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Interest vrs non interest - 8/4/2008 11:30:26 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I've been noticing a trend lately.  I thought there might be some other folks who feel the same way. 

On this wonderful site, there is a fantastic section that allows a person to list their kink related interest.  No, it doesn't cover every possible thing, but it has a pretty good selection of activities that kinky folks might enjoy.  The list has all kinds of fun things, from lighter to edgier.  There are even interests that are not focused on play, such as protocol.  Even better, there is an option for saying that you are so disinterested in a form of play, you can list it as something you hate. Yes, I get that hate is a strong word, but it's a good way to realize that someone's favorite kink doesn't match you at all.

Back to My thoughts on the trend.  Over the last few weeks or so, I've noticed that there have been a number of folks who are going with the 'try x, you might like it' approach.  I admit that I cringe when I see something along those lines posted.  See, it's not so much that I don't want to be open minded.  It's just that I already know what trips My trigger.   I also know the things that don't.

To make this easier to understand for the reader at large, I'll put it some very easy terms.  I am a Dominant female.  When I say that, it means that I have the power in My dynamic and play situations.  If someone is looking to fill a fetish that doesn't match My own, it means it isn't going to happen.  If I'm interested in a particular kink, there's a possibility.  If I'm not interested, it simply means that I am not interested.  A lack of interest on My part means that no pleading or other forms of coercion are going to work.  Other people's kinks are fine for them, but if I'm not interested in them, it won't do a thing for Me.

Has anybody else noticed the trend of s types (still a boijen fan) making so many failed attempts to get the Dommes to change their minds on things they just plain aren't interested in?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/4/2008 11:53:50 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		Ass worship.
Race play.
Forced bi.
And something called... Gloryholing? (I can only imagine.)

I don't get the point of asking me to do things I don't want to do.
I mean... if I did things just because they wanted me to... I'd be a submissive.

_____________________________

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm6JgZ35w8w

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 1:06:03 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Has anybody else noticed the trend of s types (still a boijen fan) making so many failed attempts to get the Dommes to change their minds on things they just plain aren't interested in?


I never start trying to manipulate women until I've rounded third base.  Even after that, you have to be subtle about it.  Of course the optimum time is after you hear those magical words, "I love you."  It just sounds like y'all are meeting impatient men. 

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 8/5/2008 1:15:00 AM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 1:18:28 AM   
Hime


Posts: 149
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
To make this easier to understand for the reader at large, I'll put it some very easy terms.  I am a Dominant female.  When I say that, it means that I have the power in My dynamic and play situations.  If someone is looking to fill a fetish that doesn't match My own, it means it isn't going to happen.  If I'm interested in a particular kink, there's a possibility.  If I'm not interested, it simply means that I am not interested.  A lack of interest on My part means that no pleading or other forms of coercion are going to work.  Other people's kinks are fine for them, but if I'm not interested in them, it won't do a thing for Me.

Has anybody else noticed the trend of s types (still a boijen fan) making so many failed attempts to get the Dommes to change their minds on things they just plain aren't interested in?



I can't say that I have. 

I will say this....I am Dominant in my relationship and, as my sub and I continue to explore one another, I expect that we will one day realize that some of our interests (or level of interest in particular areas) may not be compatible. If my sub ever needed to be fulfilled in some manner (so long as it wasn't illegal or harmful - to himself, others, or our relationship) we would discuss it and, I would either do my best to provide what he desires or....find someone else that can.

I believe that he deserves to be fulfilled and happy - just as much as I do.

~xoxo

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 6:43:24 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

Ass worship.
Race play.
Forced bi.
And something called... Gloryholing? (I can only imagine.)

I don't get the point of asking me to do things I don't want to do.
I mean... if I did things just because they wanted me to... I'd be a submissive.


Hello LadyPact!!
You just started to notice the "trend"? 

CollarMe does not have a bottom category, and that is what many on line are.
I personally see nothing wrong with being a bottom, or being a Service Top.
I think CollarMe really needs a category called "Do Me's"!
Do this, please do that, force me to do this and then make me do that, Do Me Baby!!!
Here is a list of what I will "submit" too, hurry up and start making me submit!
 
**Let's face it, this is a free BDSM website, many here are far from being a "submissive",
many are HNG's, swingers, people looking for fun, kinky, deviant sex, people wanting Service TOPS/Professional Dominants to play with them for free, many just wanting cyber, fantasy, or someone to "experiment" and help them fullfill their deepest, darkest, kinky desires,you name it, we got it.**
 
Many of them are looking for a someone to Do Them, and they have to post somewhere!
I am not a Professional Dominant, a Service TOP, a fantasy/sex/kinky fun provider, so normally, I would say about 95% of what many of the "submissive men" online seek, has relatively little
related to what I am interested in, desire or seek. 
Many bottoms/submissives are obsessed with their kinks, quirks, desires and the goal is to find someone who will help them fullfill them!
 
Skips off singing..."Do ME Baby, like you have never done before!" 
I absofuckinglutly love, love, love ,  CollarMe, I have been here 4 years, but as it grows and becomes more popular, we will be getting a lot more of very "interesting" and colorful members.
 
