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Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 12:53:21 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

So I find myself in an interesting predicament. For the first time in my life, I am completely and totally satisfied with my D/s relationships. I have owned one slave for over a year, and, at this point, can not see that ending any time soon. I have just acquired another who reminds me so much of the first a year ago that it is simply uncanny. For the first time ever, I find myself not looking for a new slave. It is kind of interesting.

However, having recently extracted myself from a long term non-power exchange based relationship with a somewhat dominant woman, I find that I sorely miss the kind of equality I shared with my ex-girlfriend. At its best, my relationship with her was one of "partners in crime", where we shared the responsibilities and pleasures of slave ownership. It is the kind of relationship I need to complete my life, but, to be quite honest, I am not really sure how to go about finding it.

To be utterly frank, I have no difficultly at all finding slaves. I have spent 13 years honing my technique. I know the signs of interest, the signs of a fake, the signs of desperation and the signs of the user. I know how to attract them, how to make them purr, how to get them to come to me...but I am finding myself lost when it comes to my search for a partner.

Do I look on CollarMe for a Domme or switch? The ratio problem has been talked about to death, and I am not sure I am willing to wade into the pool of men clammering for their attention. Will I have any better luck on A, B or D?

I have been somewhat playing on Match.com, but the few dates I have had come to an abrupt end when the do a google search on my rather unique name. Should I keep going there in hopes that I find a woman who wants the rather interesting situation I have created for myself? Should I try some swinger site or something like AFF?

Any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

Post #: 1

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 1:16:20 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

For the first time in my life, I am completely and totally satisfied with my D/s relationships.

quote:

To be utterly frank, I have no difficultly at all finding slaves.

These two lines seemed to scream out at me. You are a handsome guy but haven't had success in finding good partners and creating long term mutually rewarding relationships that last.

quote:

but I am finding myself lost when it comes to my search for a partner.

Finding three women and creating three rewarding relationships with the dynamic you seek seems like one that would require more than most could give and isn't going to be something you just go and order up.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 8/1/2008 1:17:17 PM >

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 2

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 1:24:23 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Well first of all. I think you need to figure out what you have to offer a dominant woman.

And no, I am not being snarky, I am just giving you an opinion from where I sit. If I were interested in men, I would be very leary of a dominant man for a multitude of reasons. So, I would want to know what is special about you versus all the rest that will make the relationship sucessful. I would also want to know very specifically what the power dynamic between the two of us would be.....as you see it.

The reason I am bringing the dynamic up is based upon my history with dominant women. I've been approached by a few that just wanted a nice sweet friendly relationship of equals. But then, at some point, there was always the game. Even if it was just silent manipulation. As soon as I wouldn't bite, they wander off.

Just a few thoughts, not sure if they will be of any help at all.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 8/1/2008 1:27:31 PM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 3

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 1:28:45 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I think the above two posts are worth reading multiple times. I also sent you something on the other side.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 4

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 1:48:51 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Well if we are having a party of numbers... how about the fact that some of us domme's are a little greedy for men only and one with those numbers wouldn't do it for me. lol I would have to have my very submissive man.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 5

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 2:13:02 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Don't take this the wrong way, but if you were half a continent closer, we would probably adopt you. *grins* We had a house that was pretty balanced between dominant men and dominant women, with several submissives of both genders for several years while we were in North Carolina, and it was -heaven-. In many ways, my Darling and I miss that dynamic -- but right now, my Darling needs someone to beat on and boss around more than we need another dominant (of either gender) in the household... so we'll postpone the search for the balancing male influence until the more immediate needs are met (and I do -so- want to make someone bleed again...

*rapturous... or is that raptorous... look*)

Anyway... we can't be the only dominant women in the US who enjoy having dominant men in the household as well. I'm sure you could find young, pretty dominant women around Rochester (or maybe have to go as far as Syracuse or the Finger Lakes region). Give yourself time, have fun on the search, and just cherish the journey and the opportunity to meet neat, dominant, kinky women. One of our mates from our time came out of a relationship established -before- my Darling started 'kinking'... the other one came out of our pool of friends, so you never know what can crop up over time, if you're out there and looking around.

Calla Firestorm

"Mutilation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery"--Marilyn Manson

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 6

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 2:22:49 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I would have to have my very submissive man.

Not only would that be OK, but it would practically be a requirement. I love having submissive men around, but I find that I am not interested enough in them to give them what they need in a power-exchange.

I want my partner to be as poly as I am. I am very turned on at the thought of her being with other men...be it in a wild sexual tryst or as a dominant. (As I write this, I realize that I don't really want her to submit to anyone, be it me, another man or even another woman. That is why I love these message boards.)

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 7

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 2:24:36 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I would have to have my very submissive man.

Not only would that be OK, but it would practically be a requirement. I love having submissive men around, but I find that I am not interested enough in them to give them what they need in a power-exchange.

I want my partner to be as poly as I am. I am very turned on at the thought of her being with other men...be it in a wild sexual tryst or as a dominant. (As I write this, I realize that I don't really want her to submit to anyone, be it me, another man or even another woman. That is why I love these message boards.)

Taggard

Actually, I totally "get it".
Especially, since you stated you don't want her to submit to you or any one else.

A Dominant relationship as equals, with both parties owning submissives.
I can't advise you on how to look for this, but good luck!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/1/2008 2:33:00 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 8

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 2:36:27 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
These two lines seemed to scream out at me. You are a handsome guy but haven't had success in finding good partners and creating long term mutually rewarding relationships that last.

