RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it…..

RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (Full Version)

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Leatherist -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 1:32:43 AM)
And considering how many marriages are jumped into from a pure stupid infatuation, I take them about as seriously as collaring too-look at the failure rates.

LaTigresse -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 6:05:48 AM)
Marriage has become a disposable emotional commodity. It should be expected that a M/s commitment be treated the same way by the same percentile of people. I don't like alot of melodrama in my life. Therefor I am very careful about the people I allow into it. They come in, in degrees. If I have gained anything from this thread it is the knowledge that there are others that prefer to jump in, all or nothing, regardless of the price they may have to pay for their reckless abandon. Who am I to say one way is better than the other. The only thing I will say is if you do something reckless and get hurt, then keep doing the same thing over and over, I will ignore your personal pitty party over the pain of the price you will continue to pay. It's rather like a statement I made to a woman I worked with many years ago. She was in an abusive marriage and her two teenage sons were also beginning to behave threateningly towards her. She would constantly come to work crying and doing the whole "oh poor me" The first time or two I sympathised with her. Then I began to ignore her. Then I told her "Denise here is my thought on the matter, hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me. If you are going to allow your husband and now your sons to treat you like this then you hold as much responsibility for the abuse as they do. Don't whine to me about this crap again!" I became the office pariah for awhile for being so cold hearted and mean. Too flippin bad. She was getting what she asked for. Only she had the power to change it. If you allow people that treat you like shit into your life, your going to get shit because that is what you allow. If you are okay with shit, or at the very least, a greater potential for shit, then you just have a big old shit party. Me, I draw the line at fecal play. What others do is their own business. Just don't come whining to me when your sick because of too much shit. I don't like the flies so I try to keep my life as shit free as possible. It seems to be working pretty well for me.

CruelDesires -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 6:23:24 AM)
FR. If you allow yourself to be "chum in the water" and allow every little shark "dimininat" to come along and take a bite from you, eventually you will be so emotionaly scarred up and damaged that you may never have a another healthy relationship . Rather... fend off those smaller sharks and wait for that Great White to come aong and swallow you whole. C-D

SimplyMichael -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 6:53:13 AM)
quote: If Prin is dysfunctional for her being herself, then okay, so am I, and so too I guess are a lot of people out there. Congratulations, you are starting to catch on! (edited to add - we all have patterns and issues to work on but pretending that we don't, that things "just happen" to us is roadblock to growth. We LET these things happen by ignoring warning signs, not demanding care, etc. and so we LET "bad" people enter our life. Realizing those patterns and working through them is how you get to the far side. ) quote: You know I fail to see the dysfunction in the OP that some other people appear to see. Clearly. A decade ago I couldn't either. Took me a long time not to bang my head against the wall and to notice it when I do and look to change. quote: It's not easy being romantic, not especially in this day and age, not especially when you're well into middle-age, and not especially when you constantly choose the 'higher path'. Horseshit, there are tons of people here who are romantic and have healthy relationships quote: It's not easy walking that chosen path, among those who also state they walk the higher path but who in reality do not or cannot, among those angry, scornful voices around her demanding that she be more like them. No, what we are asking is either embrace your fucking dysfunction and stop fucking whining about it in every goddamn thread on CM or grow the fuck up, stop repeating patterns, and actually have a nice frigging life.

Prinsexx -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 7:10:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael No, what we are asking is either embrace your fucking dysfunction and stop fucking whining about it in every goddamn thread on CM or grow the fuck up, stop repeating patterns, and actually have a nice frigging life. Tut tut Michael: anger management maybe? Anyway your reactivity is off tiopic....yet again.

SimplyMichael -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 7:13:55 AM)
Can you say "deflection"...the point would be the same if I sugar coated it as others have and you still deflect so it really doesn't matter how anyone tells you anything, you love banging your head against the wall, you love complaining about how much it hurts, and you love the sympathy and even the vitriol...and I keep caring enough to try and point that out and I guess that is MY pattern I need to break.

