SURPRISE !!!!!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

SURPRISE !!!!!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> SURPRISE !!!!!

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:23:46 PM

SelectiveService

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

How should one react when she finds her Master has an active seeking profile as a submale? i had always suspected him a switch and was warming up to such nicely but to find he openly considers himself a submale totally blew me away.

i gave him the opportunity to provide a plausible explanation (as if there is one) and did so by not being confrontational and addressing the found profile via email. He declined to explain therefore i invoked my right of self release on the grounds of deception.

Any thoughts or insights?

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

Post #: 1

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:27:57 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

im sorry that happened to you. i dont know how to answer your questions without first asking others.

1. is this online or rl?
2. were you both actively seeking other partners?
3. what was your agreement with your Master?

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 2

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:33:05 PM

SelectiveService

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

This was real life. Upfront we both said we sought and agreed to monogamy.

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 3

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:37:59 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

quote:

This was real life. Upfront we both said we sought and agreed to monogamy.

sounds like you did the right thing...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 4

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:39:44 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

^ What he said

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:46:04 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

How should one react when she finds her Master has an active seeking profile as a submale? i had always suspected him a switch and was warming up to such nicely but to find he openly considers himself a submale totally blew me away.
<snip>
Any thoughts or insights?

My favored partner is a Dom that bottoms.

They hide that side of themselves, because the majority of women (at least the ones that I know), will not enjoy a "Dom" that is a switch. They cannot tolerate the idea of him being a sub, or bottoming. They have little to no tolerance for his secret pleasures, and he usually knows this.

There are also "Doms" that are truly submissive, but have become Doms/Tops, out of the desire to get "any" action. They are usually good at the cover-up with submissives, as they are keen to what the submissive will enjoy...because it's what THEY enjoy. They are not usually able to hide this from a FemDom/Top.

I agree with the idea that it's deception. I find a man that is honest with both sides of himself, to be quite sexy. It's just very hard for them....from the standpoint of being judged by submissive woman, as well as other men.

Honesty may have met with the same outcome, and his fear of being outed, for his pleasures may turn him even more inward.

I feel for both of you.

K

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 6

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:51:31 PM

SelectiveService

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If he been seeking as a switch i may have been more But it was as a submale.
Now my next question is what do i do with the profile i have here on collarme.com as his property?

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

How should one react when she finds her Master has an active seeking profile as a submale? i had always suspected him a switch and was warming up to such nicely but to find he openly considers himself a submale totally blew me away.
<snip>
Any thoughts or insights?

My favored partner is a Dom that bottoms. They hide that side of themselves, because the majority of women (at least the ones that I know), will not enjoy a "Dom" that is a switch. They cannot tolerate the idea of him being a sub, or bottoming. They have little to no tolerance for his secret pleasures, and he usually knows this.

There are also "Doms" that are truly submissive, but have become Doms/Tops, out of the desire to get "any" action. They are usually good at the cover-up with submissives, as they are keen to what the submissive will enjoy...because it's what THEY enjoy. They are not usually able to hide this from a FemDom/Top.

I agree with the idea that it's deception. I find a man that is honest with both sides of himself, to be quite sexy. It's just very hard for them....from the standpoint of being judged by submissive woman, as well as other men.

Honesty may have met with the same outcome, and his fear of being outed, for his pleasures may turn him even more inward.

I feel for both of you.

K

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 7

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:53:06 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Didn't you post this same question in Ask A Master - How did i not know

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 8

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:53:37 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

betrayal is a big no no for me..i wish you all the best.

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 9

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 4:58:33 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

If he been seeking as a switch i may have been more But it was as a submale.
Now my next question is what do i do with the profile i have here on collarme.com as his property?

i was going to say change it -- or deactivate it if you feel like you need a break, but i see it's pending approval now.

Hugs and good luck

jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 10

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 5:02:59 PM

FTopinMichigan

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

If he been seeking as a switch i may have been more But it was as a submale.

Every single "Dom" that contacts me, does not identify as a "switch." They know the repercussions of it, as did your Dom, when you found out. They truly "hide" their interest, based on the preceived reactions of others, as I see it. They stay "in the closet" with reason. In many cases, they don't have a choice. They hid their interests from you, and even more...they deny it, for a long time, even to themselves.

I realize, in your current situation, it's really not something that'll be easily understood or accepted.

I truly understand your reaction, and say that I only enjoy those Doms that are honest about their interests. When I correspond, or talk directly with them, I hear the sentiments that ring true for most...that they are judged so harshly, they have to refrain from being open. It is the fear of reaction that prompts many to open that "other" profile.

K

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 11

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 5:17:06 PM

SelectiveService

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

He fit with me so well. i am not a top or a switch but loved and followed him so unconditionally, i was willing to meet whatever needs he had as a bottom. the raw seek profile just turned me off. Am i wrong to think he would have talked to me aboout his needs or lack thereof?

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService

If he been seeking as a switch i may have been more But it was as a submale.

Every single "Dom" that contacts me, does not identify as a "switch." They know the repercussions of it, as did your Dom, when you found out. They truly "hide" their interest, based on the preceived reactions of others, as I see it. They stay "in the closet" with reason. In many cases, they don't have a choice. They hid their interests from you, and even more...they deny it, for a long time, even to themselves.

I realize, in your current situation, it's really not something that'll be easily understood or accepted.

