is to be yourself. It's cliche and it's a touch corny, but it's true. DV's Fox

Dnomyar -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 11:09:53 AM)
Don't include any of it in your profile. As much as I change my Profile I never put it in mine. It can be brought up latter in converesation.

Lockit -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 11:15:55 AM)
Personally I would rather discuss my kink with someone I have gotten to know enough to want to share that part of myself. I give a general idea of things I might like a lot or hate. It may be a bit different for women because of how some treat us and for some people... my sexual information is too much information! I am here, I am kinky and that is all some people need to know. When reading a man's profile, if they have just about everything listed, I tend to see very little on that list. Do what you are comfortable with. If that doesn't work... maybe do things a bit differently. When it comes to talking about yourself on your profile, that is where you can really make an impression. If someone is real kinky and talkative about sex in this area, I tend to move on down the road. I want to see him as a person as well as the kinky side of him, but I first want to know if I would even like the type of person he is. Even if we matched, kink for kink... it wouldn't matter if I didn't like him.

Snailie -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (7/31/2008 9:03:36 PM)
Thank you all, it was very helpful. I think I will put some more vanilla-type info about myself up.

MsJssk -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 10:00:38 AM)
When I look at a profile I look for some sign of personality. I have to feel that there is a person there. Yours gives that. Sense of humor is very important to me so your statement perks my interest and makes me want to discover it it's true. I want to see some general idea about what they are serching for, but I don't want to see a hard fast rule of exactly what they want. Some direction mixed with some flexibility. I love that you mentioned your academic interests. I want to know someone has a brain. I agree with all the sentiments in this thread that I want to know who someone is, not what they want done to them. The other thing that helps in a profile is to open the door for conversation. I have put people in favorites because I wanted to write them but had nothing to go on, nothing in their profile inspired discussion. Once in favoites, they could live there forever. Your profile does inspire some discussion and that's good. For me especially because I'm a math teacher, and I own a farm, so I got stuff there to talk about. There are only two things I think I would modify. However, don't take my advice too seriously, others may have a very different perspective. Since I'm not really your target audience, you shouldn't put too much weight in what I say. Anyhow, the first of those two things are your relocatability or the locations of potential friends. Since you are primarily seeking online, do you have any distance boundaries. Or are you serious about leaving the door open for online to become real-time. If so, would you relocate, under the right cercumstances? How far? The second things is even more questionable. I would love other people's input on this, because all I have is my own opinion and I really am curious if others feel the same way or if I'm totally off base. But, you say you're unattractive and this is difficult for me. I can see in the way you carry your body that I would not agree with your statement. Yes, to many of us, beauty is more about attitude than about features. You carry just the right amount of weight, you could even handle a little more padding and still have a very nice shape. You hold your shoulders back and have an element of confidence, hidden by your long sleaves and baggy shirt, but it's there. Oh, and despite having large breats you have a talent at hiding them. For some of us that like boi-ish types, this is nice. So, I don't worry that you're unattractive. I worry more about how I am supposed to react to your statement. Part of me wants to fix that self-image, but another part of me feels that fixing such self-image issues is the privledge of someone that has earned your love and respect, not mine. It's a huge can of worms that might not need to come out in a profile. While you only want to share what you think to be honest information and ward off any later rejection once the face is revealed, you dont' acomplish that. It's not a statement about beauty. It's a statement about self-image and emotional stability. It would be like posting in a profile that you are clinically depressed; too much information. MsJ

Lockit -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 11:07:33 AM)
There is something attractive about every person! I go by the heart for the most part, but even people that might be considered unattractive, have something attractive about them. I have been with beautiful people and unattractive people... hehe... sometimes the ones not so attractive were the most fun and better lovers! Maybe they tried harder because they couldn't fall back on what most thought was attractive, I don't know, but the one's that were not considered attractive were stronger in personality, intelligence and humor. (In my experience) Still... how you present yourself can be major! Everyone... okay... most people have a set of eyes and believe me... there you can find much beauty. Work'em baby! In the heart and mind, one can prove to be more beautiful than the most sought after in physical beauty! Flirt with that heart and brain... they are very hard to resist!

chezzy71 -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 11:27:14 AM)
I used to have a ton of stuff listed and then i changed my profile to exclude them.To me,a Domina i would believe would love to know what makes me tick on the vanilla side of things before certainly taking control with the BDSM side of things and for that matter my entire life seeing i am a slave.Now tht Domina might not like all i have listed vanilla wise but i am sure there are a handful of things that are in common.Usually,that should be enough to atr least have an intellectual and stimulating conversation.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 4:07:06 PM)
I do look for vanilla info first, since so much of life involves vanilla activities, and dang, sometimes they're hard to live with. (Nascar! Christianity! Conservative politics!! all hard limits now...) I also look for kink interests. I need to know up front if you are not a masochist, or if you ARE a sissy or AB. Beyond the basics though, the gory details can be hashed out later. If a person can't keep me interested through a phone conversation, or a long car ride, it really won't matter how awesome a kinkster he is.

