Confused on asking for punishment (Full Version)

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panthersub -> Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 6:11:13 PM)

i'm not exactly having a hard time with this, but my mentor is coming this Thursday, and i'm going to ask that he punish me. Why, i have no clue. i don't know what i did to be punished, and he never brought the subject up, so i'm confused on why i'm needing to ask for it. It's one of those where you know you didn't do anything wrong, but subconsciously you did. i've been thinking over the past week of what i could have done to be in the wrong, but can not find anything and it's frustrating  [:@]. Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?




NeedingMore220 -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 6:26:01 PM)

Are you sure you're not just wanting some heavy-duty play and don't quite know how to come out and ask for that, so you're using punishment as an excuse?  If not, then color me confused ...




katie978 -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 6:42:55 PM)

Yeah, I'm wondering if you're confusing punishment with play. For me, I don't have to do anything bad to earn a spanking or a beating. I consider painplay to be exactly that...Play. When I've disobeyed, then I get punished in non-sexual or painplay ways, since I like those things.

So if you're hankering for a spankering, you don't have to call it punishment (unless it's roleplay and you want to).




KatyLied -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 7:41:42 PM)

quote:

Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?


Do something bad.
Then you can ask for punishment.
At least it will be more genuine than what you are attempting.  Or, as others have suggested, you can request impact play.




CruelDesires -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 7:59:46 PM)

And why are you wanting to play with your teacher/guide/mentor? Is he/she wanting to play with you?

C-D




Leatherist -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 8:42:02 PM)

There are other ways to seek intensity-in ways that will probably vex your mentor with you less.




porcelain20 -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 8:48:16 PM)

if this is your mentor, then ask them about punishment first - don't want until thursday.

maybe you are curious about punishment?

you may just need some stress relief, and that is why you need to feel pain...






StrongSpirit -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 8:56:25 PM)

I agree you appear to be confusing punishment and play.  I think you want to play, but in your head you think play=punishment.

Ask to be spanked/whipped/whatever you enjoy.  If the word 'punishment' is a turn on, ask that your dom roleplay the activity as punishment. 

Better to be honest with the dom instead of screwing up on purpose.





LadyJenasighd -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/3/2008 9:53:33 PM)

I agree with Strong Spirit, messing up just to get "punished" is not a good thing. That is what I call a Smart Ass Masocist or S.A.M and it can lead to being frustrated with the sub rather then enjoy the "play" part of punishment.

Try explaining to your Master what you asked in here. Tell him you have a passion to be "punished" and see what his Opened mind can think up.

Good luck.


               ~Temptation~     ~ForePlay~    ~Passion~  
                        ~LadyJenasighd & SirReel~




MistressSybella -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 12:01:56 AM)

I'm with porcelain on this. It sounds like you are craving a stress release. And, as everyone else has said, just talk to your top/mentor/whatever and let him know you have this need. 




panthersub -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 6:19:43 AM)

Thank you to all. And in response to a few of your replies, i'm not really the type to be into heavy impact play, actually both my mentor and i have not taken it that far and we don't plan to. Also, in response to CruelDesire, my mentor has been helping me explore my submissive side for a while now and we both play together to get me more into the role of submissive; granted i know i will have to relearn most of it later on when i do find a Dom that i am more compatiable with. Because i am still fairly new to this lifestyle, i have learned to ask for punishment in the past, but i knew why i was asking it. Though i do like most of your ideas that it is a stress relieve for me, which thinking last night might be why i'm needing it. And again, i want to thank all of you for your replies. i have a feeling i know how i'm going to ask for it when i talk with him later today.




DarkSteven -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 6:27:18 AM)

Generally speaking, punishment is determined by him for when you break his rules.

I suggest that you maybe think of a roleplay that will involve punishment, for example teacher/student.  Genuine punishment, outside of roleplay, for no specific reason, IMO would harm the dynamic between two people.




RavenMuse -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 6:43:17 AM)

Are you needing to be 'punished'? I doubt that, else you would have a reason, something you felt guilty about, something you felt you let yourself or someone else down over.

Are you just needing a beating? A masochist has pain needs, they could be surfacing in that manner if you don't understand your feelings well yet.

