RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 10:56:55 AM)

To Me, rituals and protocols have a direct link to structure.  They are constant reinforcements of the fact that this is a D/s dynamic, not a vanilla relationship.  It reaffirms his fulfillment of his submissive nature.  For him, that is a comforting thing.  My sub feels secure in that place.

When with Me, My sub knows what I expect as far as proper protocol.  It isn't exactly the same high protocol that is used at many events.  There are no eye contact restrictions at home and I don't enforce it being necessary that I speak first.  No, he doesn't sit on the furniture unless he's told to do so.  Yes, he always addresses Me by m'Lady.  Those are two simple things that some Dominants might not adhere to that I do.   There are others, of course, but those are two in particular that many people do differently than I do.

The reason for it is constant reinforcement.  It is something that My sub can rely on.  It helps to give him the structure that he needs.  The rest of the world is unpredictable.  When he's with Me, My sub knows what is expected of him and he doesn't have to doubt that. 



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Why is protocol important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 1:40:45 PM)

I am a computer programmer. My whole work life is making sure every comma, period, letter, number and whatever is in it's perfect place. I will not have that kind of intense structure in my personal life. I like to keep it simple. Besides, whoever heard of ravishment by protocol? Barbarian's don't need protocol. With us, it's passion. [:)]



StrongSpirit -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 4:45:57 PM)

Rituals are generally used to signify importance, both for the activity and indirectly, for the person doing them.  Protocol are rituals for daily interactions.  People like being important and doing important things.

Overuse however, can make denigrate the total importance.  Not to mention slow your life down to a crawl.  For example, I think most would consider a protocol requiring an elaborate dance, bowing, and poem reading inappropriate for opening a door.

But different people think different ideas about what counts as overuse, and different tolerances for slowing down activities. 



Jeffff -> RE: Why is protocol important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 4:56:57 PM)

Protocol  is ritual and in most of our lives day to day living takes up alot of time and energy. It can be fun. but I , personally have no time for it as a rule......... "May this girl wipe her ass please Sir?". well I hope so. there is a game on tonght!!

OzzieGuillenDom




whiteslavebitch -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 5:08:15 PM)

At this time we are very low protocol. I must call him MasterK at all times unless it might be overheard by vanillas, I must ask for permission to cum when we're together, but that's almost all there is to it at this point.

We don't live together, and I'm basically responsible for running things around here under previously stated guidelines.



MadRabbit -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 5:12:10 PM)

Protocol is simply a defined behavior.

Sometimes they are for convenience.

It's pretty silly to tell someone to make my coffee every morning, so I say "I want my coffee made this way everyday at this time unless I say otherwise." and a protocol is born.

Othertimes they are for enjoyment and to express my dominance, such as kissing my feet.



christine1 -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 5:12:45 PM)

protocol happens with moods and circumstances, at least with us it does.  i can never close the bathroom door...that is something that won't change.  some days i have to ask to do everything, others i don't. 

protocol is unique to every couple, according to time, energy, desire, etc.



KnightofMists -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 5:21:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

I have been wondering how other people veiw protocall and its imprtance in their relationship...also what forms of protocall do you have in your relationship, where would you be without it?
Thanks lil zara


protocal are just expected behaviors/manners in a given situation.  For the most part we expect certain behaviors/manners from those that we are in relationships with.  I don't consider protocals to be any more or less important in a D/s relationship as they are in any other type of intimate relationship.  What is important is that the expectation of behaviors/manners are the same or similiar for everyone in the relationship.  Significant differences will only result in significant issues.

and as far what protocals are in our relationship.... well the the list to long to start and if we didn't have them.. I don't expect anyone would be happy in this relationship.... it's what We want.. and it's what works for Us.



masterofdrkness2 -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 6:00:21 PM)

depends on what you are calling protocols, to me and mine it is just the way every day life is to be addressed, such as the way she is to address me. how she is to do certain things. every relationship will differ in these areas depending on the M/D and his / her desires .As Madrabbit stated it is simply defined behaior .to this day other than the random person who thinks they can defne what a BDSM relationship is suppose to be I have not found a set in stone theory of protocols .



