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BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 6:10:15 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		A common bit of advice I've seen here, especially for those who say they've had difficulty meeting others, is to post on the boards to "get themselves known".

Just out of curiousity I did a search as if I were looking to meet a Domme in my desired age and geographical area and out of the top 25 who were recently on line, only one had ever posted.

Which raises the question of whether that advice really works and whether frequent or even occassional posters are really just like one of those groups in high school, always talking amongst our/themselves but perhaps with little connection to the rest of the group?

Do those of you who post here ever get contacted by others who don't post?

Are there any people here who read these boards but who, for whatever reason, never post? 'Course, posting to say "yes" might then ruin your perfect record, but I'm sure we'd love to hear from you. Or maybe a private e-mail??
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 6:32:06 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Before I de-activated my profile I chatted with many others out there.
Some of which i learned did read the boards but hadnt posted, others
didnt even realize the board existed! >eyeroll< I've played the
Welcome Wagon Lady over and over again, but have to admit I've
not noticed anyone from the outside come in out of the cold yet.
All I can say is I've tried!

Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 6:38:17 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The advice tends to work well if you're open to getting to know someone in long distance situations.

Otherwise, it only makes sense to post on boards specifically made for your area.

For me, I'm finding I meet more and more people OFFline and find out they are also on collarme ex post facto.

However, it can help build your credibility if you post regularly and then SEND OVER people from other boards to check you out.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 3
Last of the Famous International Playboys - 11/17/2005 6:42:29 AM   
Jacques1000


Posts: 273
Joined: 10/30/2005
Status: offline 		they might not know it is there....and be diffident...send them a link and be encouraging...you cannot do more than that

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 6:55:48 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		All of the people I've been connected by who have expressed some interest in me as a dom or top or owner have never, as far as I could tell, posted. This is true of both men and women.

If we talk beyond a few notes I'll even ask them to read some things I've posted (a good way to see me in semi-public I think) and check out my website. So far they've only looked at my website if they did either of those things.

I don't think this "right now" or "total relationship immediately" attitude I see in this notes I've gotten is unique to the internet. I've been to many many workshops, play parties, and munches where you get folks who show up once, don't get laid or don't get a scene, and never come back.

Is that a fear of true intimacy issue or merely the desire for instant gratification?


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 7:02:48 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Is that a fear of true intimacy issue or merely the desire for instant gratification?

I think it's the latter. I think it's the same thing we see in the "I'm going back to vanilla" when disillusions are crumbled.

And it's also VERY HARD for single males to get into the scene. They aren't welcomed nearly to the extent that single women are. I'm usually very impressed with a guy who comes to a first meeting solo. Takes guts.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 7:11:18 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Is that a fear of true intimacy issue or merely the desire for instant gratification?

I think it's the latter. I think it's the same thing we see in the "I'm going back to vanilla" when disillusions are crumbled.


My advice has been "A munch (or other event) is like a consignment store. If you don't see what you like, come back next time. The stock constantly changes." And I remind them "Bargains don't stay on the shelf for long so you have to check them out regularly."

Thinking back over quite a while in the public scene I can't recall anyone, male or female, dominant or submissive who came regularly to events, took an active role, was pleasant to people, who didn't eventually end up with a partner.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 7:39:06 AM   
RosaB


Posts: 852
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline 		I don't recall a single man that has sent me an email, (looking to connect with me,) having posted to any of the threads here on CM, but some have told me they read the postings on these boards. I have suggested they get involved, but their response is that they find the boards very intimidating.


Rosa

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 8:49:22 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Do those of you who post here ever get contacted by others who don't post?

Are there any people here who read these boards but who, for whatever reason, never post? 'Course, posting to say "yes" might then ruin your perfect record, but I'm sure we'd love to hear from you. Or maybe a private e-mail??

WalterRego


Walter; if you look at the "hits" compared to the "posts" it's obvious the boards are read by people who do not post. However, no, i have never received an email from someone who did not post but liked something i had written. i think it's kinda like my Admirers' List; the vast majority of the men i have never heard of, and dunno why they placed me on their favorites list.

However, i have made friends here, and i love that.

candystripper

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 8:51:04 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't think the boards are the greatest place to meet someone, but they are a good way to get to know someone. When I am chatting with someone, I encourage them to come out here and talk---it's a good way of seeing what a person's mindset is.

F

(in reply to RosaB)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 8:57:43 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Do those of you who post here ever get contacted by others who don't post?


yes. there are some who have contacted this slave to ask questions that they feel shy about posting or perhaps they have read something this slave posted that they wanted to discuss the finer points of without running away with someone's thread. this slave is happy to be of help.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 8:58:31 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A common bit of advice I've seen here, especially for those who say they've had difficulty meeting others, is to post on the boards to "get themselves known".