Prinsexx -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 7:19:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Just hang in there.. keep kissing frogs because eventually, one of them is going to turn out to be a Prince and you just try to have some fun in the meantime and do your best to avoid warts. This has made me actually laugh out loud....i KNEW there was something i forgot ............

Prinsexx -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 7:22:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Can you say "deflection"...the point would be the same if I sugar coated it as others have and you still deflect so it really doesn't matter how anyone tells you anything, you love banging your head against the wall, you love complaining about how much it hurts, and you love the sympathy and even the vitriol...and I keep caring enough to try and point that out and I guess that is MY pattern I need to break. And your profession is??? and oh no please don't stop caring on my account Michael. Your caring and/or my head-banging are both off topic remember? Neither exists anyway. Edited to add the topic is however: (from IC) The traditional collar is a neck band, normally in leather, metal or rubber. Collars can vary widely - from the decorative to the purely function and although often removable, some are a permanent fixture. It is normally chosen, designed or even crafted by the Dominant partner. In BDSM the wearing of a collar generally signifies that the wearer is a submissive. Many submissives and slaves wear a collar to denote their status and commitment. It can be used to represent the relationship in much the same way a wedding band does, especially if the submissive is owned. Some subs wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in vanilla situations. It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. There was once a tradition that wearing a collar with an open padlock indicated that one was seeking a partner, a closed lock indicated that one was in a relationship. This symbolism is less common after 1995 or so. It is important to remember that the punk rock and goth scenes have also adopted collars as a purely fashion item, so one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are into D/s or BDSM. Collars are also used in bondage, although care must be taken as there is always the risk that the submissive might develop breathing problems and therefore should not be left alone whilst bound. Most collars have D-ring attachments so the neck can be either bound to another part of the body or to a fixed object. A collar can also incorporate additional straps and buckles to form a head harness. The effectiveness of using a collar in a bondage scene should not be underestimated, as well as being very effective in holding the submissive immobile it also reinforces the victims sense of helplessness and loss of control. Collars are often used in role-playing games involving humiliation because they have connotations of control and pet-like or animalistic status, especially when worn with a leash. They may also be useful during play as a physical tethering restraint. PS Long-live the Fashionista and their drama free cat walk shows. PPS Michael i can send you a 10,000 word thesis on the Gestalt meaning of deflection if you need to understand it ok. Or simply: ~In deflection, the impulse is directed toward a substitute in the environment.~ From; http://www.aagt.org/html/contact_boundary_disturbances.html Michael: please stop making your own problems about needing to look as if you care all about me. I don't need that type of caring.

SimplyMichael -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 8:50:26 AM)
Then I assume we won't have to listen to you whine in bitch in every fucking thread about poor you anymore because your life doesn't fucking suck? Or that the next guy left you? Or any of the other attention grabbing bullshit you pull about every two weeks?

stella41b -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 10:20:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: If Prin is dysfunctional for her being herself, then okay, so am I, and so too I guess are a lot of people out there. Congratulations, you are starting to catch on! (edited to add - we all have patterns and issues to work on but pretending that we don't, that things "just happen" to us is roadblock to growth. We LET these things happen by ignoring warning signs, not demanding care, etc. and so we LET "bad" people enter our life. Realizing those patterns and working through them is how you get to the far side. ) quote: You know I fail to see the dysfunction in the OP that some other people appear to see. Clearly. A decade ago I couldn't either. Took me a long time not to bang my head against the wall and to notice it when I do and look to change. quote: It's not easy being romantic, not especially in this day and age, not especially when you're well into middle-age, and not especially when you constantly choose the 'higher path'. Horseshit, there are tons of people here who are romantic and have healthy relationships quote: It's not easy walking that chosen path, among those who also state they walk the higher path but who in reality do not or cannot, among those angry, scornful voices around her demanding that she be more like them. No, what we are asking is either embrace your fucking dysfunction and stop fucking whining about it in every goddamn thread on CM or grow the fuck up, stop repeating patterns, and actually have a nice frigging life. Just what the hell is THIS? Look, I don't know whether it's your posting skills that are skew, or your reading comprehension skills in English, or whatever but like relax. Either it's you or this thread, but you're taking it way too seriously. Chill...just chill.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 10:28:47 AM)
Or maybe Michael is seeing something in Prinn in her threads and her posts that is triggering something about his past behavior that he is not proud of and is still ashamed of? Maybe he is trying to shake her and save her? But you cant save or change others and sometimes when we try to save a drowning person we end up drowning ourselves. I still think his atttempts are noble. At least I see it that way. hes not a jerk, hes trying to show some tough love, I appreciate where its coming from even ifs futile or uninvited.

