Flip flop of fantasy v. reality

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OmegaG -> Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/5/2008 4:33:05 PM)
or: Thanks Blushes and Toadette for a new pradigm. I moved to be in the same town as m'Lord a month ago, Since then we've been working on the routine and the mundane. Mostly gone are the intense weekends of play that I'd grown to love. For at least the past week I'd been thinking that I wouldn't mind more fantasy in my life. However, after further review I do have to admit that it easier to be submissive when it's all fun and games and protocol. Its actually harder to maintain that paradigm when we are just appearing a normal couple during the everyday. I guess I have to admit that not only was I looking for fun, but I wanted the easy, and in reality, what is the satisfaction in that?

Leatherist -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/5/2008 6:46:58 PM)
The fantasy usually goes bye bye when the work appears. This is why so many people abandon D/s relationships after 3 to 6 months on average. No guts-no glory.

StrongSpirit -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/5/2008 7:20:36 PM)
Sometime a life change (move) can interfere with your sexuality. I would try to make it a priority to do some old fashioned play at least 1/2 as often as you used to. Just as a married couple doesn't have to give up dinner out, you don't have to give up all your intense weekends.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/5/2008 8:35:14 PM)
aww...take your time and re-discover each other. It can be much more than what you had before. (and secure isn't always boring!) ((((Omega)))))

kyraofMists -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/5/2008 8:49:22 PM)
Whenever, Alandra or I start thinking that our relationship does not involve being submissive to him, we make a list of all the things that we do because he wants them done that way. It is amazing how long the list is and that they are things that just come very naturally to us. The play isn't what makes our relationship, it is the moments of little things that add up and make a whole that is wonderfully satisfying. Knight's Kyra

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 2:36:26 AM)
It's hard for me to maintain a none D/s paradigm in a normal every day couple relationships. I suck at it.... I tried to swear off BDSM and the lifestyle for a number of years. Now, what's sad is when your partners says to you... "Please don't take this the wrong way, because you are a wonderful person, and I'm not saying this to be mean, but what you need is a slave." - LOL... I almost had a heart attack, because her words totally were the hammer breaking the glass illusion of my vanilla world. This was in the middle of a seven and half year relationship.

DavidS8ist -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 4:43:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OmegaG <snip> I moved to be in the same town as m'Lord a month ago, Since then we've been working on the routine and the mundane. Mostly gone are the intense weekends of play that I'd grown to love. For at least the past week I'd been thinking that I wouldn't mind more fantasy in my life. However, after further review I do have to admit that it easier to be submissive when it's all fun and games and protocol. Its actually harder to maintain that paradigm when we are just appearing a normal couple during the everyday. I guess I have to admit that not only was I looking for fun, but I wanted the easy, and in reality, what is the satisfaction in that? The realities of reality. What a concept! Have to commiserate with you here. We've been at it nine years 24/7/365. We had her son with us for the last 3 (talk about difficulty maintaining the "fun and games" state of being when a high school senior is in the townhouse). But he's returned to his father's house and we're starting to restructure ourselves back to "normal". Whatever the hell that means. The realities of reality. How often do folks have sex after NPS wears off (um, NPS meaning New Pussy Syndrome, that period when you're so horny for her that you're hard 24/7). Sure, it's two, three, twenty times a day at first, then once a day, then three times a week, then...you have to work on it because it's become mundane, routine, expected, required, a chore, a duty. That's what's called life. That's reality. Familiarty breeds boredom long before it breeds contempt. And there's only one way to avoid it: work at it. Talk. Express concerns, doubts, fears, desires. Think about different things to do, different ways to do them, different reasons to do them. Think about this: We have a terrific barbeque place near us, guy smokes the whole hog, great ribs, great pulled pork, 18 microbrews on tap...a real "died and gone to heaven" place. But if we went there every day - or even every week (and we did that for a while) - we'd be sick of it. So...once a month, once every 6 weeks, we have a good feed there. Proximity is like that as well. When you're apart, there's the anticipation, the expectation, the excitement of the meet. But now you're close. So you have to fight off the "Oh, it's only you, Maynard!" thing (okay, maybe I'm dating myself with a "Dobey Gillis" reference). The thing is, you can have the fantasy back: you just have to work at it, not expect it. But this IS a very important thread, especially for any folks who've yet to commit to a 24/7 dynamic. Because it ain't all protocol and kneels and serves and naked-chained-to-the-bed and whip-me-beat-me-tie-me-up-tie-me-down. A lot of time it's "I had a crappy day at work" and "My allergies are killing me" and "Frak, I forgot to send the car payment". And that stuff gets in the damned way of all that fun stuff we think the Wonderful World of BDMS is supposed to be. BDSM is just life lived a bit different. But it's life, just the same. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks. It beats the alternative D. "There's no 'normal life'. There's life. Ya live it." - Kevin Jarre, "Tombstone"