Are you needing chastised? Humiliated? Debased? All such needs are possible and could come out in the same manner as a maso's need for pain.




fyreredsub -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 6:55:55 AM)

I hope this quote makes sense to you cause it hits close to home for me and i would never explain it right ,I havent had enough coffee yet,lol

"The whip is good for us," she said. "perhaps it is hard for you to understand that, as your are not a woman. It makes our womanhood a hundred times more meaningful. The essential point here is not being whipped, of course, which hurts, but being subject to the whip, and being truly subject to it. You see the distinction, I am sure. We know that men are by nature sovereign over us, That comprehension requires no great insight. Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. Accordingly we despise men who surrender their natural sovereignty. Surely we would not beso stupid, would not be such weaklings and fools as to do that, if we were men. It would be too valuable and glorious a thing to give up. Its surrender would be a tragedy. But we are not men! We are women, and want, truly, everythingthing in our hearts and bellies, to be women, and we cannot be wtrulyturly if men aretrulyturly men! Lay down the whip, and we will attack you, and undermine you, and use your laws, institutions and rhetorics to destroy you, inch by inch. Lift it, and we will lick our feet in gratitude. Own us, dominate us! Enslave us, properly, so that we may love you as a women are meant to love, wholly irreservedly , totally, without a thought for ourselves!"  JN

edited to add, i bolded the crucial part*




angelikaJ -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 7:06:49 AM)

I am unclear about something:
are you wanting to ask for it and do not know why or are you being told you need to ask for it...?




angelwithhonor -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 7:40:53 AM)

i think i know what she means. i was told by a Master that has been the lifestlye ove 20 years. He always has said that a sub/slave need to be put back in their place. to keep them on tract so to speak. matter of fact He would text me every day asking if i was ready to be spanked. when i said spanking is for me to personal. it would be with a Dom/Master that i was owned by. so then He called me a wanna be and stopped the texting. i do think sometimes i feel the same way that pathersub does. like putting myself in place, even though i know my place. its like i feel lost at times. this may not make sense and i am sorry . my mind isnt working real well this morning[:D]




KatyLied -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 8:03:42 AM)

quote:

He always has said that a sub/slave need to be put back in their place.


I would've texted him back something like "it's too bad that after 20 years in the lifestyle you've not yet figured out how to bond with someone in order to keep them in their place without the use of beatings."




Constrictor1 -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 11:34:09 AM)

panthersub, It seems like you are asking more for intense play to allow some cathartic release. My girl harbors an amazing amount of internalized self guilt. she will ask for a beating. I rarely have to "punish "her. Perhaps this might be a similar case.
  I have a playful saying at my house. "Coffe is too hot, coffee is too cold, coffee is too sweet, coffee is not sweet enough. Never mind I don't need a reason to beat you since I own you."  If you just want to be beaten to help with a release of some sort just ask, most owners will gladly oblige. You don't need to attach the negative connotation of punishment to this very natural way of releasing stress and alleviating internal pain. I hope this disjointed jumble of responses helps and/or makes sense. Good luck

Constrictor1




OmegaG -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 11:38:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: panthersub

i'm not exactly having a hard time with this, but my mentor is coming this Thursday, and i'm going to ask that he punish me. Why, i have no clue. i don't know what i did to be punished, and he never brought the subject up, so i'm confused on why i'm needing to ask for it. It's one of those where you know you didn't do anything wrong, but subconsciously you did. i've been thinking over the past week of what i could have done to be in the wrong, but can not find anything and it's frustrating  [:@]. Any suggestions/advice on what i should do?


I think I understand, m'Lord doesn't find much to punish me for and I do ask for spankings or he gives them to me just because, however there is an intensity that is missing from that dynamic.  Sometimes I have a strong urge to do something that would warrent punishment, but that is against my nature, so I don't have an answer for you.  Sorry.




natasha66 -> RE: Confused on asking for punishment (8/4/2008 11:46:23 AM)

To me there is a big difference in being spanked with cause (ie because i did something to annoy Him), and NEEDING to be spanked "just because".   Sometimes I need the pain I know the paddle will bring.  He can generally tell this from my actions...or I will just and tell Him that is what I need.  I much prefer the direct approach...leaves no room for doubt and questions....




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