Jeffff -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 10:42:39 AM)
Or maybe he is frustrated by what appears to be a pattern of behavior and a cry for help that doesn't seem to listen to sound advice?....... just a thought Jeff

masterforRT -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 10:46:49 AM)
The whole BDSM concept has been stood on it's side. We have 'masters' pming Dommes begging to be dominated, heterosexual BDSMers are becoming the minority, collars are thrown about like candy, 'under consideration' has become an overused phrase, subs make so many demands and have so many requirements that you begin to wonder is they're subs at all, 'topping from the bottom' has become more the rule then the exception, subs (and Dom(mes)) complain that they can't find 'the one' then admit in the next sentance that they routinely delete most messages without reading them, and people are just too cliquish, catty and judgemental! Look in the mirror and ask yourself: "Do I do any of these?" BE HONEST! If you do, then you're part of the PROBLEM-and changing your behavior is a big part of the solution. Otherwise, BDSM will continue to drift....like a ship off course with no one manning the rudder...

Jeffff -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 10:50:36 AM)
There is no course, there is no ship, there is no rudder. there are just people Jeffwey

BitaTruble -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:01:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff There is no course, there is no ship, there is no rudder. Jeffwey Butt, butt.. we still have paddles, right? Please tell me we still have paddles! Afternoon ~FR~ quickie: "Open your eyes." "Take your head out of your ass." Same thing said two ways. Some folks will respond to the first one, some will respond to the second. Saying either one more than twice is probably a waste of time. Just saying.

KatyLied -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:04:17 AM)
quote: subs make so many demands and have so many requirements that you begin to wonder is they're subs at all Yes, I agree that it's awful and a bane on the lifestyle when subs have expectations and requirements. I long for the days of the doormat subs.

Jeffff -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:04:53 AM)
oh HELL yeah!1. and canes too. gotta have canes Jeff

masterforRT -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:25:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: subs make so many demands and have so many requirements that you begin to wonder is they're subs at all Yes, I agree that it's awful and a bane on the lifestyle when subs have expectations and requirements. I long for the days of the doormat subs. Your post is not only condesending, but it does nothing to change the problem I write about! I don 't WANT a doormat for a sub! That said, I was talking about subs that write novels (in capitals) that are so specific on what THEY want that you have to wonder if they believe that finding a master is like buying accessories for their new car.

Jeffff -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:32:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT I don 't WANT a doormat for a sub! That said, I was talking about subs that write novels (in capitals) that are so specific on what THEY want that you have to wonder if they believe that finding a master is like buying accessories for their new car. And that is all well and good. But when you proclaim YOUR way, as the RIGHT way, it is condescending to everyone else. You are entitled to want what you want. You are not entitled to tell the rest of us what we want. Jeff and yes. Katy is a freind of mine

masterforRT -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/9/2008 11:38:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff quote: ORIGINAL: masterforRT I don 't WANT a doormat for a sub! That said, I was talking about subs that write novels (in capitals) that are so specific on what THEY want that you have to wonder if they believe that finding a master is like buying accessories for their new car. And that is all well and good. But when you proclaim YOUR way, as the RIGHT way, it is condescending to everyone else. You are entitled to want what you want. You are not entitled to tell the rest of us what we want. Jeff Did you even read my post above? I was originally mentioning submissives that are so specific in their wants and needs that they begin to sound like Dom(mes). Nowhere did I mention ANYTHING about what I want in a sub. She made the doormat comment-which is condesending. I replied. Now, go and re-read the last sentance in the first paragraph-the one about being too cliquish, catty and judgemental. I think that you and her BOTH need to re-read it!

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