I have been in 5 meaningful relationships in my life. The first lasted 2 years (High School sweetheart), the next a year (Freshman year in college), the next 13 years (my ex-wife), the next 4 years (my dominant ex-girlfriend) and the last is an 18 month Master/slave relationship with Kat. If you added up the time spent single between those relationships, it comes out to about 6 months. I don't think finding good partners and creating long term relationships that last is my problem. If anything, I might jump into committed relationships too soon, and I should be enjoying what I have rather than looking for my next girlfriend.

quote:

Finding three women and creating three rewarding relationships with the dynamic you seek seems like one that would require more than most could give and isn't going to be something you just go and order up.

Yeah, I know it...but relationships have come so easy to me in the past...and I have been looking for sooo long now (two whole months!!!)...sheesh...I sound pretty silly right about now.

I think I will go read Calla's post again and imagine being adopted into her home. ;)

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 2:46:51 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

If anything, I might jump into committed relationships too soon, and I should be enjoying what I have rather than looking for my next girlfriend.

I was thinking about what SimplyMichael was saying and what you have said and did think about your just bringing someone into your home recently. Your focus must be in stablizing what you have going on now and I would think you would be a little too busy at the moment to think beyond that. It sounds like you are needing something that you aren't getting and might want to consider what is going on there.

It's a great thought to have all these wonders in life... but whoa... when we get what we want in area's like this... sometimes it isn't all that! lol Take your time... make sure everything works with what you have going on and maybe visit a domme who might be interested in some play if you have to... but adding people too quickly could turn into a nightmare. Just think... hormones x three, add you and life... that might tend to temper you.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 10

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 3:44:04 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Pick me!! Pick MEEEEEEEE!!

<jumps up and down in an unseemly fashion, making tits do interesting things>

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 11

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 4:01:13 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

However, having recently extracted myself from a long term non-power exchange based relationship with a somewhat dominant (emphasize mine) woman...

I'm a little surprised to read that characterization, as I remember your (and her) earlier profiles. Was it something about how the roles developed?

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~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 12

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 5:40:35 PM

Asmodeus

Posts: 81
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I met my Domme partner on Match.com. I think her test for potential mates was talking about her ProDomme days; it probably scared a lot of men away. I just countered with tales of Hellfire in the 70's.

We've been together for over 6 years now.

_____________________________

Deus Ex Machina

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 13

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 7:45:15 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline

Taggard...

Maybe a start would be to look for a friends first thing? I know the kind of relationship you are looking for is very possible... I have one. Who knows... you may find a female dominant that comes with her own male sub/slave?

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Asmodeus)

Post #: 14

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/1/2008 7:58:50 PM

MissEnchanted

Posts: 510
Status: offline

TDAW,

I am happy for you that you've found two to complete that part of your life goals!

Finding a Domme where both of your lives can dovetail into a cohesive whole might be something you'd find by being out and about in your local area? The groups here are really helpful for networking and getting to know people who spend time devoted to BDSM.

Personally, I like connecting with people by being out there and meeting face to face. Then it just clicks or it doesn't and you might have something grand grow out of a friendship.

I would still have a profile on cm. The guy who said he found his partner on Match was fortunate. Best of luck to you,

M Enchanted

< Message edited by MissEnchanted -- 8/1/2008 7:59:56 PM >

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 15

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/2/2008 6:21:55 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

However, having recently extracted myself from a long term non-power exchange based relationship with a somewhat dominant (emphasize mine) woman...

I'm a little surprised to read that characterization, as I remember your (and her) earlier profiles. Was it something about how the roles developed?

I don't want to badmouth her, but let's just say she padded her resume (and her desires) a bit. I am not really sure why, perhaps to impress me She pulled it off, for a while, but ultimately I don't think it was ever going to be a lifestyle that would truly make her happy.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Misstoyou)

Post #: 16

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/2/2008 6:27:26 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

I want to thank everyone for the thoughts... One of the reasons I keep coming back to the forums at CollarMe is that I know I can use the support of the really wonderful people here to work through my own thoughts and feelings in front of all you guys. I tend to have trouble seeing the faults in my logic sometimes, and I know you folks will hold nothing back.

That said, I think I am going to focus on the two I have found and making our current situation the strongest it can be... If I stumble on to the perfect domme, I will welcome her with open arms...but I am going to put the active search on hold for a bit.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 17

RE: Finding a domme...with a twist - 8/2/2008 10:46:40 AM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

I would rather be found than do the finding .Sure you can go into the world of online sites for a date or meet a Domme and it may just work out , but be prepared for rejection and unanswered mail .Some of the best things found come to those not looking nor seeking but just living and being the best you , you can be .Getting out in the local, national ,and world wide community generally getting involved is the ticket . Its like going after a job , you can be a number in a fax pile or show up and get what your seeking and let them know who you are .If one can answer to some degree the "what is it your wanting and or seeking ?", the battle is 1/2 over . Like do you want a service Top to beat you and bind you ?do you seek a D/s relationship ? M/s commitment ?etc etc .. When our asking if you should seek someone in a swinger site , are looking for a swinging time or bdsm one or intermix of all ?I agree with Miss E in the fact i would like to meet face to face , like buying a boat or car with out a test drive or buying a bdsm tool /whip flogger etc from a picture,Some things are best left to see and experiance first hand . taggard i wish ya well and quality is much better than quantity , best wishes .

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 18

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