RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions

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kyraofMists -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 10:08:59 AM)
I am allowed to feel whatever it is that I am feeling. However, I am only allowed to express it in ways that is constructive to our relationship. If he thinks that I am wallowing in self-destructive moods/emotions, then he will tell me to knock it off and get my head on straight. I am expected to control my emotions and to even change them if he thinks continuing them will be harmful to me or our relationship. These are the same expectations that he has of himself in regards to emotions and how to express them. Knight's Kyra

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 3:11:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi While I respect that is your view on things, that's one we adamantly reject as do most we spend time with. Just to clarify, I did not state that this was my view on things. It is merely a question and a request for feedback, Thanks Maggi

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 3:14:45 PM)
Sunshine, That was a beautiful picture you created with your woven words. Thank you for taking the time to share. I did not find you too wordy in the least. I enjoyed reading each and everyone of your words. Maggi

sunshinemiss -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 3:48:54 PM)
Hello Maggi, Thank you for the feedback. I had actually put in a paragraph about how your "pickle" thread had taught me so much. I wanted you to "get" me in the way that everything you'd written on that thread had rung true for me. Glad my words were clear. peace and passion, sunshine

AquaticSub -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 4:01:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi While I respect that is your view on things, that's one we adamantly reject as do most we spend time with. Just to clarify, I did not state that this was my view on things. It is merely a question and a request for feedback, Thanks Maggi My apologies. [sm=hippie.gif]

califsue -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 9:31:41 PM)
My Master expects me to share all my feelings with him. Happy, Sad, Angry...whatever it is going on with me. Although we are not 24/7, we do see each other every week-end and I write every day and share with him. When I can't articulate my feelings by email I tell him so and ask if I can have a hug, his shoulder, whatever I need and tell him when I can articulate the feelings into words I will. I don't think I could be with someone who didn't allow me to express my feelings.

mbes -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 10:14:35 PM)
There's not a person on this earth who could prevent me feeling my emotions. [:D] However, as a very volatile person, I don't expect that every feeling I have needs or wants expression. I'm generally happier when they don't all get attention. If it's important, it comes up one way or another (I don't always like the consequences that result from the manner of expression). If it's not, it passes. I think I'm an odd duck, though.

leadership527 -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 10:58:31 PM)
OK, I couldn't resist having a go at these questions... First, I agree that telling ANYONE that their emotions are either wrong or inappropriate is...well... counterproductive if nothing else. Abusive is also a word that would come to mind in extreme cases. I demand that mine share such feelings with me (and actually am somewhat concerned that I would even need to make a command of something like that). The way I have told her to do it is something akin to, Master, I'm really angry at you because... My response to that is to try to see where that anger came from and what, if anything, should be done to prevent it in the future and whether I owed one or more apologies. Prevention, in this case, refers to treating the actual problem whatever it is, not the symptom of anger. "Sharing her anger" with me in inappropriate ways, given our relationship, means that there are now TWO problems on the table. I can't forget whatever the original problem was, but in addition, there's now the role violation that may need to be dealt with. sighs And yes, she does feel guilty over such statements and feelings sometimes. I personally don't get that since, if nothing else, roughly half the time I was the one at fault. I also don't fully understand how you can say you respect and trust someone, but think that they are so childish that they cannot hear negative feedback -- even negative feedback poorly delivered. I personally think those particular communications are some of the most important things she says to me.