Just out of curiousity I did a search as if I were looking to meet a Domme in my desired age and geographical area and out of the top 25 who were recently on line, only one had ever posted.

Which raises the question of whether that advice really works and whether frequent or even occassional posters are really just like one of those groups in high school, always talking amongst our/themselves but perhaps with little connection to the rest of the group?

Do those of you who post here ever get contacted by others who don't post?

Are there any people here who read these boards but who, for whatever reason, never post? 'Course, posting to say "yes" might then ruin your perfect record, but I'm sure we'd love to hear from you. Or maybe a private e-mail??


I imagine it also depends on which side of the line you are on (I am going on assumptions and hearsay with this):

Male dom: lucky to get a few prospects a year.

Female dom: lucky to be able to have enough time in a day to sort through inbox.

Female submissive: recipient of abusive PM's and lucky to be able to find time in a day to to sort through inbox.

Just a few random thoughts....

D (owner of j)

_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 9:18:36 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Which raises the question of whether that advice really works and whether frequent or even occassional posters are really just like one of those groups in high school, always talking amongst our/themselves but perhaps with little connection to the rest of the group?

I think this is a bad analogy because you close with " little connection to the rest of the group" and this begs the question, what group is that? That other folks make profiles on this site doesn't make them part of a group -- it makes them scattered random individuals who chose not to participate in the forums. Sure, folks in the forums develop friendships but that doesn't come by excluding others as may happen in high school, and while some may make asses of themselves and decide not to stick around there are others who do that but stick around anyway.

quote:

Are there any people here who read these boards but who, for whatever reason, never post? 'Course, posting to say "yes" might then ruin your perfect record, but I'm sure we'd love to hear from you.

One way to guestimate that is to look on the main forum page where it lists everyone logged in as well as guests. Also on other pages at the top it lists folks viewing, and you can click on names to see if they have a posting history. My own guestimate is that about 25% are lurkers, though they may eventually turn into posters. I lurked about a month to get a feel for the place before posting so I could try to avoid making an ass of myself right off the bat; I probably have since then, but I stick around anyway.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 11/17/2005 9:20:37 AM >

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 11:11:54 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
I enjoy posting and reading posts. I don't answer every thread. I am fortunate - I am contacted by regular posters, people who never post and who see what I have written and write me, and I also recieve mail from people who do not come onto the forum. Some people do not wish to post, but take great time to read the forum and post to individuals. I am still mail friends and r/t friends with some people who don't post anymore.

Peace and Rapture

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 3:08:54 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		We could not say if any one who contacts us has posted or even read the forums as if our profile has made them feel that it was enough then ok.
But as we both spend time reading here and posting in different parts of it we can see why even those that do read them and never post would some times Be very afraid to or even scared off from reading any more as some times if a question is asked it is either flamed or the person is told to just read the older threads which may have been posted long before they joined or even found their inner selves.
At other times their thread turns into a slanging match between a few others heading off into unknown areas of understanding for them and making it into a unhelpful post completely so in their minds no matter what happens they would feel its just not worth doing any more asking or reading.
We enjoy some of the conflicts indeed but just think on the effects they must have on a first timer or just being told that what ever the question is its already been asked and discuss very disheartening we would thing.
Many just do not understand it is for rants as well as information or just discussions on varied subjects.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 3:27:34 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		ive only been posting for a week or so but in that time i have been emailed by people who have read my post and made a comment to me that way as they dont post in the forums at all but do read them.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: BDSM Poster Child - 11/17/2005 4:28:14 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I have had emails from people who have never posted, but correspond with Me concerning My posts. I have been correspnding with and have telephone conversations with one boy for almost 4 months now. (?? guesstimating the time frame)
One of the reasons he was attracted to Me in the first place was not only My profile but My posts. It does show other facets of a person, more so than a simple profile might. And it opens up many new topics of conversation. So that is an example of how posting on the boards can allow people to get to know you.
I am more apt to be impressed with a boy who has done his "due diligence". I also take an interest in certain boys who post on these forums regularly. Sometimes the interest is good. Sometimes the interest is not so good.
But yes...if a boy is looking for certain ideals in a Dominant, he might find that Dominant here more quickly than browsiing a hundred profiles a day and sending out 50 copy and past emails. And a FemDom might find a boy here more quickly than reading a bunch of one liners that are crowding her email box daily.
Posting gives people more insight into personality than might be realized. If a boy is sincerely looking, and he is willing to relocate, he just might find his Domina by posting on a message board. Anybody, regardless of which side of the whip, who comes here with an open mind, will certainly learn.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 17
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