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 5:12:49 AM)
well what can you say addicxtions are like anything esle when it goes to far you gotta problem

sfdrew -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 5:43:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Whenever, Alandra or I start thinking that our relationship does not involve being submissive to him, we make a list of all the things that we do because he wants them done that way. It is amazing how long the list is and that they are things that just come very naturally to us. The play isn't what makes our relationship, it is the moments of little things that add up and make a whole that is wonderfully satisfying. Knight's Kyra I know exactly what you mean. She has me trained to do most tasks the way She wants them done and I do all the housework. I am careful to always keep Her desk bused of any used dishes or plates so She doesn't have to ask. We don't do a lot of scene play per say but all our daily interactions have a D/s coating.

pompeii -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 6:00:29 AM)
Reality is what is it ... That's why they invented fantasy ... and movies ... and books ... and porn ... and hookers ... and ... and ... and ...

wisteriaV -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 6:11:51 AM)
I have to admit I felt the same way after being with Master for about six months. Over time I came up with different ways of making our play time more interesting and showed him a list that I came up with. It consisted of different scenes and what nots. This gave him an idea of what I was thinking and he would improvise on it ect. Now after being together almost four years it is comforting to have a routine of knowing what he likes and doesn't like. It is nice knowing that he doesn't have to praise or play with me all the time and just a sense of accomplishment that makes his day to day life easier. It gives me a chance to learn some of his other hobbies or interests and to share with him questions ect about those things. I hope that made sense.

LotusSong -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 6:23:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist The realities of reality. What a concept! Have to commiserate with you here. We've been at it nine years 24/7/365. We had her son with us for the last 3 (talk about difficulty maintaining the "fun and games" state of being when a high school senior is in the townhouse). But he's returned to his father's house and we're starting to restructure ourselves back to "normal". Whatever the hell that means. The realities of reality. How often do folks have sex after NPS wears off (um, NPS meaning New Pussy Syndrome, that period when you're so horny for her that you're hard 24/7). Sure, it's two, three, twenty times a day at first, then once a day, then three times a week, then...you have to work on it because it's become mundane, routine, expected, required, a chore, a duty. That's what's called life. That's reality. Familiarty breeds boredom long before it breeds contempt. And there's only one way to avoid it: work at it. Talk. Express concerns, doubts, fears, desires. Think about different things to do, different ways to do them, different reasons to do them. Think about this: We have a terrific barbeque place near us, guy smokes the whole hog, great ribs, great pulled pork, 18 microbrews on tap...a real "died and gone to heaven" place. But if we went there every day - or even every week (and we did that for a while) - we'd be sick of it. So...once a month, once every 6 weeks, we have a good feed there. Proximity is like that as well. When you're apart, there's the anticipation, the expectation, the excitement of the meet. But now you're close. So you have to fight off the "Oh, it's only you, Maynard!" thing (okay, maybe I'm dating myself with a "Dobey Gillis" reference). The thing is, you can have the fantasy back: you just have to work at it, not expect it. But this IS a very important thread, especially for any folks who've yet to commit to a 24/7 dynamic. Because it ain't all protocol and kneels and serves and naked-chained-to-the-bed and whip-me-beat-me-tie-me-up-tie-me-down. A lot of time it's "I had a crappy day at work" and "My allergies are killing me" and "Frak, I forgot to send the car payment". And that stuff gets in the damned way of all that fun stuff we think the Wonderful World of BDMS is supposed to be. BDSM is just life lived a bit different. But it's life, just the same. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks. It beats the alternative D. "There's no 'normal life'. There's life. Ya live it." - Kevin Jarre, "Tombstone" DAVID! How DARE you speak of reality on here! Haven't you noticed how they rake me across the coals when I dare speak of reality or common sense? RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!

DavidS8ist -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 6:26:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong DAVID! How DARE you speak of reality on here! Haven't you noticed how they rake me across the coals when I dare speak of reality or common sense? RUN! SAVE YOURSELF!!!! Hey stranger! Long time. Nah, I don't run. Besides, I'm seeing a lot more common sense these days. How've you been? D.