shanaya -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/2/2008 11:40:42 PM)
i think it is incredibly important to not only feel but discuss your feelings. For me when i don't want to discuss how im feeling when asked, it is because i have no intentions of being vunerable around that particular person. When things began to truly unravel between my Dominant and i, i kept my feelings close to my chest. i was quite ill for a couple of weeks and he would ask me if i was ok ? i would say "yes" ,then He would ask "is something wrong ? and i would answer " No " not only did it frustrate Him, but i felt even more disconnected from Him. Emotions are such a big part of us, and sharing our emotions is what keeps us emotionally connected to one another and also vunerable. The worst thing about not expressing your emotions is it can cause really bad things like depression and anxiety. Or it eventually builds up like a volcano waiting to erupt, and may god help the poor person who is on the end of that eruption ( unless He was the one who insisted on your suppression ) As much as we all like order in our lives, we also need to understand that emotions can be messy . i do not claim to be such a good submissive that i never have an outburst ( i truly wish i had that sort of self control ) what i can say is that when an outburst has occurred in opposed to me "calmly" expressing my frustration, hurt or anger , it has been because i have felt the need to protect myself and my heart. So i have not spoken to the person about it in fear of showing my vunerability, until the pressure has become way too much and i have erupted. Emotions need to be heard and understood otherwise they have a nasty habit of coming back and biting us in one way or another, jmho ~shanaya~

corsetgirl -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 12:27:16 AM)
That would be very difficult for me if I was not allowed to express my emotions and I am not too sure if I want to be with dom who would want a robot for submissive. For me, this would not be healthy at all because if I had to keep this under control all of the time, I would probably get ulcers or other digestive problems. If this would go for a long period of time, I would probably explode or implode! [sm=anger.gif] Seriously, over time and being on my own, I have learned to be patient and when expressing these emotions, to do this in a respectful manner. About 4 years ago, my emotions resulted in breaking up with my last ex-dom. This has served a lesson and has given me insight by trying to maintain control. I have learned about this aspect from him by trying to keep cool under pressure.

bbwsubbynyc -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 1:28:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave ( or anyone else who feel so compelled to reply) do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Maggi This is a good question. I've been struggling with this myself. I'm subbing now, but not slaving so my POV is in regards to subbing only. How much emotional expression is appropriate? I discovered the hard way that not expressing any emotions leads to resentment. A resentful sub cannot perform her/his duties well. I acted out instead of talking and that was very very very bad. I know now to express myself - respectfully. I just tell my Dom how I'm feeling and leave what happens next up to him. I actually did this last week and it turned out to be a good thing. He reassured me and put my doubts to rest, so I'm very glad I said something.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 8:34:38 AM)
I am allowed to feel and express all my emotions as long as they are done in a respectful way. Master doesn't want to stifle my emotions and I don't feel guilty for having them because I am a person not a machine. I have a temper and wait till I can talk about things objectively before reacting, which sometimes means I go for a horseback ride before I can talk about something. Sure I am not perfect and slip but there are consequences for that and accept them. Master is always interested in how I am feeling and talking about things. I could not be with someone that doesn't let me be human.

slaveluci -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 11:49:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin For those who wear the self- appointed title of slave Well, as ownedgirlie said, I didn't "self-appoint" myself His "slave," He did that. However, I'll attempt to answer anyway. quote: do you ever feel that as a slave you are not entitled to feel and express the whole spectrum of emotions? Never. As a matter of fact, I did a lot better job not "feeling" as deeply or "expressing" myself nearly as well long before I became His. I'm not allowed to do that now. He expects transparency and that's what He gets. That's pretty uncomfortable for me sometimes because I've always preferred to keep some things inside and not discuss them. He simply doesn't permit it. Hiding thoughts, feelings, emotions, problems, etc. from Him and trying to deal with them all on my own is one of the biggest no-no's there can be around here. Not acceptable................luci

slaveluci -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 11:54:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists If he thinks that I am wallowing in self-destructive moods/emotions, then he will tell me to knock it off and get my head on straight. I like that approach![:)] Master doesn't quite handle it like that but sometimes I think it would be the best approach. A good stern "knock that shit off" fixes alot with people, I think..............luci