DomDolf -> RE: Why is protocol important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 6:50:25 PM)

I have relatively relaxed requirements for day to day situations for my submissive. When we are among vanilla, leather or in a lifestyle friendly setting the stakes are raised. Very mild in vanilla situations. Things like she walks on my left side and holds my left hand. She does not answer questions for me ever, something vanilla folk seem to do for each other often. She waits for me to get up from the table before she does, she asks if she needs to get up before I do. In a lifestyle friendly situation she does not leave my side, she does not answer questions from others unless I have given prior approval or they ask me to speak to her. She asks for everything at times like that. She has signals she is to give me when something makes her uncomfortable.

The slaves I involve myself with have none of this, they are property and are always under a "high protocol". The only thing that changes for them is when we are among the vanillas they must call me by my name while looking directly at me rather than calling me Sir. They may make statements at that time instead of asking for permission. Something like "Name", I have to use the rest room, instead of Sir, may I use the restroom?

As pretty much everyone said here, it depends on the dominant. I generally use protocol as a tool and reminder of a status that each submissive/slave has chosen.

Dolf



Prinsexx -> RE: Why is protocol important in a D/s setting? (8/5/2008 7:57:06 PM)

i think protocol equals manners....a good enough word substitute but not quite a match.
Protocol is nearer the term etiquette i think as manners refer to multilaterally accepted codes of comduct whilst etiquette refers to situations where ascribed status/merotocratic/ lineage or unilateral authority structures are in place.
Protocols represent suchcodes of behaviioural etiqutte.....very set within the aristocratic families of Britain and across Europe and unchanged in hundredss of years. Protocol can be 'read' in body language usually more sothan in verbal communication. Ways of eating, bowing, horsemanship, table 'manners' for example and below and above stairs as well as on each side of the whip protocol.
Although much of what takes place within a bdsm scene might fall into the category of spontaneity it helps to define the edges of a scene and the boundaries of roles if protocols are agreed between the individuals or are uniformly accepted by the group or indeed approved of by a community.
Within a bdsm community there will be sets of approved protocols, some historically set but some i assume but with room for such traditions to  progress.
i am an individual and only 'perform' privately but presribed and agreed protcols do help to inform if both parties are in the same game playing with a similarity of rules.
it does help one to knoe for example that if one is asking for release from a collar, well an answer one way or the other helps otherwise one can be left dangling from the protocol rope (in a manner of speaking).



DavidS8ist -> RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? (8/6/2008 6:51:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

First you would have to define what you mean by protocol <snip>
 
the.dark.

 
Protocol:  The person I need to find in the phone book after I've screwed up a plumbing repair.
 
(sorry, couldn't resist).
 
Seriously, we don't have protocols.  As someone else implied, they're just too much work, too much role playing for my taste.  If it's something that comes from within a person naturally and works for them, great, go for it.  Just don't expect me to play along.  If, on the other hand, someone adopts protocols because some yutz on a website full of "shoulds" says "THIS IS THE ONE TRUE WAY", well, then maybe they should rethink their priorities.
 
We have some - what? - *things* that are done that help remind both of us of our dynamic.  My first cup of coffee is handed to me with her saying, "I hand you this cup of coffee with my heart, soul, and slavery."  At 5:30 or so in the ayem, it sets the day off.  But for the rest of the day, it's just easier to get my own damned coffee.  She was in the habit of calling me "Man" rather than "Sir" when out in public so as not to embarrass her son if he was with us, although since her son has moved out, "Sir" is the norm (we really don't give a rat's anus if people don't understand, and we don't make a big show of it either).
 
I guess I've always shied away from ritual and protocol because they simply don't *do* anything for me.  I've always been the "if I gotta do it because you say so, then you haven't given me a good enough reason" kinda guy.
 
D.
"Keaton always said, 'I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him.' Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze."
- "The Usual Suspects," Christopher McQuarrie



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