Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
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GT, what the fuck are you riding to get your arms ripped out. Some others would probably like to know.
bipolar, I accept what you say. Perhaps I should have elaborated more in the OP that I have learned from it. What I have learned is invaluable. What I learned is if you don't start trouble in the first place it goes alot better for you. I learned to hide, to duck and a few other things. I learned when to run, and when to stand my gound.
And all through this ran all kinds of business, both above board and otherwise. There were times when we were in danger of getting busted and I got EXPLICIT instructions on what to say if anyone asked and that meant anyone. I said something in a bar once and the olman took me on the carpet, didn't even threaten me, but I knew if I did it again I was going to the hospital. Shut the fuck up, this guy is making us alot of money, don't blow the whole thing.
And the world does not revolve around me, there is no doubt. I am a sad but happy Man living off Denison avenue. Sad because I see how the world is, but happy because at least I am able to tend to my affairs.
I would like to say that there is nothing special about me, but I can't, it would be a lie. Me and the olman played shotgun chicken. Who else has done that, who else even knows what it is ?
He got the gun, loaded with double ought buck, and pointed it at my head with his finger on the trigger. It was only a matter of minutes but it seemed longer. Then he handed me the shotgun. I returned the favor.
I did not realize what what going on in his head until then. As I had the shotgun pointed at his head I thought of all that his death would bring about, and I didn't even think about getting caught. That had nothing to do with it.
But we learned to argue better. If you are willing to kill your Father or son, something is wrong, and both of us said no. And where we were we could have gotten away with it completely.
But now years later we speak to each other with respect. We discuss many things, like history and stuff like that. Sometmes we discuss my work, which he understands a little bit about. We don't argue anymore and if we do it is very short and comes down to "See you tomorrow". Then we can hash the shit out.
He pointed that shotgun right at my face, and I kept a cool head. I took a drink of my beer. Lit a cigarette. Many would be running out the door screaming. Perhaps it was some sort of test.
When I got the shotgun I pointed it at him the same way. I thought about how life would be be if I pulled the trigger. I actually did pull the trigger, but after pointing it at the cieling. So there were a couple of holes, big deal.
This is a Browning B2000, the newer version. You can practically fire it with one hand. I emptied it, and as the plaster and shit fell we knew that game was real.
But the world doesn't revolve around me and never has. There are stories, sometimes from CM members in mail even that curl my hair. This is nothing, you got guys getting beheaded for sleeping on a bus, raped kids, burned Uncles, all that. This is nothing. It did not happen. The holes in the cieling remained, but basically nothing happened.(well he did almost shoot my sister one day)
And that is only one incident, one day I tore the office door off. I used to be very strong, and I am not kidding. He left and took all the cash, and the van, which was also my daily driver was low on gas. He did not even leave five bucks, and back then five bucks would get more than a gallon point something. Motherfucker. So being twenty years younger I tore the door right off it's hinges.
He retaliated by destroying some of my music equipment I had there. But he apologized, I never did.
Dysfunctional family, bull shit, we were an overly functional family.
But now I just live. I work, pay bills and have a good time when I can. Everything is paid and I have enough for beer, smokes and other. And this group. And that is why I want you to know that I don't want any respect.
And that is a trait of mine in real life, I do not like praise. To me the absence of bitching is good enough. The boss tried to get me to say please and thank you at work, I refuse. Fuck that. If a quarterback thanked everyone who kept the line up the timeout would be over before they could say anything about strategy or anything else.
I am really different than other people. But that does not bother me. But I am jamming right now at after two AM at a level which would get any apartment dweller a ticket. That's why you buy houses, to do what what you want. People buy to impress everyone, fuck that. I will jam until four AM, because there is a double cieling downstairs, and none of the neighbors will call the law.
They are not afraid or anything, but they like me. That is fucking great. Do you understand what I am saying ? I don't want to be allowed, I want to be wanted. These people WANT me here.
This situation is just about ideal. I don't abuse them with rap all night, but I can play my tunes. On Friday and Saturdays they expect it, and I am not the only one on the street does it.
I just turned it up, at two thirty, when most people turn it down. Micheal Stanley - Get the show on the road, live off Stagepass. The good version. I almost think my neighbors actually enjoy my music. I know one came up and said "Your stereo sounds so clear".
I built a meager life so I can easily afford it. That is what I want. I don't need a new Lexus and a house that I lose my fucking way in. I simply don't need it. And actually don't want it. If my bank called and said "Since you have been a good customer for twenty years we put you in this lottery of forecolosed homes and you won, you now own a five bedroom split level in Medina with a four and a half car garage". Know what I would tell them ? I can predict my words "OK what can we get for it and how fast ?". I want the money, which of course I would convert to precious metals right away.
Momma didn't raise no dummies. If they actually gave me a house TODAY, with the market the way it is I would have to take a look at it. If I see anything I don't like I will talk about a cash settlement, but all that ain't happening anyway.
So back to what is happening,
T
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