mbes -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 9:55:19 PM)
For those who believe in total honesty and sharing all emotions, I have a question I'd like to ask to learn more. I hope you'll help. Say your dom had a habit that is an irritant to you. Doesn't matter what it is, just something he does, that is like nails on a chalkboard for you, and he knows that. That part is key, that the knowledge is there, and his pleasure in the habit for him outweighs the irritation it causes in you. What are the choices here? He does it, you express the emotion (irritation)? Remember, he already knew about the irritation, and did it anyway. He does it, you suck it up because the man is more important than the irritant? He does it.... what do you do? I'll use an example: Mine knows that when I am really focused on something, it irritates me to be interrupted. It's difficult to shift gears for me, just how I'm wired, so my first reaction is "let me finish!", before I move on to, "I'm sorry, sir, what would you like?" He knows this is how I am, but there are times when he wants something at a time when it means interrupting me. He's the dom and is therefore free to interrupt me at will. He's also entitled to a good attitude about it. Now the question: would you consider it worthwhile to express the emotion each time it came up, or only the once to make sure it's known and accepted?

softpjOS -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 10:03:12 PM)
lol that cartoon... it's my turn to push the button, you pushed it last time!! is running through my mind. I would have to go with letting it be known that it bothers you and let it go. Unless of course it is done over and over and over again say a dozen times in an hour.. patience only goes so far, even for us subbies lol. Could show the scars on my bottom lip from biting it often!!

mbes -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 10:12:02 PM)
Hey, I was having to get the scene in Chicago out of my head--- "Ya know these guys, they have their quirks. Like chewing gum. Johnnie liked to chew gum. no.... not chew... pop it! So one day I'm having a hard day, and I walked into the apartment to hear his popping his gum. I said to him, 'Johnny, you pop that gum one more time...' and he did! so I got down the shotgun and I gave him a warning shot. Right. Into. His. Head." That's not quite the level of anxiety I was speaking of though [;)], more the manner that can be worked through without undue bloodshed. [:D]

girlygurl -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 10:37:23 PM)
I'm not a slave but I'll give my two cents worth. Sir expects me to communicate my feelings and thoughts. It's a way for us to become closer... at least that's what He says. girly

Hisgirl2playwith -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/3/2008 11:09:48 PM)
i had to laugh at that because that is SSOOOO me lol. i get so frustrated sometimes because i KNOW there's thing i want to tell Him, but as soon as He asks if there's anything, everything runs n hides lol. i'm trying to remember now to keep a notebook with me so i can write down things as i think about it, that way when He asks i'll have it......i keep forgetting to do it though lol. i told Him the other day my memory has so many holes in it, it makes Swiss Cheese jealous. There have only been a very few specific instances where i was told not to feel a certain way, but it was because the emotion in question was too badly interfering with other things i needed to focus on at the time. The biggest one being my tendency to be very hard on myself for things i didn't get exactly right. He told me that if He wanted me to feel bad over something, that HE would make me feel bad, i was not to make myself feel that way. Everything else i am encouraged as long as it's done respectfully, and He is wonderful at bringing me back to Him if i get too intensely drawn into a negative emotion. quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Well I don't know about the self-appointed thing but........ I am not always good at expressing myself verbally. I forget what I wanted to say, get tongue-tied and sometimes my emotions overwhelm my verbal skills and I become a crying blithering idiot. LOL! [&:] I'm also used to keeping things to myself. He made it clear to me that not only does He want to know my thoughts and feelings, but that He would be very disappointed if I didn't share them with Him. There have been more than a few times early on that He had to drag them out of me. For the most part, I journal about my thoughts and feelings. It gives me time to get it just right before sharing it with Him, and it gives Him time to think about how and if He will respond. I hate to put someone on the spot. But we also have "couch time" where He lies back on the couch long ways, and I lie between His legs with my back and head against His chest. He holds me tight while we talk, and I don't have to look at Him while I try to put my thoughts and feelings together into words.

slaveskin -> RE: Slaves and entitlement of emotions (8/4/2008 3:03:14 AM)
Yes i believe that i'm not entitled to negative emotions towards my Mistress. Even if they are generated i keep them under control and i try to redirect them to more submission. i keep telling myself that i'm Hers so i have no right to be angry at Her, i kiss Her Foot harder and i have found that begging-and receiving-for a whipping takes care of my anger quite effectively.

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