I truly understand your reaction, and say that I only enjoy those Doms that are honest about their interests. When I correspond, or talk directly with them, I hear the sentiments that ring true for most...that they are judged so harshly, they have to refrain from being open. It is the fear of reaction that prompts many to open that "other" profile.

K

_____________________________

To endure for Owner's pleasures is the trait of a submissive, but to derive pleasure from that endurance because it is pleasing to ones OWNER is the trait of a slave.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 12

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 5:21:09 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan
Every single "Dom" that contacts me, does not identify as a "switch." They know the repercussions of it, as did your Dom, when you found out. They truly "hide" their interest, based on the preceived reactions of others, as I see it. They stay "in the closet" with reason. In many cases, they don't have a choice. They hid their interests from you, and even more...they deny it, for a long time, even to themselves.

I understand what you have been saying and I do agree that is a reason many "Doms" would hide that side of themselves. However, it sure doesn't make it right that he did so.

I wish you all the best SelectiveService

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 13

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 6:14:56 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i gave him the opportunity to provide a plausible explanation (as if there is one) and did so by not being confrontational and addressing the found profile via email. He declined to explain therefore i invoked my right of self release on the grounds of deception.

Any thoughts or insights?

Got to love that name, selective service...hehe.

I think you did the right thing. Any relationship if it will succeed will be based on trust. If there is none...it would end up coming to an abrupt end sooner or later anyway. Better off sooner than later.

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 14

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 7:29:07 PM

pollux

Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SelectiveService
If he been seeking as a switch i may have been more But it was as a submale.

What bothered you the most?

The fact that he had gone behind your back, or the fact that he had a profile as a male submissive?

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 15

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 8:24:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I'm confused. YOu had a relationship. You found out he was hiding things from you. You confronted him about them. He avoided the issue. You released yourself and thus ended the relationship.

You obviously did NOT follow him unconditionally (nor should any relationship be unconditional), and the relationship is terminated.

If you want to have a NEW relationship with him, that means starting from scratch in a few different ways.

(in reply to SelectiveService)

Post #: 16

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 10:27:22 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Okay, i saw it in my email and asked Master what his thoughts were. They were this.

Sometimes a Dom finds a sub and they click well, but the Dom cant submit to his submissive because that would throw everything off balance, so therefore he continues his Dominant side with the submissive he is with. He continues on searching for some one to fullfill the sub side of him.

As to why her Master doesnt explain :

because there is no need for her to be snooping around as long as her needs are met. No need to second guess her Master.

"she's a sub, stop being so uptight"

(translated by me)

Because its non of her business and he doesnt have to explain himself. You've no right to ask, no place to ask.

What you could of done was to ask "Respectfully requested to speak about it" Since you were denied and maybe because of how you approached it, you shut up. (not that i'm telling you to shut up, but just in general there are times when it is appropriate for a sub/slave to shut their yap)

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 10:29:30 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

quote:

This was real life. Upfront we both said we sought and agreed to monogamy.

so he's a liar.......

ask for release on the grounds of you cant trust him because he lies..

(p.s. yeah run run run run run run run run run and RUN)

he's one of those

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/17/2005 11:26:54 PM

Mylee

Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'm confused. YOu had a relationship. You found out he was hiding things from you. You confronted him about them. He avoided the issue. You released yourself and thus ended the relationship.

You obviously did NOT follow him unconditionally (nor should any relationship be unconditional), and the relationship is terminated.

If you want to have a NEW relationship with him, that means starting from scratch in a few different ways.

Lucky Albatross i was thinking the same thing when i read that, leaving him would not be unconditional love, unconditional love would be loving him reguardless of his being a switch and finding out about it later....

unconditional love is a trickly thing, it's beautiful in theroy but the application of it is a different ball game, we're all human and with that unfortunally comes conditions in one way or another...though i believe we would all strive for uncontitional love, the reality of it is it's just not practical..

...or you could switch that and say ' I love this man' hense everything else are just 'details' things i have to work around or look at and try to get a better understanding..if you look at things beyond your love as 'details' maybe it makes striving for unconditional love easier..i dunno

for me i think i would be offended to find my Master having a secret profile and hense side or life that i was shut out from, that would be the biggest hurt, to wonder why He didnt trust me with this side of Himself, after that hurt because i do just love Him so much, i would look at that as a detail and try to figure out how to let Him feel this side of Himself and still have our love...

..for me personally, i could never ever domintate Him, i don't have a dominate bone in my body and as said in other posts i would probably break down into tears just holding a flogger with intent to use it on Him...but after the innitional shock, the fact still would remain that i love Him, i want Him and that his need to be a switch would be details...

I dont know if this helps at all..just my 2 cents..

~my'lee

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 19

RE: SURPRISE !!!!! - 11/18/2005 12:24:00 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I hear the sentiments that ring true for most...that they are judged so harshly, they have to refrain from being open. It is the fear of reaction that prompts many to open that "other" profile.

With all due respect FTopinMichigan, I sure am having difficulty understanding all of the "life is so tough, and most women won't want me if I say I like to top sometimes and bottome other times..." excuses.
The lies are unacceptable because the other party gets hurt in the end, and how is being narcissistic and inconsiderate of other human beings okay as long as one person's needs are met?
I know you aren't saying it's okay to lie, but I'm not even understanding how it's okay with you that some people who approach you for a relationship already admitting "I'm lying to other people, but you are soooooooo F'ing special, I had to lie to get to you.
I think selective service did the right thing, and I'm angry at her Dom/Sub for her. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 11/18/2005 12:25:17 AM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> SURPRISE !!!!!

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.107