What fascinates me is....a lot of the time...the "submissive" role is not being played by the "submissive" at all!
THAT is when it gets real interesting.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/5/2008 7:37:14 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 12:27:07 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		I do not view the interest list as a do me list.  I just see it as a way of seeing if there is a level of compatibility through common interest before contacting a person.  I mean if I am looking at someone's interest list and one of their lives for is what I consider to be one of my hard limits then that may not be a good match to pursue.  As far as trying to talk a Dominant into doing something they are not interested in that would be trying to top from the bottom.  That is not what submission is about.  I mean if there is something particular that I want to be sure that it might happen then I better find someone who shares that same interest with me or just accept the fact that it may never happen and learn to live without it.   

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to MzMia)
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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 12:37:05 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760

I do not view the interest list as a do me list.  I just see it as a way of seeing if there is a level of compatibility through common interest before contacting a person.  I mean if I am looking at someone's interest list and one of their lives for is what I consider to be one of my hard limits then that may not be a good match to pursue.  As far as trying to talk a Dominant into doing something they are not interested in that would be trying to top from the bottom.  That is not what submission is about.  I mean if there is something particular that I want to be sure that it might happen then I better find someone who shares that same interest with me or just accept the fact that it may never happen and learn to live without it.   


 Of course you can list your kinks!
 I thought the OP was talking about submissives/bottoms that attempt  to
coerce/convince/sway or talk Dominants into relationships or activities that the Dominant has little or zero interest in. 

Most of us have certain desires or interests or we would not even be here!
IMHO, a "Do Me" is a person that claims to be a submissive, but his primary focus or interests lie in his "kinky" fetishes/desires/needs,etc.
 
He is usually very easy to spot, in fact he often is looking for someone/almost anyone to "do him".
"Give me, I want, I need, Do this, Do that,etc." often Do Me's don't even bother to ask what the other person wants, needs or requires.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/5/2008 12:56:09 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 1:01:15 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		Oh don't get me wrong MzMia I was not disagreeing with you.  I was just trying to give my perspective as a submissive as to what the list means to me.  I have only been on collarme for a few months but I have been on another site for a couple of years and I have seen what it is that LadyPact is talking about.  Hell I myself have been told that my hard limits were nothing more that just a phobia and if I would just try it I would probably like it.  When I still refused though I was then told that I was not a true submissive for having hard limits in the first place.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 1:13:33 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dragon2760

Oh don't get me wrong MzMia I was not disagreeing with you.  I was just trying to give my perspective as a submissive as to what the list means to me.  I have only been on collarme for a few months but I have been on another site for a couple of years and I have seen what it is that LadyPact is talking about.  Hell I myself have been told that my hard limits were nothing more that just a phobia and if I would just try it I would probably like it.  When I still refused though I was then told that I was not a true submissive for having hard limits in the first place.


I totally understand dragon!
In fact many of my "hard limits" tend to be what many "submissives" desire!
So this particular topic, I am very familiar with, especially after 4 years.
Oh the humanity!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/5/2008 1:16:01 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 3:33:00 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		It must be near impossible for a couple to discuss every possible play scenario, at the outset of a relationship. Even then there will be topics that spring to mind when reading a book or watching a dvd. I would like to think anyone i was involved with would firstly, hear me out with any ideas i liked to try, and secondly take no for an answer if i said "Thanks but no thanks" to any of Her suggestions. I would also like to think i could do the same. The problem would occur if one partner got as bee in their bonnet about a play activity, once the relationship had blossed, and neither party would give way on the issue.




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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 7:09:58 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

It must be near impossible for a couple to discuss every possible play scenario, at the outset of a relationship. Even then there will be topics that spring to mind when reading a book or watching a dvd. I would like to think anyone i was involved with would firstly, hear me out with any ideas i liked to try, and secondly take no for an answer if i said "Thanks but no thanks" to any of Her suggestions. I would also like to think i could do the same. The problem would occur if one partner got as bee in their bonnet about a play activity, once the relationship had blossed, and neither party would give way on the issue.



Well said Polite Sub.  It's been my experience that both can learn from each other; that when there's a mutual attraction and common interests exist enough to have a basic relationship to begin with, the other parts seem to work themselves out more or less on their own.  I've found myself open to new things and dominants open to things new to them, once that base was established.  Without it, I can fully understand why there'd be no desire at all to go there.
 
 - pixel
 
 

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 9:01:31 PM   
LadySunn


Posts: 102
Joined: 7/19/2008
Status: offline 		Good thought that you put out there: the impatient wanna be subs that approach me with what they want versus what I want - have missed the point of being with me.  I'm the dominant one who tells, trains and rewards them what I want to enjoy.

< Message edited by LadySunn -- 8/5/2008 9:02:07 PM >

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RE: Interest vrs non interest - 8/5/2008 9:07:43 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		But but but..you don't want to do a guy dressed as a sissy with a strap on?
 
That's so origional!
 
NO ONE ever thought of THAT before!!!!!!
 


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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Profile   Post #: 13
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