pixelslave -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 4:55:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit There is something attractive about every person! I go by the heart for the most part, but even people that might be considered unattractive, have something attractive about them. I have been with beautiful people and unattractive people... hehe... sometimes the ones not so attractive were the most fun and better lovers! Maybe they tried harder because they couldn't fall back on what most thought was attractive, I don't know, but the one's that were not considered attractive were stronger in personality, intelligence and humor. (In my experience) Still... how you present yourself can be major! Everyone... okay... most people have a set of eyes and believe me... there you can find much beauty. Work'em baby! In the heart and mind, one can prove to be more beautiful than the most sought after in physical beauty! Flirt with that heart and brain... they are very hard to resist! Indeed Ms. Lockit! Beauty on the inside, once discovered can become all that one sees! There's far more to a person than what's on the outside which changes with age. Will my Mistress still want me kneeling beside her when I'm wrinkled and perhaps using a cane to walk at 80? I'd certainly hope so! Will I still see my Mistress as the most beautiful woman in the world to me when she's 80? You betcha by golly! [8D] As to the original question posed by the OP, tastes will vary according to the reader (you just can't please everyone, but having some good taste and tact helps). To some, experience and interests are important. In my view, for the right woman, some things I enjoy I'd readily give up when I look at the total package being offered. It's been my experience that the kinks usually have a way of working themselves out if the vanilla stuff that creates a real bond is there. After all, as a submissive, aren't you expecting to do what the domme wants in terms of those things? [&:] Yes, your needs are important too, but how important are some things to you when you look at the big picture when viewing at a relationship? YOU need to know those things when you create your profile. What are your Needs, your Wants, and your "Nice to Haves"; or things you view as added Bonuses? I suggest you let your knowlege of those things guide you. While I realize that's not a definitive answer for you, I hope it at least helps. [:D] - pixel

E2Sweet -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 5:30:29 PM)
I removed the vast majority of BDSM info from my profile including most of the BDSM activities in the Interests lists. My thinking is that by concentrating on the non-kinky, personality, and lifestyle stuff first, the reader will be more inclined to contact me because our personalities and lifestyles seem as if they may gel in some way, as opposed to just having similar kinks. By going this route, I then have the opportunity to actually discuss the details of mutual interests and compatibility with readers who do reach out to me, as opposed to them just reading about what I like. This is advantageous because I will then be able to get some real-time feedback from the other person when they learn of what I'm into and what my limits are. ...Plus once I start talking one-on-one with someone, they usually find I'm pretty difficult to resist...[:)]

hardbodysub -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 8:34:30 PM)
I think the more information up front, the better. Why waste a lot of time finding out that you're compatible on vanilla interests, only to find out that you're interested in totally different things in the BDSM world? Some dommes have called subs "do-me subs" simply because they list BDSM interest in their profiles. How vacuous. Listing interests doesn't mean that you require a partner to indulge all your desires. When I list interests, I'm providing information that a domme can use to: (1) save time in weeding out people who don't fit their criteria; and (2) enhance her ability to gain power over me. If she understands my hot buttons, she can more easily influence me in ways that suit her own desires.

katie978 -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 10:22:52 PM)
I would avoid listing BDSM interests unless you have a particularly unique one. Personally, I'm very turned off when I read graphic descriptions of sex acts in someone's profile-if it's something I'm not interested in, then it cancels attraction to the person entirely. There are kinks of mine that I can live without...if I listed every activity I wanted to try, I might be excluding people with whom I would otherwise be completely compatible. It may be worth mentioning your play style (heavy, sensual, dynamic-heavy/play light, etc), but I think that the specific sexual acts can wait until you're talking with someone. I would suggest being a little more specific about your other interests. You like music-who is your favorite artist? Are you a musician? You like animals...do you have pets? Do you rescue orphaned wallabies? Things get interesting in the details. While knowing what gets you tingly is all good, knowing what makes you laugh, what makes you smile, what gets you angry-these are the things that will be the basis of a relationship.

hardbodysub -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/1/2008 11:03:04 PM)
Well, I think that the fact we're on a BDSM site makes things a little different than if we were on Yahoo Personals or Match.com. Nobody here should feel repulsed by seeing BDSM interests. I'm not sure if you were making a suggestion to me personally, or if you were just speaking generally in regard to listing vanilla details. If you were directing them at me, thanks, but I didn't ask for advice. My preference is the opposite of yours. I'm interested in knowing each other's vanilla interests, but don't care if they're in the profile; they can wait until later. Also, including a lot of vanilla information is the kind of thing that could get one outed, particularly if the list includes interesting and unusual interests or activities such as you mentioned. And some people can't afford that, for various reasons.

Snailie -> RE: Profiles - How much BDSM info? (8/2/2008 1:07:35 AM)
Thank you again very much to everyone for more great advice![:)] A couple people mentioned experience, maybe I should put my relationship experience (or lack there of) on - it would probably put some people off but I should be honest I guess. MsJssk - I decided adding some more location info was a good idea. You could be right about my physical description... and I guess it does mention my weight in the other part of the profile so people arn't going to think I am a supermodel.[;)] [8\|]I'm still thinking about the BDSM stuff, people have been making good arguments for both options. quote: hardbodysub Also, including a lot of vanilla information is the kind of thing that could get one outed, particularly if the list includes interesting and unusual interests or activities such as you mentioned. That is a concern I have.

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