slavegirljoy -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 8:24:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave It's hard for me to maintain a none D/s paradigm in a normal every day couple relationships. I suck at it.... I tried to swear off BDSM and the lifestyle for a number of years. Now, what's sad is when your partners says to you... "Please don't take this the wrong way, because you are a wonderful person, and I'm not saying this to be mean, but what you need is a slave." - LOL... I almost had a heart attack, because her words totally were the hammer breaking the glass illusion of my vanilla world. This was in the middle of a seven and half year relationship. Owner4SexSlave, You wrote my story, only on the reverse side. For years i bounced between "vanilla" and D/s relationships, trying to figure out why none of them ever felt really right to me and, all the while feeling that, no matter what i did for the man in my life, it was never enough. And, not in the usual sense, where it isn't enough for him. It was never enough for me. i wanted/needed to do more, be more under his thumb, be more at his service and i was always so frustrated when they weren't demanding enough from me or even expecting or wanting more from me. i always knew i was submissive but, i never realized that just being submissive wasn't enough for me and simply being in a D/s relationship wasn't enough for me. Until, one man, writing to me from the other side of the world in response to my totally vanilla personal ad on Yahoo, told me, "what you need is to be a slave to a Master." BINGO!!! From that moment on, i knew what had been missing in all of my previous relationships (vanilla & kinky, alike) and, even though most of them had been very good relationships with very good men, there was no way i could have ever been fulfilled in any of them, without being a slave to them. That was the key element to my finding fulfillment in a personal relationship. It wasn't for lack of sex or lack of BD/SM or lack of communication or lack of common interests or anything else. It was simply the lack of my being enslaved, pure and simple. Once i realized (by being told) that i needed to be enslaved, i knew what to look for and what to ask for and within a few months i found out about CM and TSR and within a few days of posting my ads on these sites, i met my Master and i have been blissfully enslaved to Him ever since. No, it's not a fantasy life. It's absolute, gloriuos and incredible REALITY and so much better than any fantasy. joy Happily Owned servant of Master David

softpjOS -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 11:47:20 AM)
sighs this is what i was trying to say in my own blundered post. How to see those everyday things as service when i'm so busy "telling" the rest of the world they are nothing more then "acts of friendship". Sometimes we get so caught up in reality that we fail to see our "own" reality. "Reality" dishes have to be done, house has to be cleaned, errands have to be run..... Everyday mundane tasks anyone has to do. "my reality" dishes have to be done, house has to be cleaned, errands have to be run.... Her house, Her dishes, Her errands... any other relationship i could easily blow off any of those tasks. However within our dynamic, blowing them off isn't an option. They are expected to be done and there are consenquences for not doing them. If i do these things consistantly, without second thought, the lines get blurred and i see them as nothing more then everyday tasks. I get so caught up in the reality that i fail to remember WHY i'm doing them, WHY i don't even consider blowing them off..... Thus the reality getting confused with reality confused yet? quote: BDSM is just life lived a bit different. But it's life, just the same. Absolutely, without a doubt and so very well said! Thank You! Your post is dead on and worth reading over and over quote: I moved to be in the same town as m'Lord a month ago, Since then we've been working on the routine and the mundane. Mostly gone are the intense weekends of play that I'd grown to love. For at least the past week I'd been thinking that I wouldn't mind more fantasy in my life. have so been there, felt that. For me, wishing/wanting more comes and goes. Still trying to figure out what triggers these moments of self doubt, unrealistic and somewhat selfish "wants" but at least recognizing them now and brave enough to talk to Mistress about it, not just sulk lol. quote: However, after further review I do have to admit that it easier to be submissive when it's all fun and games and protocol. Its actually harder to maintain that paradigm when we are just appearing a normal couple during the everyday. Keeping the power exchange below the radar of everyone tends to let me forget it's there too. Not that i stop serving, but i stop seeing WHY i'm doing things as i do..... pretty good "cover" if you can fool yourself. lol quote: I guess I have to admit that not only was I looking for fun, but I wanted the easy, and in reality, what is the satisfaction in that? It is more satisfying to do things we may not otherwise want to do, but that doesn't mean we don't need the fun too. Finding a balance is the trick, one that even 4 years into it i'm still finding hard to maintain on a constant level.

pixidustpet -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/6/2008 12:52:50 PM)
reality can really bite. in my fantasy.....i can keep the house perfect, he never has to see me with one strand of hair out of place, i can serve with a smile at any hour of the day.... reality is...right now i'm having problems walking more than 10 feet without getting dizzy, so the house suffers till the cleaning lady arrives (true nuff, he spoils me)..the other night was punctuated by me driving the big white porcelain bus, calling for ralph, buying a buick....the watermelon had gone off. he went out for gingerale for me. fantasy is really easy. this real life shit....is HARD. but we both have someone who loves us to snuggle up to at night, he gets to come home to laundry done and supper cooked and a smile and a hug (and probably blowjob later). both of us being content with the emotional stuff even lets me get through thunderstorms. whimpers kitten, cringing at the lightshow outside

leadership527 -> RE: Flip flop of fantasy v. reality (8/7/2008 11:30:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pompeii Reality is what is it ... That's why they invented fantasy ... and movies ... and books ... and porn ... and hookers ... and ... and ... and ... laughs And here my thinking is about totally opposite.... reality is what I make it to be. Apropos to this thread... I'm the Master. It is MY job to mold the relationship into something that not only starts in a satisfactory fashion, but stays that way over time. If dishes are getting in the way of that, then I'd better either train one of us to like doing the dishes better or get a dishwasher. Maybe my confusion when this topic comes up is that I never wanted a fantasy to start with and I don't really see how reality can get in the way of reality.

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