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GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 3:59:33 AM   
MissEnchanted


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GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's
highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth
shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

35. Writeres should always chekc thier speling.

36. The lose misuse of homonymns can loose your credibility fore you.

37. Apostrophes' in the wrong place's annoy your reader's.

38. Keep your writings concise and to-the-point. I mean, you shouldn't
ramble. It's really annoying. Really, nobody likes someone who goes
on paragraph - after-paragraph and never seems to get to the point.

39. Never put your pet peeves into writing.
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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 5:32:01 AM   
spinninsweetness


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Hahaha I really like this! I understood nearly all of it.....

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 5:41:14 AM   
MissEnchanted


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I'm glad you liked it.

There have been a lot of threads about spelling and grammar on this site, so this should provide a few chuckles for everyone.



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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 6:57:33 AM   
GreedyTop


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that was great!!!!!!!!!!

*snort*


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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 10:55:31 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


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I simply wish I'd had a copy of it while I was tutoring English as a Second Language at the local community college.  It could have really helped with some of the foreign students I had to deal with.  (Not that I always follow all the rules myself, mind you .......... )

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 11:21:45 AM   
myotherself


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As a freelance journalist (among other things) I've sent a copy of this to all my writer pals.  The sub-editors will love it!



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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 7:30:45 PM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
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Greedy Top, It had me smiling all the way. 
HizPeach, It made me realize how I screw up when posting online!
Myotherself, I like your screename and glad you could share it.

We all need smiles and laughter...

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 7:34:33 PM   
pissthirstysub


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That was great!

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 10:44:29 PM   
Shadow-tiger


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From: California
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Crap. Crap.. Double doggy dip crap. Oh well, I'm doomed. 

Good stuff!


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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 10:45:28 PM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
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*snort*


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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 11:10:09 PM   
stella41b


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From: SW London (UK)
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Edited because I missed the joke due to lack of caffeine... Stella's slightly dense due to recent illness.. normal service will be resumed at some point.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 8/1/2008 11:13:59 PM >


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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/1/2008 11:46:18 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
*smooooches Stella*

are you feeling better?


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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/2/2008 7:31:19 AM   
SteelofUtah


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See and I has no idea what any body is found this words funny. See cuse it mades perfect cents to I.

Steel

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/2/2008 10:42:08 PM   
JulieorSarah


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2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

It's interesting to note that W Churchill regarded by many to be a great speech writer and orator, often ended his sentences with a preposition, from memory i believe he did so a few times in his  ... We will fight them on the beaches ... speech.

However, i love this list.  It seems so very comprehensive and i challenge anyone to add something that has been overlooked.

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/3/2008 2:03:20 AM   
cravesdom


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Sooo funny! I loved it.

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/14/2008 9:16:13 AM   
DaddyChess


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LOL.. And to think I just saw a couple of these in reader's digest yesterday...hmmm

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/14/2008 5:28:41 PM   
MissEnchanted


Posts: 510
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JulieorSarah

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

It's interesting to note that W Churchill regarded by many to be a great speech writer and orator, often ended his sentences with a preposition, from memory i believe he did so a few times in his  ... We will fight them on the beaches ... speech.

However, i love this list.  It seems so very comprehensive and i challenge anyone to add something that has been overlooked.


I am so glad you said that above Julie or Sarah.

I happen to like ending sentences with one.

It's great to see what everyone has responded with. (see? )

I have been offline most of the time due to a very busy life here, miss some of the old faces, and see there are plenty of new people contributing on the cm forums.

I am having a restful battery-charging kind of day and I guess my brain hasn't gotten with the program yet, so I'll retreat back into my quiet shell.

For those of you who know me, 'quiet shell' is not a place I go very often!





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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 8/14/2008 5:34:04 PM   
coupleowl


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Oh wow that was too funny. 

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 9/11/2008 11:20:43 PM   
MadAxeman


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Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
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More a question of when to pause, but I like this:

Ageing lounge lizard in retirement home 'How often do you like sex'
Potential pensionable poontang 'Infrequently'
AL Lizard 'Is that one word or two'?

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RE: GRAMMATICAL RULES FOR WRITERS - 9/12/2008 9:55:41 AM   
AMaster


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Wonderful! 

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