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Mercnbeth -> Police "Humor" (unless you hear it first hand.) (11/17/2005 9:11:45 AM)
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So you thought police officers didn't have a sense of humor.... The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."
#14 "Take your hands off the car and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know it, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."
#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh...did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit!."
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
#4 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
#3 "Just how big were those two beers?"
#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
and, ah yes, the best one, from a New York City officer (Where else?)...
#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? Your're right, we don't.... Sign here."
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